Just when I thought I done da stupidest ting a cat could do, I
surpassed it. I took my cousin, Missy, stantler huntin'. Big Mistake. I
should have known dere was gonna be trouble. We're walkin' on da side
of da highway and we were passing dese stantler crossin' signs. Now my
cousin was da smartest kitten I ever met in my life. She literally
said, " Why do they put those out there?
Stantler can't read."
"No, but dey do recognize pictures of demselves."
Let me set da scene for ya, I got on camouflage pants, got on a
camouflage jacket, got camouflage paint on my face. I have got a 1997
30 ot six with a laser scope. She, is in a yellow joggin' suit, white
tennis shoes, and brought a small poise (purse). I'm gonna get a
stantler, she's gonna take it shoppin'. Now let me clarify somethin'
for ya, I study stantler. I know for a fact that dere are over 60 types
of stantler on dis great Eoith of ours. One of 'em's called da Mutjack.
It's somewhere around the dark woods it stands 20 feet high at the
shoulders, it has no antlers, and when it's scared it gets real
skittish. Where I'm from dats a poodle.
I know dere are basically three ways to hunt a stantler. You can do da
stalk, dats where you get on your feet and you walk up on dat stantler
of your choice. There is da stand hunt, dats where you sit up on a tree
and you wait for it to walk under it. Dere's da drive hunt, that's
where you hit da stantler with your truck. For you hunters taking
notes, da thoid one's da easiest.
So me and Missy were up at da stantler stand, you hunters out there,
you know what I'm talkin' about, It's da poifect time of day. It's
still morning, it's dark, it's cold, you're making steam with your
breath. Off in the distance, a doduo gobbles as it wakes up for the
morning. In the distance, a pikachu scampers through the dead leaves;
It's da poifect, time, of day.
Cause in da darkness I keep hearing this:
"......................What are we doing?"
"...We're uh... we're waitin' for da stantler to
show up okay? Shhhh...."
"................................What time do
they show up?"
"..........Uh....I dunno. They didn't retoin da
phone call TO SET UP DA MEETING!!!!! Now please, be quiet!!!"
".....Dere's a coffee can. Here's a wake up call."
The sun has come up and in da clearing stands a male stantler eatin'
the grass and I'm just: "Tank You God... You are
on da wall!"
And dis is what I hear:
"Awwww........ Ain't he cute? He looks like
Bambi's dad, remember we saw that with my kittens-"
" Yes I remember! It's a cartoon so SHUT UP!!!"
"Well you're not gonna shoot him are you?"
"What do you tink I brought this gun for? PROTECTION!!?? Do you think
dat stantler's gonna come up dis tree and rob us??"
"Run Stantler! Run!! Run!!! RUN!!!!!"
That is the only time I ever heard a stantler laugh at me. I sure did
loin my lesson dat day.