A Guide To Understanding Work Reviews
- says :
'Maintains a high degree of participation.'
means : 'Comes to work on time.' - says : 'Excels in the effective application of skills.'
means :
'Makes a good cup of coffee.' - says :
'Displays excellent intuitive judgement.'
means : 'Knows when to disappear.' - says : 'Displays great dexterity and agility.'
means : 'Dodges and evades superiors well.' - says :
'Demonstrates imaginative leadership.'
means : 'Imagines self to be Ivan the Terrible.' - says : 'Inspires cooperation of others.'
means : 'Gets everyone else to do the work.' - says : 'Excels in sustaining concentration while avoiding confrontations.'
means : 'Ignores everyone.' - says : 'Is willing to take calculated risks.'
means : 'Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.' -
says : 'Identifies major management problems.'
means : 'Complains a lot.' - says : 'Keeps well informed on business, political, and social issues.'
means :
'Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.' - says : 'Is exceptionally well informed.'
means : 'Knows where all the skeletons are kept.' - says :
'Delegates responsibility effectively.'
means : 'Passes the buck well.' - says : 'Accepts new job assignments willingly.'
means : 'Never finishes a job.' -
says : 'Optimizes the use of available resources.'
means :
'Conserves supplies and funds by never doing anything.'
Some Employee Reviews
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it altogether.
- A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.
- He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He's been working with glue too much.
- He would argue with a signpost.
- He has a knack for making strangers immediately.
- He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains : one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
- Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
- The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
