Office Math

• Smart boss + smart employee = profit
• Smart boss + dumb employee = production
• Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
• Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Shopping Math

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

Romance Math

• Smart man + smart woman = romance
• Smart man + dumb woman = affair
• Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
• Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

General Equations & Statistics

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Happiness

• To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
• To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Longevity

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Propensity to Change

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Discussion Technique

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

How to stop people from bugging you about getting married

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Below are 4 questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time. Answer all of them immediately.

1. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
2. If you overtake the last person, then you are ...?
3. This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.

   Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

4. Mary's father has five daughters : 1.Nana, 2.Nene, 3.Nini, 4.Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

   Answers

   1. If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
   2. If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
   3. Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
   4. Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

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