Dear
[ ] sir [ ] clueless one [ ] twit [ ] great man on campus [ ] madam [ ] dweeb [ ] twerp [ ] comrade [ ] Elvis [ ] moon beam [ ] boor [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer [ ] citoyen [ ] Geek [ ] grad student [ ] cur
You are being gently flamed because :
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread [ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to [ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads [ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities [ ] you advocated Net censorship [ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps) [ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group [ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article [ ] you threatened others with physical harm [ ] you made a bigoted statement(s) [ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority [ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve [ ] you repeatedly showed lack of humor [ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread [ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
Thank you for the time you have taken to read this. Live n' Learn.
T'was the nite before implementation and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the machine room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a super programmer ( with a six-pack of beer ).
Her resume glowed with experience so rare,
She turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, her programs they came,
And she cursed and muttered and called them by name.
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closings! On Functions Complete!
Her eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nites in front of a screen.
A wink of her eye and a twitch of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger upon the "ENTER" key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The updates updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired, and closings completed.
She tested each whistle, and tested each bell,
With nary a bomb, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The users' last changes were even included.
And the user exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"
Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays Danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own apartment, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were muddy, My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd nearly concluded That life was too cruel, With futures depending On grades had in school. When all of the sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put-It-Off Ambled inside. His spirit was careless, His manner was mellow, He looked all around and He started to bellow. "What kind of student Would make such a fuss, To toss back at teachers What they tossed at us?" "On Cliffs Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams! On Wingit and Slingit, And Last Minute Crams!" His message delivered, He vanished from sight, But we heard him exclaiming Outside in the night. "Your teachers have pegged you, So just do your best, Happy Finals to All, And to all, a good test."
