Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conclusive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged :
Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Men's magazines have sexy women on the cover.
A man waits until the only items left in his refrigerator are half of a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than a clown car. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup ...
A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Men have millions of shoes, one for every sport or athletic activity.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Men look into the mirror before they go out for no apparent reason.
Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages and they build useless wooden things in garages.
For men, it's when the entire 3rd floor of the research lab blows up but the terminator drives out in "Terminator II".
In general, women like movies with more romance than competition and violence (which they call "Male Testosterone Movies"). Men like movies with more competition and violence than romance (which they call "Chick Flicks").
A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it.
Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.
A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."
The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
A man will dress up for : weddings, funerals.
Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.
Women purchase Kodak Instamatics, and often produce better-looking shots.
Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.
Men try and change the subject.
Male cheerleaders are scary.
Women wear strange socks. They are cut below the ankles, have pictures of teddy bears or hearts on them, and are most likely pink.
Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys : miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, computer programs that do useless things very fast, video games and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.
The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants . No one knows why this happens.
There are no women who look good with mustaches.
But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain and Useless.
For women the process is much more complicated. First, numerous hair styles, colorings and lengths must be considered. The only hairstylist in the world they trust must be reserved. The whole process is filled with excitement and worry. And finally she hides from the world for several days because she is not sure if she likes her new haircut.
Men like sports that are judged on physical aggression and violence, such as football, hockey and boxing.
There are no sports that both men and women enjoy. Full contact gymnastics never got off the ground.
