ATTENTION USERS :

Some of these have been known to jump out of the machinesand attack the users.

The mad Russian and Stefco Computing Service Inc. takes no responsibility for any virus that attack the readers of this site.

• BOBBIT VIRUS
  Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attachs it.
  ( But that part will never work again. )

• OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB
  and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

• AT&T VIRUS
  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

• MCI VIRUS
  Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
  much for the AT&T virus.

• PAUL REVERE VIRUS
  This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
  It warns you of impending hard disk attack :
  once if by LAN, twice if by C.

• POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
  Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
  refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

• RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
  Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is.
  If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first to see
  a counsellor about possible alternatives.

• ROSS PEROT VIRUS
  Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

• MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
  It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

• TED TURNER VIRUS
  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

• ARNOLD SCHWAZZENEGER VIRUS
  Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

• DAN QUAYLE VIRUS # 1
  Prevents your system from spawning any child process without
  without joining into a binary network.

• DAN QUAYLE VIRUS # 2
  Thier is sumthing rong with yur kumputer, but wee cant figur out watt.

• GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

• NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

• FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units,
  each of which does practically nothing,
  but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

• GALLUP VIRUS
  Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
  of their data 14 percent of the time.
  ( plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error. )

• TEXAS VIRUS
  Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

• ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
  Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

• CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS # 1
  The computer locks up, screen splits eratically with the same message
  appearing on each half blaming the other side for the gridlock.

• CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS # 2
  Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,
  but doesnt allow the user to accomplish anything.

• AIRLINE VIRUS
  You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

• FREUDIAN VIRUS
  Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

• PBS VIRUS
  Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

• ELVIS VIRUS
  Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs;
  only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

• OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
  Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

• NIKE VIRUS
  It can do it.Just does it.

• SEARS VIRUS
  Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply,
  and a set of shocks.

• JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
  Your programs can never be found again.

• KEVORKIAN VIRUS
  Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

• IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
  Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
  then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
  on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

• STAR TREK VIRUS
  Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

• HEALTH CARE VIRUS
  Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.

• GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
  It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... No new files!" on the screen.
  It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files,
  then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

• CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
  Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

• LAPD VIRUS
  It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
  and erases them in "self defense".

• CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
  Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

• ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
  Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back.

• PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS
  Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.

• COLIN POWELL VIRUS
  Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
  Secretly you wish it would.

• HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS
  Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later;
  in another directory.

• O.J.SIMPSON VIRUS
  You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.

• BOB DOLE VIRUS
  Could be virulent , but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.

• STEVE FORBES VIRUS
  All files reported as the same size.

• The ENRON Virus : Reports 60GB free when the drive is in fact full.
• The ENRON Virus -- Network version : Moves your files to other drives and renames them.
• The BUSH ADMINISTRATION Virus : Creates a separate OS on a hidden partition.
• The ARAFAT Virus : deletes itself and any other files in nearby sectors.

• THE ALGORE Virus ... Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting.
• THE CLINTON Virus ... Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
• THE BOB DOLE (aka : VIAGRA) virus ... Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
• THE LEWINSKY virus ... Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did.
• THE RONALD REAGAN virus ... Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
• THE MIKE TYSON virus ... Quits after two bytes.
• THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus ... Deletes all old files.
• THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus ... Disks can no longer be inserted.
• THE PROZAC virus ... Totally screws up your RAM, but your Processor doesn't care.
• THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus ... Only attacks minor files.
• THE LORENA BOBBITT virus ... Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

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