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Welcome  to  the  Psychiatric  Hotline.

• If you are obsessive-compulsive - please press 1 repeatedly.
• If you are co-dependent - please ask someone to press 2.
• If you have multiple personalities - please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
• If you are schizophrenic - listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
• If you are manic-depressive - it doesn't matter which number you press - No one will answer.
• If you are paranoid-delusional - we know who you are and what you want.
  Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

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