The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together.

"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. St. Peter was fretting, "Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back."

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for `em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while.

"It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one."
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
BUT..... Two days later...
"Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.

A poor employee had been suffering dreadfully during the building of Gates' infamous new home. The poor architect had used a Mac to undertake the interior and the wrath of Gates had fallen upon him. In fact, this guy was so distressed at the thought of using Windows in a design environment that he just got up one day and took his own life.
He reappears at the gates of heaven where St.Peter is sitting with his clipboard.
Nervously he walks up to St.Peter."Ah", St.Peter says, "you're the poor fellow who suffered at the hands of Gates. Don't worry, you're in heaven now. Everything is allright."Still quivering, the poor architect says : "At last, that's wonderfull. But you promise me that Bill Gates won't appear here."
St.Peter lets out a broad laugh: "Is the Pope Catholic ? You know what they say about rich men, needles and camels ... anyhow, we use Amigas
..."Then, suddenly, beyond the pearly gates a familiar figure appears. The poor architect falls into an apoplectic fit: "Look, look, you told me he'd never find a place in heaven, but it's him."
St.Peter turns around to see the sight. "Ah, no my son, that's God, he just thinks he's Bill Gates ..."

Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked the first nun, "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?" 1st nun answered, "Adam and Eve." The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
St. Peter then asked the second nun, "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree?" 2nd nun answered, "An apple." The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St.Peter asked her, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that`s a hard one!"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates died and went to heaven.

God : Clinton, what do you believe?
Clinton : I believe in racial harmony and world peace.
God : Good, come and sit on my right....Gore, what do you believe?
Gore : I believe in preserving the earth for future generation.
God : Good, come and sit on my left....Gates, what do you believe?
Gates : I believe you are sitting in my chair...

Bill Gates died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself
being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call;
I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously
helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America,
yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.

I'm going to do something I've never done before..... I'm going to let you decide
where you want to go."
"So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked.
St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine! Where should I go first?"
"You decide."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with
clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect.
He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I'd REALLY like to see heaven!"
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds,
with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but nothing like Hell. It didn't take long for Bill to reach his decision.
"I think I prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on
the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell
When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames
in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill Gates.
His voice filled with anguish and disappointment, Bill responded, "this is awful!
This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago!
I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place,
with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"

"Oh, that was a demo," replied St. Peter. "This is the released version."

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St.Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be ~at least~ 193 years old!"

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
The engineer is a pretty popular guy especially with management.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"