BEING FRENCH
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
10.People think you're a great lover even when you’re not.

BEING AMERICAN
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made any nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.

BEING ENGLISH
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
2. Warm beer.
You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh or Scottish.

BEING ITALIAN
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2.Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history ... well, till about 400 A.D..
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10.Country run by Sicilian murderers.

BEING SPANISH
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc..
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

BEING GERMAN
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. In-built sense of pacifism

BEING INDIAN
1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chisken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Boona.
10. Kingfisher lager.

REPLACED with ...
1. Spit/pee wherever you want.
2. Fight with anyone, as you are accepted as an emotional person.
3. Allow Hindus kill Muslims, Muslims Kill Hindus and still talk about Hindu-Muslim Unity.
4. Allow LTTEs kill Indian Prime ministers, then form commission and blame one another.
5. Argue about why Hindi is not spoken in Tamil Nadu and Tamils are against Hindi with a Tamil who knows Hindi very well.
6. Allow Pakistan to harbour Terrorists to attack India and still talk diplomacy.
7. Argue whether tissue is better or water is better to clean the back.
8. Can read/talk about a disaster (bomb, bus, train, storm, flood, etc) everyday in India without any emotion as long as you are not involved in it.
9. Can do dirty dances/kisses in public in the movies but not in real life and watch with the whole family without any remorse.
10.You can live in the past saying how India had rockets, Nucs, great civilizations, medicines and invented 0.

BEING WELSH
... You've got to be kidding ...

BEING IRISH
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10.Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

BEING CANADIAN
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Reason # 2.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Reason # 2.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Reason # 2.

BEING AUSTRALIAN
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

---