What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

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Helpline
    General Motors helpline, how can I help you?
Customer
     I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!
Helpline
     Did you put the key in the ignition?
Customer
     What's an ignition?
Helpline
     It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns
     over the engine.
Customer
     Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these
     technical terms just to use my car?

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Helpline
    General Motors helpline, how can I help you?
Customer
     Your cars suck!
Helpline
     What's wrong?
Customer
     It crashed, that's what went wrong!
Helpline
     What were you doing?
Customer
     I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way
     to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed, and now it
     won't start!
Helpline
     It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect
     us to do about it?
Customer
     I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash
     anymore!

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Helpline
    General Motors helpline, how can I help you?
Customer
     Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has
     automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
     and power door locks.
Helpline
     Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer
     How do I work it?
Helpline
     Do you know how to drive?
Customer
     Do I know how to what?
Helpline
     Do you know how to drive?
Customer
     I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!