Authors Note: Yeah, well, if this doesn't make any sense, it's not supposed to. it it DOES make sense, then it's supposed to. if it sounds dangerous, then it probably is. if it sounds sarcastic, then it probably doesn't mean shit.
More Authors Notes: I like Metallica. I just thought that'd I'd make fun of them. So if you like MEtallica, please don't hurt me, because I like them too!!!
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The members of Metallica cautiously approached the door of the large mansion in front of them. they stood there for a minute before the bassist of the band, Jason Newsted knocked on the door.
"What are we doing here?" asked the guitarist and singer, James Hetfield.
"Some of my old friends live here. I thought that since we are in the area, that we could pay them a visit" the drummer, Lars Ulrich said.
"Old friends?" James said as a tall white haired woman answered the door.
"Monkey boy!" yelled the woman, embracing Lars tightly.
"Um, I just go by Lars now, Ororo" Lars said, blushingly nodding towards his bandmates.
"Oh, of course. I've been so rude. My name is Ororo Munroe" she said, holding her hand out to each of the band members.
"James"
"Jason"
"Kirk" each of the members answered.
"Welcome to the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters. Let me show you in" she said, clearing the doorway for the members to enter.
"What types of 'gifts'?" Kirk asked curiously as they entered.
"Well, normally, since you are strangers, I wouldn't say, but since you are so close to Lars, I will. We are all mutants. I can control the weather, Professer Xavier has the ability to read and control minds-"
"What exactly is Lars' gift?" Jason asked
"Lars? Well, he looks like a monkey, of course!"
"That's it?" James said, stifeling a laugh.
"Yes" Ororo said plainly.
*BAMPF!*
"Hi"
"Ahhh! A scary blue guy!" Kirk screamed, jumping into James' arms.
"Ahhh! A hippie!" the blue guy screamed, (refering to Kirk's long hair) jumping into Ororo's arms.
"Kurt!" Ororo yelled, dropping him on the ground.
"What?" Kirk said, looking at Ororo.
"No! I said Kurt! Not Kirk!"
"Oh." Kirk buried his face in James' shoulder, near tears.
"Ahhh! Hippie germs!" James yelled, dropping Kirk.
"Hey! You're on my side!" Kirk said, rubbing his head, which he had been dropped on, as he got up.
"Oh yeah" said James.
"Kirk, this is Kurt, alson known as Nightcrawler" Ororo said.
"H-hi" Nightcrawler stammered, holding out his three fingered blue hand.
"Hey" Kirk said, taking Nightcrawler's hand. Suddenely something sparked between them and they skipped away, holding hands. They wern't seen again until two years later, when suddenly the *BAMPFED* out of no wherre. They had several scary blue hippie children.
"Well, that was odd." said Jason, as a girl walked through the wall. Jason screamed like a woman and curled into a fetal position in the nearest corner.
"Oookayyy..." said the girl.
"Indeed" said Ororo. Jason screamed again. The girl turned to the remaining members.
"Like, Hi. I'm Kitty!" she said in an annoying valley girl voice.
"But wait. This is the comic verse. You're not a valley girl here" Ororo said.
"Riiighttt..." Kitty said, backing to a wall. She suddenly dissapeared.
"Well, if you would follow me, I'll continue the tour" Ororo said, motioning for the band members to follow her. James and Lars tryed to get Jason out of his corner, bet he just screamed like a woman again and muttered something about freaks, ghosts, and hippies.
"Hr'll be fine. We'll come get him when we leave" Lars said.
"Ok" James said. They followed Ororo upstairs.
"We'll be entering the Professer's office now" Ororo said, stopping in front of a large door. She opened it and led them in. "Good afternoon Professer. Monkey bo- i'm sorry, Lars has come to visit us."
"Ah, Lars, it's so wonderful to see you again" said the professer.
"The same to you sir" Lars replied. Suddenly, James dissappeared. "where did he go?" Lars asked.
"He was thinking bad thoughts about me, so I sent him to the cornfield. The Professer said, suddenly emulating the persona of a six year old. A clean cut man who was all black and white appeared in the corner.
"You have just entered the Twilight Z-"
"But professer, You can't send people places like that" Ororo protested. "You don't have that power"
"Oh yeah" The Professer said. James reappeared, and the black and white man was gone.
"Anyways. Lets go to the Danger Room" Ororo suggested.
"Ok!" James said, all too enthusiastically. They walked to the danger room, with Jason trailing behind, having finally come out of his corner.
"Here we are" Ororo said as the walked into the Danger Room. As they walked around, they heard strange moaning sounds eminating from the back. As they got closer, it became clear what was going on.
"Oh Scott!"
"Oh Logan!"
"Oh my God!" Lars yelled. Two half naked men promptly stood up.
"Opps" said one, who was wearing red sunglasses.
"Damn. We got caught. Time to run away now?" the shorter man asked his companion.
"Definitly." They proceded to run away.
"Ok, well, shall we continue to tour the Danger Room-"
"Wait. Where's James and Jason?" Lars asked, looking at the spot where the two missing men had been just moments before. Lars and Ororo were about to search for them, when they came walking in through a random door, all sweaty, and Jason's shirt was on inside out.
"Hi" James said, sounding out of breath. "We got lost. We, uh...we wen through a wrong door...that's it, a wrong door. But we're ok now."
"Yeah" said Jason, looking slightly flushed.
"Right" said Lars supiciously. "Uh, James, your zippers undone" Lars said, pointing to James' zipper. James turned crimson red.
"Opps"
"There seem to have been a lot of those lately" Ororo said, "Well, pressing on."
"Yeah" said Jason, who's shirt was mysteriously right side in again.Ororo led the way downstairs to the kitchen for lunch.
"I'll make us some lunch" she said. They searched the cupboards and the refridgerator, but all they found were a can of sardines, a jar of sliced pickels, and a box of toothpicks.
An hour later, all three abnd members were wearing sardine mustaches, and there were six monsters made from pickels and toothpicks.
"Grrr. I'm a scary pickel monster!" yelled Jason, playing with his pickel. Kitty walked through the wall into the kitchen.
"Like hi! Like, what's for lunch?"
"Didn't we already decide the your not supposed to be here?" Lars asked, as James and Jason played with their pickels.
"No we didn't"
"Yes we did"
"No we didn't"
"Yes we did"
"No we didn't"
"Yes we did"
"It may be time for you and your companions to leave." Ororo said, trying to put an end to Lars and Kitty's argument.
"Ok" James said. On their way to the door, they came across a woman clad all in green, with brown hair with white streaks.
"Hi. Ah'm Rogue" she said in a thick southern accent.
"Hi" Jason said. Before she could protest, she picked up he rungloved hand and kissed it, and she absorbed him.
"Damn" she said as he collapsed unconsious into a heap ont he floor, and she walked away. James and Lars picked him up and walked out the door.
"Thanks for visiting us!" Ororo yelled after them. "Come again soon, Monkey Boy!"
A week later, Jason woke up from his coma, and decided to leave the band. The band didn't mind though, because Rogue had somehow permanatly absorbed Jason's bass playing ability. They recruited her as a replacement . they replaced Kirk with Natas, who suddenly appeared out of no where. He put the 'metal' back into 'Metal'lica and all was once again right with the psychopathic world.
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