Disclaimer: We do not own Fred Durst or Aaron Lewis (although China wishes she did, but i'm glad she doesn't, because things would be getting kinda nasty...)
Authors Notes: Um.... Tee Hee Karots. *merf* *dizzle*
More Authors Notes: this is a response to some of the reviews we've gotten; we know that Wes is married, and that he doesn't cuss, and we have nothing against Christina, Britney, or Justin. Although we are not fans, we don't wish them death or anything of that sort. We just wrote this as a joke! if it offends you, just don't read it!!!
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As Aaron walked off stage, he was met by Fred.
"Hey Aaron, nice set" the Limp Bizkit frontman said.
"Thanks man," Aaron replied.
"Hey, I need to talk to you" Fred said. "Meet me in my dressing room in five minutes."
"Alright man" Aaron replied.
Five minutes later, Fred and Aaron sat on the couch in Fred's dressing room.
"So what did you wanna talk about?" Aaron asked.
"Well, uh, not so much as talk, as something I wanted to show you." Fred leaned over to kiss Aaron. As Fred tired to kiss him, Aaron moved quickly to the side, and Fred smashed face first into the couch.
"What! What did I do wrong?" Fred asked.
"Why did you try kissing me?"Aaron replied.
Fred now blushing and covered with sweat replied embarresed and unsure "Well-I thought you wanted me to!"said Fred
"No! no, no, no, NO!"Aaron replied with disgust and confussion. "I'm a married man Fred!" Fred looked at Aaron, tears running down his face.
"Aaron.... I'm sorry man, I thought you were into that kinda stuff." Fred said.
"No man I'm not Gay!" Aaron calmly replied.
" Say what !, I am not gay." Fred said angerily.
"Then why did you try kissing me." Aaaron asked.
"Well-I tried kissing you because I like you, But I'm not gay. I like guys and girls, you should know that because I like that dumb slutty bitch Christina." Fred and Aaron started to laugh.
" I really hope we can still be friend's and put this all behind us,and just forget about it?" Fred asked.
"Weeelll- Fred there is something I should tell you. But you have to promise not to say anything to anyone,Okay."
" Ummm,why?"
" Just please promise me okay!"
"Ummm,alright!"
"Ummm...I'm really a woman..." Arron mumbled.
"What man, I can't understand you."
"I'm really a woman..."
"Dude, i can't understand you. Stop mumbeling, man!"
"I'M REALLY A WOMAN!!!" Aaron shouted. Fred was speechless. (For once!)
"What?" Fred was slightly confused. "But you were bitching at me about kissing you!!! You can't be a woman!!!
"I'll prove it to you..." Aaron said, dissapearing into the bathroom. He reappeared five minutes later.
"See?" he said.
"OH MY GOD!!! CHRISTINA?!?!??" Fred was astounded.
"Yep..." It said.
"Well, since we're revealing secrets here..." Fred dissapeared into the bathroom as well. He came out a few minutes later.
"WHAT??? NO WAY!!! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!!! BRITNEY?!?!?!?"
Both slightly amazed, and unsure about eachother, they started to argue.
"You bitch! how could you lie to me like that?" Aaron/Christina said.
"ME!?!? What about you? you lied to me too!!!" Fred/Britney Yelled.
"You stupid dumb bitch! You know I liked Aaron!" Aaron/Christina said. "Why did you disguise yourself as Fred?"
"To get closer to Aaron!" Fred/Britney replied."
"And where do you get off calling me a 'dumb slutty bitch'" Aaron/Christina said.
"I just call them as I see them."
"YOU STUPID DUMB FUCK!!!"
Inevetably, a catfight ensued...
At this point, Aaron/Christina and Fred/Britney were rolling around on the dressing room floor. Suddenly, there were sounds outside the door, and the members of Limp Bizkit and Staind (Including the REAL Fred and Aaron!) walked in the door.
"What the fuck?!" Fred shouted. The two fighting girls stood up. "What are these stupid bitches doing here?"
"But I thought you liked me Fred" Christina said, as she slowly brought her hand down her chest, over her breasts.
"Not after i found out what a hoe you are. After you've slept with Carson, Em, Nelly, Sisqo, ALL the N Sync members, (even the one with the STD's!) All the BSB, and out of all people, Lars Ulrich, AND his monkey boyfriend, James Hetfield! You're pretty much worthless now..."
"Well, I'm not here for YOU anyways!" Christina said.
"Oh yeah, who are you here for? Wes?"
"Hey, nope." Wes backed away fearfully. "I'm just the Big Dumb Face over here..."
"Who then?" Fred asked.
Her gaze turned seductivly to Aaron. "Him" she said.
"No, you dumb bitch!" Britney yelled, pulling Christina to the ground. "He' s mine!"
"Uh...Are we forgetting that I'm married, ladies?" Aaron said, trying to see if he could get his way out of this peacefully.
"Hey bring her along, we'll kick her ass too!" Christina said.
"You know what Christina I'm not the kind of gentalmen who would hit a girl,but you even touch my wife I'll beat the living shit out of your he/she ass." Aaron said nastiliy.
Christina stood agast at the word's that were coming out of her beloved's mouth.
"You know something? I don't love you anymore." She walked over to Fred and took by the arm. "Come on. Take me out to dinner or something." she said, sounding like a bitch (as usual.)
"Ewwww....nasty...slut Christina grems." he said, pulling his arm away and knocking her to the ground.
"I don't love any of you anymore!" she yelled, her eyes filling with tears as she started to get up.
"I don't think so bitch." Britney said, pulling Christina back down to the ground by the hair. "We're not finished yet" she pulled a long knife out of the air,("thank you authors!" she whispered) and stabbed Christina through the chest. Christina fell in a dead bloody heap on the ground.
"Thank God..." Wes muttered."I don't have to listen to that damn 'what a bitch wants' shit anymore..."
"Well, anyways..." Britney said, once again sounding cheerful. "Where were we?" she walked over to Aaron, who tryed to shake he off, but with no luck. Just then Justin Timberlake, Britney's boyfriend, walked in.
"YOU TWO-TIMING SLUT!" he yelled at her as she attemped to kiss Aaron.
"Who are you calling two-timing, you fan-fucker!" she yelled, before turning her attention back to the struggling Aaron, as the rest of Staind and Limp Bizkit were laughing at him.
Justin pulled a shian saw out of the air (once again at the grace of the authors...) and yelled a war-cry before sawing her head off, much to the joy of Aaron, who was about to murder her himself.
"Hey, since we're killing off teenie people..." Wes said. He grabbed a hand saw the had mysteriously popped up on the couch. (Guess who...?) and threw the puny Justin onto the couch. He sawed off Justin's hands and feet.
"You will have the coolest death, dude!" Wes said as he picked him up and carried him outside, where several N Sync fans, who caught wind of Justin's whereabouts, were waiting.
"Hey look, kiddies! It's Your faveorite annoying N Syncer!!!" Wes yelled to the crowd. The response was deafening. Wes threw Justin into the crowd, who was immeadiatly torn to pieces by the bloodthirsty crowd. Wes walked back inside.
"Well, that wimpy guy is gone..." Wes said. Two girls walked into the room, one short with blood red hair wearing black raver cargo pants, and a 'I Love Fred Durst' shirt, and the other tall with purple hair, wearing black jeans and a Big Dumb Face T-shirt.
"Hi honey" Fred said to the short one, hugging then kissing her.
"Hey babe" she replied.
Wes took the tall girl in his arms and kissed her.
"Well hi. I guess you missed me..." she said.
"Wait. I'm confused. who are they?" Aaron asked.
"Oh. This is my wife, China." Fred said.
"And this is my wife, Pyro" Wes said.
"Wow. I can't believe you actually settled down, Fred." Aaron said, sounding suprised.
"Yeah, so am I..." Fred replied.
Scott Wieland from Stone Temple Pilots ran in.
"Dudes. We're gonna be onstage to do 'Hold On' in three minutes. Get your asses moving!" He ran back out of the room.
Fred looked at China. "come on stage with us."
"Why?"
"I want everyone to know about us. I want them all to meet you."
"Yeah, me too" Wes agreed. "Come onstage so that all our fans can meet Mrs Borland and Mrs Durst"
"Okay" China said, kissing Fred. Limp Bizkit, Pyro, and China went onstage, Pyro and China were introduced to the fans, and Limp Bizkit played a kick ass set. Everyone lived happily after.
(Except the teenie boppers, of course, who cryed over the deaths of the biggest sluts in pop, and their faveorite N Syncer, and N Sync themselves, who went on to sell absolutly nothing, because of the loss of the most popular member. They eventually all went on to kill themselves, and join their commrad in hell.)
~FIN!~
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(Dude, of course we included ourselves in this fic, because it is the coolest Limp Bizkit fan fic in the world and we are cool, and we kick ass. Duh!)
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