-concepts by Kageyuki-
-writing by MorganLight-
Cast of Characters
HYDE YUKIHIRO
KIYOHARU TETSU
GACKT KEN
TV REPORTER HIDE
CAMERAMAN ROADIE
Scene 1
Backstage at the Tokyo Dome after a Gackt concert. The singer has just recently wrapped up his
last song onstage. Scattered screams can still be heard in the main part of the venue.
Enter HYDE and KIYOHARU.
[HYDE wears leather pants, a glittery silver shirt, and his trademark barbed wire necklace.
KIYOHARU wears ratty jeans, a wifebeater, and a leather jacket. Both are wearing Groucho Marx
black glasses with a plastic nose and moustache attached.]
Hyde. All clear.
Kiyoharu. Whew.
[both remove their glasses-nose-moustache ensemble]
Hyde. Good thing we thought to bring these disguises to the show.
Kiyoharu. Yeah. I don’t think anyone recognised us!
Hyde. I’d really like to meet this Gackt guy. What’d you think of his concert?
Kiyoharu. I thought he did really well - I mean, considering his relative inexperience in the
business compared to you and I. Our seats sure were shitty though. I could barely see a damn
thing onstage.
Hyde. I know. And the lighting was really crappy too. Oh well... let’s go tell him our opinions of the
show. And don’t forget to be considerate! He’s still a novice.
Scene 2
The greenroom a few minutes later. There are excessive decorative flower bouquets, etc. all over
the place. A TV REPORTER is in the room, with a CAMERAMAN, awaiting Gackt’s arrival.
Enter GACKT.
Cameraman. Ha. I wish!
[GACKT is cleaned up but obviously still tired after the performance. As he walks in, a dog leaps
upon his leg and humps it, while his head is assaulted by a parrot. He calmly kicks the dog off and
swipes the bird away.]
Gackt. Pardon me. This happens all the time, I’m afraid.
[he quickly dodges an unidentified flying body, which crashes into the wall behind him]
Reporter. Um... excuse me, Gackt sir? [to himself] I WILL control my urges, I WILL control my
urges... [to GACKT] Might I have a short interview with you?
Gackt. Yeah, yeah, no problem.
Reporter. Well, if I might say so, you sounded wonderful as usual... the sound was top notch.
However, the lighting was rather unprofessional, and not exactly up to par with your typical
concert. Is there any...
Gackt. That’s because the Sony Music people spent all the tour money on a ridiculous ice
sculpture... [he indicates to his left, pointing out an enourmous ice statue of GACKT’s head with
his mouth open]
Reporter. Oh - the one that looks like a giant blow-up doll? I mean - uh -
Gackt. [sotto voce] Shut up. I mean it.
Enter HYDE and KIYOHARU.
[There is a period of silence as both HYDE and KIYOHARU spot Gackt at the same time and their
mouths fall open. GACKT sees them and raises an eyebrow. HYDE AND KIYOHARU realise that
their mouths are open and quickly shut them]
Reporter. [to audience] Oh come ON! This just isn’t fair! God... too much sex... in one room...
can’t... take it...
[he grabs the CAMERAMAN and THEY exit quickly]
Gackt. Kiyoharu and Hyde... um. [pause] Hello. Why’re you here?
Hyde. [tries to compose himself] Uh, well, um, you know... w-w-we just l-l-like to g-g-give new
t-talent a ch-ch-ch--
Kiyoharu. [blushing violently but attempting a macho persona] Yeah, hey, I mean. dude. You can
really work a crowd. Uh huh. Yeah.
Gackt. Oh. [dismissive] hm. thanks.
Kiyoharu. [flustered] uhhh... uhhh... [he frantically looks around the room trying to distract himself]
Hey, check out that ice statue. You know, it really looks like a huge blow-up--
Gackt. SILENCE!
[as he says this, he puts out his hand, but suddenly removes it and steps aside as a random girl
flings herself at him, but misses and lands in the mouth of the ice sculpture, knocking the whole
thing over into a floral arrangement]
Hyde. [looking at the girl, unconscious in Gackt’s mouth in a heap of ice] Hm. Guess that took
care of two problems in one leap.
Gackt. Yes. well. Been lovely meeting you two, but I really must be going. Cheers.
[GACKT exits with a flourish]
Kiyoharu. [peering after Gackt with curiosity] Strange fellow.
Hyde. [too quickly] I’ll bet he’s gay.
Kiyoharu. Oh reeeaallly. Well - what makes you say that?
Hyde. Look at the way he walks. Such a prima donna.
Kiyoharu. Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. No guy wears that much makeup regardless of his career.
What a girl, ne?
Hyde. No question.
Scene 3
Backstage before L’arc and SADS do a joint show at the Tokyo Dome.
Enter TETSU and KEN.
Tetsu. Hey, I heard Gackt is here to see the show.
Ken. GACKT? Ohmygod, isn’t he just like, SO CUTE? I’d like to get my mitts on him...
Tetsu. [hits KEN, who quiets] Not like you’d have a chance... he probably has about ten sex
slaves anyways -
Enter HYDE, who has caught the last bit of Tetsu’s comment.
Hyde. No he doesn’t!
Ken. Hyde, honey! Where’ve you been?
Hyde. Just sort of wandering about. Kiyo and I have been checking out the venue, looking at the
early crowd. Nothing too important.
Ken. [suggestive] Ah HA, I see. [he nudges TETSU, who hits him again]
Hyde. What was THAT supposed to mean?
Tetsu. I don’t know Haido, you’ve just been acting a little odd lately... is anything up?
Ken. [off to the side] And why would you know anything about Gackt’s slaves...
Hyde. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine. [smooths hair] Just my regular self. [strikes
macho pose]
Tetsu. [eyes him] Uh huh. Hey, I’m going to get an All Natural Low Sugar Low Calorie Grape
Beverage from the fridge. Anybody want anything?
Enter KIYOHARU.
Ken. Yeah, can I have a Slim Fast please?
Hyde. Beer.
Kiyoharu. Yeah, I could sure use a cold one. Get me a beer too.
Enter YUKIHIRO.
Tetsu. Okay, be right back.
Yukihiro. Hey, can you get me a - [TETSU exits] - never mind.
Kiyoharu. Man, I’m beat. [stretches and sits down on the couch]
Yukihiro. Why are you tired?
Ken. I mean geez, all you did was run around with Haido all day... [winks at YUKIHIRO, who hits
him]
Kiyoharu. My brain just hurts. Too much going on.
[KEN and YUKIHIRO, confused, look around for a minute. HYDE has begun staring into space. A
couple of crickets chirp]
Ken. Yeah, sure is hectic...
Yukihiro. No it isn’t. There’s nothing hap - [KEN hits him]
Kiyoharu. Forget it. You guys wouldn’t really understand.
Ken. Oh we wouldn’t, would we? [grins evilly] Wonder what THAT means...
Enter TETSU.
Tetsu. Here are your drinks guys... Slim Fast, beer, and beer... Hyde? [waves his hand in front of
HYDE’s face, who is looking out the door with a glazed look] Your beer. Hyde. HEY! [slaps HYDE
upside the head]
Hyde. Huh? Wha? Oh... thanks Tetsu. I was just staring - I mean - I caught sight of Gackt. Did
you know he was coming to the show?
[KIYOHARU looks up]
Tetsu. [feigning surprise while KEN giggles] Why no, no I didn’t... that’s pretty cool of him.
Yukihiro. Hey, I knew he was coming.
Tetsu.C'mon Ken, lemme play you the new record I got - it’s my favourite.
Ken. [grins] Okay... I suppose we should leave the lovebirds alone... [giggles and nudges TETSU,
who knees him hard in the crotch]
Yukihiro. Hey, wait up Tet-chan, I wanna hear it...
[KEN, limping in severe pain, TETSU, and YUKIHIRO exit]
Hyde. [goes back to the door and peers out] Look at the way Gackt waves his hands around
when he talks... don’t gay people do that?
Kiyoharu. Oh, absolutely. I’ll bet he’s wearing eye makeup again too, isn’t he? He’s not even on
stage or anything!
Hyde. Yeah, I know... [shakes head and goes and sits down in an armchair next to the couch]
Gay. There’s no other explanation. [sets his beer down on the table between the couch and chair]
Kiyoharu. Nope. [takes a long swig of his beer and sets it down next to Hyde’s]
[long uncomfortable silence]
[HYDE scratches his chin. KIYOHARU rubs his forehead. Both reach for their beer at the same
time - but their hands fall on the same bottle]
[Neither notices the mistake until the beer is in the air. Their fingers touch.]
[HYDE and KIYOHARU abruptly turn their heads and look at each other with bulging eyes, as both
drop the bottle, which goes crashing to the floor]
[HYDE shrinks back in his chair, and KIYOHARU looks the other way. Suddenly the stereo
speakers in the room crackle to life, and Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’ starts playing]
Kiyoharu. Uh. Am I hearing things or is someone playing a Marvin Gaye record?
Hyde. You aren’t hearing things... Tetsu, that ass. I’m gonna kill him!
Kiyoharu. Tetsu likes Marvin Gaye?
Hyde. Apparently.
[brief silence as Marvin Gaye continues to croon in the background]
Hyde. ... Kiyo... Kiyoharu?
Kiyoharu.... yeah?
Hyde. I... I just... I mean...
Kiyoharu. What? What is it?
Hyde. ... never mind.
Scene 4
Meanwhile, in another backstage room...
Tetsu. Do you suppose they can actually hear it?
Ken. I sure hope so! Hee hee. I can see it now... [begins a Kiyoharu impression] ‘Hyde, I love
you... but it is... forbidden love!’
Tetsu. [continues impression] ‘You know, that song I wrote, “Shonen”... I didn’t specify gender
because - it was all about YOU, my love!’
[TETSU and KEN double over with laughter]
Yukihiro. [bobs head to Marvin Gaye] I love this song.
Enter GACKT.
Ken. Boy, don’t I wish...
Gackt. Ahem. Hello. [adeptly dodges a flying roadie who flies through the door and lands in a
cleaning closet]
[TETSU, KEN, and YUKIHIRO look up and see GACKT as the song playing switches to ‘Sexual
Healing’]
Gackt. So. What’s so funny?
Ken. Guh... guh... Gackt? Camui Gackt?
Gackt. Yes?
Yukihiro. Why are you here?
Gackt. [shrugs] Had nothing else to do. [scratches head] Didn’t have much of a problem getting
past the roadies.
Tetsu. [rolls eyes] No doubt.
Gackt. What’s with the Marvin Gaye? ‘Sexual Healing’... I like this song.
[KEN suddenly looks mischievous]
Tetsu. Do you really? We were just... uh... dancing. Yeah. [strikes John Travolta pose]
Gackt. Really. [eyes him]
Ken. [to TETSU and YUKIHIRO] You know, this poor gentleman probably HATES dancing. Why
don’t you two go check on our ‘quarry’? [winks] I’ll tell him all about what we were doing.
Yukihiro. Okay. C’mon Tet-chan. [drags TETSU by the arm, who is looking back suspiciously at
KEN] Who’s the quarry anyway?
[YUKIHIRO and TETSU exit]
Gackt. So what’s all this about?
Ken. Hey, calm down. I think we should get to know each other first, don’t you? [walks over to the
stereo, turns up ‘Sexual Healing’ and puts it on repeat]
Gackt. Uh, actually...
Ken. So, Camui Gackt, is it? Why don’t you sit down? [triggers the layback feature on the
armchair so that the footrest catches GACKT behind the knees, causing him to fall backwards into
the chair]
Gackt. Excuse me, but I really don’t have time for this...
Ken. I was just about to sit down and have a bottle of wine. Care to join me? [dims the lights]
Gackt. [quite alarmed now, as all of his aloof delicacy goes out the window] What the FUCK?
Ken. [whips a bottle of wine out from under the sofa as he sits down] What do you think of
Cabernet? This stuff’ll get you good and pissed...
Gackt. What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to seduce me?
Ken. [innocently] Of course not.
Gackt. Uh huh. That’s why you randomly keep a fifteen dollar bottle of alcohol under the couch.
Get the hell away from me.
Enter TETSU, who flips the lights back to normal as he comes in.
[KEN quickly shoves the Cabernet under a pillow]
Tetsu. I see you two got acquainted pretty quickly...
[GACKT stands up with a disgusted look on his face]
Enter YUKIHIRO.
Yukihiro. They were sitting on the couch watching television.
Tetsu. No sparks yet...
Gackt. Okay, before anything else happens, I demand to know what you guys are up to.
[KEN and TETSU look at each other and sigh]
Ken. Well, I guess we should start from the beginning...
Tetsu. Hyde and Kiyoharu are good friends, right...
Scene 5
The other backstage room...
[KIYOHARU absent-mindedly channel surfs; HYDE is picking at the threads unraveling from a
pillow]
Hyde. What do you suppose they could be doing back there?
Kiyoharu. Oh, I don’t know. I’ll bet Ken got his ‘mitts’ on Gackt and tried the old Marvin Gaye +
dim lights + bottle of wine trick on him.
Hyde. I can’t believe that prima donna is here. You’d think he was too “good” for a L’Arc and
SADS show.
Kiyoharu. He’s so flaming gay. I’ll bet Ken’s just his type.
Hyde. [mumbling] Hard to believe Ken could be ANYONE’S type...
[another uncomfortable silence]
Hyde. Hey, hand me the remote, will you?
[KIYOHARU does so, but drops it before HYDE can catch it. KIYOHARU leans down over the arm
of the couch to pick it up, as does HYDE, but KIYOHARU beats him to the object. Both return
upright at the same time and bump heads, Hyde’s hair brushing against Kiyoharu’s face.]
Kiyoharu. [turning the colour of a fresh beet] Here. [hands HYDE the remote]
[HYDE takes it. Both remain facing one another for a split second more, then return to their seats.]
Kiyoharu. Aren’t you going to use it?
Hyde. Huh? Use what?
Kiyoharu. The remote control.
Hyde. What remo--OH! Oh, yeah. [spends five minutes looking for the ‘channel’ button]
Kiyoharu. H... Hyde?
Hyde. [snaps his head up and drops the remote on the floor] Yes?
Kiyoharu. [struggling] This is very hard for me, uh, to say... I mean... shit... I just wanted to -
Hyde. [looks like he’s about to pee in his pants] WHAT?
Kiyoharu. It’s just that, well, the truth is, I - [falters] I... really hate this show. Can we change the
channel?
Hyde. Oh. Um, sure. [picks remote up from the floor]
[KIYOHARU turns away from HYDE and brings his knees up to his chin, as HYDE begins to
channel surf]
Kiyoharu. [to himself] Can’t say it. Just... can’t.
Scene 6
Meanwhile...
Gackt. [laughing] And so - they both got beers?
Ken. YES! And then - [hiccups with laughter] - we left them in there, turned on the speakers from
this room...
Tetsu. And that’s when you came in!
[KEN, TETSU, and GACKT become giddy with laughter]
Yukihiro. [reading the liner notes to the Marvin Gaye album] Hm, that lyric is nice...
Gackt. God, you guys... that is some funny shit... hee hee.
Tetsu. I know. heh. It’s almost time for the show, though. I guess we need to ‘regroup’, so to
speak.
Ken. I still can’t believe it. All this work, and they refuse to admit anything...
Gackt. Oh well. Effort well spent, my friends. [smiles] I’m going to head back out. Good luck! I’ll
be watching.
[KEN cannot supress a goofy grin. GACKT exits]
Tetsu. Come on, Ken... we need to go back to the other room.
Yukihiro. I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be there in a minute.
[TETSU and KEN exit]
Scene 7
A few minutes later...
[HYDE, KIYOHARU, TETSU and KEN have settled into spontaneous and random conversation.
HYDE and KIYOHARU have put as much distance between each other as possible.]
Tetsu. [to HYDE] So yeah, it’s a pretty bitchin’ record...
Hyde. Must be. You were back there long enough to have played it twice. [narrows eyes]
Ken. [to KIYOHARU] And then - this is the REALLY original bit - I offered him a glass of wine...
Enter YUKIHIRO.
Yukihiro. Um, guys?
[no response]
Yukihiro. Guys, I need your attention, this is kind of important...
[still no response]
[YUKIHIRO clears his throat. Nothing. He claps his hands. Nothing. Finally, he sighs and appears
to remember something. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.]
Yukihiro. [at the top of his lungs] EVERYBODY FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!!!
[Silence. KEN, TETSU, HYDE, and KIYOHARU turn their heads and eyes to YUKIHIRO. A couple
of crickets chirp.]
Yukihiro. [coughs] hide is here.
[pause]
Kiyoharu. ... what?
Yukihiro. hide’s in the bathroom. He came out of the toilet.
Hyde. I beg your pardon?
Ken. Look, Yuki, hon...I know it must be difficult for you to accept, but hide is -
Yukihiro. In the bathroom. I saw him myself. I was washing my hands, and I saw his reflection in
the mirror behind me... the toilet flushing must have triggered something, I don’t know. But I
turned around, and I talked to him. We had a nice little conversation.
Tetsu. What’d he say to you?
Yukihiro. He told me that I didn’t have to take your shit anymore. [pauses and smiles] And he
wants to talk to you guys too.
Scene 8
In the bathroom. A solid flesh form of HIDE, wearing camouflage fatigues and a red t-shirt, is
sitting casually on the back of the toilet, lazily smoking a cigarette and humming ‘Beauty & Stupid.’
Enter YUKIHIRO, TETSU, KEN, HYDE, and KIYOHARU, who all pile into the small bathroom with
considerable difficulty.
Hyde. [sees HIDE] Christ!
hide. Hideto Matsumoto, actually. [winks]
Tetsu. But you... you’re...
hide. I’m here because you summoned me... I can answer a question or two, offer some advice.
But make it quick; I’ve got a gig in Hades in a few hours.
Kiyoharu. Do they - like you, in Hades?
hide. I draw a fairly decent crowd there... better than Heaven or Hell, anyway. Tickets don’t sell
very well in Heaven for some reason. Summerland is a good spot... but the best concerts, by far,
are on Mount Olympus. I go there every tour. The gods and goddesses love it - they get some
mean moshes going...
Tetsu. So THAT’S the truth about thunder... the gods moshing to hide. [shrugs] I should have
known there’d be a more simple explanation.
hide. Anyhow, I’m kind of pressed for time...
Ken. Right, right. So how do I get my hands on Gackt?
hide. [looks at him] Boy, some things just aren’t meant to be.
[YUKIHIRO pats a dejected KEN on the shoulder]
Hyde. [raises hand] Um, I need some help... I, uh... [thinks]
hide. Go on, spit it out. I don’t know all.
Hyde. [gets an idea] I’ve been getting stage fright lately. In a severe way. And... I think it’s from
fear of doing something wrong, or... messing up. [pause] I mean, should I just do it anyway? Just
go up there without even thinking?
hide. [looks at HYDE, grins, and leans toward him] In this situation, I’d ignore the ego and just
listen to your soul. [nudges him] In simpler terms - go get ‘em, cowboy. [winks]
Hyde. Okay. [smiles]
hide. [puts his cigarette out in the toilet] So, anything else before I get going?
Kiyoharu. Shit... no pressure or anything... uh -
Tetsu. [interrupting] What’s the meaning of life?
hide. [laughs] Oh, honestly... if there WERE one, it wouldn’t be any FUN. [tosses cigarette butt
into the toilet and flushes it] Must be getting along now... nice talking with you. Oh, and good luck
with your show. I’ll be sending you vibes. [jumps into the swirling water and vanishes]
[TETSU, KEN, HYDE, KIYOHARU, and YUKIHIRO crowd around the toilet bowl and peer in. As
the water stops swirling, the faint melody notes of the chorus to ‘Misery’ come trickling out. Then
all is silent.]
Kiyoharu. I think I had too much to drink.
Hyde. Tetsu, what the hell did you put in those beers?
Tetsu. I didn’t touch your beer.
[long silence]
Yukihiro. Are you going to do what he says?
Enter ROADIE, who sticks his head around the door.
Roadie. What the hell are you guys DOING? We’ve got ten minutes to showtime!
Scene 9
In the greenroom, about a half hour after the close of the show. KIYOHARU is sitting on the couch
having a beer.
Enter HYDE, wiping his forehead with a towel.
Kiyoharu. [awkwardly] Hey, um, good job up there.
Hyde. [startled, drops the towel] Oh, Kiyo, didn’t see you in here. You were watching?
Kiyoharu. Yep, from the side. Good stuff.
Hyde. Thanks. [pause] Your set was great too.
[long uncomfortable silence]
Hyde. Uh, y’know, I could really use one of those beers.
[KIYOHARU tosses him one which HYDE instantly drops; the bottle shatters and sprays beer all
over the room]
[HYDE, dripping with beer, sighs, picks up the towel again, and tentatively moves towards the
couch]
Kiyoharu. Sorry about that. [hands HYDE another bottle] Here.
[HYDE takes it and sits down at the other end of the couch. As he pops off the top of the bottle,
the sound pierces the silence and makes KIYOHARU jump a mile into the air]
Hyde. So. What happened to Sakashita and Muta?
Kiyoharu. Left early. Right after the set ended.
[pause, both make beer slurping noises]
Kiyoharu. Where’s Ken?
Hyde. Ken said something about putting all the wine under the couch to good use... I don’t even
want to know what THAT means.
Kiyoharu. [offers nervous laughter] Tetsu?
Hyde. [grins] You won’t believe this one... [scoots over closer on the couch] Tetsu ran into Hakeui
right after the show. I’ve never seen two people hit it off so quickly. Tetsu makes one mention of
Marvin Gaye and Hakeui starts listing off every project the man’s ever done. [shakes his head and
smiles] They’ve run off somewhere I guess...
Kiyoharu. And Yuki?
Hyde. Who’s Yuki? [winks] He’s left too, I think.
[another uncomfortable silence]
Kiyoharu. Yeah, so, um... [avoiding Hyde’s eyes] ... get rid of that stage fright yet?
Hyde. [looks at him] No.
Kiyoharu. Oh. Pity. Still get nervous, huh?
Hyde. Yeah but... you know... I was thinking of just taking hide’s advice...
[KIYOHARU chokes and spits out a mouthful of beer]
Hyde. [scoots over still closer] ... and just... go into it without thinking.
Kiyoharu. Really?
Hyde. Yeah.
[By this point KIYOHARU is shaking so violently he can barely hold onto his beer. He puts it down
and begins fidgeting madly]
Kiyoharu. Well... do you think it was, y-you know... guh-guh-guh - [tries to compose himself]
guh-good advice?
Hyde. Hey... it’s worth a shot.
[KIYOHARU’s eyes grow wide, and he turns his head in Hyde’s direction, meeting eyes that are
staring at him intently.]
[They lean in hesitantly - almost reluctantly... eyelids flutter closed... lips brush gently until - ]
Enter GACKT.
Roadie. Yeah, I wish.
Gackt. Hey, guys -
[HYDE and KIYOHARU pull back instantly, startled all to hell, and move to opposite sides of the
couch, breathing heavily. GACKT just stares. No-one moves or says anything for a moment.]
Gackt. Um, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your show. Yeah. Great job. Both of you.
[neither says anything]
Gackt. Okay, well. See you around. [turns to leave]
[HYDE and KIYOHARU watch GACKT intently as he leaves, but they can’t see the small smile
that GACKT fails to conceal on his way out.]
Scene 10
A few minutes later, GACKT is about to walk out the backstage door and leave.
[He is about to reach the door when suddenly, a very drunk KEN stumbles in front of it and smiles
lewdly.]
Gackt. Oh, for god’s sake -
Ken. I say, if YOOO don wannany CABERNAY, I’ll jus down the whooooll damn thing MI SELF.
But that doesn’t meen yer gonna get aWEIGH from me... [reaches out drunkenly for GACKT]
Gackt. Oh god, no, get the hell OFF me...
[Suddenly the unidentified body of a ROADIE comes flying out of the gloom towards GACKT.
GACKT quickly steps backwards, so that the body slams directly into KEN, knocking him over and
landing them both in an unconscious heap]
Gackt. [looks at KEN and ROADIE, then at the door] Wow. Who knew it would prove useful
someday...
[GACKT looks back down the hall towards the greenroom and smiles. Then he looks down at the
two bodies again, shrugs, and steps around them and through the outside door.]
[As he walks across the dark parking lot, it begins to thunder.]
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