As promised by the description, these are ACTUAL e-mails that I have received in the course of my internet experience. Most of them pertain to a company--which shall remain anonymous--where I provide customer service. Names have been changed to protect the ridiculous!
Caution: some e-mails may contain offensive language. Some e-mails may just offend you with their ridiculous rambling.
Communications are rendered exactly
as received, edited for length, listed in reverse chronological
order.
Comments in brackets [] are my own. Ellipses (. . . ) indicate where
I have removed content for length.
9/8/01 - Gateway.net user
Subject: [none]
-----
you do you charge so much s&h? i think it should be a lot lower because it's
very hard for me to get money so i have to wait a couple more weeks just to
get the s&h money i need. that is all.
[first name]
oh, please reply
.
[Shipping at the time was just $6.]
7/17/01 - AOL user:
Subject: [none]
-----
hi i E-mailed you about n order please ignore it
[That was the whole email.]
6/21/01 - Yahoo user:
Subject: Read as soon as you kan.
-----
to whom it may concern,
.
i have several questions that need answers, that
any one who knows of the subject i talk abought puts a
play act on to cover up there knowledge.
there once was a man who was <evil> but found it in
him to inform me of sertain sujects. in difrent astral
planes we own items that can not becom reality until
you have the know how and knowledge. he told me i own
many items but i can not make them reality until i
have the want to and i search for answerrs to my many
questions he knew i had. i want to travel the many
astral planes but i cant focus my self enought to do
this
. . .
please reply in promptness, i have not and will not
comform to the underworld and am one of the few that
will not give into the amasing powers of the
underworld. if you could also, give me sum ideas of
books and items i may purchas and where i may find
them on Majik that many people may not know of, you
cant perform majik if you dont believe in it and i
know it exist and belive in its power. please send me
a reply promptly and quickly..
.
call me knowledge
.
4/10/01 - Telusplanet.net user
Subject: Ordering
-----
. . . Unfortuanetly, all my money saved up for the items went from the plus, into the minues, hehehhe. I thank you for holding onto them for me, but unfortuanetly I cannot buy them at the moment. If I ever get the money I well surely reply to you guys. Thanks again!
[This person had ordered less than $20 worth of goods.]
.
4/7/01 - Hotmail user
Subject: Re: A Question
-----
Thanks, I have one other question. What was in my special order. I just
want to see what I ordered already.
. . .
I forgot what was coming.
.
2/16/01 - barak.net.il user
Subject: re
-----
I cannot enter and surf many sites that locate on your fucking company.
.
Fix it as soon as possible !!!
.
Internet surfer
.
[N.B.: None of our pages was down at the time.]
2/16/01 - same user as above
Subject: Put your subject line here.
-----
[message was blank]
10/8/00 - Zoomnet.net user
Subject: Fw: merry meet, i have ideas for bumper stickers, where shall i send my ideas?
[Preface Note: we HAD NOT requested any bumper sticker ideas at the time.]
-----
Merry Meet ,
.
how about a bumper sticker that says.. "Wiccans don't kill people.. Crusaders kill people "
.
also "Cultures lost durring the Crusades might never come back..thanx a bunch Christianity."
how about "Don't force your religion on me..and I won't force mine on you"
and another " HEEEELP! Satanist Stole our Symbols!!"
as well as "Thank the Goddess for Freedom of Religion"
and "Has anyone seen my Cauldron?"
oh and "Wiccan Pride..just another right given to us by the Goddess "
oh and another one " Wiccan's love kittens.. Satanist EAT them!!"
oh oh! and " Practice Religious Tolerance,leave me and my coven ALONE!"
so many ideas here .. " ' Witch' came first? the Goddess or the God?"
ooooh and another idea " Sam Hain and Satan, NO RELATION HERE!!"
and more cometh " Just because we worship differently doesn't mean you can torture us"
oh and "Satanist warped our Symbols.. why don't they warp yours instead?"
don't stop me i'm on a roll..
oh and " Wiccans don't sacrifice animals.. we kiss them !! Mwha! (picture of lips)"
oh and again " Celtic Pride.."
oh and again " the Druids built Stone Henge.. what did you build?"
and more " Whatever done,be it good or bane comes back threefold"
oh and another still " Whatever one does comes back x 3"
.
[That was the end of the e-mail. WTF??]
.
10/7/00 - AOL user
Subject: more
-----
i would like to know more please let me know info
.
[This was the FIRST and ONLY e-mail we received from this person!]
.
8/17/00 - AOL user
Subject: [none]
-----
greetings:
i just visited your site and like it very much. im interested in possibly
having some customized spellwork done
. . .
a spell to make my hair grow to my butt, all one length, by the time i wake
up.
.
thank you very much,
rain
.
3/10/00 - WebTV user
Subject: [none]
-----
crystal balls and books
.
[That was the entire message. We had never heard from this person before--or since.]
.
3/1/00 - Cybermesa.com user
Subject: [none]
-----
Do you have an email address or phone for Charles R. Barnett who wrote Popul Vuh of the Jaguar Priests? Thanks.
.
[Why on earth would we have personal contact info for an author we don't even carry?]
.
12/3/99 - WebTV user
Subject: [none]
-----
"Gemini in the Sky"
.
[That was the entire and only message.]
.
7/27/99 - AOL user
Subject: [none]
-----
Do you guys sell the Qabala?
.
[This message is screwy because firstly, the Qabala is a spiritual / magickal path, and as such cannot be sold; and secondly, because there are literally thousands of books about the Qabala.]
.
6/11/99 - Dynamite.com.au user
Subject: [none]
-----
I was
wondering
if you
could help
me with a
book that
I have
been
trying to
find
called
. . .
any
information
would be
greatly
appreciated
.
[Yes, it looked like that when it arrived.]
.
5/19/99 - AOL user
Subject: [none]
-----
i am looking for a spell to reverse a spell that was cast on me. that person
fed me some food that contained their own urine to cast this spell....
.
[I just don't want to know.]
.
4/17/99 - AOL user [is anyone seeing a pattern here?]
Subject: [none]
-----
i thind u should have like a large book of black and wight magic spells
.
[ Huh? ]
=====
[In a later e-mail...]
.
Subject: [none]
-----
[Credit card number and address--although we did not at the time accept cards.]
p.s rush it to me as fast as posable
.
=====
[In yet another, later e-mail...]
.
Subject: [none]
-----
hi im . . . i left an e-mail eralyer i for got the # here they r
[product codes]
[credit card again -- remember, this is NOT a secure line]
[address again]
PLEASE RUSH IT TO ME ASS FAST AS POSABLE I
NEED IT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS THANK U
.
[ Sigh. ]
