North vs. South

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles.

• If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
• Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
• Remember: "Ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All ya'll's" is plural possessive.
• Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
• You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
• Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying, they can't understand you either.
• The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big 'ol," as in "big 'ol truck" or "big 'ol boy".
• Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
• If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
• If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
• When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
• In the South we have found that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
• If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names
The South has double first names

The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms

The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia,
The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits
The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads

The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners

The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt

The North has Dan Quayle
The South has Bill Clinton
May the Lord have mercy on us all!

back to list