Music That Has Narrated My Life…

Like the lives of many, mine has been one long roller coaster ride. Though I’ve had many different experiences, I don’t think any of them can compare to the last three years of my life, for those have been the most interesting. My life has been filled with narrations based on the choices I have made. Actually, it’s sort of like that show “My So Called Life” where Claire Danes is constantly narrating her own life in her head while there is some sort of music playing in the background. Therefore, this page is dedicated to the songs that have played in the background of my own mind as I narrated my own life.

1998

It was a year of true beginnings for me. I was just starting to settle myself back in New York after moving from Pennsylvania as I was living with my aunt and uncle at the time in a small bedroom. It was also a very hard year for me. I was engaged to be married at the age of twenty to a man I had been with since high school and who was still in PA at the time. I was confronting my demons while going to therapy every Saturday morning. I could barely get along with my uncle who even though he was filled with honesty, he didn’t know when to shut up. Then of course there was my aunt who still thought I was twelve. On the bright side, I found something I truly loved in life…the theatre. There was only one song that described this entire year…

Pretty Good Year

By Tori Amos

Tears on the sleeve of a man, don’t want to be a boy today. Heard the eternal footman, bought himself a bike to race. And Greg he writes letters and burns his CDs. They say you were something in those formative years. Hold on to nothing as fast as you can. Well, still a pretty good year. Maybe a bright sandy beach is gonna bring you back. Maybe not so, now you’re off, you’re gonna see America. Well let me tell you something about America. Pretty good year…some things are melting now. Well what’s it gonna take till my baby’s all right. And Greg he writes letters with his birthday pen. Sometimes he’s aware that they’re drawing him in. Lucy was pretty, your best friend agreed. Well, still a pretty good year…

1999

Narration: “I couldn’t tell you what hit me at the moment. All I knew was it wasn’t the same anymore. What’s that new word for Soul mate now days? Ah, yes, “Jaded.”

Why

By Annie Lennox

How many times do I have to try to tell you that I’m sorry for the things I’ve done? But when I start to try to tell you that’s when you have to tell me Hey…this kind of trouble’s just begun. I tell myself so many times why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut? That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words that keep on falling from your mouth. Falling from your mouth. Falling from your mouth. Tell me…why…why… I may be mad, I may be blind, I may be viciously unkind, but I can still read what you’re thinking. And I’ve heard it said too many times that you’re better off…besides, why can’t you see this boat is sinking? (This boat is sinking, this boat is sinking.) Let’s go down to the water’s edge and we can cast away those doubts. Some things are better left unsaid, but they still turn me inside out. Turning inside out…turning inside out…tell me…why…tell me…why… This is the book I never read, these are the words I never said, this is the path I’ll never tread, these are the dreams I’ll dream instead, this is the joy that’s seldom spread, these are the tears, the tears are shed, this is the fear, the fear is dread, these are the contents in my head, and these are the years that we have spent, and this is what they represent, and this is how I feel, do you know how I feel? Cause I don’t think you know how I feel. I don’t think you know what I feel. I don’t think you know what I feel. You don’t know what I feel.

2000

Narration: “I’m fine…really I am. I mean, jeez, you know? It’s not like I’m this poor helpless woman who can’t handle her own personal problems. Right? Hello? Helloooo? Anyone there? Aww shit!”

Galileo

By The Indigo Girls

Galileo’s head was on the block The crime was looking up for truth And as the bombshells of my daily fears explode I try to trace them to my youth And then you had to bring up reincarnation Over a couple of beers the other night And now I’m serving time for mistakes Made by another in another lifetime How long till my soul gets it right Can any human being ever reach that kind of light I call on the resting soul of Galileo King of night vision, king of insight And then I think about my fear of motion Which I never could explain? Some other fool across the ocean years ago Must have crashed his little airplane How long till my soul gets it right Can any human being ever reach that kind of light I call on the resting soul of Galileo King of night vision, king of insight I’m not making a joke, you know me I take everything so seriously If we wait for the time till all souls get it right Then at least I know there'll nuclear annihilation In the nighttime I’m still not right I offer thanks to those before me That’s all I’ve got to say 'Cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime Now I have to pay But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration To let the next life off the hook But she'll say, "look what I had to overcome from my last life I think I’ll write a book" How long till my soul gets it right Can any human being ever reach the highest light? Except for Galileo god rest his soul (Except for the resting soul of Galilee) King of night vision, king of insight How long (Till my soul gets it right) [Till we reach the highest light] How long (Till my soul gets it right) [Till we reach the highest light] How long...

Narration: “And there you had it. We didn’t actually say the words “good-bye” but there was a clear indication in our voices. It’s not like it was anything new. I mean I knew it was going to happen despite what I was feeling. It’s for the best, right? Hmm…I wonder if the corner store sells cocktails.”

Midnight Train To Georgia

By James D. Weatherly

LA proved too much for the man. (Too much for the man) (He couldn't make it) So he's leaving the life he's come to know (He said he's going) He said he's going back to find (Going back to find) What's left of his world, The world he left behind Not so very long ago Oh yeah He's leaving (Leaving) On that midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on a midnight train) Oh yeah Oh ya'll Said he's going back to find (He's going back to find) A simpler place and time (And when he takes that ride) Yes he is (Guess who's gonna be right by his side) I'll be with him (I know you will) On that midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia) (Whoo whoo) I'd rather live in his world (Live in his world) Than live without him in mine (World, world) (It’s his, his and hers alone) He kept dreaming (Dreaming) That one day he'd be a star (A superstar but he didn't get far) But he sure found out the hard way That dreams don't always come true (Dreams don't always come true) Oh no (Uh uh no uh uh) So he sold all his hopes And he even sold his own car And bought a one way ticket back To the life that he once knew Oh yes he did He said he would I know he's leaving (Leaving) On that midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on a midnight train) Oh yeah Oh ya'll Said he's going back to find (He’s going back to find) A simpler place and time (And when he takes that ride) Yes he is (Guess who's gonna be right by his side) I’ve got to be with him (I know you will) On that midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on the midnight train to Georgia) (Whoo whoo) I’d rather live in his world (Live in his world) Than live without him in mine (World, world) (It’s his, his and hers alone) He’s leaving (He’s leaving) On a midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on a midnight train) Oh yeah He said he's going back to find (He’s going back to find) A simpler place and time (And when he takes that ride) (Guess who's gonna be right by his side) I’ve got to be with him (I know you will) On that midnight train to Georgia (Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia) (Whoo whoo) I’d rather live in his world (Live in his world) Than live without him in mine (World, world) (Is his, his and hers alone) (World is his) (His and hers alone) (All aboard) (One world) (Her man, his girl) I’ve got to go (All aboard) I’ve got to go (One world) I’ve got to go (Her man, his girl) I’ve got to go (All aboard) I’ve got to go (One world) I’ve got to go right now (Her man, his girl) (All aboard) (One world) (Her man, his girl) (All aboard) (One world) (Her man, his girl)

Narration: "And with each card he read my soul like a book that hasn't had its pages turned in ages. I looked at him as he did this and I couldn't believe what he was showing me. He took my hand and smiled and said "You're a good kid." How do you know when nothing ends and the cosmics begin?"

"I'll Fall On Your Knife"

By Peter Murphy

To the crowd To the world You were so dry And with the token bird I made Send it to fly right to your side With the broken wing you sailed Oh like winter in July A barren river wide To wash on you It's here I'll be with you Well if the birds can reach the sky To this land I'll be with you'Til the sun bursts from your side With my hands I reach to you When you think your chance is passing by When you blow your moon away I'll bleed like the reed Fall with your knife It's here I'll be with you I'll fall

November 2000

Moments seem to drift in and out of my life like scenes in a play or in a movie... But every moment spent with him seems to stay with me. Could love be one huge moment? Or is my heart finally learning how to spread it's wings and fly?

Blackbird

By John Lennon and Paul McCartney from the White Album

Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird fly Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise...

December 2000

Rejection. Even the word carries pain. When something goes wrong and someone holds you, do you ever wonder who holds them?

Deliver Me

Sarah Brightman

Deliver me, out of my sadness. Deliver me, from all of the madness. Deliver me, courage to guide me. Deliver me, strength from inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding. Wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring. Deliver me, giving and sharing. Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.

All of my life I was in hiding. Wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, Deliver me, Oh deliver me.

All of my life I was in hiding. Wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, Oh deliver me. Won't you deliver me.

March, 2001

I guess nothing really does last forever. Of course, I didn't realize that until I found out that the man who continuously called me "The Love of his life" was cheating on me with yet another actress in a play he was in. And he denied every bit of it. The thing is I'm still going to love him. It all happend so fast. This change. I will miss you, even if you don't miss me back...

Much Change Too Soon

By Billy Myers

Much change too soon Under the sign of the cross, time moves Indulge me, will you protect me Lets swim out to the past And drown in moments that last Will I be beatiful to you Will you save me, will you protect me Come to the waters edge Where you can draw your cirlces Around me, around me

Much change too soon Even the dawn chorus changed her tune Indulge me, will you protect me From the passing of time Let all our years pour like wine Will I be beautiful to you So then when we stand together, Three decades on Will you breathe your life into me Under the yes of heaven, can we Make time stand still The evergreen's fading, as time turns her Pages Everything's changing but me, me

It is always the same There's nothing left but remains Still, will I be beautful to you Indulge me, oh protect me I know there's always a risk Time has a deadly french kiss So come to the waters edge Where you can draw your circles Around me, around me

Much change too soon I often wonder why its so Watch over me Stay, the years with me... Oh come to my water's edge Will you come to my water's edge

Much change too soon Water's edge, the water's edge Come to the water With me Much change too soon

March, 2001

Hearts get broken everyday. People win and people lose. Should i see the glass as half empty or half full? Who knows? Just because I should keep my chin up doesn't mean I should hide my anger...

Untouchable Face

By Ani Difranco

think i'm going for a walk now i feel a little unsteady i don't want nobody to follow me 'cept maybe you i could make you happy you know if you weren't already i could do a lot of things and i do

tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you too bad you had to have a better half she's not really my type but i think you two are forever and i hate to say it but you're perfect together

so fuck you and your untouchable face and fuck you for existing in the first place and who am i that i should be vying for your touch and who am i i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning and my gas tank will be empty soon neon sign on the horizon rubbing elbows with the moon a safe haven of sleepless where the deep fryer's always on radio is counting down the top 20 country songs and out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind y'know, i don't look forward to seeing you again soon you'll look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away and i won't know what to do and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...

i see you and i'm so perplexed what was i thinking what will i think of next where can i hide in the back room there's a lamp that hangs over the pool table and when the fan is on it swings gently side to side there's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing i see orion and say nothing the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...

March, 2001

Fate is very funny sometimes. One day it works for you and the next day it laughs in your face...

Loneliness In The Heart

© 1998 Tom Vota

Once upon a time There was a moment in my life When everything was so complete Like living in a paradise It was fate that got us to Come together hand in hand But fate had played a joke And put our love to an end I’m feeling kind of lost I’m feeling so alone I’m dying deep inside But nobody knows

Loneliness in the heart can bring you pain Until that day you find love again Loneliness in the heart can bring you pain Until that day you find love again

At night I sit and think About the things we used to do It puts a smile on my face To see pictures of me and you But my fingers start to shake A shiver races down my spine And I try to run away But there’s no where I can hide My cries for help are there But trapped inside my soul Emotions locked behind a stare But nobody knows

Loneliness in the heart can bring you pain Until that day you find love again Loneliness in the heart can bring you pain Until that day you find love again

Longing for your kiss Your smile and your laugh All these things I really miss Without you hear I’m only half Tears fill my eyes Where your beauty once was Now my eyes can only see The sadness of lost love

April, 2001

When it rains it pours. That's how the old saying goes I guess. They say when you relocate to a place where you've never been and where people don't know of your existance, you can change your self image within a day or two. Will I find myself in Pittsburgh? Or will I be drowned in the river of utter pitty and gloom I've formed for myself when my heart was shattered to a million tiny pieces?

Drops of Jupiter

by Train

Now that she's back in the atmosphere With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey She acts like summer and walks like rain Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey Since the return from her stay on the moon She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star One without a permanent scar And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day And head back to the Milky Way And tell me, did Venus blow your mind Was it everything you wanted to find And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day And head back toward the Milky Way

April, 2001

Moving on is probably the best thing I've felt this year. I saved someone's life...and she indeed saved mine. So here's to all the women out there who have been played...MOVE ON AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELVES!

Get Over Yourself Good-bye

Eden's Crush

Yeah I was right there - like the "littlewife" I was everything that you need - always in line I was living you-loving you-filling your desires But that was then-this is now-look me in the eyes Oh oh oh oh - if love could choose sides Oh oh oh oh - it's taken mine (so)

Get over yourself-goodbye It must be hard to be you -yeah Living in your life I was always the one to cry Now everything-everything-everything is all right Get over yourself-know why Cause without you see i do anything i like Sometimes i stay out all night And everything -everything-everything is all right

This just can't be it i kept telling myself And every magazine said was me was on the shelf I was givin out giving in giving way my dreams While you put it in put me down now i found my self esteem and

Oh oh oh oh you won't get me back Oh oh oh oh think i overact (well)

Chorus

So now you wanna talk Say let's do it just once more for luck Like old times make up Better yet just forget better get over yourself

So stay in touch When you learn a few things about love Until then wake up Better yet better get better get over yourself

Get over yourself goodbye It must be hard to be you yeah Living in your life I was always the one to cry Now everything everything everything is all right

Get over yourself know why Cause without you see i do anything i like Sometimes i stay out all night And everything everything everything is all right

May, 2001

Life is funny sometimes. Oh who am I kidding? Life is funny all the damn time! Sometimes I make so many decisions on a whim and later I learn from the outcome. So what does it mean when my heart finally does start listening to my brain?

Seventeen Again

By Eurythmics

Yay though we venture through The Valley of the stars You and all your jewelry And my bleeding heart

Who couldn't be together And who could not be apart

We should’ve jumped out Of that airplane after all Flying skyways overhead It wasn’t hard to fall

And I had so many crashes That I couldn't feel At all...

And it feels like I’m seventeen again Feels like I’m seventeen

Times might break you God forsake you Leave you burned and bruised Innocence will teach you What it feels like to be used

Thought that you’d done everything You didn’t have a clue

And it feels like I’m seventeen again Feels like I’m seventeen

Looking from the outside in Some things never change

Hey hey I'm a million miles away Funny how it seems like yesterday ...

All those fake celebrities And all those viscous queens All the stupid papers And the stupid magazines

Sweet dreams are made of anything That gets you in the scene

And it feels like I’m seventeen again Feels like I’m seventeen

Sweet dreams are made of this Who am I to disagree I travel the world and the seven seas Everybody's looking for something

June, 2001

Mistakes. I've made so many of them. And yet the biggest mistake of them all is my constant dwelling on all of them. I know I should just walk away only taking with me the lessons I have learned. Sometimes, the pain comes along with the lessons.

Just Walk Away Renee

By The Four Tops

And when I see the sign that points one way The lot we used to pass by everyday

Just walk away Renee You won't see me follow you back home The empty sidewalks on My block are not the same You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears I'm forced to cry From deep inside the pain I chose to hide

Just walk away Renee You won't see me follow you back home Now as the rain beats down Upon my weary heart For me it cries

Just walk away Renee You won't see me follow you back home The empty sidewalks on My block are not the same You're not to blame

Just walk away Renee You won't see me follow you back home Now as the rain beats down Upon my weary heart For me it cries

June, 2001

What do people mean when they say they're taking a relationship slow? I mean, how slow is slow anyway? Can slow mean they won't have any physical relations but they can still hold hands? Does it mean they will have physical relations and do all the stuff people do in relationships but still don't know what to call it? I don't know. I can't say for sure, but I know this much is true: I'm happy. Everytime I realize just how I feel I get these feelings. And then I realize just how jittery I get when I see him. And I get a little strange. But the difference this time is that I just don't care. He likes me anyway...

Please Forgive Me

By David Gray

Please forgive me If I act alittle strange For I know not what I do. Feels like lightning running through my veins Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you

Help me out here All my words are falling short And there's so much I want to say Want to tell you just how good it feels When you look at me that way When you look at me that way

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow Moving out across the bay Like a stone I fall into your eyes Deep into some mystery Deep into that mystery

I got half a mind to scream out loud I got half a mind to die So I won't ever have to lose you girl Won't ever have to say goodbye I won't ever have to lie Won't ever have to say goodbye

Yeah na na na na Yeah na na na na

Please forgive me If I act alittle strange For I know not what I do It's like my head is filled with lightning girl

Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you

July, 2001

..."This isn't opera, this is life, why should love always be tragic? Burn this."

From the play "Burn This" by Landford Wilson.

I'm On Fire

By Bruce Springstien

Hey little girl is your daddy home Did he go away and leave you all alone I got a bad desire I'm on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you Can he do to you the things that I do I can take you higher I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the middle of my head

Only you can cool my desire

I'm on fire

August, 2001

When you love someone completely, you figure in your heart there are no strings attached. So why is it that when I love someone completely, I feel the strings around my heart twitch?

And You Thought I Was Joking

Color Theory

Penny for my thoughts. Make a wish and toss it down into the well, but the well’s run dry. Every thought evaporates on my tongue. Promised I’d try to show you what I feel inside. I keep to myself because there’s nothing left. Nothing really there to hide or confide.

This is something I have to do. Maybe not thought provoking, but it’s just what I promised you. And you thought I was joking.

This is my life, but someone else’s diary. Edited out. Factual and dry. Sterilized for public view. Nothing new.

This is something I have to do. Maybe not thought provoking, but it’s just what I promised you and you thought I was joking.

Still I hold hope inside that someday my words will run free. To play out my part in something bigger than me. Bigger than me.

This is something I had to do. Maybe not thought provoking, but it’s just what I promised you. And you thought I was joking.