1. You can't watch "The Jetsons:
withou laughing for three hours straight whenever Rosie the robot calls
George "Mr. J."
2. You can't watch "Star
Wars" because of Mark Hamill.
3. You get turned on by
Danny Elfman's high-pitched giggle.
4. Jack Nicholson makes
5. Your makeout song is
Oingo Boingo's "Clowns of Death"
6. You watch "Fired Up"
every week just because Arleen works on it.
7. You watch "Fraiser" every
week just because Arleen's husband works on it.
8. You have the cover of
"The Killing Joke" in a frame with little hearts around it. Bonus points
if you kiss it at least once a day.
9. You wtire increasingly
insistant letters to the producers of "Days of our Lives" asking when they're
going to bring Calliope back.
10. You can't go in a certain
aisle in the gorcery store because pudding reduces you to insane giggles.
11. You think John de Lancie
is the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita.
12. You find Kefka overwhelmingly
attractive because he reminds you of both Mr. J. and of Q.
13. You've ever sent a death
threat to Tim Burton because of what he did to your puddin'.
14. Jerry Hall makes you
15. You can't watch anything
with Alicia Silverstone merely on the basis of her first name.
16. When, in the movie "Spawn",
John Leguizamo says "So I suck as a clown. Bite me," you wanted to take
him up on that offer.
17. You know who the "Bad
Boys of Fun" are/were/whatever.
18. You've scientifically
figured out how old Harley would have to be in a B5 movie.
19. You know that Calliope's
favorite drink was strawberry soda.
20. You think that Julie
Taymor would be a true genius if it weren't for that rats-ass boyfriend
21. You can't order Caesar
salad for a reason that has nothing to do with either raw egg or sardines.
10. When your thinking of ways to make your
outfit a little less tight in your male area.
9. You drop acid and things
make more sense than before.
8. While your family is
saying grace, you chant " Paul Dini" methodically.
7. When trying to live out
your fantasy with your girlfriend, you want to be Joker and Harley.
6. You reach multiple orgasm
when Joker does the handbuzzer scene in the first Batman flick.
5. When you ask your brother
to dress up as Joker instead of Superman this time.
4. You got rid of those
pesky 'books' to make way for every single copy of Mad Love, Batman Adventures,
and any other book she appeared in.
3. You close your eyes and
moan when your dad's kicking your @$$.
2. Your neighbors keep asking
your large dogs to stop eating theirs.
1. Harleyite, oh no, I am
by Bob, Lord of Evil
10. Red, Black and White are strangly compeling
9. You have a Harley Home
8. You tend to annonce your
actions "sneak sneak sneak"
7. Every time you get into
somebody's car you look in the glove box "It's amazing what you can find
in other peoples glove compartments"
6. You think that blonde
hair in pig-tails is "cool"
5. When people ask who your
favorite Batman character is you spen 30 mins explaing Harley's History
4. You take pride in your
Harley doll that everyone else calls "a lump of plastic"
3. You have heated arguments
with you friends about whether or not Harley and Ivy are lovers
2. You have heated arguments
with friends as to who should play Harley in the 5th Batman film
1. You are a guy and yet
you still go to a fancy dress as Harley Quinn
10. You are planning to make your own harley
outfit for halloween and can't even sew
9. Suddenly "The Color Purple"
takes on a whole new meaning
8. You begin to find humour
in the most boring of college lectures
7. You begin to find humour
in starting fights amongst your family and friends and then gracefully
steppng out of them that they might more easily tear into each other
6. You begin to find humour
in LIFE and the way we live it as a whole
5. You just had to buy that
one "Wonder Woman" issue because HE was in it.....
4. You begin to day dream
about going to gotham and auctioning off information on Batman to the highest
bidder in a purple suit.
3. You write stories naming
yourself as the Joker's love-child
2. You find yourself drawn
to tall thin men just because you "love their smile"
and the number one reason
to suspect yourself of Harleitism........
1.You start making lists
like this one
by Josephine Kerr
1. You have an urge to dye your hair green or
2. You wish to take a class
on psychology just so you can figure out Joker's psychosis.
3. You've suddenly developed
a hatred for fish.
4. You can't pick up a playing
card without having an impulse to throw it.
5. Your smile seems to get
bigger with each passing day.
6. Your Halloween costume
has yet to change from either a purple clown suit or a red and black tight
7. Whenever you laugh, you
tilt your head back and let out this obnoxiously, loud laughter that even
the dead can hear.
8. At school, college, or
work, you suddenly scream out, "I've gotta get out of Arkham!"
9. After watching World's
Finest for the 500th time, you still crawl into a fetal position and repeat,
"He's not dead, he's not dead, he can't be dead."
10. You buy only the comic
books that Joker or Harley is in.
11. You feel an intense
fear whenever someone mentions the word, "Bat."
12. You call your enemies
the dork knight or the caped clod.
13. You hate water even
though you're an expert swimmer before you saw the "Laughing Fish."
14. You have all the tapes
on BTAS where Joker or Harley make appearances. Even brief cameos.
15. You stop speaking for
ten years just to prove to the world that youre the true Joker fan.
16. You start hating birds.
(Robins in particular)
17. You dress continually
in purple, red, or black.
18. You stay away from the
sun in order to get that lovely pale complexion.
19. You start hating humanity.
20. You take up chemistry
in order to replicate the Joker venom.
21. Your dreams are haunted
by guess who?
22. When reading a book
or watching a show, you start wondering who best represents the Joker or
23. In any situation you
ask yourself, W.W.J.D. or what would Joker do?
24. You blacken the areas
around your eyes for no apparent reason other then it's the new fad.
25. You tell everyone that
you're the greatest criminal the world has ever seen. Then destroy anyone
who dares to oppose you.
26. The question that's
been on your mind is not when the world will end, but when will Joker finally
kill off that stupid pointy-eared rodent?
27. Your 1989 movie of Batman
has convenient rewinded scratch marks on the parts with Batman and has
been focused on the scene where Joker repaints the art museum.
28. At the end of that movie
where they show Joker's dead body, you cry softly and need to leave the
29. You make a webpage dedicated
to the Joker, Harley, etc.
30. You make up lists like
this one then realize that you're telling about your lifestyle.
31. If you don't see Joker,
hear Harley, or read about either of them, something snaps in your mind
and you won't recover for days.
32. You avoid anyone named
Bruce, Dick, or Alfred.
33. You start rolling your
34. You've managed to turn
cheating at Poker into an art form.
35. You start a murderous
rampage just to get publicity.
36. You start having an
insane attraction towards clowns.
37. You laugh at everything
and nothing, and sometimes forget to breathe while doing it.
38. You start dating guys
who have been labeled as "Maniacs."
39. You listen to the Batman
soundtrack night and day just to hear Joker's voice.
40. While you were listening
to the c.d. in your car, you accidently hit a school bus while trying to
rewind it to "Partyman."
41. You let the officer
listen to the c.d. and say that it's your reason for hitting the bus.
41. The officer believed
42. You managed to convert
the officer to the Joker.
43. You create fan fiction
or poetry dedicated to the Batman's most famous and infamous foe.
1)Your alltime favorite song is "Stuck in the
Middle" by Steelers Wheels just because it mention clowns and jokers on
the same line
2)You will only play cards
if the jokers are left in
3)You rate the team at Warners
above Van Gough or Piccaso
4)On you wedding day you
where a Harley T-Shirt under your tux/Dress
5)Your weekly make up bill
exceeds your food bill
6)You support any sports
team whos colours are red/black, as long as the game is violent
7)You've checked with the
local dog clubs to see if any Hyena pups are for sale
8)You've already spent a
fair portion of your life contemplating what a child of Harley and Joker
would look like
9)Your best friend is a
10)You can see the funny
side of EVERYTHING!
1) You count down the seconds to the day that
your local comic book store receives a new issue of Gotham Adventures,
praying that it features Harley or the Joker in some way.
2) You are currently counting
down the seconds to the day that the issue with mainstream Harley arrives
3) You e-mail every editor
in DC, demanding a Harley cameo appearance
4) As a introductory speech
for your Speech class, you are Harley introducing the Joker (a la "the
5) You have a Joker poster
on your ceiling strategically place over your bed, so it would be the last
thing you see when you close your eyes.
6) You feel miserable if
you miss any Harley episodes or happen to catch one in the middle
7) When you start thinking
about every guy you've had a crush on, you find that in some way, they
reminded you of the Joker.
8) You start thinking to
yourself "I would get it on with Harley", and you're female (not that there's
anything wrong with that;))
9) You call your male friends
10) You keep calling them
this even though they hate it
11) You tell one of them
that you two would make the "perfect couple" because you're 5"3' and he's
12) You tell him, "I am
your Harley Quinn!"
13) Then you scowl at him
when he tells you the Joker is a loser
14) Then you beat him up
when he tells you the Joker is gay
15) When you first meet
someone, you ask them, "Do you like Harley Quinn?"
16) You inform these people
when they have no idea what you are talking about.
17) You are in the process
of personalizing everything and making it Joker/Harley related
18) The cover of your sketchbook
has a big heart with a picture of the Joker in the middle
19) Your idols--Jack Nicholson
and Mark Hamill
20) You flirted with the
guy at the comic book store because he reminded you of a young Mark Hamill.
21) You flirted with a guy
at school because he reminded you of a red-headed Jack Nicholson.
22) To you, getting a copy
of Mad Love was more important than going to the 7th game of the World
23) You write a letter to
Warner Brothers, asking when they will put Harley on Batamn Beyond
24) You get (or try to get)
every comic that has a cameo appearance by the Joker
25) You start thinking that
EVERYTHING would be made better by a cameo appearance by the Joker and
Harley (from "The Simpsons" to "Dawson's Creek")
26) You shudder when you
envision a world without either of them
27) You would love nothing
more than to get the Joker car being raced at the Nascar 500.
28) You would rather have
Joker/Harley marathons than go "clubbing" with your friends.
29) Your friends think you're
hopeless for loving people that aren't even real
30) You beat them up for
mentioning it (..."but they're real to ME!")
31) Not a day goes by that
you do not look into the Joker: Devil's Advocate book, because you feel
that that book shows the Joker at his sexiest.
32) You start classifying
people you know as if they were Batman characters (you're Harley, your
tall friend/crush is Joker, your equally cute friend with slicked back
hair the Riddler, the fat guy you hate the Penguin, etc.)
33) You're saving $$ for
a trip to LA just so you can visit the comic book stores that might have
goodies you don't already own.
34) You think you've run
out of ideas for this list, then discover you have 15 more.
35) You end this list because
the Superman portion of the show is over and you race to see whether Harley's
in it today.
by Harley Moon
10: the first signs of being a Harleyite generally
consist of becoming intrigued to more so than is normal with the Clown
Prince of Crime.
9: Next, a search for a
way to love or revere this God of Gods in a kind, loveable form i.e. Harley!
8: A religious watching
of any and all shows in which the Joker and Harley appear. The viewer attempting
to mimic their idol or his woman to gain access to their relam.
7: Subject begins to identify
him/herself with the image of Joker or Harley. This may be by adopting
a personality similar to their idol, dressing for the personality, making
choices based upon what their idol would choose, and even going so far
as to take on the name or create a new one that mirrors the desires of
the idol chosen by our subject.
6: Next, the subject obsessively
obtains an ever increasing supply of parphanelia..what the subject can't
buy he/she makes him/herself.
5: The created image is
complete and the subject prepares to take on this identity by forcing others
to see him/her as the chosen idol.
4: Extreme obsessive stage
in which the subject relates any and all incoming sensory information to
the idol in some way...ranging from "That cloud looks like Joker's face.
It must be a sign!" to "This song reminds me of Harley in Mad Love when
she gets pushed out the window."
3: A costume is created,
a tattoo is obtained, or some other way of completely taking on the new
2: Props are obtained to
accompany new role i.e. masks, giant mallets, Charile Chaplin posters,
cyanide, card deck of all Jokers, ect.
1: New personality is fully
in control. Person still is now a full fledged Harleite with a newly adapted
personality fit for working alongside, or actually becoming, or being an
apostle of the Joker and/or Harley.
1: Yer favorite
sandwich is a cheese sandwich.
2: You cry when
you see the end of Worlds Finest.
3: Bats and robins
are the only animals that scare you.
4: Your favorite
colors are black, red, and green
5: You either died
yer hair blonde or you are a blonde.
6: You frame all
7: You hate all
motor cycles except harleys.
8: You get crushes
on guys with green hair.
9: You beg the pet
stores to sell heynas.
10: You've made
your own harley costume.
11: Pudding is your
12: You hate the
names Bruce, Dick, Barbra Tim, Clark, and Lex.
13: You call al
guys Mistah and the first letter of their first name.
14: You go to the
circus just to see the clowns.
Compiled by Harley's
TO THE HAVEN