Y 2 K CRISIS

Script

(Two chairs placed side-by-side. Paul and Sue slump down and lean into each other to give the impression that they are sleeping in bed. A light blanket is used to cover them.)

     Paul:
Sue?

     Sue:
Yea?

     Paul:
Are you awake?

     Sue:
I didn’t sleep all night.

     Paul:
Neither did I.

     Sue:
Paul, I’m scared.

     Paul:
Yea, so am I.

     Sue:
It’s getting hard to breath under here. (Pause) Paul?

     Paul:
I guess I better go out and take a look around.

     Sue:
No, Paul, it’s too dangerous.

     Paul:
Sue, we can’t stay under here forever. I’m just going to take a little peek. If anything’s wrong, I’ll come right back.

     Sue (nervous):
All right, but be careful.

(Paul comes out from under the cover. Looks to imaginary window.)

     Sue:
What do you see?

     Paul:
It’s bright.

     Sue:
Bright?

     Paul:
Yes, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that dawn is approaching.

     Sue:
I don’t believe it.

     Paul:
Come up and see for yourself.

     Sue:
Are you sure?

     Paul:
Yea. Come on.

     Sue:
All right. Here I come.

(Sue comes out from under the covers. She looks toward the imaginary window.)

     Paul:
See. I told you it's bright.

     Sue (with wonder):
It is. Do you think sun may actually come up over the horizon?

     Paul:
I’m not sure. It always has before. Maybe it’ll do it again.

     Sue:
But that was before …Oh! Oh, look, it is the sun!

     Paul:
What a beautiful sight!

     Sue:
Do you see the cows, Paul? Are the cows still there?

     Paul:
Well … Yes -- yes, I see them! I can see movement up on the hill. The cattle are still grazing.

     Sue:
They’re alive! Thank God, the cows are still alive!

     Paul:
I wonder if the electricity is on?

     Sue:
Do you think it’s possible?

     Paul:
We can only try. Where’s the remote.

     Sue:
Here, I got it. (Uses remote.)

In Unicon: Ahhh! It’s the channel seven news!

(At this point, the actors playing the part of Paul and Sue may observe 2 other actors playing the part of the reporters, or they may (as I have written) play the part of the reporters themselves, speaking through wireless mics from under the blanket. During the report, the blanket shakes continuously. Once or twice, each performer may peek out at the imaginary TV, then duck back under the covers while the other actor speaks from under the blanket.)

     Sue (as reporter Sarah):
Well everyone, we have been warning you about this day for years and today the long anticipated Y2K bug has finally struck, and it has struck with a vengeance. We have been receiving shocking reports from all over the country in the aftermath of this horrible catastrophe. The most frequent complaint that we have heard so far are from people who woke up this morning only to discover that their coffee machine did not work. David Whitefoot is on hand with a live report of individuals reaction to the deadly Y2K onslaught!

     Paul (as reporter Dave):
Sarah, people all over the city were suddenly gripped with fear when they awoken this morning to find that there was no coffee ready to drink. Many people could not function without their usual caffeine buzz. So, some cranky people decided to take matters into their own hands. I’m standing in front of the Duncan Donuts on the corner of First and Main, and as you can see, behind me it is a scene of sheer pandemonium. Starting at approximately 6 AM an unexpected run began on this donut establishment -- a virtual tidal wave of human bodies came crashing through these doors -- and left in its wake -- a real mess for somebody to clean.

     Sue:
Were you able to talk to the owner?

     Paul:
I couldn’t talk to him directly, because he was too busy dealing with the crisis at hand, but I’ve been told by a reliable source that the owner and his family are OK -- for now. They just wish they could have had some advance warning to stock up additional supplies.

     Sue:
How long do you think the people can hold out, Dave?

     Paul:
That’s hard to say. Everyone here has been pushed to the limits of their endurance. I’m afraid that they won’t be able to hold out much longer, especially if the coffee supply fails.

     Sue:
Our thoughts and prayers go out to them all. Have you heard any reports of people having problems with other home appliances besides the coffee machines?

     Paul:
Yes. One man told me of a frightening experience he had this morning when the timer in his microwave oven failed, undoubtedly due to a non-compliant microchip.

     Sue:
Is he all right?

     Paul:
Yes, fortunately it was only his bacon that suffered. Evidently, he left the appliance unattended for a few minutes and when he returned his bacon was burnt to a crisp.

     Sue (pops up and click the TV off):
Ahhh, I can’t stand it anymore! The Y2K bug is everywhere. There’s no running away from it. Oh, Paul, what are we going to do?

     Paul (ponderouly looking out the window):
Do?… Do like the cows.…

     Sue:
What?

     Paul:
The cows. They don’t seem to be concerned about any of this. Maybe this Y2K thing will pass.

     Sue:
Didn’t you hear, Paul? If I go down to the kitchen, it could be my bacon that gets burnt!

     Paul:
Sue, we can’t stay in this bed forever, besides, I’m getting hungry.

     Sue:
It’s just like you to think about your stomach. My kitchen could attack me at any time and all can think of is food.

     Paul:
Well, aren’t you getting alittle hungry?

     Sue:
Yes, but ... let’s just order out for some pizza, please?

     Paul:
No, Sue, we have to face up to this. It may not be as bad as we think. Just watching the cattle up there -- so serene -- kind of gives me some reassurance.

     Sue:
Why?

     Paul:
Well look at them. They don’t have a care.

     Sue:
Paul, those are dumb animals. We are intelligent thinking people. (Pulls blanket over her head. Speaking with a high-pitched frantic voice) I’m not coming out until you get all those dangerous appliances out of my house!

     Paul:
Aw, this is getting ridiculous. Come on, honey, if it’s just a few home appliances, I’m sure we can deal with that. (Stands)

     Sue:
Didn’t you hear what they said on the news? The Y2K bug is right here in our house. I want you to get rid of it, now!

     Paul:
Get rid of what? (Pause) You know, my grandfather survived the trenches in World War 1. He was severely injured and lived the better part of his life with a metal plate in his head. He also survived the great depression, living in a partially built house for years with no steady employment, a wife and five kids depending on him, sometimes not knowing were the next meal would come. I wonder how he would have managed through this Y2K crisis? You know, I’ll bet in his mind, this problem would have seemed pretty small. Then again, maybe fear works the same in everyone. Maybe the scary part is anticipating and worrying about an impending problem rather than dealing with the actual problem when it does come ... if it come at all ... (a revelation) which they usually don’t! (Dramatically pulls off sheet) Sue!

     Sue (feeling naked):
What are you doing?

     Paul (bombastically):
Woman, you and I are going to go down stairs and face the microwave oven together.

     Sue:
But, Paul, what if it doesn’t work?

     Paul:
Well, ah ... then we’ll …we’ll cook on the stove.

     Sue:
We’ll! What do you mean -- we’ll?

     Paul (sits, picks up phone):
All right, where’s the number for Pizza Palace?