HELLO IT'S GOD

Stage Setting

A table is set up to look like a kitchen. There are several utinsals, including a frying pan, spatula or fork, apron, and a telephone.  

(Clown 1 enters carrying bags of groceries. She pushes the button on her answering machine and begins to pull out items from the bags. (Beep) "Clown 1, this is your mother. Give me a call." (Beep) "Hi,Clown 1, this is Helen. I just wanted to remind you that the Sunday School Leadership Meeting is this Thursday. I'll see you then. Bye." (Beep) "Hello,Clown 1, this is God." (Turns suddenly and stares at the machine) "I know you're grocery shopping right now, I'll call back at 4:00." (Beep)

    Clown 1 (nervously):
God? Why would He be calling me? What have I done wrong? It must be something awful. (Looks at watch) 4:00! Oh my goodness, He's going to be calling back any minute. What am I going to do? I've got to think. Now why would God want to talk to me? I've been going to church. I gave my tithe this week. I've been getting along with everyone just fine. No family problems. Things couldn't be better. What did I do wrong? There must be something. (Looks at watch) It's past 4:00. (Relieved) It must have been a prank call. I better get this meat cooked before John gets home.

(Starts working at preparing the evening meal. Phone rings.)

    Clown 1:
Hello?

     God:
Clown1, your watch is two minutes fast.

    Clown1 (holds hand over phone):
It's Him! (Pause) Ahh, ahhh, can you hold please? (Pushes button to hold, reacts to phone like it's a bomb ready to explode) I'm in for it now. What am I going to do? I must have done something really bad. But what is it? (Pause) Better face up to it, Clown 1. You can't put God on hold forever. (Pause) Hello? (Nervous giggle.) Lord, is it really you?

     God:
It's really me, Clown 1.

    Clown1:
I'm sorry I put you on hold like that. What I mean is ... (Stirs meat) I'm really kind of busy right now, Lord.

     God:
Is that it, Clown 1?

    Clown1:
Well, actually -- to be perfectly honest, I guess -- maybe I'm -- you know -- a little bit nervous about talking to you.

     God:
Why?

    Clown1:
Why? (Pause) Well, ah, I don't know....

     God:
I've heard you talking to Helen. You're perfectly at ease, and open with her.

    Clown1:
Well, that's different, Lord. Helen is a good friend of mine.

     God:
What am I to you?

    Clown1:
You're -- you're my God.

     God:
Does that mean I can't be your friend too?

    Clown1:
Yes, of course you're my friend -- my very best friend, in fact. You gave me salvation -- picked me up when I was down -- gave me hope, love, joy, peace. Why, I owe everything to you, Lord.

     God:
You say you owe me everything? If you really valued our relationship so much -- you would want to talk to me.

    Clown1:
I do want to talk to you, Lord. (Pause) It's just that -- well -- everytime I start to pray, I remember all these other things that I need to do. I know this probably sounds like a pretty lame excuse to you, but I am an awful busy person you know.

     God:
When was the last time you told me you loved me, Clown1?

    Clown1 (pause):
Well ... I guess it's been awhile.

     God:
Take a guess.

    Clown1:
Ahhh, two -- three months?

     God:
Fifteen years.

    Clown1:
That long -- Really? But nothing's really changed, Lord. I loved you then, and I love you now.

     God:
You and ? ? have been married for ten years. How would you feel if ? ? didn't tell you that he loved you in ten years?

    Clown1 (pause):
Can you hold again please? (Hits the hold button) Oh, He's right! I never take the time. I put everything else before Him. (Starts stirring) Oh, this meat’s going to burn! The kids will be coming home soon. What am I going to do? God expects too much from me. I can't do everything! (Punches button, speaks angrily) Hello, God? (Pause, silence, softens her voice) Are you still there?

     God:
I've always been there for you, Clown1. I was there yesterday, when you were almost killed.

    Clown1 (shocked):
Killed? When?

     God:
While driving home last night.

    Clown1:
But I didn't get in an accident. As I remember, there wasn't even anyone else on the road.

     God:
I remember differently, Kathy, because I saw what you could not see. I saw the drunken man swerving down Whitmere road. I diverted him before he could get to you. I was there, Clown1. I've been there many times for you.

    Clown1:
I could have died -- last night? (Flustered) I have to put you on hold again, sorry. (Pushes hold button) Ohh, why do I keep doing that? What am I afraid of? God is my friend, not my enemy. He loves me and helps me. Why do I keep putting Him on hold? Oh no, the meat is totally ruined. But I don't care! I'm going to turn off this burner and order pizza if I have too, but I won't put God on hold any more. This is much too important. (Struggles to pick up phone) But what will I say? He knows that I've failed him. But still He wants to talk to me. (Pause) After all these years I've never really gotten to know Him. Where do I start? What do I say? (Smiles) That's what I said before my first date with John. We hardly talked to each other that whole evening. But it was enough just to be with the one I loved. (Pause) Maybe that's how God feels towards me. (Slowly picks up phone) Hello, God? (Pause) I love you....

     God:
I LOVE YOU.