Along the Road.......My story

I was brought up as an agnostic Unitarian with open mind, by a Moslem born father and a Jewish born mother. Somehow, whenever anyone asked of my religion, what always seemed to slip from my lips was that I leaned towards my Jewish roots. Probably because my dad taught me that the Moslem religion he was brought up in, degraded women. He didn't want the world to treat his daughter badly. It was interesting, after he died we found little Koran's in his desk, his gym bag, etc., which leads us to believe he was Agnostic and not an Atheist like he claimed.

I always wondered why I chose to be born to my Mom and Dad. I believe I chose them because they were highly educated, open minded, able to be devoted and level headed. They were from different worlds, born into different religions, but they loved each other and created a family. They saw beauty in the same things, family, nature, and especially music which are just different ways to express love and God's love on our planet and in our hearts.

I believe everyone desires and needs some kind of guidance in their life, and that is why my husband and I are raising our daughters in the Jewish faith, but with a mystical slant and open minds. The mystical part is my idea, of course, I think he is going along with this as long as it helps our children understand the universe and God. If we start going off the deep end, then he puts his foot down to ground us.

I have friends and family who have all seem to have chosen different paths to God. My sister has become a born-again Christian, my step-mom is spiritualist who believes in God, my mother is New age thinker who leans toward the Church of Religious Science, my Aunt is a Mystical Jew and my best friends are Catholic, Christian, Seventh Day Adventest and Mormon.

I have asked this question many times, "What is God's plan here? Why so many religions?" My answer is that God has provided many paths to his love and guidance. Some paths are better for some people than others. For instance, one who needs more structure in their life tends to "choose the wrong path" in their life or needs strict rules to keep them on the righteous path may be enlightened by being born as or becoming an Orthodox Jew, a Born-Again Christian, or a Shiite Moslem.

In the beginning of my spiritual awakening, the one thing that got me to start wondering about God, the universe, why we are here and the afterlife, is what I took from the Star Wars films (the last 3 episodes). I think I was 11 or 12 years old. I would say to my friends, "I think god is a force, there is good and there is evil, and you choose which path you take. But they always balance out, and in the absolute end, the people who were guided by evil are really just misguided by something. God is like a energy force through the universe, keeping it alive and full of love and beauty." So because I felt this way, I was pretty satisfied to believe in God, without any particular path.

It wasn't until my Grandmother passed on that I started to wonder about the hereafter. I was just graduating college and started my first professional job. I felt shook up, like the ground opened up and was trying to swallow me. Then I had a dream of her. I was sitting on the couch with the rest of my family and I was watching my grandma play cards with some people. She was wearing the most beautiful black sequence gown looking 30 years younger. She turned slowely and was smiling like I have never seen her smile. She came over gracefully and sat next to me on the couch. She told me I was very special to her and that if I went into her room, I would see many pictures of myself. Then she hugged me very tight and I hugged her back. I then woke up and sat up in my bed, I could still feel her hands on my back. I knew she was saying good-bye (for now). I checked with my Aunt, and she told me she loved playing cards and that I described her favorite dress.

I still wasn't convinced. But I kept this experience in the back of my mind. My next experience was when I was pregnant with my first child. I kept asking the universe, "Am I having a girl? Or a boy?" My friends and family were all telling me I was having a boy. Then, about my eigth month, I had a dream where my grandmother was sitting in the back of an empty auditorium and I was in the front. I turned around and saw her, she whispered "It's a girl, It's a girl". It wasn't until my baby was born that I found out she was right.

With my second child, I knew I was having a girl, but I was very scared about the delivery. One morning as I was awakening, I saw my grandma's face as a vision, she said it was going to be okay and that she would be with me. She was right, it was a swift labor, only 5 hours (compared with the first labor of 32 hours, 5 was a breeze.)

Not one month later, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I was at the hospital with my stepmom and we were both in shock. We believed he would pull through, but as he said many times in his life to me, "I am going to die when I am 65, and I hope it would be a quick death." Well, he got his wish. I have learned a whole lot since his death. We were very close and shared a lot together. I went to him for advise, for shelter, for love, for understanding, for good hugs, acceptance, and the words "I Love you Sweetheart." I can't tell you how much I miss him. I was in shock when I touched his hands after he passed on. A voice in my mind said, "that's not me, that's not me." I went home and took care of my baby, my older daughter, only four at the time, understood what was going on somehow. That night, I was looking at my daughters face (she was only one month old, and she lifted one of her eyebrows (eyes closed) and smiled. This was a trademark look of my father. Then I felt a cold breeze around my body and a tingle down my back and then all over. I sensed it was a sign from my dad. Then, when trying to sleep that night holding I had dream after vivid dream with my father telling me he loved me and he was okay. He showed me where he was, how happy he was, and that he was okay. I have been talking, walking and hugging him ever since.

At the beginning of my grieving period, my Aunt gave me a copy of an article written by Elizabeth Kublor-Ross, the subject was "Death and Dying". This article spoke to me somehow, and I went right out to by her book. I later found out that nurses and doctors are all assigned this book as curiculum. She came to be known as the "Doctor of Death" because she cared so much about the dying. What I took from her book is that dying people sometimes speak while they are dying and reach out to deceased loved ones up to days before their own final death.

The next book I read was the "Celestine Prophecy" series, all 4 of them. I began to notice the coincidences in my life and the power of my thoughts, and energy I sent out and sucked up. My whole life has been filled with emotions which I don't know the origin. I have been testing myself over the last 4 years and have noticed that I can pick up others feelings and emotions. The eye-opener was that for the first time, I realized that maybe I wasn't the cause of all of these picked up emotions I would pick up on from friends, family and co-workers.

By this time I was dreaming more lucidly and getting messages from of my friends deceased loved ones sending them messages. I was starting to know things before someone would tell me. I would dream I was walking hand in hand with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman down our block where we live at night, I was showing them the town. This went on for 3 nights. I told my sister Nikki, and she told me that they had been filming a couple of blocks away for the last 3 nights...I was flabbergasted.

I sometimes have (non-sexual) dreams which I feel last all night, visits with Bruce Sprigsteen or my deceased mother-in-law. Kind of like a long visit. My first dream with BRUCE (I am a long time fan, and his music has helped me survive some really bad times) included him telling me the tour (Born in the USA) was taking its' toll and that his marraige was not working, I took him for a walk on the beach. After that dream I realized two things, he wasn't happy and his marraige would end, and, he is just a normal person....I stopped being fanatical in life.

One of the most profound experience I have had is actually seeing apparitions. The first one I saw was my dad, leaning up against the wall with his arms and legs crossed, just watching me, my step-mom and her sister talking about him. I almost jumped out of my skin. But, I know what I saw. The second sould I saw was a beautiful woman with short blond hair walking through my livingroom, unaware of me completely. My friend was watching me as my jaw dropped. I told her all about what I saw. Later that night I found out on the news that I saw this apparition right about the time Lady Diana had passed on. This sent shivers down my spine. I trust that it was such a loss to humanity (or for many people) that her soul is very bright.

One last experience I would like to share with you was an auditory experience. One night as I was saying the "Shema" (Shema Israel, Adonoi, Elahanu, Adonoi El Hod). I felt like saying this over and over again for some unknown reason. After about 20 times, I suddenly heard thousands of angelic voices singing my prayer with me, all around me. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. This experience confirms for me that I am a Jew, and that is what God had intended for me in this lifetime.

Oops! I forgot a very moving spiritual experience I had before the death of my father. I was torn between staying at my current position or taking a new job in a boring industry, in a different capacity (I was an accountant, and this position was a MIS position). It meant a huge paycut, but, it also meant that I could leave work at 3-4pm and work at home. Because my daughter was only 2 yrs old, this was a huge factor in the decision. Anyway, I had to make up my mind and let the new company know by the next morning. That night in my restless sleep, I clearly remember waking up and being lifted up off of my bed towards the ceiling. I turned to the left upper corner of my bedroom, the lights were out. What I saw was a big bright white light which was glowing. My first inclination was to ask, "Who are you?". I said "Please don't tell me you are Jesus, because I am Jewish and I want to keep my family", and I felt myself kind of laughing to myself. The voice from the light was Male. He answered, "I am whoever you need me to be." I asked if he was here because I can't make up my mind what to do with the job. He said that was exactly why he was visiting me. I said, "Well? What should I do?" The voice said, "What do you think you should do?", "What does your gut say?". I told him that my gut said I should take the job. He concurred that was the correct path for me. I remember waking up back in my bed, the lights still off in the room, my husband still asleep. I figured out later through my readings that what I had was an OBE (Out-of-body Experience) combined with communication with an entity or messenger from beyond the veil. In the future I would have other experience like this, where my dad would tell me when a job offer was coming, and that even another offer would be coming. ALWAYS A CHOICE! It seems to me, that God always sets up a choice, it is up to us on whether to listen to our intuition and instincts, or, to flat out disregard them.