Answer all 100 questions and your score will appear at the end of the page. Special thanks to: The original purity test from whom we ripped this off.

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Note: a POS is a penguin of the opposite sex.

Have you ever:

1. Do you own more than one album by the Beegees? yes no

2. Been on a date with a penguin? yes no

3. Kissed a POS? yes no

4. Dated a blind penguin? yes no

5. Kissed a F****h person? yes no

6. Had an illicit affair with a dolphin? yes no

7. Viewed a pornographic movie with your pet sloth? yes no

8. Stolen -AD-'s handcuffs? yes no

9. Fondled a penguin's beak? yes no

10. Fondled a penguin's flipper(s)? yes no

11. Offered a penguin smooth round stones? yes no

12. Offered a penguin smooth round stones in exchange for deviant activities? yes no

13. Been offered smooth round stones in exchange for deviant activities? yes no

14. Accepted? yes no

15. Fed chili sauce to a donkey? yes no

16. Repeated yourself over and over and over, oblivious to the annoyance you were causing? yes no

17. Repeated yourself over and over and over, oblivious to the annoyance you were causing? yes no

18. Eaten four or more caffeinated mints in a 30 minute period? yes no

19. Been so caffeinated that you were clinically dead for at least five minutes? yes no

20. Purposely offended a member of the opposite shore by spelling a word "incorrectly" (eg - "colo(u)r")? yes no

21. Said "pigs"? yes no

22. Repeated yourself over and over and over, oblivious to the annoyance you were causing? yes no

23. Conciously crossposted to alt.accounting? yes no

24. Been to Sunny Morecambe? yes no

25. Fantasized about visiting Sunny Morecambe? yes no

26. Quoted Def Leppard? yes no

27. More than once? yes no

28. From memory? yes no

29. Eaten Pot Noodles? yes no

30. Enjoyed them? yes no

31. Created pornographic pictures involving penguins doing impure things with naked humans? yes no

32. Used Rooster-Shy sauce on a Twinkie? yes no

33. Sent in a junkmail form under a false alias? yes no

34. Repeated yourself over and over and over, oblivious to the annoyance you were causing? yes no

35. Threatened to start a war amongst the vegetable community? yes no

36. Followed through with the threat? yes no

37. Won? yes no

38. Purchased a Mi¢ro$oft product? yes no

39. Installed it? yes no

40. Correctly? yes no

41. Advised another person to use it as well? yes no

42.? yes no

43. Used an elephant gun? yes no

44. Used a wire brush? yes no

45. Used a rubber chicken? yes no

46. Used any combination of the above three? yes no

47. Flamed Si Zarco? yes no

48. Lived to tell about it? yes no

49. Brandished a cat-o-nine-tails? yes no

50. Sung praises of brussel sprouts? yes no

51. Used or have incited another to use decaf? yes no

52. Eaten pizza with anchovies? yes no

53. Corrected somebody's spelling by misspelling the word again? yes no

54. Done questionable things with a Hairy Ball? yes no

55. Attepted to seduce a Hairy Ball? yes no

56. Succeeded? yes no

57. Been propositioned by a Hairy Ball? yes no

58. Declined? yes no

59. Have watched 'S**nfeld'? yes no

60. Whilst naked? yes no

61. With a banananananana? yes no

62. Really? yes no

63. Have had your fortune told by Mr. Mystic Melon Head (TM)? yes no

64. Have made an important decision because of that fortune? yes no

65. Had Cybersex with someone named Bed? yes no

66. Enjoyed it? yes no

67. Had Cybersex with someone named -AD-? yes no

68. Were there camels involved? yes no

69. Had Cybersex with any of the lovely, talented, and quite possibly horny ladies of AAEN? yes no

70. We were excellent, weren't we? yes no

71. Had sex with a donkey while 9 penguins, a rubber chicken, a dolphin, 3 polar bears and a Giant two/three toed sloth, alternated between watching you and the porno on the V.C.R. of a very large Arizona mountain lion and a corncob? yes no

72. Sat on the wet patch on AD's couch? yes no

73. Added to the wet patch on AD's couch? yes no

74. Fantasized about wearing nothing but a rubber-chicken to the supermarket? yes no

75. Done it? yes no

76. Enjoyed it? yes no

77. Been caught by the police? yes no

78. Been caught by the fuzz? yes no

79. Ever seen Ratbat naked? yes no

80. Got any pictures? yes no

81. Want to swap for some candid pictures of AD in a rubber pope outfit? yes no

82. You have willfully, and with full knowledge of the implications, replied to someone with 'Say what?'. yes no

83. Say what? yes no

84. Do you start your day before 12 PM? yes no

85. Before 10 AM? yes no

86. Before 7 AM? yes no

87. Before sunrise? yes no

88. If someone sent you, say, a cupcake in the post, which they'd been sent by someone you don't know, who in turn had got it from somewhere-or-other, would you eat it? yes no

89. Do you have a tattoo? yes no

90. Is it covered up when you wear a Bra &/or Pants (underwear)? yes no

91. Have you got a body piercing that is hidden when wearing Bra &/or Pants? yes no

92. Were you conscious when you got it? yes no

93. Are you conscious now? yes no

94. Can you feel anything, well, wet and hard against your thigh? yes no

95. Do you hope it's a penguin? yes no

96. Do you hope it's something altogether far more interesting? yes no

97. Have you been to the toilet today? yes no

98. Did you notice the hidden camera? yes no

99. Have you ever licked Eileens face while she was being lead around wearing an orange blindfold? yes no

100. If so, was that your ears she was rubbing? (I know she hopes so!) yes no

Your score: