| Written: JULY 11, 2003 |
Dim is my outlook on life,
Chagrined I am at other’s happiness.
Seeking to drag down the winners I aspire,
While wishing to climb upwards the heap myself.
With mind wandering farther than my able arms
Intend to drag my rotting carcass of manhood;
If at all manhood I have reached or demonstrate.
Down this long road stumbling,
Sightlessly do I wander.
Or do I run with alacrity
Speeding with my eyes closed?
Is this at all real, for I cannot
Tell anymore, or do I know.
Falling many times, I get back up
Or was I just helped, did I fall?
Does it matter, it never lasts
Always disappearing to the mists
Of my shattered psyche.
Do I even care, perhaps not anymore.
Coming to the fork in the road
We turn a way not mapped.
Crawling to get away from the pain.
Like stomach maggots eating from inside
Our mind tears itself apart.
Screaming silence and no acknowledgement
To my orbs, disallowing visions of light.
So I look with whitened, unseeing eyes
To the great depths of the world.
But can the mysteries encountered
Ever be as deep in meaning as
The hole in my chest has become?
I seek not even to try fill this
Instead sitting, swinging my feet over
The precipice, longing for the flight.
Returning me to the emptiness I
Was birthed from, to the darkness.
