How does one write a letter telling someone, "Hi,
we've never met, but I'm your sister"? This is what
happened when I tried to write my letter to Sandy. I
don't know how many times I had to start over and
would tear the letter up. I finally did finish one,
and sent it on it's way. Praying somehow she would
accept me. Later, I learned she was so shocked and
excited to receive such a letter. She also didn't
have an idea what had happened to the rest of the
family. Ron and Sandy were put into two different
foster homes. That is were they stayed and were
raised. Debbie we found out later also, was adopted.
The law stated then, and may still be this way now,
that adopted siblings may look and get in contact
with other siblings if they have not already been
adopted out. But they can't find the adopted
siblings. When searching for Debbie, I could only
leave word in her adoption files that I was looking
for her. It would be up to her to contact me.
Sandy and I wrote quite often. Learning more and
more of the past. While she was over seas, I met her
foster mom and foster sister. They would keep me up
to date as when Sandy and her family would be flying
home. When that time came, Sandy didn't let me know
of their plans to come home. She wanted to get
settled at home before meeting me. Little did she
know that I already knew when her flight was coming
in. I took my two youngest at that time to the
airport with me. I arranged it with her foster
sister to come with me to the airport. Sandy thought
only her foster sister would be there to greet her.
Being I didn't know what Sandy looked like, her
foster sister had to point her out to me. She
(Sandy)
saw
her foster sister first, and then I stepped up to
her. If you have ever seen any of the reunions on TV
of siblings meeting for the first time, well that was
the same picture taking place at the airport. Not a
dry tear in the house. After getting all the luggage
taken care of, we proceded to her foster mom's home.
There we were able to catch up on many things.
I realized there are many details being left out in this story, so just bare with me.
My biological mother lived in Minneapolis also. I got her address from Ron. I tried the same tactics of meeting her as I used with my biological dad. Boy did that back fire. When I finally parked the car in front of her door, after driving back and forth many times in front of it, I knocked on her door. After I mentioned who I was, she blankly said "not now, please go away". I didn't understand it at the time, but her husband was just coming home from work. She didn't want to deal with me just now. At first I felt rejected all over again. Feeling not wanted. So I respectfully left. Crying, but not for her to see.
I called my brother Kim in Denver. I asked him what he thought if I would be able to get information on finding our real parents. I hadn't mentioned that I already did, and also found two members of our family, Ron and Sandy. He answered. "I could care less about finding them (our parents), but would like to find out where our brother and sisters were" Remember now, our adoption was NEVER talked about. So to my surprised, Kim knew about them. Later on, I found out that the relatives I grew up with, knew about them! I must of either been to young to remember them or blanked them out of my life. I went on to tell Kim that I had found them all but Debbie. After Sandy had settled down to being back in the U.S.A., we arranged between Ron and Kim, that the two of them would fly to Minnesota for a long over due reunion............
My husband Daryl and went first to the airport to get Kim. On a later flight Ron flew in....oh my, did the two brothers ever hug each other when they first encountered each other. Somewhere is all the excitement, I did too. We had arranged to meet with Sandy and her husband to come to our home and then all of us would go out for dinner. Never before has my feeling of being lost, and a empty hole being filled, finally was coming to a end. I could'nt get over the fact that during dinner, how two guys that have been apart from one another for more than 25 years, how much their body language and the way they talked were so much alike. Now some 16 years after meeting Ron, Kim and Ron are both single, lead the same type of life style and are both now living in Florida. Sandy now resides still in Minneapolis.....but one thing wasn't finished....finding our little sister Deb.
I tried contacting the adoption agency, but they said the only thing they could do is put a note in her files saying I was looking for her and it was up to her to find us. I had no clue where she was.
I still recall the day the phone rang and I answered it. After a brief silence on the other end, this young lady said that her name was Debbie. That she was looking into her adoption. She was in the army and was stationed in Germany and home on leave. She agreed to meet with me and have lunch....hehe, always eating...I drove to a drop off point in Minneapolis to pick her up. During dinner she admitted she was to young to even know or remember that there was a possiblity of having siblilings. She was raised by an older couple near Willmer, MN. She also had an adopted brother...she seemed hesitate to talk much about anything. I guess I was more excited than she was about everything. Our lunch date wasn't very long so I returned her to Fort Snelling where she was going to work for awhile and then later be transfered to Michigan. Sandy met her at a different date. A few months later Kim flew home again and we were able to get together with Debbie and go to the fire works at the State Fair grounds. Sandy wasn't with, because her and her husband had gone back to Saudi. I did get a chance to meet Debbie's parents but only briefly. Her mom was ill and didn't want company. My parents in fact spent a weekend with Sandy, as Aaron and her drove up to Babbitt to meet them. To this day, all five of us has met one another, but not once have all of us been together at the same time. I still hope for that, but over the years we find that each of us has gone our own way. Finding out because of the years lost, that we are not as close as I wish we would be. Sandy and I keep in touch once in a while and only live now about 35 miles from each other. Debbie is only about 45 miles. She has been married and divorced now, and has two young children of her own. Ron has married and divorced four times, with no children. Kim remains single.
I started out looking for a way to fill a empty hole and part of that was filled. The close relationship of brothers and sisters may not always be there as I wanted, but through it all the good Lord substained me. I have been able to tell of my faith to my siblings and hopefully they see Christ in me. Not every reunion will turn out the way one wants, but that is life. One has to move on. It is the direction one choices that make all the difference. In my case I have had support from my husband and children. They have seen many tears fall from me when it came to all of this over the years. I admit I am not perfect, no one but Christ is. But just knowing the love that Christ has for us all, then we truly are ONE family.
In the year 1992 my biological mother's husband step off a curb and was killed by a 17 year old drunk driver. My sister Sandy and I attended his funeral. Before the funeral we were in the lady's room. Other lady's were in there and we introduced ourselves to them. They were the daughters of our mother's husband. They had no idea we even exsisted. Talk about one awkward moment. My biological mother has since moved to California. I haven't seen her since.
As of the year 1993, we have six children. Lost two in bad miscarriages. Have built a small house in Monticello. Have two grand daughters from our son who has been married and divorced. Another grandchild is due in September from our eldest daughter and her husband. I work at the local school district in the lunch programs. My husband works at a golf coarse.
In the year 1992 I moved my adopted parents to the town I now live in as they could no longer take care of themselves very well. Mom ended up in the local nursing home a few months after living here. Dad followed a couple years later. They were able to live together in the same room at the nursing home. Mom passed away in 1997 and dad died in 1999. I miss them both dearly. Knowing they are both in a much better home with the Lord helps my loneliness.
I ask for no pity in my story. Only to let you know how Jesus has been with me everyday so I may tell you my story. God Bless you daily.
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