About Our Churches
"Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited -- until you try
to get into their pew." [George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee]
"The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the
fly comes close." [Mark Twain]
"Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats,
then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
[Fred Allen]
"Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't
belong." [Msgr. Joseph P. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania]
"If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for
the one it has." [Rev. Robert E. Harris]
"A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The
Promises" are just sitting on the premises." [Sr. Monique Rysavy]
"We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers." [Donna Maddux,
Stillwater,Oklahoma]
"Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be
up all night anyway." [Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio]
"I don't know why some people change churches - what difference
does it make which one you stay home from?" [Rev. Denny Brake]
"Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I
discovered I was not God." [Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]
"If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you
should consider running for a job in Washington." [Anonymous]
"To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human."
[John Nadeau, Medford, Massachusetts]
"Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently
set." [Rev. Denny Brake]
THE CONTEST
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to
set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the
better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They
did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mails.
They sent out e-mails with attachments. They downloaded.They did some
genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.
But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the
electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed
every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The
electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone!
It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated!
How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves ".