Clinton jokes
Clinton jokes
--Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the
VIP section and yells something, suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws
her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpired shouted, “No, Mr. President!
I said, ‘Throw the first PITCH!’
--Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s special is chicken
almondine and fresh fish. “The chicken sounds good;
I’ll have that,” Hillary says. The waiter nods. “And the vegetable?” he asks. “Oh, He’ll
have the fish,” Hillary replies.
--Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
A. The nation.
--Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after having Sex?
A: “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
--Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has urinated the
message, “BILL SUCKS!” on the White House Lawn. Furious, he orders the FBI to
take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and find
the culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. “Mr. President, I have good
news and bad news,” he says. “The good news is that the urine belongs to Vice
President Gore.” “And the bad news?” Clinton demands. After a slight pause, the
director replies, “Sir, uh, the handwriting belongs to your wife!”
The pope, the president, the smartest man in the world, and a boy scout were all riding a plane when the pilot announced
that they were going to crash and they only had 3 parachutes aside from the ones for himself and the stewardess. The 3
immediately stated their cases as to why they should get a parachute. The pope stood up "I am the leader of the largest religion
in the world therefore I get a parachute!" and with that the pope grabs a parachute and jumps, then the president gets up and
says "I am the leader of the most powerful nation in the world!" so the president grabs a parachute and jumps, finally the
smartest man in the world stands up and says "I am the smartest man in the world!" So with that the boy scout is left by
himself, he goes up to the pilot laughing as hard as anyone has ever laughed before, and the pilot inquires "How can you laugh
in the face of certain death?" and the boy scout replied "I'm not laughing at death, I'm laughing because the smartest man in the
world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack!"
One day Bill Clinton was out jogging -- and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along
the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet President out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll
give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Clinton.
"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful defender of the Western Hemisphere.
"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"
"No -- but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning."
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