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Some Beautiful Jokes Page :
Hari Prasad
Here Are Some Sardar Jokes :
Joke One :
A chap having seen blisters in both of his Sikh friends's ears asked him what happend to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes,the telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the receiver.Then the first fellow asked him what happend to his other ear, and the reply was "That fool called me again!"
Joke Two :
A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC(Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out.
The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out.Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".
This actually happened. My father's deputy's friend took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs and approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
Joke Five :
Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for every show of the same movie for a week, when someone stops him and asks " Kyon sardarji, itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar rahe ho?" Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utar deti hai lekin thabhi ek saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saali train kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh!"
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun"
Joke Six :
Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
Joke Seven :
Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a Xerox
SARDARJI`S AIR LINES
Good morning, bapu and bibi jis. This is your very handsome captain welcoming you to Ranj-Jet Airways. Sorry we are four days late in taking off but I had to do some overtime at the bakery.
This is the ek, dho, five, sex flight to New Delhi. We cannot guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be somewhere in the East. And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your village! A real Punjabi will land where he wants to, isn't that right brothers! Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm.
For safety reasons we will be counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We have a very good record for safety. In fact we are so safe even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I am pleased to tell you that over 50% of our passengers end up at their destination. For those of you who don't make it, don't worry, our staff have lots of experience consoling the next-of-kin. If, however, you are still worried then askStewardess Bubbly to tell you about our out of court settlements.
We will do everything to make your journey an enjoyable one and even a surviving one! If our engines are too noisy for you, don't worry, we'll turn them off! We even make your fall to earth pleasant by serving complimentary chaa during free-fall! And for our religious passengers, we arethe only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! Sadly, today's in-flight movie will not be shown because my son forgot to record it off the television. But if you really want to see a film then we will be glad to fly next to Air India so that you can look at their movie through the bindow.
Although there is no-smoking in this aeroplane, you may find that during the flight you can see smoke in the cabin. Don't worry your good minds over this! It is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Yes, we are very advanced at Ranj-Jet Airways. Not only do we provide you with a life jacket but we also give a free bathing costume to the aunties and a swimming kacha to the uncles! Some airlines are happy to fly thousands of feet over landmarks but not Ranj-Jet Airways! For your pleasure we try to get as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close then please let us know. Our co-pilot sometimes becomes too enthusiastic. Remember that guy who crashed into the White House, well it is the same bloke!
Now kindly sit on your stool and tie your belt. For those of you who can't find a belt please tie your nala to the door handle. And for those of youwho can't find a stool, sit on your suitcase instead.Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself tothe cock pit. Thank you for choosing Ranj-Jet Airways. We guarantee that we may not always take you on a flight but we'll definitely take you fora ride!"
Some More Sardar`s :
What do you call a Singh who drinks only soft drinks?
Yeo Hiap Singh
What do you call a Singh who drinks only beer?
Jasbir Singh (Just Beer)
What do you call a Singh who likes to go for a swim at night?
Kuldip Singh (Cool Dip)
What do you call the only Singh left on earth after a nuclear holocaust?
Jestwant Singh (Just One)
What do you call a Singh who owns a ship?
Karpal Singh
What do you call a Singh who owns a ship that sank?
No lah, not Titanic Singh. It's Karam Singh
What do you call the Bhai who was sacked from the national hockey team?
Relax Singh
What do you call a lousy Bhai?
Owtar Singh
What do you a vulgar Singh?
Tiu Niah Singh (Cantonese curse words)
Side tracking a bit here: What does a baby tuna calls it mother?
Tuna Ma (Cantonese curse words again)
What do you call a Singh who's a three star general?
Sam Lap Singh (Cantonese for 3 Stars)
What do you call the Singh who likes roundabouts?
Pu Singh
What do you call a Singh who's a gangster?
Samseng
What do you call a Bhai porn actress?
Hard Kaur
What do you call a female Bhai security guard?
Securi-kaur
What do you call a Singh who likes to sing?
D.J. Dave!
THESE ARE THE MORE CREATIVE ONES:
What do you call baby Singhs?
Singhlets
What do you call the study of Singhs?
Bhailogy (Biology)
What do you call the study of baby Singhs?
Microbhailogy (Microbiology)
If the Sikhs were to succeed in forming their own country, what will they call their currency?
Mata Wang Ah Singh
What do you call a Singh who doesn't like backsides?
Surpri Singh!
A Sikh family owns a petrol station in Brickfields.
The names of the three brothers running the business?
Servi Singh, Grea Singh and Wheel Balan Singh
Someone reminded me:
They have a cousin who works there as a pump attendant:
Dispen Singh
What do you call a Singh who stays in Section 5, PJ?
Ga Singh (as in Jalan Gasing)
What do you call the Singh who was adopted by a Chinese family?
Bung Ka Lee
One More Goodie
:FROM OUR FRIENDS....
What is a Bhai standoff?
Two Bhais bathing together, and one drops the soap!
What do you call the Singh who can swim underwater?
GS Gills
Did ya hear about the Bhai who was sent to jailfor beating up his wife?
The judge said he was rotten to the core (kaur)!
What do you call a Bhai playboy centerfold?
Boh Cheng Kaur (Hokkien - "Not Wearing Pants")
What do you call a horny Bhai?
Gian Singh
Why is the Subang Airport a favourite for Singhs?
Because they have special immigration lanes for"ORANG AH SINGH"
What did the Singh say in his traffic accident report?
Dia belakang mari!
In the wild west, what did the Apache say to the Singh?
Umm...you make good scalp, already pre-wrapped!
What do you call a Bhai girl who likes hot choclate?
Co Kaur (Cocoa)
What do you call a Bhai girl who's an interior decorator?
De Kaur (Decor)
What do you call a Bhai girl who's a gangster?
Tai Kaur
What is the official mode of transportation for Bhais?
Bhaicycle (bicycle)
Why are Bhai jokes so stupid?
So that the Chinese, Melayu and Tamil buggers can understand them!
Take Some Surd Jokes :
Courtesy : Anandhi Ahmedabad.
TO CATCH AS MUCH AS THEY CAN THAT IS OVER THEIR HEADS.
2. HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALLDAY?
PUT HIM IN A CIRCULAR ROOM AND ASK HIM TO SIT IN A CORNER
.3. HOW DO YOU STEAL THE WINDOW SEAT IN A PLANE, IN, WHICH SURD IS GOING TO LONDON
?TELL HIM THE SEATS THAT ARE GOING TO LONDON ARE ALL IN THE MIDDLE ROW.
4. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
RUN LIKE HELL….HE 'S GOT A HAND GRENADE IN HIS MOUTH.
5. HOW DO YOU MAKE A SURD LAUGH ON A SATURDAY?
TELL HIM A JOKE ON WEDNESDAY.
6. WHAT IS A SURD DOING WHEN HE HOLDS HIS HANDS TIGHTLY OVER HIS EARS?
TRYING TO HOLD ON TO A THOUGHT.
7. WHY DID A SURD STAR AT A CAN OF FROZEN ORANGE JUICE FOR 2 HOURS?
BECAUSE IT WAS SAID ON THE LABEL "CONCENTRATE".
8. WHY DID GOD GIVE SURDS 2% MORE BRAIN THAN HORSES?
BECAUSE HE DID NOT WANT THEM SHITTING IN THE STREETS DURING PARADES.
9. HOW DO YOU CONFUSE A SURD?
YOU DON'T. THEY ARE BORN THAT WAY.
10. WHY CAN'T SURDS MAKE ICE CUBES?
BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS FORGET THE RECIPE
11. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SUPER MARKET TROLLEY AND A SURD?
SUPER MARKET TROLLEY HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.
12. WHY IS THE SURD'S BRAIN THE SIZE OF A PEA IN THE MORNING?
IT SWELLS AT NIGHT.
13. A SURD ORDERED A PIZZA AND THE CLERK ASKED IF HE WANTED IT CUT IN SIX OR TWELVE PIECES?
SURD SAID, "SIX, PLEASE. I COULD NEVER EAT TWELVE PIECES.
14. WHAT'S IS FIVE MILES LONG AND HAS AN IQ OF FORTY?
A SURD PARADE.
15. GUY ASKED HIS SURD WIFE "HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM"?
SHE SAID "I DROVE IT THROUGH THE KITCHEN AND TOOK A LEFT TURN.
16. A SURD'S RESPONSE TO THE COMMENT, "THINK ABOUT IT"
WAS " I DON'T HAVE TO THINK--- I'M SURD!"
17. SURD1: "HAVE YOU EVER READ SHAKESPEARE?"
SURD2: "NO, WHO WROTE IT?"
18
. A SURD WAS DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY TO DISNEYLAND WHEN HE SAW A SIGNTHAT SAID "DISNEYLAND LEFT". AFTER THINKING FOR A MINUTE, HE SAID TO HIMSELF
"OH WELL!" AND TURNED AROUND AND DROVE HOME.
19. HOW DID A SURD TRY TO KILL A BIRD?
HE JUST THREW IT FROM THE CLIFF.
20. WHAT DOES A SURD SAY WHEN YOU ASK HIM IF HIS BLINKER IS ON?
IT'S ON. IT'S OFF. IT'S ON. IT'S OFF. IT'S ON. IT'S OFF.
21. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU OFFER A SURD A PENNY FOR HIS THOUGHTS?
CHANGES.