There is a lot we don't yet know about
anger, but we are beginning to make some real progress in understanding
it. Anger is very common, and does more harm than any other behavior. When
you feel angry, blow your cool, and turn into that negative "other" person.
Events, situations and people respond to you in a similar manner. There's
a better way. There's no need to tear ourselves up inside or take it out
on others. By learning means of preventing or coping with anger in ourselves
and in others we can understand how to recognize the arousal curve and
accept the necessity of anger management techniques.
To over-simplify a bit, we seem to be motivated
by two basic emotions, happy or angry.
And
seratonin
seems to be the switch that turns off anger. When enough seratonin is secreted
we feel happy. Our brain is equipped with scanning devices that are always
looking for anything that is threatening. Even in our sleep when the internal
alarm goes off we can be aroused very quickly and be ready for flight
or fight.
Our internal alarm system triggers the
release of adrenaline
to heighten our awareness and responsiveness. This gives our blood stream
and muscles a quick supply of glucose so we can run fast and make quick
decisions. Also we may have a burst of histamines
to ward off infections. A whole complex of glandular and physical arousal
occurs. If you have been driving a car and had or nearly had an accident
you know what this rush of stimulation feels like.
Skydiving, bungie jumping or riding a roller
coaster are examples of the kind of adrenaline
"thrill." This rush of stimulation to the body's chemistry is also
intimately involved in addictive behavior. It's a bit like a dog in the
yard who barks at passers by. If no one is there to shush the dog or the
dog isn't properly trained what is appropriate behavior, he may become
a chronic nuisance. This bad habit may have started because the dog may
just be bored or not have any better to do.
In the early days of our evolution only
those individuals with the quickest reactions may have survived. Only their
genes made it into the gene pool. Consequently our species has developed
a hair-trigger reaction to threatening conditions. Like the dog that barks
too much we may need to re-evaluate what is appropriate.
Situations that stress
us have increased dramatically in the past few decades, along with he complexity
of our lives. Frustration is the feeling we get when we don't get
what we want. Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or
injury. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get
revenge. Aggression is action, i.e. attacking someone.
When our aggression becomes so extreme
that we lose self-control, it is said that we are in a rage.
Aggression must be distinguished from assertiveness which is tactfully
and rationally standing up for your own rights; indeed, assertiveness is
designed not to hurt others. Anger can also be distinguished from hostility
which is a chronic state of anger. Anger is a temporary response, which
we all have, to a particular frustrating situation; hostility is a permanent
personality characteristic which certain people have.
When anger is excessive and destructive;
it has bad effects health and well being in general. It is apparent
that irrational beliefs drive a person's anger to violence; magnifying
the immediate circumstances, demonizing an opponent, and setting unrealistic
and unattainable standards for oneself and others. We know know that depression
is a form of anger turned against the self.
Anger and aggression come in many forms,
some quite subtle, and anger is frequently concealed or a disguised emotion.
One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special
name: passive-aggressiveness. There is another related form of concealed
anger: feeling like a victim. Both the passive-aggressive
and the victim are likely to deny or be unaware of their anger.
Anger just naturally results from frustration.
Aggression also has a chemical, hormonal basis too. Anger hormones have
a similarity to methamphetamine, and are addictive and intoxicating. Distancing
ourselves from anger intoxication affords time out to "sober up" and recognize
the differences between constructive differences of opinion and destructive
disagreements, conflicts and incitement to violence. By using techniques
like bio-feedback,
progressive
relation, and even meditation,
we can overcome habitual anger.
As with alcoholism, apparently there is
also a genetic or inherited element to aggressive behavior and chronic
anger. An example is that certain breeds of dogs, like Pit Bulls, are more
vicious than others. Also, more aggressive breeds can be developed, e.g.
rats or fighting chickens and bulls. A large survey of adopted children
has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less
risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes.
Other factors now known to be contributing
to irritability and aggression are hotter temperatures, hypoglycemia
(low blood sugar), high testosterone levels (male sex hormone), and brain
damage or dysfunction. There is also clear evidence that drug abuse and
alcohol consumption and release aggression.
Chronically angry people may have a dual
or good guy/bad guy personality which is the core of co-dependency. And
co-dependency can be express between two people or between many, as when
as political figure embodies innate aggressions. Great atrocities are attributed
to crazed men--Hitler, Stalin, terrorists, etc. But, ordinary people can
rather easily become evil enough to discriminate against, hurt, and brutalize
others.
It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged
that brutalize. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might, under
the right conditions, develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice.
Even the most moral among us may just look the other way. We strongly resist
thinking of ourselves as potentially mean, but we have no trouble believing
that others are immoral. Like any other addictive behavior, denial is integral
to the problem of anger.
The crime rate soars and prisons
overflow. Infidelity and spouse abuse, prejudice, rape and murder are rampant.
Even within the family-- supposedly our refuge, our safe place, our source
of love--there is much violence. Such self-serving and aggressive urges
probably helped humans survive one million years ago but threatens
our survival today. The socialization process, i.e. becoming a mature person,
involves taming these destructive, savage tendencies.
Anger is innate, but we can and must learn
to suppress aggression. Weapons, terrorism, and media violence have proliferated
along with increased population density. But has there been an increase
in anything that would balance the scales? Are we becoming more tolerant,
forgiving, and compassionate? How can this be accomplished? The sooner
we deal with these issues, the better the quality of our lives will become.
and the sooner we can begin finding our bliss.
We know that anger
management techniques actually work. We also know that inner peace
is primarily a matter of attention and desire. But will we focus our attention
and purpose to these ends? Each of can begin making some headway by learning
to recognize anger and unkindness within our own minds and hearts and adjust
our behavior accordingly.
Clearly we reward competitive behavior.
Men are particularly expected to be goal oriented, to win, to capture the
trophy, to "bring home the bacon." In insidious ways we are taught that
only the ones at the top of the heap earn the right to feel good. Fishing
and hunting and sports are expected to make us feel good. But most competitions
have only one (or at best a few) winners. All the other participants usually
are not considered to be winners and are offered no appropriate
mode of feeling and behavior that is redeeming or constructive.
We have learned that the brain chemistry
in most residents of mental and penal institutions have detectable differences
from the general population. Although we don't yet undertand this, we continue
to be quick to punish and criminalize anti-social behavior, but offer little
in the way of alternatives or rehabilitation. Ignoring these issues won't
make them go away, but will make it worse. In fact, if the present rates
don't change it will only be a few decades (statistically) until the entire
population is institutionalized.
The damage that has been done to women
by being devalued for so long is mirrored by the implied disrespect for
men who exhibit humility and kindness. Qualities like constancy, compassion,
and selflessness are not properly acknowledged and extolled, especially
in the media. In fact the media, which is driven by commercialism and box
office ratings, literally preys on innocence, since it is danger and violence
that command our attention the most.
"Humans are collectors, rememberers, holders of the past. Our
reluctance to give up one old pattern, one old thought, one old memory,
is so deeply a part of our make-up, that the ability to move forward is
already impeded beyond any further action.
Our momentoes become an historical prison, dooming us to the repetition,
or near repetition of our past. What we believe worked no longer works,
because we cannot go back to where we were. A memory is nothing more than
than a myth of what we wish to believe, not a record of what really happened.
What we recall is what we want to recall and the longer we are removed
in time and experience from the original experience, the more distorted
the picture.
This is one reason we
keep repeating war. In time, no matter how horrible the war has been,
we outgrow it. Instead of seeing the horror we change the picture to heroics
and weave strange and mystical tales of our victories and conquests. And
when the stories begin to lose their meaning, we have another war."
- Gregge Tiffen
Technology has delivered the means
to destroy all life as we know it, but will it also enable a kinder, gentler
population? We are a species at risk of becoming adrenaline addicted. Violence
is a central issue of our time and we had better give it due consideration,
and remember that peace begins within.
