When a person or group is made to feel bad about who they are it hurts. Being judged not for your actions but for the color of your skin or anything else you cannot control is wrong, it is discrimination.

If you are different, some people will notice, and if it makes them feel somehow threatened, then they are likely to distance themselves to some extent until they feel you can be trusted. That in itself doesn’t make them wrong because it is just human nature. In fact when you encounter something you don’t understand it would be unwise not to be cautious.

So their reaction is somewhat predictable. If you are different, they are going to be cautious and it is not realistic to think otherwise. What that does is to put the ball in your court. Your reaction to their reaction makes a big difference. An obvious knee-jerk reaction would be to challenge them and say or do something that says “you are wrong and I am right, I am not a bad person.” But that just doesn’t work because their natural reaction to that is more suspicion and distrust.

Obviously, the best thing to do is to take a deep breath and realize this person doesn’t  understand you, and that maybe in time the will come to know you better and see that you are now a bad person. On the other hand, one of the worst things you can do is to say, “So you think I am not good enough, and you think I am bad? Well, I’ll show you bad!”

Not only is your anger inappropriate, but it will probably hurt you more than the other person because on some level it confirms in your own mind that you are bad or not good enough and damages your won self-esteem. One of worst things about being a member of any minority group is self-condemnation. If you believe that you are somehow not good enough you are much more likely to fall prey to anti-social behavior of all sorts. Substance abuse and unhappy relationships almost always happen to people with low self-esteem.

Also, it is important to realize that if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, as so many of us have; it sets you up with attitude problems and bad or missing boundaries. And if you were abused, your reaction to just about everything is some level of suspicion. People who have had their boundaries violated are frustrated and angry for a long time.

Internet chat rooms and dating sites literally abound with “bad boys and bad girls.” This attitude is so pervasive it may actually seem to be the norm as if it is somehow ok, but it can only lead to an unhappy downward spiral of self-destructive habits. If you feel unsure of yourself, to makes a lot more sense to pay attention to someone you can respect. Without trust and respect you just don’t have much. When someone writes, “I just want to have fun,” it usually means, “I don’t feel very good about myself, and I don’t have clear boundaries.” One way to learn what you want is to learn what you don’t want. But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t understand how dangerous the internet can be.

Take things very slow while chatting or dating online. Take time to get to know the person and ask as many detailed questions as possible before committing to meet. Sometimes the person on the other end of the computer may not be who they say they are. Watch for inconsistences or strange behavior. If you see any warning signs or just have a bad feeling about the situation, don't continue to chat with the person. Better safe than sorry!

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