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(*Jessie's note: I've run into this at the YMCA many more times then once.*)

It's the most frightening thing in the world

It's the scariest sight I've ever seen

The most chilling visual

The most terrifying scene

It's awful, it's crappy, it's monstrous, it's bad

It's really really huge

It's a fat man in a Speedo

I'm walking on a beach in a tropical isle

Hoping to enjoy the sand and surf

When I see a mound of baby-oiled flesh

Rolling and a broiling in the foam

The only thing that's holding this

Explosion of Caucasian is

A tiny red synthetic coloured thread

I try to sink it in the sand

And entomb it in a castle but

It always manages to break free

The fat man in a Speedo

I'm having nightmares

I'm scared to open my eyes

I try to free myself

By going to the buffet

But there he is

He even eats in his Speedo

I take up a collection at the bar the next day

And everybody gives to the cause

To rent a helicopter that will take this whale

To Cuba and free the horizon from his bulk

We have a celebration

In one of his indentations

And throw a bowl of jello in the air

We think we've escaped and our scenery is clear

But in comes a plane from Germany

Thirty fat German men wearing Speedos!