(Jessie's note: One of my all-time fevourites. That killer line "I'll kill my neighbour too" gets me every time!)
I once was a happy man
Of sound and stable mind
Then my neighbour got a dog
He put a ribbon on its head
To make it cute
But it still looked like
A Chihuahua
He had me over
To watch it sit and beg
It bit my knee
And made love to my leg
Now it barks all the night
And all of the day
Whenever it's not peeing on my lawn
I didn't get to sleep last night
Till very late
The stupid dog barked
And grred
I woke up late
And ran to catch the bus
But I slipped on a turd
I was certain
It wasn't one of mine
With that that dog
Had crossed over the line
I wanted to exterminate
It and all its kind
From my lovely little suburb
I'm gonna kill the dog next door
Ain't gonna bark anymore
'Cause this is judgment day
The little runt has got to pay
No more turds on my lawn
That stupid mutt will soon be gone
I'm gonna kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill that dog
I see the little monster
In my garden
So I grab an axe and off I go
And I try my best to get it
All I do is sever my big toe
My neighbour comes
Outside to calm me
He says his dog and me
Should just be friends
He puts his little pet
In my forgiving hands
THEN it starts to bite
So I strangle it with all my might
Oh oh oh oh ohhhhh
I'm gonna kill the dog next door
Ain't gonna bark anymore
'Cause this is judgment day
The little runt has got to pay
No more turds on my lawn
That stupid mutt will soon be gone
I'm gonna kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill that dog
Now the little mutt's
In doggie heaven
I strangled it to death
And now I'm free
But my trouble ain't
Quite over
My neighbour called
The cops on me
I end up at
The police station
Where I am told
That I must pay
A three hundred
Dollar fine
(*long pause*)
Wow! What a great value!
I think I'll kill my neighbour too!
Oh oh oh oh ohhhhh!
I'm gonna kill the guy next door
Won't call the cops anymore
I never liked him anyway
Three hundred isn't much to pay!
There are turds on my lawn
They must be his, his dog is gone
I'm gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill kill that guy!
