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(Jessie's note: This song is brutally realistic. It's about time someone said something like this at a party!)

Once a year we celebrate

With stupid hats and plastic plates

The fact that you were able to make

Another trip around the sun.


And the whole clan gathers round

And gifts and laughter do abound

And we let out a cheerful sound

And sing that stupid song.

Happy birthday!

Now you're one year older!

Happy birtday!

Your life still isn't over!

Happy birthday!

You did not accomplish much..

But you didn't die this year,

I guess that's good enough.

So let's drink to your fading health

And hope you don't remind yourself

The chance of finding fame and wealth

Decrease with every year

Happy birthday!

You wish you had more money!

Happy birthday!

Your life's so sad it's funny!

Happy birthday!

It's downhill from now on

Try not to remind yourself

Your best years are all gone

If cryogenics were all free

Then you could live like Walt Disney

And live for all eternity

Inside a block of ice.

Butinstead your time is set

This is the only life you get

And thought it hasn't ended yet

Sometimes you wish it might.

Happy birthday!

You're starting to get fatter!

Happy birthday!

What have you done that matters?

Happy birthday!

How much more can you take?

But your friends are hungry

So just cut the stupid cake.

Happy birthday

Happy birthday

Happy birthday dear....

Ralph, Skipper, Skippy the Bush Kangeroo... etc.