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Life after Death
Friday, 3 October 2003
( o Y o )
You ever get to that point in life where you realize how much time you wasted?
Where you know that...If you dont do or say something at that point you will have missed the best oppertunity you ever had. Like the second after regretting not saying or doing it you realize its too late?
Yea, thought so, Seems an everyday obsticle for us all, eh?

Today was slow, just like any other day when I'm not around my circle of comrads. At least they can keep me biz-e. It feels like no matter what I do with my 'alone' time, I'm still wasting away, like nothing I do helps, Like I'm worthless to myself. I don't mean to rag on myself but it's the plain and obvious truth, that I am coming to terms with as I express myself here. Everything you read here, are thoughts and emotions I feel the exact time I type them out, this isnt The Real World-San Fransisco, No this is not Who's Line is IT anyway?-improv,
no this is my life, my death, my thoughts how they are, no matter how fucked up they may seem to you tossers out there. I could really care less if anyone agrees or disagrees with my ideas, everyone has thier own views and opinions, say what you will to offend, just know that I will return my sick sense, and believe me i dont hold back.
Passion drivin; I'll draw tears without even trying.
It may seem as though I have alot of pint up Repression, anger, whatever you want to call it, You know wat i think? Do you really want to know? BUY THE BOOK DAMIT!!
It's on Ebay and its called: How bout a fresh cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP! WHO ASKED YOU!! the author goes by P.D.
Anyway, I'm getting my digital camera/webcam in a few days, IF anyone wants some pix, leave me your email and I'll send them, Or if you have MSN messenger, you can find me there, just send me an email and ill add you to my buddy list. Or if you have AIM, same thing applies.
Not that anyone would want to see my pix.

Remember Jolt cola? Not many people do...It was more so a HACKER drink. Something to keep em up while they coded and wrote scripts. Also late nite gamers and ub3r633X. Well I was one of those late night nintendo Heads and Drank Jolt like it was water. I swore by it and I was only 9 or 10 when I started drinking it. Man, I'd wake up for school with a hangover, one day i forgot where i was even. I used to have a bunk bed and slept on the top, and one day my mom yelled at me to wake up i forgot i was on the top bunk and rolled off, that was so ill, lol. I went to school with a busted lip and a big ass knot on my head. If i'd of cared, i probably would have been embarrased.
Yea well I think that my mom was one of the parents who wrote to the company to recall their product. DAM THE MAN!!
But yea, I miss Jolt Cola. Pepsi has nothing on Jolt.

mmm ginger snaps taste good but have a bad aftertaste. bleeeeeh. BLOG!!

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 11:33 PM EDT
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I have nothing to say right now, but this:
Why is it I fantasize my own death even when I'm not in the mood to die again? I mean you 'd think I d learn from my last time. No Somehow I 'm drawn to my own death, Most people would associate that with Goth, of course those are the same KIND of people who put labels on the back of canned goods and other UHD approved products sold over the US.
I say DOWN WITH THE MAN! Screw your labels and your judgemental ideas!! All you do is Stick to what you know and that is being the 'holyier than thou art' Siskel-Ebert always having an appeal to pay omage to your Analitical god of political correction.As you pay Anal Retentive attention to detail,you lose focus of the real picture, which is:: THIS JUST IN!!

NOBODY FUCKING CARES!! WHO THE HELL REALLY WONDERS, WHAT EBERT AND ROEPER REALLY THINK ABOUT ANYTHING? THEY GET PAID TO TELL YOU THIER 'VIEWS' ON WHATS GOOD AND WHATS NOT!!
WTF?! So many people got laid off this past year, and these fucktards kept thier "review" jobs, wtf!! Why can't the president put out more security jobs and training for people so this country can be better protected. I mean whats this i Hear of a man MAILING himself across country? I mean if he can DO that, then obviously SOMEONES NOT doing thier job!!
People have so much faith in thier President, in thier COuntry, in the 'American' way...But they sure as hell aren't protecting it the way they should. It's all about money, Shit, Like u didnt know?!

I swear, People as a whole make me wish I never exisited. But on one, can melt my heart. HEARTBREAKING, it's enough to just.....die.

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 2:08 PM EDT
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Life after Death <>parte uno<>
Ever sInce my death, I feel so much more burdened. Like I haVe much more to look back at, and not enough to hold onto. Why I stay, I have no clue. Maybe I'm waiting for something...or someone...Or maybe I'm procrastinating like how I did in Life. Heh, Yea It was a pathetic one...I thought that, after I killed myself...i wouldn't 'FEEl' ANYMORE. The total Opposite happened....I began to 'feel' more, more of everything, like my emotions were magnified. But still as I walk among the strange souls on earth I must passify those emotions as best I can. There's only a handful of people I actually let read me, but they are only people I truely trust and can count on to be there when I need them the most. They are people who I know won't parade me around for the paparazzi to target. I mean how many people you know, walk with the dead? REALLY!!?
I don't mean vampyres, That's more so a religion than a horror flick. People get it confused. Vampyres ARE infact. 'real' PEOPLE who have more so morbid lusts and ideas. No I'm one of those people who attempted suiside and when I woke up I 'THOUGHT' i was a live, when infact I was DEAD, D-E-A-D. Of course I didnt realize this at the time. I thought I had woken up from a failed attempt. No that's when my life went to shit, I began to realize I was in some sort of manifested hell, not the kind of hell you see on tv, or the kind you hear on the radio or in the bible. No this was a self-manifested prison, one I fell blindly into after of course I hit rock bottom. As if things couldn't get any worse. They did, as they usually do. I died inside, noone knew, not even my closest friends. Noone knew how far from grace I'd fallen, how fucked up I was inside. Noone even asked me...
So I walk among the living, Dead inside, Hoping one day I 'll return home...
After all, home is where the heart is...right?

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 12:36 PM EDT
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Thursday, 2 October 2003
Bludger
iN THE BEGINING THERE WAS MAN AND IT WAS GOOD
uNTIL mAN fUckED uP tERRiBly
Then Came WOman Who Saved MaN FROm His OWn diStrUCtion....
Did I catch your attention yet? Ahh good ok.

Battle of the sexes... Just as bad as Pushing your political and religious beliefs apon others. Those all fall under the "no no, must be PC" catagory. PC, now there's a Buffer if ever i Saw one. For those of you who are unfamilier with the abbrieviation (PC= politically correct) Abrieviation, now there's another funny word, why is abrieviation so long?

why do stereo types 'seem' so true? I mean if its the truth don't get mad and take offence, calling it a stereo type, all your doing is creating a buffer,

why? because of the insecurities of looking one's self in the mirror to see the 'truth'. We search all our lives for the truth and it stares us right back in the face saying "HEY OVER HERE!!". We chose to look away. Why because, it's not the truth we really want,It's more so what we need.It's like we look for appraisal We want others to tell us what we 'want' to hear about ourselves. The moment they tell you the straight up truth, there goes the that bubble of yours. Offence action+ defence reaction.

Man people arent that much of an enigma, just that we don't want to hear the honest to god truth about ourselves. So we make up lies adn alibies to sooth us to bed at night. Keep it hidden in the basements of our subconscience.Thats too bad. I really thought we had something there. The human race is in some serious need of wisdom and understanding.

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 8:22 PM EDT
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There's a Very Thin Line betwen love and hate
And Apple is one of them. I swear I fucking hate Apple...And Laptops... I am not laptop friendly, I bought a Imac laptop last novemeber, and I been back to the apple store 3 times so far. One year warrenty and I have to go back again...why you ask? Becus this P.O.S. Adapter fucking died on me again. WTF!!! NOT EVEN A FUCKING YEAR!!! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT! I DAMN NEAR KICKED A HOLE IN MY WALL FORM BEING SO AGGITATED!! I just came back from the apple store not even a week ago for my fucking video card blow out, now my second adapter is broken, Yes second, as in I had one before, within ONE fucking year! What a fucking waist of my fucking worthless time.
Then again...I love laptops, they alow you the ability to become mobile at will, take it with you everywhere, but dam the maintanance is NOT worth it, especially when your not driving. Fucking Bad luck.
Ok i'm just going to breath now. (......) ok I'm better now, I've calmed. OH yea I bought a digital camera/adapter and matrix reloaded for my birthday. Also some UFO pants with thermal lining and some UV bondange bracelets. Yes all I need are my new kicks. which i'l lget next pay check. Or maybe at the end of this month. I don't know yet. Fucking SHYTE STAINS! Everytime i get this laptop back something else happens, (I.E) My desktop crashes or something.
Me and technology do not mesh well.
OK I'M BORED, I'M GONNA GO KILL SOMETHING. CHEERIO!!

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 7:36 PM EDT
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Helter-Skelter
I feel like ... I got gass in my heart and My brain has exploded. Like everything I once knew is worthless, everything I 've learned up until now about love and life... were all in vain. The efforts i made to stay in-love, or to stay faithful, to love one and be loved, my so-called principles, where all in vain. I failed miserably, and pay for it each day. It's sort of a long story that YOu probably shouldnt get involved in, quite tragic as well, but I mean if anyone really wants to hear it in full, I'll be glad to email it to you. Let me put it this way, it envolves star-crossed lovers, yes like Rome-fecking-o and Juliet. I swear I used to love that story before I understood what it was about. Here I was thinking it was this romantic tale and star-crossed meaning they were, lol, get this, into the stars....ok i was 12 and really dumb at that.
NEway, iT'S PRETTY pathetic...my life and how its falling apart. I know i'M Not the only one of course, I'm unique just like everyone else. I'm just so fecking confused about everything right now, here I am inlove with my best friend of 6 yrs...but I'm already commited to someone else of 5 (on and off yrs). my 'man' is overseas, and I am here in Jersey, Dying of lonelyness, and who else to help me with that, but my best friend. Of course I don't mean in the sexual manner, no we havent crossed any boundaries, its much deeper than that, tell you something, its deeper than any other relationship i ever had in my life. I know your saying, "WELL WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU WITH YOUR FRIEND?" Well that too is also a long story, so let me put it this way, WE fecked up, royally! and that's that.
Can I ever get a fuggin break? SOme one pass my the .22 so I can spare myself any further heartbreak.

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 5:06 AM EDT
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Rigmarole
This being my first entry, I suppose I should introduce myself. Although I am unable to tell you my 'real' name, or rather my 'birth' name. I am willing to give you my stage name. Just call me Less Than Zero, or LTZ. I'd also like to apologize in advance, for I have never um what's this called...'BLOG'? Wow!! I just love the way it rolls off the tongue. BLOG, B-L-O-G. i'M BLOGING at the moment I'll call you back. BLOG YOU TOO YOU BLOG HEADED BLOG!!
Ok that's enough of that. um so what's next? I mean who would actually sit infront of thier pc screen and read this? I mean damn, has it come down to this? Reading someones heaviliy typoed 'blog' about... well nothing really. I mean i could B!tch and moan about how life sux, but we're past the pleasnetries are we not? By the way please excuse my typos, I'm a fast typer who just hits n run, no looking back at the poor road kill i left behind, that poor lil t, wasn't supposed to be there, i killed him...MURDERER!!!!
Um ok well i guess a blog is like a journal? Correct me if I'm wrong. Damn , i must not have a life, like anyone's going to read this. WHat a waste of time.

Posted by hero/less_than_zero at 4:37 AM EDT
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