Hail Mary full of grace...

Updates!!!

December 14

I think that I need a really blunt friend...someone who will just look at me and say, "Holly, don't be a baby about it...grow up a little." That's all I need sometimes...is just someone who I know actually cares about me and doesn't mind getting in a few fights. A friend that I know that even through the entire stormy converstation, we come out the same friends as we were before. We are able to talk to eachother about things...and she/he would be able to tell me when I'm being an immature dipstick...as I was today.

So what if he said something that tugged at my strings in the wrong fashion...it wasn't even meant to be mean...atleast I don't think so. I let the smallest things bother me sometimes. And even though she acts as though I'm in the way a lot...she can still be really nice, and I do believe that its genuine kindness. I don't need to be everyone's favorite...but it bothers me so greatly anymore to be an extra. And does it even matter that I sit by while she talks like that...I just take it in, pretending that I'm not praying for her more with every word she spats out? I need to not be so internally aggravated by everyone so easily. It's a character flaw...I'd say so anyways.

There's only about ten people that I even really enjoy being around or talking to anymore...and a few of them I rarely see because they aren't around at school...and I just don't take the effort I should with them. I like the friends I have...I'm not saying that I don't. And I like all my "school chums" that I hold simple converstations with in classes. I just need to stop taking things too seriously. Oh well, I'll pray on it I guess. God Bless everyone.

December 13

So I missed the Headnoise show on Friday...aw, that was sad...long story. But I still had a good weekend, and a good Friday night for that matter.

So, this whole jury of the Scott Peterson trial recommending the death penalty is total crap. NO state in the union gives death penalty for only one murder, right? Well...since they are counting the unborn baby as a life...he apparently killed two people. Our country is such a bunch of raging hypocrites...I can't stand it sometimes. Just because the baby was "wanted." But every baby is wanted. Yet we still have abortion occuring daily? Such hypocrites...but even still...I really hope the judge doesn't side with the jury here. It was based on circumstantial evidence in the first place. Are we so primative that we view the ultimate punishment of death as what we truly want? I hope not...and I pray not. Pray for him you guys...he can change...I know he can...he has the potential because God gave it to him. Yeah...

December 9

I fixed my pictures on here...well...some of them...I'm too lazy to fix them all. Oh well.

December 7

I am going to go thru my weekend because I'm bored...and I know that you all can put in enough effort to pretend to care. I love you all.

So, this weekend was one of those "my dad comes to pretend to be a parent" weekends. We get three of those a year...and, well...words fall short of their "uniquness" and not the good, cool kind of uniquness...but instead the "I would rather stick my face into a blender" kind of uniquness. But it actually wasn't all that bad this time.

So Friday, I went out to the hotel to meet my father and my little sister. We then all went out to Boston Market for dinner...wow, they have really good food...never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, I then went to see my friend Stacy in a play she was in. It was really good. All the actors hold amazing talent, including her. I must say, I have some pretty cool friends if I do say so myself. So that was a good time. Then, I went to the bookstore with some people that went to the play with me and we were very immature...which is okay...because I'm not even an adult yet, plus it was fun...so what the hey.

Saturday, we all went to ann arbor and I got to see my brother. Good times were had there. I envy his freedom he has out there, I really do. But I love seeing him even if it is for only a short amount of time. Just getting to see him living where he's wanted to live, and doing what he's wanted to do for so long...it gives me this feeling of hope for myself and my own future. Yeah, I guess that was enough babbling about Saturday.

Sunday, I don't really remember doing much with my dad...mainly because my day didn't start until noon. I have not gotten to sleep in on a Sunday in a long time. Normally I have church, but there was interferring there...I would rather have gone, but sleeping in was still nice. Oh, and I saw the movie Legendary Treasure of something like that. I haven't been to the movies in a long while. It was an alright movie...the last four lines or so ruined the whole thing though. Darn pointless movie love lives...urgh.

Yesterday was quality "back-to-school" time...all my teachers like my hair all red...so there's a plus for those silly-heads...oh, that's right...I said it. I could come up with a better insult...but no, I think not. But yes, had some good-ole' boyfriend time. I think I get to spend some time with him tommorow, too. My mom asked me if I'm spending too much time with him...I figure that when we start getting sick of each other, we'll let each other know...hoping that it won't come to that though.

And presently, I am all caught up with english...hip-hip-hooray for that. I am excited about the beautiful Headnoise show that is this Friday. And I'm even a little excited for the pep assembly at school then too...it is actually going to be all nice and organized...that is good.

And now just to ask a question that I don't really expect an answer to: can people really change? I think that if there is no reason to, no spiritual will that the change is based on, nothing will ever happen. And in my case with this, he has no spiritual desire to change. He just doesn't want me ticked off at him anymore for being a dimwitted teenager. But I'm not ticked off anymore. So, there is no reason to make pointless promises...I don't really want to be friends with him anymore...but that's okay...because I don't think that we were really friends in the first place.

That's it...but that was a lot. 'Night ya'll...and God Bless!

December 2

Yes, so there was this really pretty song on tv just now that I heard across the room. It made me happy...just the overall sad/prettiness of it all.

It really sucks when you're dying your hair and you have two itches right on the top of your head...cause you can't scratch.

I really wish life wasn't so complicated...I just want to lay down in my bed and be happy forever. I'm sick of thinking and worrying. I'm sick of choice. I'm sick of being hurt or hurting others or fearing pain in gerneral. I need a vacation. Dear Lord, I need Your help and guidance as much as ever...watch over me.

November 27

My feelings toward Kenowa Hills:

And now for your amusment:

November 26

So...the car is still broken and I can't go anywhere any way because I still have more Thanksgivings to celebrate...ah, the holidays...don't we all love them? Of course we do...because that means Holly doesn't have to go to school. Oh yeah.

So I was really tired and cranky last night because we were at my grandma's until about 11:30 or so at night. And I just wanted to go home...we'd been there all day. I can only socialize with the family for so long. But I do feel kind of bad for being so cranky...specially on Thanksgiving...but oh well I s'pose.

Yeah, so there was a lot of snow Wednesday, did everyone see it? I hope so. Well, Holly doesn't like snow very much, but it actually wasn't too bad. I ended up not being able to go home and had to stay the night at the boyfriend's house. I'm so glad his parents were nice about it...I even got my own towels and shampoo and soap and toothbrush laid out all nice and hotel like in the morning...it was so nice of 'em. I felt so "guest-like." I rather liked it. Maybe I'm just wierd though and get a kick out of towels being all folded nicely in a neat little pile. But it was just nice all around, and I was even a little thankful for the snow come Thursday morning. But still, I don't want any more. Not til Christmas. I semi-started on my portfolio finally for school. Hmmm...not much else exciting going on. May the Lord keep you all well.

November 23

adopt your own virtual pet!

No school for five days...this makes me VERY happy. However...that means that in just five days, I have to go back to school. So ask yourself the question: Is the banana old and mushy, or is it perfect for making banana bread? Just think about it...

College sucks, but not as much as highschool...nah, I take that back, college applications suck. Darn college, gives me such a headache...can't I just move in with some people and mooch off of them for my whole life?? It sounds good to me.

I have the cutest boyfriend ever...yep, he's cute as a button...a sweet, lil gumdrop button. He needs to be around all the time...cause he makes me happy...and we all know how happiness is the key to life...its called Zen. A-yup. Stupid dead car...someone come pick me up to play with me. I'll play nice, I always do. I even have some funny jokes, maybe. Wow...look at all the time I waste. Now I'm done. Tommorow is going to be swell. Yay for tommorow! God bless ya'll.

November 21

Fountain of light spring from inside It's time, it's calling for me to decide To create a sanctuary where God can dwell Where secret wonders to me he'll tell

Open my heart, let bright stars fall Awaken my soul to a devotional call Into your temple, aware of your glory Where six-winged angels cry out your story

Wrapped in your robe of unfailing love Water jars of heaven are tipped from above Quenching my thirst for all your delights I taste, I drink, on wings take flight

Sailing the skies, just holding your hand Gliding, soaring ­ what creation you planned! Almighty God is with me on high Taking me deeper, my fulfillment is nigh

My heart steps out ­ it's the pathway of peace My soul so serene in thankful release My mind now set on those heavenly places Never to hinder God's current of graces

My eyes will see ­ revelations my goal Lips now cleansed with forgiveness coal Always I'll look with expectant eyes Knowing my Lord ­ all flesh now dies

I push open the gates, pass the mercy seat I see the Lamb, I hear His bleat "Surrender, surrender, come fall at my feet I'm you're all in all, your vision complete."

November 17

Let's see here...I've got the yummy bottlecaps, the delicious cranberry juice, the winning both debates, the NOT throwing up, the amazing boyfriend, the loving family, the beautiful fog outside, the long break from school soon, some of the coolest friends ever, and the amazing boyfriend...or maybe I already said that...hehe...aw, but yes, some days just cheer me up after a crappy week...and this was one of those days. It is also one of those days where I need to just praise God with all I have in me...and I do, and I shall continue. Thank you Lord, I am blessed.

Yummmmy...bottlecaps are good...much better than chocolate by a lot.

November 14

The wanting...I know that I wouldn't and that I shouldn't, but I've wanted it so terribly. I can feel the wanting all through me. I don't want it to be washed away.

November 13

If I scream loud enough, will you yell back?

If I cry in front of you, will you lend me your shoulder for comfort?

If I have nothing left, will you be my everything?

If I am lost from reality, will you rescue and find me?

If I mess up, will you be there praying beside me?

Yeah, so life is fairly good right now...some parts VERY GOOD, others, ummmmm, not so good...but that's alright...cause the good parts more than make up for all the bad. Thanks be to God! Holy be Thy name...I really hope that I didn't screw myself over last night with this. I need out of highschool. God Bless ya'll.

November 5

I hate doing something, thinking that its amusing and comical, and then later realizing that it was actually just sort of mean. I think that's happend a little too often this week. I'm so blessed to have friends that will forgive me or just not get mad at me at all...so to anyone that I've hurt in any way recently, I'm truly sorry and unbelivably thankful that you have found it within you to forgive me. Without all of you, I would be continually alone and lost.

Yeah, so I didn't want to be late to school this morning, so I had to drive REALLY fast. I woke up at the time I'm supposed to be leaving...so I had to grab the nearest clothes to my bed, throw them on, wipe the front of my teeth with toothpaste and take off. I red-lined my car and then went 95 miles/hour down the two miles of highway or whatever it takes to get to school. I made it inside with one minute left...but man, I scream a lot at drivers when I'm in a hurry...I really hope its not roadrage. Nah, I think its just me getting too into my driving. Anyway, thank goodness that there weren't any police and that I made it safe...I was driving cautiously, I promise...just quickly.

And now...the weekend is here. Thank you Lord for helping me through another week and giving me another chance at being the best person I can be. God Bless to all of you.

November 2

Have you ever noticed that you always have to go pee at the most inconvineint times possible? Man, that's annoying! Also, when you're really wrapped-up in doing something, you don't even realize how bad you had to pee until you stop whatever it is you're doing. It's almost like your attention was centered all on whatever you're doing, and totally forgets that your body needs to urinate. Wow, bet ya'll are glad you got to hear about Holly's bladder...

Anyway, I really want to go to church right now. This very moment. I don't need a service, maybe just a chapel with the tabernackle and candles and my rosary and about an hour. I just feel like praying very traditionally right now. Good prayer though, well, that sounds bad because all prayer is good...but thankful prayer is what I mean. My life isn't perfect, but I don't have any complaints at the moment. If I sat here and thought about everything, sure, I could find some things in my life I could once again beg God to change...alright, I could find A LOT of things...but that's not where I need to be right now. I need to sit here and think about all the great things in my life. There really are a lot of them. And it makes me feel so much better to simply dwell on these amazing blessings throughout my day. If you're ever feeling down or irritated or just plain ole' ticked off...just sit down for a minute, an hour, or however long it takes, and think about all the things God has blessed you with. Start with just that day; today, the Lord gave me a second chance at living a good, holy life. He blessed me with people that care about me. He brought so-and-so to me today with a funny joke that cheered me up. He gave me food for another meal. Just the simple things, or the more complexed. Then you can move on to things you have been blessed with this past year, then in general even. I'm not writing this to make it seem like I have answers to these problems, cause I don't...not at all. I'm actually rather bad at helping people with issues, but ya know who's really good at problem solving? God is. Listen to Him. Thank Him, reflect on the good you've been blessed with. Pray to Him for strength, for guidance. Pray outloud...say that you give yourself to Him, you are His vessel, you are here to worship and glorify Him. He will protect you if you let Him. Don't let all this earthly sin and devastation get you down, it isn't worth it. Life's too short and there is too much good to focus on the bad so often. Hm, I guess that's all I have to say on that topic.

I know that there are some people, very few, but some, that read this that aren't really sure if they belive in God or any kind of faith. I still hope that those people don't just shrug off everytime I mention the Lord or even, let's go more broad, anytime ANYONE mentions ANYTHING spiritual. Just please take it into account, just keep it in the back or your mind. I'm not going to make jugdments against you, I think most of you understand that, and neither will any God-serving christian, and, for that matter, neither will any true friend. Yeah, that'll do it...school needs to end...now. God Bless, everyone.

October 30-ish

Go Blue!! Hahaha...that was one good football game...stressful beyond description, but none the less good.

October 30

So, I'm typing in angelfire.com so I can come here and edit my page for a sec, and in my hurry I type in anglefire.com instead. Don't ever do that you guys. Never do I, nor should anyone, want to see some woman holding herself. The internet makes me want to cry sometimes...dirty computer.

But, on a happy note...I found Little Women!! I have been looking for that movie for months!! And now I have found it...God is good in every way. He really, really is. Have a safe Halloween everyone...and don't eat any unwraped candy, it'll make you throw up...ewwwwww.

October 29

For the past:

I yearn for my old self, but I like who I've become. I dream of life being like it use to be, but it never was I wanted it to be. I miss my old sketchbooks, I wish I could find them. I'm disappointed I threw away my journals from over the summer, I spilled out so much emotion into those things. I want my old church back, I miss the three masses a week, I miss the alter serving every Sunday morning, I miss the never being physically alone in a pew. I crave the days where I thought I was pretty, though I don't know if I truly ever did, and I don't care what I look like much anymore.

For the future:

I hope that one day I'll reveal all my secrets to someone, no matter how embarrassing or hurtful they are. I want to never make my children feel as though they are failures, because they never can be, we are all little successes of God. I want to truly change someone's life in a serious way and have them tell me about it. I want to save a life. I want to meet a life-long friend in a car accident. I hope to eventually learn to play some kind of musical instrument. I want to go one full month without telling a single lie. I wish to one day sing kareoke in front of atleast a medium sized crowd. I pray that I will lay down in my bed every night beyond satisfied with my life, my job, my love, and myself.

As for the present:

You drive 4 hours to pick him up, you cancel plans you already had, you turn down making new ones in hopes that you'll get to spend time with him. But no, he has to bolt less than 3 hours after being there with you to go stay all night with a friend. I'm not angry, I understand why he wants to see him, I mean, he hasn't seen him since August. But, I am rather disappointed. I guess I got my hopes up and expected something that wasn't realistic. Oh well, we might still get just a few hours together tommorow...but then again maybe not. Missing someone sucks. Lord, help me to always understand and never pass judgement. God bless everyone.

October 23

I want to grow up so badly. I wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up 25 years old tommorow. Then I wouldn't even have to think about school anymore or making sure that my mom can financially take care of me or that I'm in by my curfew or any of this crud that "kids" have to worry about. These aren't the best years of my life, I guarentee that. Atleast I hope not, otherwise my life isn't going to be all that great.

No, I don't mean that. I'm happy right now. I'll just stop whining. There's no reason too.

I must mention my "debate sleepover" I had with my friend Cindy last night because of its beautiful uniquness. I felt like we were acting like nerdy middle-schoolers...aw man I enjoyed it. Thanks for that, dear...it was a dandy of a time.

I hit up Cedar Springs and Rockford today...that was an interesting lil outing. Then got home some time between 3 and 4 and then left to go by a game. Came home after going to three different stores looking for it. Let me tell you, walmart sucks major tail. Never go there, they are so useless. And then Sam's Club is such a cult...I hate that store so much...I will NEVER shop there EVER. Target is cool though, except for very, very , VERY unmotivated guys working in the entertainment department. Oh well. So I got home and played some video game-age for around three hours. My family watched me...aw, my family loves me. Or they just had no where else to go but in the living room. So then I was nice, and turned the game off so they could watch tv or something. And now, here I am contemplating what to do next. I really wish my curfew wasn't so early. Or that I had some good friends that didn't live atleast 20 minutes away. Another reason that I don't like the school year: some of my favorite people that I got to see every other day over the summer, I now hardly get the time to see. Very sad. People that know me and live by me...let me come to your house. Cause when its like this and I have 1.5 hours till curfew, having only 10 minutes of travel time doesn't seem that bad at all. Silly mother worrying about me getting raped or mugged or killed. Man, I wish I was a boy sometimes!

Then tommorow morning I'm off to Muskegon, bright and early. Like around 8:30 or so...hmmm...there's no sleeping in this weekend for Holly. I had to be home by 9:30-10 this morning today, so I had to wake up at my friend's house at around 9, which worked out well cause she had to be somewhere. I'm fine with not sleeping in though, cause it's all to do worth while stuff. Like going to mass with my new brother...haha...nah, I'm just kidding there, Aaron...since you'll be the only one that gets that. Oh, and I decided that I don't like conflict with people much anymore. People take things WAY too seriously. It's just highschool, or in some cases, it's just politics. Plus, God frowns on unneccasary conflict. I've been praying for a lot lately, and I know that God wants us to pray and give all our worries to Him, so why do I feel so greedy about asking God to help so many people specifically, or about guiding me in the right direction, or for people to wake up and give their lives to Christ? Just me overthinking probably. That's it. Happy Halloween in one week, ya'll! God Bless.

October 21

I got to go on my first real date ever tonight. It was nice...he makes me giddy and happy and smile constantly. Thank You Lord. And now...school tommorow...ugh!

October 20

My eyes hurt...owww...I think I've been on the computer too much lately. Nah, I take that back...I KNOW I have been on the computer too much. Ewwww...

October 19

I'm sorry for being so human and imperfect. I'm even sorrier for feeling as though rebelling against You would make me feel better. I'm sorry for the pride I was overwhelmed with. I'm sorry for saying I hated him...hate is Satan playing with my heart, telling me that I don't have to feel pain anymore if I just let him control me. I'm so sorry for allowing myself to be taken off the path You want for me so easily. I'm sorry for using words I know You disapprove of. I'm sorry for not listening to the little voice in my head that tells me to be good because of You. I'm sorry for saying the things I said, doing the things I did, feeling the way I felt. It was all wrong. I was all wrong. Hate isn't what You want for us. I proclaimed I wished death on him, and I wasn't kidding...how could I do that to You? How could I allow myself to put such a gap between us? I'm asking for You to forgive me...I know you will even though I am so very unworthy. I am so flawed, so imperfect, and yet You love me. You love me more than anyone ever could. I feel it in every moment I'm awake, and even while I dream at night. You made me who I am...and that is how I chose to repay You? I don't hate him, I'm stopping the words full of bitterness and I'm releasing the contempt I was holding in my heart. I live for You, only You. All I know to say is...I'm sorry. And I love You above everything and everyone else. I want this guilt extinguished from my soul. I want to be good for You. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

October 14

Why do I even bother getting angry with him anymore? It doesn't do any good. He'll never actually care.

I got bored so I did another random survey on the useless xanga site...nah, they aren't useless, I really do enjoy reading other people's.

October 13

I don't like being sad, I swear I don't. It just happens when I have too much time to think. I'm having father troubles yet again...ack. I'm not going to talk about it though because I end up sounding bitter and hateful, and I'm not. I don't trust people to not judge me about it though...well, there are those few that I understand know who I really am and I can talk to everything with. He just disappoints me...a lot.

And why don't adults EVER take me seriously? Yeah, I'm a teenager...but I'm not dumb...I know what I'm talking about a lot of the time. When I say something, why must she always double check it? Why must she always assume that she has to "fix it?" Why can't I ever be viewed as mature enough to make a decision? Can't she trust me? Can't she atleast pretend to give a crap about what I say or how I feel? It seems like the last time she even gave a thought to my feelings is when I broke down and cried...and I hated that. I don't like being venerable, I don't like seeming emotional, and I don't like letting people know that I've upset myself. But is that what I have to put myself thru everytime I want my opinions to matter? It's not worth it. I don't understand why it seems as though she singles me out. I'm not my brother, I'm not some other kid, I'm not her...I'm me. Yeah, I'm a girl. And yeah, I'm a teenager. And yeah, I'm irresponsible sometimes. But not giving me any room to grow is only killing me, not making me learn for myself. Not trusting me is only making me ticked off and makes me feel as though I've never really mattered. I don't want to just be comic relief, I don't want to feel as though I have to perform to make her proud. I don't want to have to continuously prove myself...I shouldn't have to...no one should ever have to. When someone truly loves you, that should be enough...you shouldn't have to live up and constantly prove yourself worthy. I'm a lot smarter than most adults I know. I'm not saying I'm better and I'm not being concieted, but I'm rather mature for my age. My spirituality has helped me grow up a lot faster, and gain a lot of knowledge for myself. So why can't she see that? When it's something as simple as taking a phone message, why can't she even admit I did it right and let it be? Why does she have to question me, then check it for herself, then go against what I tell her and advise her, only to learn that I was right? But that isn't even enough. Oh no, never enough. Then we just back track to the start all over again where, even though I was just proved to have done nothing wrong, its my fault. It's so sad, but I've grown to love hearing that I'm right. I have never gotten that with her. In her eyes, I'm always a foolish girl that should begin planning a life of being hurt and wrong and taken advantage of. I'll be the first to admit that I screw up, I've made some pretty crappy mistakes. But I deserve to be treated like the person I am, not the steryotypes she has branded me with. All I ask is for a simple "okay" next time I tell her something. I don't even need the "thank you." I just want a simple answer of recognition. Just something that stands as proof that I wasn't wrong, that I don't need to be checked up on, or just that she cares about me. I don't feel respected, and that is the crappiest feeling in the world. Even worse than not being loved, because I can pretend I'm loved, I can make up excuses for why I don't feel cared about like I want to be...but the respect thing is far too hard to fake. I respect her. I have for a long time now. I just want her respect in return. I just want her to know that sometimes I can be right, that I can be responsible, that I'm not a steryotype and a fool...I'm me. I'm a unique person that was created in God's image and strives to be a better person day by day. I just want a little respect and maybe just a little trust in return. I need her to stop thinking I'm dumb and understand that I'm growing up, I want to grow up. Geesh I'm pathetic sometimes.

I just want to go down in a dark hole somewhere with a blanket and pillow and lay down for days. I want to be trapped with myself and my thoughts and my prayers. No, I take that back...I want to be alone with my thoughts but then have a certain boy come and cheer me up, because he always does in the end. Even when he causes me to cry hysterically late at night for the first time in a long time all because I think I'm being abandoned. I'm so wierd...how can I worry about nothing at all for so long but then go crazy and worry continualy about one particular thing at a time to an unhealthy extreme. Oh well, prayer cures everything. I would be so lost without the Lord being so good to me and showering me with love and forgivenss. Because I need them both so much...and I am forever thankful for every new day and every new chance I get. Praise be to You Lord Jesus Christ!

October 11

So here's a small part of the list of things in my head that I want to accomplish by the end of my first year at college...wherever I end up going:

1. Actually settle down and join a parish

2. Find a really awsome bible study group type thing and stick to it.

3. Go sky diving (I don't know why exactly, but it seems like it'd be cool)

4. Get a job so I can save up for after college.

5. ...I'm bored with this already, so I'll stop now.

Okay, so listen up though...I've decided that I think I may want to travel after school is done for me. I used to have this plan that I was gonna take a year off before college to go see places and then after that second summer was done, I'd go to college some place. But that plan won't work, because my mom would never let me do that. That's alright though, because I need to wait till after school anyway, that way I know more people. See, this traveling thing only works really well if you have a lot of people living around the country or places that you can crash with...a week here, a day or two there. See, because otherwise it just gets way too expensive, and you don't get the whole bumbing it across the country...ofcourse I'd have a car...so that would be kind of cheating but oh well. I think that's what I may do in six years...after I get out of school, I'll only be 22...that's a good age to bum across the country. That can be my plan for two years...then I can go settle down somewhere, find a normal job, put my education to use, and start a nice little family...I'll live the "American Dream." Not really, but close enough anyway. Hmmm...yeah, that'd most surely be a good life. Holly get educated, Holly travels, Holly settles down. Sounds good...so THAT'S the plan for now. Nothing like planning something six years in advance. It'll prolly never happen, but it's nice to think about.

October 10

I'm glad last week is done now...I love being really busy and I really liked getting to co-be-in-charge of spirit week and the dance decorating, but it'll be nice to not have to worry about that stuff for another few months.

I struggle with having to justify my pride a lot. I need to stop. Just because I do one thing that is really good, doesn't mean that I now get a chance to screw up without consequence or guilt. I can't keep saying to myself, "That's alright though, because overall I'm a good person." That isn't how life goes, that isn't following the Lord to my fullest capability. I have been really good recently...my mind has been pure and free of lust, my actions have been holy and most of what I have said has been sincere and kind. But that isn't enough. It isn't near enough. Those things are all great, it means I'm living for my Savior, but those don't cancel out the sins I have commited. Everytime I have lied, for everytime I have yelled, for everytime I have treated someone unfairly, everytime I've judged, everytime I've had negative thoughts, everytime I've been overcome by pride, everytime I've shown bitterness instead of love...these are all things I must face. They are all things I must continue to pray about to better myself, to truly be the person I want to be for our Lord. I'll just have to try and pray harder.

On another note, this was a very pleasent weekend if I do say so myself. I'm turning into such a girl...but oh well. He's so sweet. Let's see, he put up with me all weekend having to give him orders, he got tangled into one of my messes, my dog got his shoe dirty in unique ways, he waited outside in the morning cold for me to wake up from a mild deep sleep for fifteen minutes...and after all this he never once got irritated with me at all...he even bought me a lovely red rose. I love him so much. And I realize I'm babbling and I realize that almost no one cares about Holly's giddy-ness...but oh well. I do...and he is so wonderful, and smart, and sweet, and adorable, and sincere, and honest, and open, and caring, and talented, and he just makes me smile constantly. Aw, I miss him now.

I'm such a girl...

On another positive note, Nemecheck won the Busch series race and the Nextel Cup race in Kansas...always nice to see some different winners...and the clean sweep of a weekend is kinda exciting too. I wonder if more than two people will even understand what I'm talking about?? Hmmmmm...I understand me atleast. May the Lord's peace be with you always.

October 6

Random craziness...I miss him...a lot, a whole, whole, whole lot. I miss a lot of people...I'm turning into such an emo chick...sadness. Nah, I'll stop being annoying (not that emo kids are annoying...love em all to death, but I shouldn't steryotype, right?) God bless everyone.

October 2

Don't take God for granted, you guys. It isn't enough to just say "I believe." You can't simply say, "I won't do that because it's wrong." You need to stop and consider, "I will do this because it's right." Faith doesn't stop you from living, it gives you something to live for. God wants to be your everything, He wants you to dedicate your whole being to serving and worshiping Him. You are His servent, follow Him, pray to Him, serve Him, obey Him, and cherish Him with all you have inside. Stop making excuses for why we place Him behind earthly objects and desires. Stop taking His eternal love and forgivness for granted. Stop living for yourself, instead, live for the Lord.

Hmmm...its October already. That means only 29 more days until I will have a room, or else...or else I was just a really bad time estimater and nothing will happen except that Holly will collapse out of pure anticipation of finally having a room. Planning to go away to college next year isn't as exciting as it was. There are a lot of reasons to stick around Grand Rapids. I could always transfer at semester or at the end of the year if it drives me nuts. The thing is, I want the independance of living away. I don't want to be able to depend on the realationships I've already formed...I want to be forced to make new ones, I want to go out on a limb everyonce and a while. I should just go to University of Michigan and get on with it. It's what basically everyone wants and expects me to do. And it's a presigous school, so when I move to the other side of the country or something (which I simply must after school is done) it won't be hard to find a job because my education will be well known and recognized. Man, I'm boring you all to death...I'll stop now. Happy October 2nd, I'm sure something important happened on this day sometime. God Bless!

September 28

This online lit class for school is growing on me...I mean, what other class can I participate in a class discusion, while talking to my friends, drinking orange juice, and listening to loud music? None, that's right! Haha...aren't you all jealous of my schoolness...no, prolly not. Prayer time in the morning is awesome...it just fills you with the stength for the day ahead...I highly recommend it.

September 27

So, my one uncle today was talking about how horrible America is, and how evil Bush is...he then got to this part about why Iraq, why not help Sudan? So, he's not listening to my aunt trying to defend the situation, so me being strange and obsessed with politics chimes in. I explained how America is pretty much the only country even trying to give support to the Sudan...we are the only nation calling what their government is doing to them genocide. The United Nations refuses to call it that, they don't want to use labels...maybe because the two reps. from Sudan are on the U.N. council that decides when governments are wrong and are mistreating their people...hmmmmm...just maybe. So, really America is the only good guy that is willing to even give moral support and call unfair and illogical killings geocide. Then my uncle just stared at me and said, "Mm hm." So hilarious, the look on his face..he didn't know what to say. Then later, my aunt thanked me for shuting him up...so wonderful.

Does this look really wrong to anyone else??

I have many of those "compromising" pictures..hmmmm

May the Lord keep you all well!

September 26

Same thing happens to me all the time...haha

September 24

So, my school had a pep assembly today...I got to talk at it and everthing in front of my whole school...hmmmm, yeah, I for sure embarressed the crud outta me. It didn't go well guys. I didn't do a bad speaking job, but the whole thing was so disorganized. It was horrible, and sadly, mainly my fault. We have another one in two Fridays, oh...that one will be perfect! Simply flawless...anyways, if you are one of the people who go to my school...I apologize for nearly completly wasting 30 minutes of your life.

On a happier note, packing stuff into boxes while dancing to crazy children's bible songs brings for a very rockin' time! Wow, yes, we are losers...or maybe just me...haha...wow.

And do you all wish to hear a mildly amusing story? Alright, well my wonderful boyfriend (still feels weird to say...ah well) was over last night to make all my sickness go away because he just loves me that much (insert awwws here). So, we are sitting on my couch, in the dark...but only because I don't like artificial light. And we are talking, but we're kinda close and my head was directly in front of his as we're talking...and then I see my mom kind of standing in a door way behind him. Yeah, so I thought.."hmmm...this looks suspicious, though totally innocent." So my mom today tells me on my phone,

Mom-"You know, I walked in on you two kissing on the couch..."

Holly-"Haha, no mom...I saw you there...we were just talking, you saw it from a wierd angle. I knew it looked suspicious!"

Mom-"Really?"

Holly-"Yes, mom, really. I saw you standing there and everything."

Mom-"Haha, alright...that didn't seem like something you'd be doing, it just wouldn't be very 'you'."

See...mildly amusing...geez, how bad is it when your own mother thinks that you are totally innocent...answer: not bad at all, because I am totally innocent. So there...hmmm, a very pointless update but I felt like typing. God bless you all!

September 22

Did you know that kindness hurts? Did you realize that love enduces fear, and that fear enduces love? I want to smell the lavender rain, I wish to feel the warmth on my neck. I want God's love to cover me, encompass me, and guard me. I need to be held, to be rocked, to be kept. I wish to be yours, to belong only to you. Take me, buy me, hold me, cherish me. I wish to be used, to be taken advatage of, but only if there is a promise of more. More love, more care, more holiness, more of it all. I need to fall to my knees yelling out in desperation to the Lord, I want you by me, yelling even louder than myself. I wish to collapse by you, our faces stained with tears. I want to live small, be humble. I need to give up part of myself. I wish to be had. I want to be told. I need to be lead. I wish for the story to continue. I want the ink to stain our hands. I need the kindness, and the love, but most of all...I need the fear.

September 20

I got bored and posted random edited pictures of me...the link is at the very bottom of this page...oh, so beautiful...haha

September 19

There are so many people that need guidance, that need prayers, and that just need REAL friends. It makes me wonder about the things we need to change about this world. We must remove hate, pride, and self-pity. But how? Lord, protect us and help us become the people You created us to be...

September 14

I want out of high school so badly. I want to be able to live out among "real" people instead of superficial high schoolers. I understand that there will always be superficial, annoying people in the world...but highschool is a center for it all. I truly believe that highschool is where it all starts for everyone...its how you set your personality up for the following ten or twenty years of your life. Sure, college and your carrer choice matters and affects your life in great amounts, but highschool...man, what is it this year? I have never minded going to school this much before. Maybe its because its my last year, or maybe just because I'm not into the swing of things yet. But, it might just be because I've been tugged at and pulled and bothered by this for three years now and I can't take it. I think I have matured a lot of the past year. Yeah, I'm still an immature little 17 year old sometimes, and believe me...I'm positive that there are people at my school who can't stand me, and then there are others that I sometimes get on their nerves. Some of the time it isn't even mutual...not everyone can like you. I don't ask for people to like me, but ideally, I'd want them all to respect me. That might be taking things too far, setting unreasonable goals. What reasons do people have for respecting me? Have I really done things that make a difference? I don't know...I feel bad about being so down about school this year. It's horrible, I truly don't think I have any school spirit...none, nada, zilch, just...0% It's weird considering that I'm our student council president and all. But those two things don't have to go hand in hand. I love student council...its just the school that its managed under I'm lacking fondness for. And its not even anything personal against my highschool...I know its just kids this age in general, and teachers in general, and parents in general, and lack of responsibility in general. I know all this, I'm not nieve enough to think it's just happening to me and around me. Its everywhere...but I want to discover this for myself. I want to live, I want to enjoy life...and I am right now...life is pretty good...I'm just tired of the repetitvness and the superficialness and the selfishness. Hmm, I'm just done now...that was really whiny sounding and I don't mean to seem as though I'm complaining about life or anything. Life is good, God is great. But, life will be a whole lot better after highschool is over...and I'm just really wanting that time to come. So bad, just so bad do I want to go on to the next stage in my life. May the Lord keep you well.

September 13

You know what I thought about a lot this weekend? Well, I thought about how every person I walk by, every person I smile at, just every person...they all have a life story. I think about my life, about my hard times, about the happy times, about all those moments I've been confused and lost and then about how I felt when I was found. I think about my childhood memories; the injuries, the friends, the arguments, the hugs, the wants, the sorrow. I think about the havoc I caused, the things I wish I've done and those I regret doing. Well, every person I see or hear of or share this world with, has thier own life story. They've experienced most of the same emotions and experiences I've had, they have stories to tell and dreams to share. And I'll never hear any of it. For every random face I just pass by, I'm missing out on an opportunity to gain greater knowledge. I'm missing out on an opportunity to understand life just a little better. I've decided that once a day, I'm going to pick out a random face to remember and pray for; to pray for their future, thier past, their hurting, their happiness, their spirit, their purity, their lust, thier hatefulness, thier confusion. Perhaps that time of meditation and prayer will give me just a little greater understanding of others and my personal quest in life. And maybe my prayers will be answered, maybe I can help someone that I don't even know their name, maybe I can make a small difference in this world without the alterier motive of gaining satisfaction from it. Hmmm, just something to think about I guess. We are all children of God, get to know your brothers and sisters.

September 9

I realized today that perhaps I put people on pedastals too easily. I allow myself to be absorbed with thoughts that so-and-so is so perfect, that they have it all together, and that they can help be a guide for me in life. And I know it is all not true. No one is perfect, we all mess up and we all need to turn to God in seek of forgivness when we do. In a way, our whole way of living is corrupted. We have twelve year olds having sex, movies dripping with sin and illustrating these acts as pleasing and positive, and there are people blaming each other for everything that goes wrong in life. We are all in total disallusionment...myself with this election coming up is a strong example for me. Yes, I do want Bush to win, and yes, I do belive with all my heart that he will successfully lead this nation for the next four years. But does that make him any better of a person than Kerry? No. Does that mean that he needs God in his life any less? No. Does that mean that his administration never does anything just to rally together votes and swing a few extra citizens thier way? No. Bush and his campaign do take advatange of certain issues. And they do take advantage of groups and use steryotyping as a marketing ploy. Bush takes the word "Christian" and uses it when speaking about same-sex marriage. He targets to "middle age, classy, men" with his speaking of policies and tax cuts. He steryotypes the American people and uses it to his advantage. So does Kerry. So have all politicians since the dawn of time. Ronald Reagan did it, and it pains me slightly to say this based on the fact that I admire Reagan for all he did so very much. I think that Kerry and Bush are both good people, they are both followers of the Lord. But in the end, they both take advantage of people, which is not good. They are both slightly corrupt with power. I'm standing as a Bush supporter, but I'm not going to ignorantly and blindly be lead into being just a follower because they say things I agree with. I'm going to support who I think will do the best job, but I'm going to understand that no person deserves to be placed up on a pedastal...we are all in need of God's constant forgiveness and guidance. The world is a scary place, we must all embrace the Lord in order to keep it together.

September 7

Aw man, I feel horrible because I'm in a really crappy mood and yet I'm not praying. I'm not letting God handle this with me. I'm instead deciding to create a pool of self-pity and swim in it. Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just trust in God all the time...without any second thought? These are the questions I need to be praying about in search of answers. Yeah, alright...its hardcore, silent prayer time now for me. I'm not going to deny spiritual healing just because I feel like being in a sad mood right now. Love you all and my the Lord keep you well.

September 6

Go to my xanga thing... I did a survey and we all know you love those! Or maybe I'm the only one...hmmm

September 5

I realized that when I'm living on my own, I'm going to end up starving myself. I really only eat if I have a "designated eating time" or if someone else feeds me...very strange.

Alright, so I got my portfolio requirements in the mail today from all my art schools. And five of the atleast ten pieces of work have to be from direct observation. I've decided that since I adore drawing people that atleast three of those five will be of people...and since they must be from direct observation...any volunteers?? I can take a photo and draw off of it, but its perfered if it is done directly from the observation. So, who wants to be a model for Holly's pictures?? I'm being 100% serious...I have some ideas for what you'd be doing and such. Just let me know, cause I need some models. I'm so exicted about putting an actual portfolio together. It prolly won't be very good, and I'll prolly end up rejected...but oh well...because I'll have good times getting there. Today is the Lord's day, rejoice and be glad!

September 3

I've been quite busy this past week, and I have absolutly loved it. The week has had some bad parts, namley having to do with school and such. My older brother and best friend moved away to Ann Arbor to go to school on Monday. The first time I see him may be in October. I hope I get to see him before that, I really truly miss our hilarious conversations over simple observations.

School is messing with my head again this year, and once again, I have been in the counslers office to change my scheduele over three times. It is so bothersome, but I'm not letting it worry me. God knows what is going to happen in my future, and all I need to worry about is pleasing the Lord and living my life performing His services. Prayer is good, prayer is really, really good!

As for today, it was so much fun. I'm going to be a stupid girl and say that Aaron and I are so cute together. You'll just have to take my word on it because no one can ever see our cuteness outside of our families because I'm quite paranoid about being affectionate in public, but hey, that's alright! Aw, and his family is so cool. His little sister is so adorable, and his brother is really funny. It was just a really great day. I love good-bye hugs, so sweet. Alright, I'll stop being a giddy, annoying teenager now. I'm all done....

I hope that you all have a safe and blessed holiday weekend. I love you all and God bless!

August 26

I think I need some reassurance that everthing is alright, that I'm not going against the Lord's will and I'm not constatnly disappointing Him with my total imperfection. I want to be told that I'm going in a good direction with my life. I want people to look at me and respect me for the way I live my life. I want to not take myself on guilt trips because of things I do or say or think. I learn from my mistakes, but its too late, what's done is done, and I'm left feeling empty and scared and angry. Empty because I thought and acted without listening to God and what He was telling me. Without Him I am empty, completely and utterly. Scared because I don't know how to react and because what happens if I simply repeat actions. Then angry because I disappointed my Lord and Savior. I put my own selfishness, temptations, and thoughts above what I knew he wanted for me. All I can do is confess and pray that I will be stronger next time; that I can become a better person day by day. I sometimes feel bad praying for myself, but I suppose its neccessary sometimes, I need help too. I, too, am nothing without the Lord's love and guidance. I am flawed and lost, Lord, I pray that You help me serve Your wants, and only Your wants. I am willingly Your servant, take me, use me, love me, and forgive me. Thanks be to the Lord!

August 24

I'm really starting to like emo music...hmmm, music is good...it is really, really good. I wish I was in a band...a band like matchbook romance or something or maybe dead poetic. My band would actually sing about things, our lyrics would have deeper meanings, they'd be songs that you'd never fully understand no matter how many times you listen to them because everytime you hear it, the meaning changes. The tune would make our songs great for the car, and the deep meanings would make them perfect for sitting at home. We'd write about life, about love, about God, about the past and the future, what we don't understand and all that we try so unceasinly to understand. Everyone in my band would be best friends, we'd travel together, room together, worship together, learn and grow and mature together, both musically and spirtually.

Yeah, that'd be cool...too bad I don't have the energy or the talent to have a band.

I know that I never talk about individual people on this dorky little site of mine...but I really feel that I need to, just this once atleast anyway. There is someone out there that knows what I'm thinking, there is that person who has forced me to look at myself as the person I am instead of the person I always fail to be. He can't be described in a single word because they all fall amazingly short of his character, his spirit, his love, and his intellect. I don't believe in soul mates and I never will...but I now believe in true love. It sounds corny and stupid, atleast in my head, but its the truth. I now realize that with everything in life, its best to just close your eyes and allow the holy spirit to guide you to where you belong, to where you will find unbelivable contentment. And when you get there, you keep your eyes closed, praying your heart out that it will never end, hoping that you're on the right path and that you'll continue to be proved wrong again and again. Because that is the greatest feeling in the world for me. Knowing that God constantly takes my life and my thoughts and challenges me to reconsider for my own good. That someone is so incredible, I thank God every moment I'm alive for bringing someone like him into my life. It's been so long since I've been able to be totally open with someone...people have taken my trust away, but its slowly coming back. Its the silent prayers that speak the loudest, the challenges that make life most worth living, and the fear that makes love so great. God has blessed me beyond all belief, and its all I can do to love Him and worship Him in every action in my life. And for that someone, I won't take him for grantide, I won't assume that I'm always right, and I won't feel as though I don't deserve this kind of happiness. All I plan to do is love and care with all my heart and soul, while keeping my feet not-too-far off of the ground. God will take care of me, He always has, even when I'm too selfish to realize it. The Lord is our shepard...something I've always known, but it took a special someone to remind me of it and truly understand how grateful I am to be part of His flock. God Bless!

August 18

My birthday was absolutly wonderful...just thought everyone should know.

I woke up this morning and heard that it was supposed to storm tonight and got very excited...but, alas, there has been no rain. I love rain at night, its so beautiful and it smells so nice and clean...its almost as though God is cleansing the earth, he makes it pure and good again. Night and water both symbolize new beginings, atleast in my mind, so together just seems like utter perfection. The fog was very enjoyable and pretty last night though, so even if it doesn't storm, I enjoyed the fogginess.

For work, the managers do almost "mock award" things for all of us empolyees...and guess what award I got..."Best Laugh". It makes me wonder if that is how I've ever been described to anyone. "Who's Holly LaFave?" "Oh, she's the girl who squaks really loud and high pitched when she laughs." I'm glad that I got a fun award though, I love my job...not really too much for the work, but my fellow workers are really great, plus most of the customers are very friendly and I love them. Today though, I got attitude from three people in a row about our straw policy. For those of you who don't know...if you ever go to the zoo, "we can not give out dispossible straws for the safety of the animals!" It's one of those things in life that you just don't question, you simply nod your head and go with the flow.

Oh, and yesterday I got the pamphlet from Ronald Reagan's inaugeration...it made me ultra happy. I love life...you're all in my thoughts and prayers, may the Lord protect and guide us all.

August 16

Haha...go here and read the little thingy then do it yourself if your a xanga nerd...it is educational and provides mild thrills!! http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=hollyal412

It's amazing how one moment I can be feeling down and annoyed at how things are going, and then I can be happier than I've been in weeks. I suppose I understand it and I even approve and like it, but I'm still in awe of what complex beings the Lord has made us.

It is my birthday tommorow everyone...I get to be seventeen, finally!! I finally get to legally drive past midnight...I suppose its kind of sad that that is all I really get to look forward to, but oh well. My aunt offered to take me to get my nose pierced and my mom and step-dad very "strictly" told her no...it was funny. Oh well, I'll have to wait the year till I'm eighteen. But I love getting actual mail in the mailbox and my birthday is the only real time that I get my own personal mail-mail. One of my friends is even mailing me a birthday post-card because she'll be on vacation. Man oh man, the things I get excited over.

So the school totally screwed up my scheduale, I have no clue what is going on there. But I'm not worried about it at all. I don't know if its because I really am not concerned about this year at all, or because I'm not looking forward to it that much, or because I am simply in a really good mood right now. I figure things can't go too badly, I'm in God's hands, and I'm always protected and guided.

I'm done typing now, God Bless!

August 7

I finally get to leave Grand Rapids...even if it is only for a week. And then, after I come back, I've got quite the busy lil' scheduale before school starts...darn! Plus most of my college buddies at work are leaving while I'm on my road trip...that's sad. But I will miss them all. Ya'll be in my prayers!

August 4

DAVE HILDENBRAND WON FOR THE HOUSE!!! Just wait, you'll all see him in the white house in fifteen years or so...I'm going to make sure of it. That guy is amazing, so glad he won...but the wildlife park didn't pass and that really stinks. Poor animals, poor economy, and poor future children that will forvever only have our ancient zoo with the lion staring out sadly as their little feet pitter-patter by. That was a once in a life-time opportunity, its just unfair and almost ignorant that it didn't pass. Oh well though...thank you to everyone who went out and voted, you now know that you had a voice in our government and you were heard, your opinions mattered. Geez, I can't wait till I can vote, perhaps I'm into politics a little too much. God bless everyone!

July 31

Man oh man, I love my new friends...and I REALLY miss my old friends. And I miss all the kiddies from school too...ah, the kenowa kids, I miss them. Seeing all but four, er, five of them this summer has not satisfied me. Perhaps I should melange my "outside" friends and my school friends together...I would then be surrounded by some of my most favorite people ever. Oh well, just babbling

I feel really bad because I know that I'm not going to go to church tommorow morning because I won't have time before work. How can I feel guilty for doing something that I haven't even done yet? I can I put work before God...I should just go in an hour late or something, all I need is an extra thirty minutes and I can make it. Stupid early morning work days. And stupid work, I like my job very much, but it takes up a lot of time. Just yesterday, I had to work so I missed the Rock for Life show that one of my friends had been planning for months. Maybe it's not works fault, maybe its my own. Maybe I'm just a bad friend, far too unreliable. Hmm, I think that this needs to change. So, here's my goal for the month of Augest: not bail on any of my friends and disappoint myself for the whole month...ready, GO!

July 26

You can see someone that you haven't seen in oh so long, and yet, still dislike them in a way that almost makes you wish that hate wasn't such a horrible sin...but we must love. I will continue to dislike what she did, but love her as a child of the Lord.

So, I really want to go get all my hair chopped off already now. I found the place to do it, and since I'm donating it, I get a free haircut. And I love things that are free. I need to ask a question here: why does everyone care about their senior pictures? Should I be concerned about if my hair looks awful for them or if I'm wearing the same clothes I've worn for the past three years? Am I going to be remebered by a picture instead of the things I said or accomplished? Are any of us going to really care whether or not we chose the indoor or outdoor setting just so we could achieve the appropriate mood after this year? The answers are as follows: Maybe, yes, and no. When I see someone from the wonderful Kenowa class of 2005 (no sarcasm intended) in a grocery store fifteen years down the line, what will I probably do after I get home...I'll pull out the good ole' yearbook and put a past face with the prestent. I might rememeber little facts like "Oh, they were in French Club" or "They always spoke up a lot in discussions" or "He/she is the one that wouldn't atleast admit that Bush has some good ideas for the life of em'". But in the end, a picture is the only real "memory" of most of my classmates. Does this mean that I haven't developed close enough realationships with people? Maybe, probably. And yet I don't have some secret desire to form life-long relationships with many people in school. I like a vast majority of them, and they are good people...but what's the real point? I'm alright with just being a picture in someone's yearbook. And I'm alright if I still have that "just got her haircut" apperhence for my picture. I'm even alright with the idea of taking a digital snapshot of myself from my own hand and handing that to the yearbook staff and saying, "have fun with it." But people do care, and I'm not saying its bad to care. I even wish that I cared a little bit more because I'm sure I'll eventually have regrets that I missed out on the traditional "highschool experiences"...but I figure I'll deal with it. We all have regrets, and why think about them now? People always say to not think about the past, well, how 'bout we don't think about the future much either. I mean, really, the future depends on the past, and you can't change either of them. Do what means the most to you NOW...because the present is the only time that you have any current effect one.

Yeah, I think I'm getting my hair chopped off this week or next.

July 21

I'm getting quite fed up with summer. Not because I'm bored or anything, but because in about 40 days, it'll be all over. I will then be forced to go through an entire new year of highschool. I have nothing against school really. Most days, I even enjoy it. But the fact still remains that summer is simply better. I would rather go to work everyday than school. I feel so wasted in highschool. I know that there is still a lot to learn, but none of it seems to matter. Analyzing literature and converting radians to degrees just doesn't seem to have much of a point anymore.

It's my last year, and shouldn't I be excited? Shouldn't I be looking forward to my final highschool memories? And yet, this time merely seems like a speed bump that I must slow down for in order to proceed further into my life. Oh well...I still have those 40 days.

July 18

Everyone ready to hear about my day? Cause even though it was pretty average...it was cool! I woke up at around 6:00 and then got ready for mass. My good friend Aaron came with me, so that made it even better. I love going to mass with people instead of by myself all the time lately. I know it's hard though because I work almost every Sunday...but he woke up super early on his day off of work to come join me at church! Such a nice boy...Anyway, I then went to work for eight hours. It was kind of boring , but I got to talk to this one guy a lot that I've never really worked with there before...and he's really cool, so that wasn't too bad. Even though it was over 95 degrees the whole day in that darn kitchen! I then stopped by some people's house and ate dinner and went to 7-11 to get slurpees (it is now my favorite store). Now, I'm here typing this because I'm really tired but if I lay down, I'll fall asleep...and I'm not ready...so there...wasn't my day fun? I prayed my heart out for everyone before and during mass today...I love you all!

July 17

Our Father who watches over us, His children, hear our cries for help. You alone give us strength, and You alone lend us guidence throught the challenges of life. Help me to be a better person, help others to realize thier potentials, and help not only those less fortunate then myself, but also those with riches and love surrounding their lives. We are all equals in Your eyes, help us to see this. I bow down before You, crying out Your name; it is to worship You, it is to be close to You, and it is to give myself up to You. Thank You for the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and thank You for the challenges I must comfront; for each brings me closer to You. I pray for those that know Your son, our Savior. I pray for those at a loss of understanding of Your greatness. I pray that each day, You make us stronger and more obidenant children. For we can do nothing alone, we live because of You and we live for You. In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

July 16

I've realized that I haven't been the person I should be being lately. When I hear people going against God's will, I just ignore it...I have even laughed it off recently. I think I need to take a look at myself and decide what kind of person I want to be. And I know the answer to that: I want to be a follower of Christ, I want to live as an example for others, and I want to support others in their search to find fulfillment with the Lord...even though not everyone realizes that they are on that quest yet. How can I dedicate my whole self to the Lord, when I don't stand up for Him? I don't view serving the Lord as an obligation, but lately, I've been slacking off as His follower. I know what I have to do, and I know that I am going to throw my whole self into it because He is the reason I am here, He alone is our salvation, and He is my life. Just keep me in your prayers if you can...everyone is constantly in mine.

Moving on...life is good! No need for any other words...it is just...good. This summer has been one of the best summers, no, THE BEST summer that I can remember. I have formed so many new relationships with people, and I love that. I don't want it to end...but I know it must. And I know that God has great challenges and experiences planned for me throughout this next year and beyond. It's just such a shame that my life will go back to the routine of school in just over a month...ah well...its my last year, maybe it will be fun afterall! Who knows?

July 13

Lord, you are a God who punishes; reveal your anger! You are the judge of all men; rise and give the proud what they deserve! How much longer will the wicked be glad? How much longer, Lord? How much longer will criminals be proud and boast about their crimes?

They crush your people, Lord; they opress those who belong to you. They kill widows and orphans, and murder the strangers who live in our land. They say, "The Lord does not see us; the God of Israel does not notice."

My people, how can you be such stupid fools? When will you ever learn?

God made our ears-can't he hear? God made our eyes-can't he see? He scolds the nations-won't he punish them? He is the teacher of all men-hasn't he any knowledge? The Lord knows what they think; he knows how senseless their reasoning is.

Lord, how happy is the person you instruct, the one to whom you teach your law! you give him rest from days of trouble until a pit is dug to trap the wicked. The Lord will not abandon his people; he will not desert those who belong to him. Justice will again be found in the courts, and all righteous people will support it.

Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against the evildoers? If the Lord had not helped me, I would have gone quickly to the land of silence.

I said, "I am falling." but your constant love, O Lord, held me up. Whenever I am anxious and worried, you comfort me and make me glad.

You have nothing to do with corrupt judges, who make injustice legal, who plot against good men and sentence the innocent to death. But the Lord defends me; my God protects me. He will punish them for thier wickedness and destroy them for their sins; the Lord our God will destroy them.

July 9

I got cussed out at work today by some lady! She used some very choice words, because she felt that it was too expensive to ride the camels and get a picture taken...there were children around lady!! I haven't heard that much swearing from a lady since Erin Brockovich. I just had to stand there smiling and tell her children to enjoy their ride, but geez, I had some things to tell her right back! I would have done it with less four-letter words, but oh, she's lucky I don't want to get fired. Anyway, after these huge ten and nine hour work days, I'm dead tired. So, I think I might take a nap here...or read a book, I haven't decided which yet. I'll probably go for the book. Goodday and God bless, my friends.

July 8

If it was possible to stop the hands of time, would you? Never, think about all the amazing future moments I would miss out on.

I did a questionaire thing on my xanga page...go read it and do it too...it was fun!

July 7

It isn't quite the 7th yet, but I'm only an hour away!! So, I'm going to cheat just a little. Tommorrow after work, I'm going to get all my "support Bush and Cheney" stuff. It'll be sweet...this whole Edwards being Kerry's running mate worries me. I don't think that Michigan will ever go republican...but I'm deciding to be optimistic, I'm normally pretty optimistic anyway, well some of the time. Everyone that can vote needs to go vote!! And not just for president, but on Aug. 3rd on the new wildlife park...everyone go and vote yes!!! The whole no lobby is going to cast thier votes, and the yes people are just going to shrug it off. Everyone that is for it needs to go vote yes, it'll barley even do anything to taxes, and think about all the jobs and tourisim it would create. So everyone vote...let your voices be heard! I love you all so much...every single person who cares enough to read this, even if I don't really know you that well...you are in my prayers and thoughts all the time. God bless!

July 6

You ever wonder why things happen the way they do? I assume its because of the choices we make and the blessings the Lord bestows on us. But, do we ever just stop enough to count those blessings? I realize that I have been taking things for grantide far too much lately. I haven't appreciated my time with people nearly enough, I haven't thanked God every morning for giving me another opportunity to do it right, and I haven't been understanding about things I really know so little about. I guess all I mean to say is, don't dwell on the bad things in life, and don't ever assume that right now is as good as it gets.

July 3

Alrighty, so I get home from work today and there is no one home. That's fine. But the thing is, our back porch is currently ripped off, so our hidden key isn't outside anymore. And I don't have a key to the bloody house! So, I was locked out. I drove around down Alpine, bought myself a shake, and fiddled on some little side roads waiting for my mother or someone to call my cell phone and tell me they were home. I had called everyones phone to let them know that something was up. Wow, pretty wonderful ain't it?

Well, I then get the news that my mom is not allowing me to wear my favorite pair of pants anymore because there are too many holes. She is forcing me to go shopping...darn! I did convince her to let me keep this pair of pants though, but her and my stepdad said that I am not allowed to wear them out in public or when any friends are over. Why do they care if my friends see me in holey pants? They are in two layers, and only the top layer is torn! I just don't understand, can't I wear them when they aren't with me? Then I'll only be embarressing myself and they don't have to be concerned! My poor pants, they deserve so much love and now they are hardly gonna get any, AND Holly has to go shopping for freakin clothes with her mom. I can't go by myself because she won't give me money to buy them on my own...and no way am I spending my own money on darn clothes. Mm kay, I think I'm done complaining for now...sorry if you actually read this.

July 1

Don't you wish there was a way to take everything back? Not everything, but that which you want back. That by just saying some special word or pushing a button, everything would go back to normal. Back to the way it was before everything got complicated. Back to before the time where you felt damaged and stupid. Back to when you were not forced to question yourself every two minutes. There is no button or word, there is no true solution. All there is, are ways to avoid further devestation. And none of these "solutions" even seem appealing. You can always ignore it...attempt to avoid it, but that's just the cowards way out. But, sometimes the easy way can be the right way. By avoiding a problem, sometimes things can just fix themselves. Of course, there is always the risk of things getting worse, but who knows. Then there is the option of confronting the problem. This virtually can do almost no good. All that it does is make you have a greater understanding of what's wrong...and that doesn't help. It just makes things worse. So, I guess the last option is to just accept it. Just know that it is how it has to be. You can't change it, you can't ignore it, its inevitable. And some things in life just are. Yet, accepting things is the hardest solution of all.

June 30

Hmmm, I feel like today was a really busy day kind of...and yet, I got NOTHING acomplished. Don't get me wrong...it was a great day and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but still...I should attempt to do something productive. Apparently, I was really tired too, because around like six thirty after I got home, I feel asleep. And this sleep was so deep, that I couldn't be woken up for dinner. But it was fine, I wasn't hungry anyway...and I think the sleep did me some good. Tommorow can be my productive day, yeah, it won't be at all...but I can always hope. Why do stuff today, when you can always do it tommorow? Am I right? Or maybe just really lazy?

June 28

So, I woke up at seven this morning just so I could drive out to go to the dentist. Now, I like getting my teeth cleaned...but not this early in the morning. Then, after the cleaning is done, I find out that the dentist want to do something with a tooth. I was clueless, then I found out...A FILLING! I HAVE NEVER HAD A CAVITY BEFORE!!! How could I get one...!! Anyway, they asked if I've ever been gased, and I told them no...but I wanted to try it, so they gased me. It didn't hurt at all, well, they said I'm very sensitive to cold foods and such now, which is gonna suck because EVERYTHING I love is cold. Anyway, here's where it gets stupid...the hygenist lady asked if I wanted silver or white...and I said white because silver ones are noticable (even though its in the very back of my mouth so it doesn't matter at all). Turns out...she didn't ask my mom if it was okay, and I didn't know they charged extra for the white ones!!! Well, my mom complained saying that why didn't they ask her and got the bill waved. They also schedualed my next appointment with me and never asked my mom about that either. I don't get it...even if they thought I looked old enough to pay myself, why would my mom be there??!! It's not like sitting in a dentist office is fun...crazy people. There, that is my story for today...I hope you learned something, cause I sure did!

June 26

Awww, there is a baby bird outside hopping around my patio because he is still too young to fly. I hope he doesn't get hurt, the adorable lil' fella! I saw his mom, so he should be alright...awwwww.

Alright, today this couple bought some food from my window at work, and when I went to give him the change...they were making out! AT MY WINDOW!! And I'm not even exagerating...it was bad. I didn't know what to do...i didn't want to feel like I was watching them and I didn't want to leave my window. So, I just stood there, staring at the money in my hand...it was horrible you guys. Oh, and I saw the best looking guy I've seen since Wednesday...ya, okay so no one will get that but I amuse myself...but anyway, I always get worried about the guys now because once this one's girlfriend got all hissy because she thought I was flirting with her boyfriend. Dude, I was just smiling...I smile at everyone at work...I'm all about the customer satisfaction!! So, anyway, this girl kept eyeing me while I was serving her boyfriend, so I didn't smile for fear of getting complained to. Sheesh, people need to be less insecure! Man, work was long...time to go have some fun! Sorry for talking about my day, I realize it isn't the most interesting reading avalible.

June 24

I have a lot of decisions to make in the next few months...some big and some not so big. That scares me beyond belief because I am horrible at making decisions and now I'm being confronted with all sorts of them. The main reason why I hate having to make up my mind is because what I want, what is good for me, and what I actually end up doing, never seem to actually match-up. I'm waiting for that one really important, life altering choice that will make me proud. I wish I'd sit here and say that I was going to take these huge risks and do what I really want, without worring about it so much. I know that overthinking is bad, but I can't help it. I already know what is going to happen, I'm going to do what everyone else wants or what I think will benefit me most in the long run...but what about now? Isn't my happiness now and in these next few years valid too? Why am I always thinking so far into the future? The future is what I can't control, but I have a shot at controlling now. Maybe I should go more on instinct, less thinking. But how on earth could instinct not lead to more trouble than I'm ready to deal with? I need a personal assitant or something to tell me what to do, an un-biast assistant that knows what decisions are the right ones...even if the right ones don't always leave me happy or the best off. Any volunteers wanting to make decisions for some girl who can't ever make up her mind or keep it there?

June 22

There are so many funny people in this world, and I love them all! Work was alright today, but after work was quite awsome...that's all I really have to say. Oh, and my beyond paranoid grandmother has now completed her first day in New York City...hmmmmm, I wonder how many times she's thought she was going to get mugged by now! My crazy, paranoid grandma...my family is seriously crazy, so I suppose I fit in quite nicely.

I've been praying for all my friends a lot...I mean, haven't seen a lot of them, but don't worry, I'm thinking about you all! Geez, its pretty out right now...

June 21

Alright, I just spent $20 on art supplies!! Even though it is money well spent because I really needed some stuff, I still feel like I blew my hard earned money...geez, I'm cheap. It's twenty dollars though!! That's four hours of work for me!!! I really need to be rich so I no longer have to feel guilty about spending money.

No work today for me, or Wednesday or Thursday, so this should be quite a good week. Last night I got to walk around in a cemetary, something i haven't done in a long time. Don't worry, I wasn't alone, so nothing creepy happened. I know how to handle corpses anyway...they'd be DOUBLE DEAD! That's all for now I guess...hope everyone's having a good day!

June 19

People are stupid...bottom line. I now have tons of stories to back up this idea...i will not share them now, but eventually you'll hear me complain about them all!!

Oh!!! AND PETA EMAILED ME BACK!!! With a real email and everything...they actually read what I had to say and cared enough to write me back!! Okay, so I'm so not mad at them anymore.

Some one send me an actual letter in the mail. It has been so long since I've gotten one, and I LOVE to get them. My address is 2506 Day Ave. Grand Rapids, MI 49544. I don't really care what the letter says, I just adore paper mail. That's it then.

June 18

Alright, so the people in French Club at my school are leaving for France today...well, looking at the time, they have already left for France. French Club, what I was in until I couldn't go to France anymore. You know, I didn't care too much at first that I couldn't go, then I cared A LOT...then I went back to being fine with it, but now...I really, really, really so much I can't even put it into words, wish I got to go. I don't care if I'm planning to go while I'm in college. Hmmm...since I'm angry and semi-depressed...I need something to blame. Should I blame me being poor or my dad's ultra jerkines? I think I'll blame both...i hope everyone takes lots of pictures so I can see what I missed out on. And I really hope that Ms. Clement has an awsome time spending OVER A MONTH THERE!! Geez, I really do love my teachers. That is enough rambling for now...it's my grandma's birthday today and we are having a party for her at my house! I suppose I should change now then...see ya.

June 17

Because of the on and off again rain, I got off work early. And I don't really have any plans for an hour or so, so i'm wasting some time. I got told that I smelled good today! I guess showering pays off! It must just be that natural "Holly" scent...it was kind of an odd compliment, I don't know if I've ever been told that. People have said my hair smells good...is that the same??

Moving on, I really want to paint some stuff. But there are some problems. For one, I only have two empty canvases. Then there is the fact that I'm running low on some paint. I should make a drive to the art store...but then that would require me spending money, and I'm feeling really cheap right now, so I guess I'll just wait and ask for all that fun stuff for my birthday...hmmmmmmm, that is so very long away though. Maybe I'll spend some money afterall!

June 16

The second baby bongo was born at the zoo yesterday morning...but it died very early today. Apparently, it was over ten pounds underweight, couldn't stand up, and possibly had pneumonia. Poor thing. Just another example of how precious life is and how easily it can be taken away...even if to most it was "just an animal."

All I can say is that for as totally tired as I was today, it was an overall good day. Work went by pretty fast and everything. But, boy oh boy, when i woke up this morning...I don't know if me eyelids have ever been that droopy...I hardly even looked like me. But, I'm all good now because even though it was hot, it was still a beautiful day and I got to spend it all outside!

June 15

The feeling of ice melting in the palm of your hand, must be one of the greatest feelings in the world. The cold sensation is pleasurable enough, but the mere idea that something that took hours to create and form can be destroyed in under a minute by body heat. The idea of the liquid dibbling off your hand and the feeling of the emptiness afterward is an incredible feeling.

Also, parents using physical violence toward their children is just disgusting. To teach your kids that violence is the answer to disagreements is sick and wrong. Exspecially, when these parents use this beating and spanking in front of other children...to demonstrate these acts of rage is to steal away part of the blissful innocence of a child. I say a silent prayer for every abused or beaten child I see or think about.

June 14

I actually put the update thing on my official Xanga page thing...it was kinda long...so check there.

June 13

There is not much to say, except that after the rain...it was truly one of the most beautiful days I have seen in quite a while. Just sit back and be in awe of all God's glorious creations for we are truly blessed.

June 12

I am going to tell everyone about my day, even if it bores you...because, frankly, that's all it was to me. I woke up and took my ACT's. I really did enjoy doing the math section. I may be turning into an even bigger nerd...geez, how can I enjoy math? I think it was just fun compared to the rest. But, I must tell this to you all; there was a passage in the reading section that mentioned how perfection has to be imperfect...and I thought, "wow! I just wrote about that on my webpage yesterday! What a strange coincidence!" And it really is. I then worked for six hours or so...I am now here, at home, finishing a dinner of apples and veggie dogs wishing that my body would let my take a nap. But, it won't...maybe I'm just not tired enough yet. I switched hours with someone at work so Monday I'm all free...so, if anyone wants to do anything, give me a call, or email, or instant message thing, or whatever. I must participate in atleast one fun activity ever day I'm not working. It is my "official" mission to squeeze every, last drop of excitment out of this summer. Oh yeah, and I love Kendall College A.D., they sent me this huge clear envelope of information...makes me feel quite important. Don't forget: there is always someone dumber than you somewhere.

June 11

No matter how hard you try, you just can't win. People can't be pleased, so it's almost useless to try. This is why I must now create a kind of perfect world, a utopia or what have you. In this world, there will be no sadness, no worring, no shame, and no controversy. There are many flaws in this plan, but maybe I can overcome them. For one, everyone's idea of "perfect" is different. It is impossible to have the perfect house, or the perfect guy, or even just the "perfect" food. Asides from that, the general idea of "perfect" is good. And I, need controversy and imperfection to be happy. Things that are too "good" tend to make me uncomfortable, and just not very happy. Lock me in a room with flowers, and cupcakes, and pink elephants, and I'll be clawing at the walls to find an escape. I need disagreements and arguments and anger and even selfishness to understand life. So, my perfect world is one with imperfections. So I suppose the new plan is to create a world with "just the right" imperfections and to make everyone feel the same way I do...but, then won't that make there be no arguments or conflict?? Then, my perfect world won't be perfect. It would be a boring, heartless, meaningless, vulger existance and that's what I wanted to avoid in the first place. So I guess the new plan is for everyone to create their own personal utopia for themselves, inside of ourselves. Even though it sounds cheezy and unimportant...it really makes a huge difference to claim imperfection. For after we all do that, we can construct a truly flawed and ideal world.

June 9

Not a whole lot to say, but I will share a little piece of information I stumbled upon late last night. It read "Jennifer Lopez is a strict catholic." I seriously started talking to my computer I was in such a state of shock. Yes, that's right, according to the media, Jennifer Lopez, with three marriages and all, is a *sigh* strict catholic. My gosh...I'm pretty sure she can't take communion anymore. In fact, I'm positive since she's had two divorces; no annulments or forgivness classes or anything. How could she be a stict catholic? I'm just wondering Mr. New York Post writer.

Today was a good day...yes sir it was. Well, with the exception of having to spend an hour on ACT review. Eeks!!! It's this Saturday...I didn't even remember till Tuesday. Wish me luck ya'll. And adios muchachos and muchachas!

June 8

My gosh, summer sucks. The heat is depressing and makes everyone cranky. Then there are the bugs that are everywhere...they are crawling on your arms, flying around you face, and buzzing in your ears. Then there is the fact that I can actually feel my intellect deteriorating and my mind melting as I drift my way to becoming stupider (TOLD YOU!). And to top things off, i have a zit right by my nose and it's hurtin' and driving me crazy. But, in spite of all of these horrible aspects, I still love it and look forward to it all year long. Just another part of life I will never understand; we dislike, yet love things all at the same time. I'm not trying to show parallels in my life between "summer" and "people or a person" so don't get worried. I wasn't trying to be profound, just whinny. Works pretty well now, don't it?

June 7

So, Tony awards last night...was I the only one who watches them?? Anyway, it was a good show...a new yearly tradition for me I guess.

Stanley Cup game tonight. Go Tampa Bay!! I'm not really a fan, but at the start of the finals, they are who I picked, so GO! GO! WOOT! WOOT!

Working is hard work. I only get to see people in hour spurts here and there and I only have two days off. And there in the middle of the week. "Yeah, guys. Wednesday and Thursday I'm free as a bird." It's okay though, because I really do like my work and there are some really awsome people there. My brother got back from the U.P. today. I was glad to see him, but then I decided that he is a huge jerkface and it'll be nice to not have to live with him anymore. I must add, having a car to myself was fun!!!! Geez, what a jerkoff...I need a beer!! Root beer that is!!!

June 6

I found out today that I'm the youngest one at my work. But, three new people found out that I was only 16 and they were quite suprised because they "would have sworn that I was in college." College!!! Lil ole' me? Maybe my work clothes just make me look older, or maybe my friends just know how old I am so I look that age. I must share this though: I got back from work and decided to watch a movie. So on HBO there was this movie and the two people were "kinda in love." But the point is that they wanted to wait to have sex so as to not spoil anything and it made me happy. Even though it's fiction, it was nice to see two people in love on tv that didn't have to go at like jackrabbits. Amen, am I right???

June 5

My favorite president died today. Even though I knew it would happen, he was 93, I still wasn't prepared. I know most people will think it's crazy to get all upset over the death of a person I've never actually talked to, I still am. I can't even go to any huge services for him because I'm too young and my mom won't let me go alone. I've been lucky in my life, I mean really lucky. No one I've been super close to has died (with the exeption of my grandpa, but I was too young). And now Ronald Reagan's death makes me almost teary eyed. It's like when you put a pencil at the bottom of the door to keep it open, and well, my pencil just broke and that door slammed shut. Pray for his family you guys...your prayers will be heard. Love you all.

June 4

There is nothing like the last day of school to put a person at high spirits. I guess I will miss talking to some people from school. I only see a handful of them over the summer. I did make some "new friends" this year though, so maybe I'll see more than I think. Summer seems to be spend time with friends from outside of school, my family, and me time. Now, just 2 months and 12 days till my birthday. Another reason why summer is the best season. 17...isn't it exciting? So, I was looking at art schools around Michigan today online...holly crap (did it on purpose)!!! People are so good. I mean, compared to the students at some of these schools, I'm a total beginner. Good thing I have a good 12 months to put a portfolio together. I really don't want to go to normal college...if I must though, I must. Oh, and for anyone who cares, I am a self-proclaimed mathamatical genius on account that I got an A on my FST exam. I told you I'm not as dumb as I sound...

June 2

Alright, I was cruising the web and I found this little rhyme that I thought was quite adorable, so I will share it with everyone out there. It was on my luann comic site...as some may know, I am quite obsessed with the luann comic strip ('specially little puddles the dog). Here goes:

Need a joyful word or two?

A happy cheer or shout?

Need a smile to light you day?

Tough, 'cuz I'm all out!

It's not meant to be mean...just a nice little poem that doesn't take much thinking about. Today I decided it is probably best to give up trying to understand people. I can't understand girls, I can't understand boys; it's driving me crazy. But, I have come to the conclusion that I think that's the way it is meant to be. Life isn't meant to be understood...so it's the same with people. Another one of God's great mysteries. I'll have to remember that one for when I die and "all life's questions can be answered."

May 28

Today was a complete waste of time. Well, the school part anyways. What are these teachers thinking. If we aren't going to do anything, they should call and tell me to stay home. That's what they do if they don't need me at work. If only the school didn't care so much about kids getting a good education...shame shame. That's it for today so far...nothing exciting, nothing profound. Just...there.

May 24

Three big things that I got irritated about today. Excuse me for my rambling but, here's the list: 1. People being freakin' hypocrites. You can't say something and then turn your back on it just because it is inconvenient. Most surely, when you are being hypocritical of something as important as life itself, literally. My respect for so many people just crumbels more and more every day. Number 2. Public displays of affection really do wierd me out. Why might you ask...here's why. It really does make strangers feel weird to have to see you and your little sqeeze hugging, rocking back and forth, and sharing syliva. It's just not a comfortable moment. If you really care about one another...you should not have to prance around screaming it at everyone through body language. Yes, yes, good for you...you "found" someone. I'm glad your happy, but with that said, STOP TOUCHING EACHOTHER SO MUCH!!! Hold hands, give a nice little hug goodbye, dont turn wherever you are into Disney-level Jr. Porn. Maybe its just me, I know I'd never do that kind of thing. Obviously I just "don't understand what it's like to be in love."...Gag me, gag me now. Silly children and immature elders. Number 3. It is possible to get so mad at a person, you actually want something bad to happen to them. Now, I don't hate anyone...I would never turn my back on God like that, but man, oh man...do I dislike a certain person today. The stupid thing is, she didn't even really DO anything. Just said somethings that were utterly out of line. Maybe people should stop and think "if you can't ever say anything nice, maybe you should just sit down and shut you mouth" Just food for thought.

May 19

I thought I'd share some fun facts I learned today with you all: 1. The fruit bat is the only mammal that can fly...its true 2. Wolverines are the only animal that will actually kill for no other reason than pleasure 3. If you shave a tiger, thier stripes will also be on their bare skin 4. If you give and octapus an empty peanut butter jar with a treat inside, it will actually unscrew the lid, eat the treat, then screw the lid back one. Sometimes it actually gives the jar back to the person who gave it to him/her. 5. You can tell if a snake is poisoness by looking at if thier cheeks are puffy. Puffy cheeks=venomous Now, for the question of the day: Why do flamingos stand on one leg

Answer: because it they lifted both their legs, they'd fall down!!! Funny, funny...

May 18

So, I spent almost an hour last night reading random people's xanga sites...some I don't even know personally. I found out that a lot of people choose to write random opinions about God and religion and morals. I would just like to take this time to clear something up: there is nothing wrong with saying that your beliefs are right and those who don't agree with you are wrong. That's how I feel about the matter...I'm not shy to let other people know that I KNOW I'm right. Isn't that what believing something is all about...my faith and morals are things I know I'm right about. So, if I'm right...if I have absolute faith that my beliefs are true (thus why I believe) then doesn't that make other opinions wrong? And what is wrong with that...its logical. Not to mention the fact that so many say "don't force your beliefs on other people." Don't force my beliefs!!! What do you call what you're doing right now for number one...then number two (for all you "Christians" reading out there) guess who did force his beliefs on others...our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I strive to be like Christ and to devote my life to doing his work and preaching his word. God is the Almighty, he lends us his mercy, his forgivness, and his endless love. It's the least we can all do to be warriors for God and speak out on his behalf. When someone is doing something wrong...tell them, you'll be doing them a favor and be working for the Lord. To sum up here...don't go around spinning hypocritical crap on people who actually believe something and try to help others because of it. Don't tolerate others just for the sake of it...live for Christ. And quit caring about what others will think because of it...afterall...the only opionion that matters in the end, is the Lord's. Always strive to please.

May 17th

Dudes...working this week kicked some major butt...I love working at "The Pad" okay so only I'm calling it that but everyone else will pick up on it soon enough, after all...I AM a trendsetter...*cough cough, gag gag* I can't believe it! Now I'm mocking myself...ehhhh, so tired and yet, I'm not. The seniors are leaving this week...I'd be sad but that means I'm a Senior, come on ya'll dance for me!!! One year left in this town...then everyone can help me pack. This week is unbearably busy...I love it though

May 14th

Have not let everyone know about my life in over a week!!! Everyone must be so deprived. So someone asked me yesterday why I don't just make a xanga instead of going out of my way with this page. Hmmmm...lets think about me here, I like being difficult for one, and for two...why do what everyone else does if I can be special and different. Plus then everyone else must go out of their way to read about me...if you care, you'll do it!

May 7th

Prom is tommorrow and guess who's going in the prettiest dress in the whole wide world...Give up?? Everyone but me...hahaha, almost had you there didn't I...didn't I you crazy dingus.

April 27th

National Pro-Life Tshirt day today!!! Pray to end abortion.....

I am currently sitting on my computer about to type out a paper about "Best Effort" out to my wonderful friend Stacy Conson. She's just lucky that I feel adiration and God hold such a great importance in life or else SHE'D be writing this long one page (double -spaced) paper...geez, if only I weren't so nice

I got a 4 on my timed writing today. I guess atleast I broke my 8 streak...just went in the wrong direction. Am I really that bad of a writer?? Well, actually she said that the writing was good but I missed the central idea of sarcasm...whose to say if he was being sarcastic. I hope no annoying little highschoolers ever sit in a classroom writing about what I was trying to say about my topic...to every man his own interpetation...man oh man.

April 22nd

Guess what...!! Two really fun things now...I get to start doing my Junior Achievment little kid teaching on Thursday the 22nd...AND I start working at the zoo THIS SUNDAY!!! I know... I really didn't want to work on Sunday's but they need people now and it won't be until 11am so...its money!!! and the ZOO!!!!

April 21st

Tuesday is NATIONAL PRO-LIFE T-SHIRTS DAY!! I expect everyone to participate...

Also, one of my favorite teachers ever, Ms. Sue Link...is once again a grandmother. She would seriously be one of the best grandmas of all time. Besides me that is ofcourse, but I'm pretty hard to top as a grandmother.

I am now on chapter 3 of Harvest Moon:A Wonderful Life. Very exciting...no more caring around my little boy though...

What else here...the title for the book I am going to start this summer is called "Vomit in Your Eye" I know, it's amazing, no need to compliment me on it...lol

started a new site becuase the old one annoyed the crud outta me...

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Further Thoughts...

About Me (what could be more exciting!)
Funny stuff right here
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