1."Hanna!" (BW3's)
2. The Acorn (And tailgating at Dondero HS)
3. "I always use husky brand" -Claus
4. "Where's the hand gesture, dick!?" -Szilvagyi
5. "Why did Thornberry take that fucking shot!?" - M. Claus, K. Hanna, M. Ellsworth, J. Melvin, BJ Cooper, A. Brown, A. Richard, Chris Baker, and yours truly, at SVSU for the Carmen-Ainsworth game
6. The Interview- Kirk Hanna and Mike Claus at Chippewa Valley
7. The Hospitality Table, Berklee HS
8. "Weiiinnnngartzzzz!" - The Jungle
9. "Ahhhhh!" (Sappy when faced with an Andrew Brown overhead)
10. "You just knocked my mountain dew out of my hand! What kind of a pass was that?!"
11. "Don't you play in the Flint Metro?" - Claus
12. "What the hell are you talking about Felix!?" - Claus (again)
13. "Boink-boink-PASS... You you you you- AHHH!... Nuts and bolts, Nuts and bolts, WE GOT SCREWED!... Elevator Elevator we got the shaft!... Is that not the scoreboard clock? Yes that is the scoreboard clock! Is that not the referee? Yes that is the referee! Is that not the losing team? Yes that is the losing team! Is that not the winning team? Yes that is the winning team! Is that not OINK? Yes that is OINK! Scoreboard! SCOREBOARD! Referee! REFEREE! Losing team! LOSING TEAM! Winning team! WINNING TEAM! Oink! OINK!... We, we've got that Clarkston beat, it goes..." - The Jungle
14. "FUCK the V!" - Mike Ellsworth
15. "Best Cheering Section - Kosmo loves the Red Rowdies (Orchard Lake St. Mary's) and the Blue Crew (Lakeland), and he still can't get over the fact that he heard some Kosmo catcalls at a Birmingham Groves game earlier this year, but the Great Seer's heart is still with The Jungle. How could it not be when Mike "Santa" Claus gave him a belated Christmas gift on Friday and, wearing his new Kosmo T, did a television interview that helped promote the Kosmo Cause. See ya in East Lansing, Mike?" - KOSMO
16. "Fruit Cup! Shut the hell up!" - The tennis fellas
17. "Good to see you in church Smith... after what you did." - Chas "Mr." Claus
18. The "asshole" prom table
19."Fuck!" - Sappy after being hit in the eye for the third time in one match
20. "Fuck!" - Sappy after being hit in the junk with a rocket tennis ball at Deer Lake Racquet Club
21. "These are just plastic. What are you going to do when you drive a car?" - The Holly Tennis Coach
22. "That joke didn't come out quite like I planned, maybe I need to work on it some more." - Jay Martello
23. "If you have a function f(a), and it has a hole, is that an f of a hole?" - Paul Marks
24. "Eat. Drink. Smoke. Prom '03." - Mr. Cook
25. "So if you think you're smart, you're not." - Me
26. "Elyse, NO."
27. The "moment of silence," road trip to SVSU.
28. Roses are red, like the holly coach's face, when you smashed his scorecards, all over the place. - My "kiss a senior goodbye" from CENSORED.
29. "You weigh less than me? Aww it's OK..." Courney Barker, to Nick Munchiando
30. "Do you have a registration for that lawnmower?" - Our Chode Liason
31. The Macy Gray look alike, stoned in Greektown, writing on the window of Pizza Papalis while we ate after the Tigers/Yankees game. After the writing, she made a motion that appeared to be her smoking a joint, gave us a nice big stoned smile, and tossed the imaginary joint at the window. Yeah, it was weird.
THE WHOLE STORY
32. "It's a game of Inges," "Ramon, hit it to Santiago, Chile," "Yankees Suck D,"
"Ticket to the game: $14
Hot dog and pop: $8.50
Yankees' payroll: $2.3 billion
Watching the league's worst team beat those damn Yanks: Priceless,"
"U lost to the Tigers on Polish-American Night"
33. Bomber Jacket Day
34. "I think African-americans look better in white" "She looks like she just fell in the mud" - Quotes from my sister while she was watching the Miss Universe competition
35. The Christmas Carol lunch table
36. "If i make out with Merz, can i make the list?" - Amanda Nichols
37. "I want to be on the list." -Todd Merz
38. "Don't put Todd on the list. He's not list worthy." -Elyse
39. "Bob Sagat is a genius!"- Adam Richard
40. "I am too list worthy. Stupid Elyse. Let's see her shoot a 73."- Merz
41. "If you're a pot smoker, and you don't own a ukulele, you're fucking up." -Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam, at a concert June 25th.
42. "Wow, that sure does look like Tigue." - Mike Claus, at Lindsey Tigue's open house, looking at TIGUE'S school pictures.
43. The chicken girl with a mom who just wouldn't wave back.
44. The girl whos nationality was black from the waste up, and white from the waste down.
45. The Lebowski outfits
46. "Andy my roomate is from South Korea... like really from South Korea, like Seoul" - Bharath
47. The Dave Matthews Roadie Golfers
48. "Not to mention, everybody knows you're going to get screwed that night" - My sister, talking about why weddings suck.
49. "I have known her since I was an infant... we were best friends." - Nichols
50. Only Todd could say something so completely stupid... the world is shocked
51. Hazard lights driving- Me, Melvin, Hanna, and BJ
52. "No! Give him the whole half!" - My Dad, after I had given my brother less than half of this huge cookie.
53. "Pizza and Kool-Aid" - Dan Howard
54. The QWERTY Picture (both of em)
55. "Andy I dont know if I have the ability to play your role of persitance and positivity so you have to drop the elyseness." - Elyse
56. "If I was a rapper I'd be named Lil' Cash Flow." - BJ
57. Justo Lamas. Ha.
58. Lauren Trager (34 ACT, 4.0 GPA,) is now the official cash register attendant at Meijer Gas Station. Now that's what I call justice.
59. "I think I'm gonna start dating Todd Merz." -Elyse
Visit the new message board and leave me one.
IN THE NEWS
Todd Applies for Scholarships
Todd Merz was always a respectable kid, an upstanding member of his community willing to lend a joint to anyone who asked. But when applying for a scholarship at Oakland Hills Country Club, things began to spiral out of control. The application, quite simply, is quite unacceptable... with a dab of drug usage coupled with a smigen of alcohol references that make his work truly humiliating to all who have, will, and continue to know Mr. Merz.
"I've worked here for four years and I don't want to be stuck in a dead-end job like this all my life, so I have decided to go to college and learn to do something. Granted this is not my main objective of college - that instead it is to get away from my parents so I can get high and drunk as often as I want. I plan on avidly pursuing this goal for at least four years (hopefully more - seven is my current goal). While in college, I expect to meet some girls who become better-looking through the use of alcohol and who are willing to let me get them drunk and take advantage of them as many times as possible. Age, race, weight, sexual orientation-none of this matters as long as they are drunk enough to do me. Therefore, Oakland Hills should give me this money because, well, I damn well deserve it for lugging bags around for so long, and it will further my dreams of becoming a groupie of the band Phish,and maybe attaining a college education in the process."
Amanda Nichols wrote pretty much this whole f***ing article, but I wrote the good part... Just thought you should know.
Attempt to meet Dave Matthews Band foiled
Acting on an anonymous tip, three men from the Clarkston area set out the morning of July 1 to meet one of the most famous bands in America. Armed with video cameras, band merchandise, and a positive attitude, Andy Smith, Todd Merz, and Mike Claus left for Pine Trace golf course, using inside information that the band would be playing at 12:30 under the alias "McHugh." The McHugh party did in fact arrive to play that afternoon, however, they were not DMB at all. They were DMB roadies. So those three guys have video of a bunch of guys who move speakers and stuff. But they probably know Dave!