Q: How many caped crusaders does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: None. They like the dark.
Q: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his little-league team?
A: He was the bat-boy.
Q: How does Batman's mother call him to dinner?
A: (tune of 1960's theme) Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman!!!
Q: Why did Bruce's date go badly?
A: Because he has BAT breath!
Q: What does Batgirl wear to bed?
A: Her Dark Knight gown!
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
A: Get in the Batmobile Robin!
Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.
"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!"
There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: None, because none of these characters exist.
One night, after a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road.
After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living daylights out of her.
Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.
As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
" Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
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