Higher
Kimiko
Duo shuddered as Heero's mouth caressed his bare flesh, crying out as
he found his release, his hands tangling in Heero's hair. The Japanese
pilot smiled up at him, love plain in those usually emotionless eyes.
"Duo," he said, "ai shite - "BZZZZZZZZZZ...
Duo blinked groggily at his alarm clock, then swung a fist and struck
it heavily, cutting off the sound. He blinked at it again, willing
his eyes to focus. What time was it? What did it say?"7:31" flashed at him in neon blue, blinking annoyingly as the backup
radio alarm clicked on. "Kuso," he swore, tumbling out of bed and
swatting the little unit once more on the way. He tore the sheets off
the bed, bundled them up, and tossed them atop the pile of other such
waiting in the corner of the dorm room for a day when he had time to
wash them. Duo unbraided, brushed, and rebraided his long hair
quickly, donned his school uniform, and dashed out the door,
resolutely shoving his dream to the back of his mind.[When dreaming, I'm guided to another world
Time and time again
At sunrise, I fight to stay asleep
Cuz I don't wanna leave the comfort of this place]Duo dashed back into his room and retrieved his almost-forgotten
notebook, then pelted headlong down the hall toward the class for
which he was very nearly late. "Chikushou," he swore, sliding in the
door of the classroom just before the bell rang."Oi, Heero," he called irrepressibly. "I'm not too late, am I?" He
plopped down unceremoniously next to his fellow gundam pilots. "I
miss anything?""Hn. Baka." Heero turned toward the front of the class and stared
fixedly at the blackboard, ignoring Duo."Saa, man, lighten up," suggested Duo, slapping his friend on the
back. Heero pinned im with a Death Glare, and he eeped faintly.
"Che," he swore, "Sorry, dude. But you know I only do it 'cause I LOVE YOU!"
Duo made kissy-face noises and batted his eyelashes at Heero, then
ducked the other pilot's flying fist. "KIDDING, MAN!" he cried. "It's
a JOKE! Get a GRIP!" Heero grunted and returned his attention to the
teacher, who was beginning to take roll.Duo watched the Japanese boy out of the corner of his eye, struggling
not to blush. /That was stupid, Maxwell,/ he thought, /universally
stupid. What did you think, he was gonna say he loved you back, like
in that dream?/ Duo sighed, propping his head on one fist. /God, I
wish that damn dream was real./[Cuz there's a hunger longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake]"MAXWELL!" Duo came back to reality with a start, face to face with
the small, wizened man who taught their physics class. "Are you
here?" asked the teacher dangerously."Physically? Hai. Mentally?" Duo paused for effect. "Iie. Gomen
nasai, sensei. It won't happen again."The teacher gave a sharp nod. "See that it doesn't."
"Baka," Duo thought he heard Heero mutter. The American sighed again
and began half-heartedly taking notes, his mind still on Heero. As he
blindly transferred the teacher's words to paper, he found himself
playing the dream over in his mind, remembering each detail. His
pants, he discovered, were suddenly too tight. He mentally kicked
himself and tried in vain to concentrate on school.[So let's go there
Let's make our escape
C'mon let's go there
Let's ask can we stay]Heero watched Duo out of the corner of his eye. What had the baka
been thinking about? Stupid. Spacing out during lecture was one thing -
even Heero did that on occasion, though he'd never admit it. But
ATTENDANCE? You had to be a SPECIAL kind of stupid to space out
during roll call./You're wrong about that,/ said a tiny voice from the bottom of his
mind. /Except for the special part.../That gave him pause. It wasn't the first time the voice had spoken
up, but it was the first time he'd allowed himself to listen and really
consider what it had to say.Hai, he conceded, Duo was special. He and Quatre were the only ones
of them who had managed to project the normal-teen image, and not just
on missions./But it's more than that,/ the voice prodded. Aa, it was, Heero
realized. Duo was everything Heero could never have or be. Duo was
the childhood he'd lost. Duo... Duo was a truly beautiful human being
with strong morals and a big heart... and the most amazing eyes...Iie. He didn't have a choice; he was not a person, he was a soldier,
a weapon - a means to an end. It didn't matter what he felt. He had to
turn a blind eye on his emotions. He couldn't feel this way.But oh, if he could... it would have to be Duo.
[Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets]/What are you thinking, baka?/ asked another thought-voice, louder
and threatening. /He's a boy! You're a boy! Think about it!/Homosexuality was not a crime, Heero reminded himself. Most people
accepted it. This wasn't the 20th century A.D./But Duo's Catholic!/ said the voice. /Catholics have always - WILL
always have a problem with same-sex relationships! He'd be disgusted,
afraid, tell you you'd burn in Hell - probably say you endangered HIS
soul for feeling this way!/Hai, Heero thought dejectedly, that was true. Anyway, it didn't
matter. He wasn't allowed to feel.[Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate those nights and those dreams
But my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the the earth and my dreams the same]/Someday you will,/ said the smaller voice, the voice of hope.
/Someday the war will end, and you will be able to feel again./Right, he thought. But would he know how? Feeling was something he
hadn't done in quite a long time - and it had always hurt./Love is the key,/ whispered the hope-voice. /Once you have that, you
can get through the pain, because you see the light at the end of the
tunnel. Nothing can hold you down./But what if you loved the wrong person? Heero wondered. What if what
you felt was wrong?/Feelings can't be wrong,/ said the voice. /They're too pure./
[The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate]Later that evening, Duo grinned at the guy behind the desk in the
dorm lobby. "I need a new set of sheets," he said."Again?" laughed the upperclassman.
Duo heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Puberty, man," he said. "Gotta
love it."The guy grinned back at him. "It's fun while you're asleep, at least."
"Aa," Duo agreed, taking the sheets. "Thanks, man."
"You're just lucky it's not Sumiko's shift!" the guy called after him.
"I checked the schedule!" Duo shot back, already halfway down the hall.
He entered his room and quickly did a half-assed job of making the
bed, then flopped down upon it."Heero," he muttered, stripping down to his boxers, "why'd I have to
fall in love with you?" He sat down and unbraided his hair, still
damp from the shower after the basketball game, and tugged a brush through
it dejectedly. "It's - not - like - I - have - a - chance," he said,
in rhythm with the brush strokes, then began to redo the braid."I don't know," he muttered to himself. "I just don't know anymore."
Why Heero? he wondered. Why not a nice girl somewhere who knew how to
feel things, and maybe even express her feelings? Why not someone who
was capable of loving him back?He switched off the light and climbed into bed, sighing as he drifted
off to sleep./Why me?/
[So let's go there
Let's make our escape
C'mon let's go there
Let's ask can we stay]Heero turned over in his bed, glaring at his clock. It was 1:37 a.m.
He had been trying to sleep since 11:13, when he had finished his
homework. Two hours, twenty-four minutes was too long a time to
remain awake after going to bed. He didn't understand why he couldn't sleep.
It was a simple task - close your eyes, stop thinking, recharge.Mission not accomplished.
/It's Duo,/ he realized suddenly, sitting straight up in bed. /I... I
feel... I want to be withhim. I feel. This is what it's like? It does
hurt... but... only because I'm not with him. I feel. I love him./I FEEL./
[Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets]He rose and dressed quickly, shoving a hand though his hair, then
left the room without bothering to turn on the light./He's Catholic,/ echoed over and over again in his mind. He clamped
down on the thought, walking more quickly down the hall. /It's worth
it. At least I'll know./He came to the door of Duo's room and knocked briskly. Grumbling and
rustling issued from behind the door, then heavy, thudding footsteps
could be heard. The door opened, revealing a very disheveled Duo, who
blinked blearily at him. Heero's voice suddenly decided it needed a
vacation, as he realized Duo was wearing only a pair of black silk
boxers."Yeah?" asked the American sleepily. "What d'you want? Is there a
mission?"With effort, Heero tore his eyes from Duo's torso. "Iie," he said far
more huskily than he intended. "I... I have to talk to you about
something."Duo motioned him in, and Heero entered the room to sit at the desk
(which was currently masquerading as a pile of dirty laundry). Duo
plopped down lazily on the end of the bed, heaving a sigh."What the hell did I do this time?" he asked.
Heero blinked at him, unsure for a moment of what to say. /Of
course,/ he realized. /Every time I "have to talk" to him, I yell at him about
some petty mishap that, more often than not, isn't even his fault./"Heero?" asked Duo. "Aren't you gonna at least tell me what I did?"
"Nothing," Heero replied. He winced inwardly at the inaccuracy of
that statement, and corrected himself: "Everything."Duo quirked an eyebrow at him. "Make up your mind, dude! Which is it?"
Heero sighed and decided to start at the beginning. "I've always
believed that the best way to live life is to act on your emotions.
But I was always taught not to have any. I thought I didn't, but...
tonight I realized that I can and do feel." He took a shaky breath,
not meeting Duo's eyes. "For you. I know your religion... wouldn't
tolerate it, but... I... I love you, Duo."[So let's go there
Yeah let's go there
C'mon let's go there
Let's ask can we stay]Duo stared at Heero, belatedly realizing that his mouth was hanging
open. He closed it. Unable to keep the shock from his voice, he
asked, "You WHAT?"Heero looked away. "I thought you might... feel that way. But I had
to tell you - it... it seemed worth the risk..."Huh? Feel what way? He hadn't - hadn't SAID anything about how HE
felt.And couldn't seem to work his voice.
"I'll go now," Heero was saying, standing and moving toward the door.
That brought Duo's voice back in a hurry. "Matte!" Heero turned.
"Aa," he said, "I guess you're allowed to lecture me... But thank
you... for teaching me to feel again.""Baka!" exclaimed Duo. "What would I want to lecture you about?"
Heero was staring at him as if he'd grown another head. "That... that
homosexuality is a sin, an abomination. That God forbids it. Don't...
don't all Catholics feel that way?"Duo began to laugh. "THAT'S what you thought? Man, where do you get
your information on Catholics, anyway?""Nani?"
"That's what they USED to believe... like, CENTURIES ago, dude." Duo
waved his arms about in a grand, eloquent gesture meant to convey the
hugeness of the time span he described. "We don't STILL believe that
stuff, man!""You don't?"
"No!"
"So..." Heero took a breath as his eyes slid away from Duo's. "You're
not completely disgusted with me?""No WAY!" said Duo vehemently, his expression serious for the first
time in another person's presence since... he didn't know when. "I
couldn't be disgusted with you, Heero, because... I love you, too.""You do?" It was Heero's turn to sit with his mouth hanging open.
Duo nodded. "I have for God only knows how long. I... I didn't think
there was any hope for... *us*. You said you didn't think you could
feel - well, everyone agreed with you. Quatre said I shouldn't keep
torturing myself. But... I couldn't help it. Tears filled his eyes as
he remembered all the pain, all the despair. "That's why... I spaced
out in class today. I was tormenting myself about you." He closed his
eyes, and a few tears slid from under his lids."Duo." The voice was closer to him than it should have been, and he
looked up. Heero was standing before him, and reached down to brush
the tears from his face. "It's all right now." Heero knelt, bringing
their faces only inches apart, and kissed him softly.Duo felt like he was flying.
[Up high I feel like I'm alive vor the very first time
Said up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams and make them mine
Said up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams and make them mine]Duo slid his arms around Heero's neck, hauling him closer, and
deepened the kiss. He parted his mouth slightly and ran his tongue
across the line between Heero's lips, and Heero opened for him
eagerly. Their tongues intertwined, caressing and tasting, in a slow,
erotic dance. When they came up for air, they discovered they were
tangled together on the bed.Duo grinned mischievously. "Perfect." He glanced down at Heero and
discovered that he could see EVERYTHING through the spandex shorts.
"How can you stand to wear those things, man?" he exclaimed.Heero smirked. "Maybe I should take them off."
"Good idea!" Duo yanked the spandex off, then began to stroke Heero's
rigid member. The Japanese boy moaned and collapsed bonelessly on the
bed. Duo grinned and brought his mouth to his love's shaft, caressing
it with his tongue as Heero had done to him in the dream. When he
looked up, Heero was panting, his eyes squeezed shut, his hands
fisted in the sheets. "Somebody's having fun!" Duo exclaimed cheerfully,
then resumed what he had been doing."What about you?" Heero managed to breathe, his voice a mere whisper.
Duo made a thumbs-up sign and waved it at Heero, not wanting to stop.
"No," Heero murmured, his voice stronger now, "I mean... it's my
turn." He reached down and dislodged Duo from his member, then kissed
him passionately. "Uh... do you have..." He blushed, unable to finish
what he'd been about to say.Duo grinned evilly at him and pulled a tube of lubricant from under
the bed. Heero just stared at him. "Why do I have it? A guy can
dream..." On closer inspection, the lubricant proved to be brand-new,
never-been-opened.Heero smiled at his lover and squeezed some lubricant onto the
fingers of his right hand, then pushed Duo onto his back with his left. He
worked one finger, then two, into Duo's tight opening and Duo hissed
in mingled pain and pleasure."I don't want to hurt you," Heero whispered. "I'll stop if you want."
"Ii... iie..." Duo panted. "...keep going..." Heero worked in another
finger, then another, as he smeared more of the lubricant on his
throbbing shaft. He removed his fingers and placed his member at
Duo's opening, then entered him slowly. Duo moaned, and Heero paused.
"No... keep going..."Heero's smile widened and he closed his eyes, letting the sensation
of Duo surrounding him overwhelm him as he thrust deeper, then pulled
back, then thrust again. Soon the two were moving to the rhythm of a
dance as old as time, forward and backward. Heero reached his hand
between them and stroked Duo's member lovingly, panting and moaning,
then cried out as he found his release. "Duo!""Heero-koi!" Duo called, joining him.
They lay together for a time, neither wanting to move, staring deeply
into each other's eyes. Duo reached a tentative hand up and smoothed
the hair back from Heero's sweat-drenched brow. He smiled softly. "Ai
shiteru, Heero," he whispered.Heero nodded. "Zutto ai shiteru."
[Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streetsCan you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets]~OWARI~
