Mirror My Desire, Part 4

Classes for the following day were a welcome distraction. Jander knew, with little effort, he could navigate the day without having to once see his brother: this could only become a challenge if Zeke purposefully began to search for him.

A hand clamped down on Jander's shoulder, causing him to startle perceivably. However, the assailant ignored his loss of composure.
"We missed you at yesterday's game!" Came the cheery greeting.
Jander's shoulders slumped slightly, the tension draining from them. "You don't know how glad I am it's you!"

"Yea? I'll bet you have an apology for me and the team, right?" The vivacious girl winked, following Jander as he resumed walking. He rolled his eyes at the comment.
"Sure, Kaya, I would really love a formal statement with the team. Seriously, though. I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight either."

Kaya pouted theatrically, expressing her profound sadness in a mock fit of tears.
Jander grinned as best he could, but the thought of post-school activities was weighing heavily on his mind. He couldn't go to practice, since that would mean arriving home just as his parents left. Being alone... With Zeke. I don't think I... Can. I wouldn't be able to control myself. Yesterday...
Jander remembered the occurrences in slivers of slow-motion memories, bright, recent and very real. Every scent, every sensation, every word were seared into his mind, recalled promptly at any passing thought. I liked it... For that short moment... I liked it.
"You're a thousand miles away, aren't you?" Kaya's face came into focus. Jander didn't realize he had been so distracted, walking and responding automatically. "S-sorry. I was... thinking."
Kaya nodded knowingly, a Cheshire smile creeping over her face. "Ahh- I know that dazed look anywhere." She steered him into a chair, perching on the desk before it. "So, tell me who she is!" She declared, eliciting many looks from the students around them.
"W-what??" Jander spluttered, sinking lower into the seat, not liking where the innuendo of conversation was leading.
"Oh, don't play dumb; Skipping practice, daydreaming during class, and the lowest test scores to date." She pointed at the test board, Jander's 25th placement proving her point. "It can be only one thing." Nudging him encouragingly and batting her eyes, Kaya drawled; "You've been bitten by the love bug."
Jander sunk even lower. "No, no." He squeaked, and cleared his throat, coloring at the sound of his strangled reply. "You've got it wrong. I'm not-"
But his explanation was cut off by the professor entering, and promptly chasing Kayla back to her assigned seat.

Am I really being that obvious? Jander thought desperately, glancing at the other students. For the first time in his life, he felt very revealed. With all his confidence and popularity, Jander couldn't help avoiding every glance toward his transparent demeanor. Most uncharacteristically, Jander avoided the teacher's glance throughout the entire lesson, silently praying that he would not be called to answer.



End of classes came all to quickly for Jander's taste. Though his parents would be home for the first portion of the evening, they had a long-planned dinner party set that was not about to be canceled.

Unless I told them.

At the very back of Jander's mind was a voice that had become more raucous over the past month, telling him that revealing the situation was the only way he could solve it. But pride, dignity, and fear of humiliation all held him deathly silent. Admittedly, there was also the deepest root of acceptance that concealed his relationship with Zeke.

Perhaps it was that undercurrent that made Jander turn toward the field and join the practice, assuring during that evening he would not face his parents before confronting his brother.



Moonlight was just beginning to spill over the rooftops when Jander made his way home. The evening was graced with a warm breeze, brining the scent of blossoming trees across the suburbs. Houses were dotted with golden windows, though the street lamps had yet to turn on. Jander paused, leaning his back against a large pine tree. His stomach was in knots that no amount of slow breathing or reasoning could untangle. He would speak to his brother tonight, alone, uninterrupted, and solve this. It couldn't go on, at the rate he was being effected, it was just a matter of time until somebody found out. But how was Zeke reacting?

No, I won't regret my decision to talk. I'll never admit it. It just won't happen. But I can talk to him, I can talk him out of it. I can...

Jander repeated the thought like a mantra until he reached his front door. He pushed it open, his breath hitching as he quickly scanned the entrance hall and visible family room. Zeke was nowhere to be found. Feeling he should put up a front of normality, Jander threw the door closed, and called cheerfully that he had arrived home.

Zeke's answer was delayed, just as it usually was when work held his attention. Jander breathed a sigh of relief. The scene seemed to be picturesque normality.

Good. Now I can talk to him candidly, without being distracted.

Jander kicked off his shoes and let his bag fall to the entrance table before plodding up the stairs in the directly of Zeke's voice. He paused at his brother's door, childhood apprehension of entering the room welling up once again, but Jander pushed it down and swung the door open.

Zeke was sitting with his feet propped on his desk, tilting his chair back as he read. He didn't glance up from the book. Jander gulped, the sight of his brother brining back a plethora of visions from the previous day. His will to stay focused wavered momentarily.

"Zeke. I want to talk to you." He managed, surprised how level his voice sounded.

Zeke set down his book, raising an eyebrow as if it was with the greatest of surprise that he found confrontation from his twin. This quickly disconcerted Jander.

"Look, don't play dumb. I want to go back to the way we were." He argued, vaguely aware that this was not completely true. He wanted something, but it wasn't a clear picture in his mind. All he knew was that the current situation wasn't the ideal.

Zeke regarded him with a steady gaze, notably aware of his brother's indecision.

"Really?" He asked, his voice low.

Jander's heart clenched rather painfully. No, he didn't want to be so separated as they were, but he also wanted the awkward atmosphere that surrounded them to dissipate.

"Well... No, I-"

Zeke cut him off, standing and approaching. "But you don't know what you want."

Jander became defensive. "I do; I don't want this. I can't stand being near you, now. All I can see is what we've done, how awe... How awful..." Jander couldn't keep back the tears, his voice cracked and he gave up explaining. "Just. Stop." He turned to exit, but was stopped by Zeke. He grasped his brother before he could run for the door, and held him still by the shoulders. "Jander." He breathed, cupping his brother's face in his palms and gently wiping the tears away. "Don't fight this. I know you like it, just accept that we need each other." Zeke leaned closer, stopping his twin from pulling away. "At least..." He mumbled, brushing his lips over Jander's cheek. "...I need you. Don't take that away from me."

But Jander fought as always, clenching his jaw against Zeke's mouth and insistent tongue. However, Zeke did not push this time, only brushing butterfly kisses over his twin's mouth and neck.

Caught off guard by this display of genuine affection, Jander couldn't help but relax. He didn't feel threatened and Zeke's words were churning in his mind. Would anybody else ever need him that desperately? It felt validating, to have a person so absorbed with him. Slowly, Jander began to return the kisses.

As his twin's shy and hesitant mouth met his, Zeke sighed inwardly with relief. Everything he had tried to date had brought Jander closer, but for all the wrong reasons. It created a bond forged on tension and a need to confront one-another to ease the pain of shame.

That's not what I want. Comfort. Jander, I want you to be comforted by me...

Zeke forced himself to let Jander pace their actions. When his twin became more adventurous, Zeke matched him, but never brought on the next level.

Jander pulled his brother closer, closing the gap between them as he wound his fingers through Zeke's hair.

It was Zeke who broke the kiss, parting to lean his head against Jander's, who met his gaze.

"Tell me." he whispered, not diverting his gaze. "Tell me if you want to stop. But give me a chance to prove this is right."

Jander's hands were now visibly trembling, and Zeke grasped them tightly between his own. "Won't you?"

Of all the scenarios that came from Jander's piece-meal plan for confronting his brother, this was not one of them. He had imagined they would share a brotherly hug, and Zeke would admit he had been wrong and it was just a passing phase. Or in the worst case, Zeke would refuse to give up his feelings, and Jander would be forced to deal with it on a day-by-day basis. But now Jander felt a warmth toward Zeke that had never been there before, despite the times they had shared in their youth. An understanding blossomed between them.

And he wanted to continue.

"Yes." Jander's reply was barely audible, but Zeke heard it. He felt it, in every point of his being. Wrapping his arms around Jander, he simply stood, hugging him fiercely.



The moon's brilliance was welcomed through the open window along with a faint summer breeze. Jander awoke to it, not remembering falling asleep, though feeling euphoric: he was warm, comfortable, and being held.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Zeke's voice was soft, quite close to his ear. Jander opened his eyes sleepily and shook his head. He turned over so he was on his side, facing Zeke. "How long have I been asleep?"

Zeke smiled, brushing a blonde strand away from Jander's forehead. "Just a bit." He leaned forward, kissing Jander's neck softly, trailing his tongue down his bare chest.

"Zeke..." He mumbled breathily. "... Did you undress me while I was asleep?"

The other boy looked up, shaking his head. "Not completely." A shadow of his past leer flashed over Zeke's face.

Jander propped himself up on his elbows, looking back at Zeke's features. Lit only by the moon's glare, his hair was painted silver and his skin cast an alabaster white. The only color seemed to emanate from the blue gaze that had not wavered from Jander's eyes.

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered hesitantly.

Jander shook his head, strands of hair whisping to halo his face. Zeke smiled up at him, running his hands delicately down his twin's bare chest. He crawled up so he was kneeling under Jander, and trailed kisses down to his nipples. Zeke teased, nipping, reveling in the moans that met his attentions. When his twin's voice became too audible, Zeke straightened enough to claim his mouth in a lingering kiss.

"Shhh, Jan. Our parents are back home now." He whispered against the other's lips.

"Maybe we should wait." Jander offered.

"Maybe we should just be quiet." Zeke ran his hand to reach the band of Jander's boxers, and paused there, brushing his thumb over his navel.

Jander sucked in his breath, tossing his head to the side. "Maybe..." He managed, glancing back at Zeke.

Taking this as encouragement, Zeke slowly drew down his twin's underwear, brushing his semi-erect cock in the process. Jander closed his eyes, stifling cries with his hand as Zeke ran his tongue over the length of his shaft. He tangled his fingers in Zeke's hair, guiding him further down. Zeke continued licking and stroking, but before he could cry out too loudly, he stopped and slid on top of Jander. He ground into the other boy, brushing their erections together while stifling groans of encouragement with a full kiss. Jander found his wits enough to slide a hand in between them, stroking Zeke softly with the rhythm of his motion.

"Yes... Jan..." Zeke closed his eyes, burring his head in the crook of Jander's shoulder, nipping and sucking softly.

Also breathing raggedly, Jander wrapped his legs around Zeke, pushing their erections closer together with ever pulse, quickening the pace along with his twin, nearing the edge.

"Zeke..." Jander hissed, gripping the other boy's back tightly as he gyrated, bucking his hips upward. Zeke reclaimed his mouth, sliding his tongue to battle with his brother's, all the while moving against the same sweat-slickened body as his own. He growled low in his throat as he thrust roughly, his orgasm followed by the mirror beneath him.

Spent, Zeke let himself fall beside Jander, both boys sucking in great breaths of air after the deprivation of stifling cries that now lay silent on their tongues.
After a moment of repose, Jander turned his head toward Zeke, meeting the blue gaze that had been upon him since they finished. He smiled, lacing his fingers with his twin's. For the first time in his life, Jander drifting into sleep beside his lover, silently promising it would not be the last one.

End.


Viger Persinger, March 2001. Replication of this page layout, its contents and ideas is strictly forbidden under penalty of law.