Just In . Directory . Columns . Dictionary . Search   Log In . Register 
Anime » Fushigi Yuugi » Run Away text size: (+) : (-)
Author: ami-chan200
R - English - Angst/Humor - Reviews: 3 - Published: 01-24-03 - Updated: 01-24-03 id:1198638
Run Away by Ami-chan

Marsie's notes: When you read this, please be sure to have a hanky ready.;_;

Spoiler warning: Just in case you don't want to know what happened to the twins, and you wanted it see it first - God only knows why, I loooove spoilers . . .he, he, had the whole series mapped out before I had seen any of it - then don't read it. I mean, even if it is cute and sweet and simply heart wrenching! Oh, and just a note, this is in Suboshi's prospective . . .I don't think I ever mention their names . . .but how many twins are there in FY, anyway?

General Warning: Yes, this is limeish. Meaning, it is suggested that there is incest, and, so it would be about males. If you don't like that, don't read this!! And, this is mostly my opinion, and stuff, so, um, whatever.

____________________________________________________________________________ ______

As I brought you up, one final time, in my arms and kissed you, I saw your eyes widen in surprise. It wasn't the first time we'd kissed, but I knew it to be our last. Soon, you wouldn't remember any of it.

You slumped in my arms, your head lolling to the side. I told you then, that I was sorry, and I was. I loved Yui. Don't get me wrong, you are and have always been my first love, my brother, my twin, my soul. But Yui needed healing, she needed my help, even if she wouldn't see it. Maybe I wasn't sure if this was best for me, but for you, a life with true happiness, true love . . .you always cared for me, even when I didn't deserve it. Now, it's my turn to care for you, and pay you back. Pay you back by leaving.

Brother, I'm too cold now, too filled with hate and vengeance. Your heart is as pure and hope filled as ever. You still think worth thoughts. I would only hinder you in a new life. It's better, this way, even if you can't forgive me . . .but you won't even know you have anything to forgive. You won't know. You will be as free and unburdened as you always should have been.

I almost want to kiss you again, to not simply leave it with just one last kiss. You are even more angelic in your sleep, so peaceful. Everything you are, and should be. I'm lost. Maybe I always was.

Do you remember? Do you? The first time we kissed? It was cold, so cold, and it was raining. I was afraid, and you were too; you were trembling against me, but you were brave, and I was not. Truly, my better half. You always knew what to do, talking quietly, soothing me. I was crying. I cried a lot, then, I think. You never cried. Or, if you did, it was when you were alone so I wouldn't see and be even more afraid.

I looked up at you, and what a pathetic sight I must have been, shivering, wet hair matted against my head, as we huddled together in our make-shift shelter. But you smiled, and your eyes light up. I still can't understand how you did that; even know I can't smile so brightly. You told me I was beautiful, and brave, and that it would be alight. And I believed you, because I loved you, and you were never wrong. I kissed you, then. You were surprised then, as well. But, I was even surprised, that first time. You have always been gentle, and I've never understood it. After all that happened, you were still kind. You almost didn't kiss me back. Always sweet, always hesitant. But I insisted; I wouldn't stop. You let me have my way, because you wanted me to be happy, and I wanted you. You were warm, alive, comforting . . .I remember your soft moans and screams. I hurt you, but I didn't mean to. You didn't cry, though I think you wanted to. Why did you let me? How could you love me still?

Yet, you took me in your arms, and you held me, and kissed me, and told me it was alright, that I hadn't really hurt you. That, I think, was the first and only time you'd ever told me a lie. Or, it was the only one I recognized as a real lie.

Somehow you knew I needed a release, and offered yourself, and I took it, selfishly. Anything for me. How much have you sacrificed? How much more would you sacrifice if I continued to let you? No, brother, it's time for me to do some sacrificing for you. Even now, though, I have my own selfish reasons. I am sorry. You did everything you could, but I am still as I always have been. I love you, but it makes me sad that my love is tainted, when you love me with such pureness that it frightens me. You wanted only the best. Well, this is the best. For both of us.

I leave your unconscious body for a moment, just a moment. We are not alone, and I must pay back the Suzaku no miko; it was her fault that Yui is filled with anger. It is all her fault.

I try not to think about you, and what you would say if you were to see. I love you, but I love Yui, too. But, you'll never know, and that's okay. I'm not like you. I'm not honorable, not anymore. I threaten her, as you would never do, as you would never consider. How is it we are so much the same, and yet, completely different? You deserve a good life. I deserve my hell.

All my threats are for nothing; Tamahome, symbol flaring on his forehead, appears to stop me. It's really okay with me. I don't think I could have hurt her like that, not even for Yui, knowing you were so near.

But, the Suzaku warriors are a threat. They probably wouldn't hurt you, and I know they would hurt me, but that doesn't matter. I want you away from them. If you wake up, and they remind you who you are, or, who you were . . .I can't have that. Your life was meant to be perfect, and I would only drag you down like I did before if you knew.

I gather you up, and race off, but the remaining Suzaku warriors don't follow because, as their miko said, you had saved her life. Saved her life . . .saved everyone you touched, even me. Me, who made you go to them. You didn't want to; you couldn't hurt a fly, but I demanded it, since Nakago insisted it had to be you. You were better at it, calmer, and, to make me happy, you did. I think it made you happy that you failed. I felt your heart breaking as you slowly killed them; what a relief to your gentle heart to have failed such a task. After that, you felt you deserved to die; I know now that they didn't kill you, but, at the time, it had seemed to be my fault, I had made you go. Even so, nature saw fit to give you another chance, one you so deserve. I'll see you get that chance again.

For a time, I just held you, wishing that things could have been they way you saw them. How hopeful and proud you are! Be that person again, be happy, live the life I never could. And, most importantly, don't remember. Your heart, now cleansed of my memory, of my hatred and sorrow, can be free.

I place you beneath a tree, where they will see you, and I wait. Soon, they find you, and they are worried, but happy you're okay. You should have people worry and care about you. It's fitting because you always worried and cared about me. I love you. This is how it should be.

A tear slips down my cheek. I always cry, but this time it's warranted; I've just said goodbye to my soul, the angel with my face, and a pure heart. I will never see you again. I already know this. My future is set, and it is dim. I will die. But you won't remember; you won't miss me. I shall always miss you.

As I crawl back into the shadows, where I now belong, I can't help the heartache I feel. You are not dead, but to you, I was never alive. Be happy, for me. I shall never be, though, in my heart, I am happy for you.

Once again, I run away. I do that a lot. I run from problems, from my fears, and now, I'm even running away from you. Yet, this is how it should end. My brother, my love, stay well. And forget. Forget me.

~The End~