|R - English - Angst/Humor - Reviews: 3 - Published: 01-24-03 - Updated: 01-24-03
Marsie's notes: When you read this, please be sure to have a hanky
Spoiler warning: Just in case you don't want to know what happened to the
twins, and you wanted it see it first - God only knows why, I loooove
spoilers . . .he, he, had the whole series mapped out before I had seen any
of it - then don't read it. I mean, even if it is cute and sweet and simply
heart wrenching! Oh, and just a note, this is in Suboshi's prospective . .
.I don't think I ever mention their names . . .but how many twins are there
in FY, anyway?
General Warning: Yes, this is limeish. Meaning, it is suggested that there
is incest, and, so it would be about males. If you don't like that, don't
read this!! And, this is mostly my opinion, and stuff, so, um, whatever.
As I brought you up, one final time, in my arms and kissed you, I saw your
eyes widen in surprise. It wasn't the first time we'd kissed, but I knew it
to be our last. Soon, you wouldn't remember any of it.
You slumped in my arms, your head lolling to the side. I told you then,
that I was sorry, and I was. I loved Yui. Don't get me wrong, you are and
have always been my first love, my brother, my twin, my soul. But Yui
needed healing, she needed my help, even if she wouldn't see it. Maybe I
wasn't sure if this was best for me, but for you, a life with true
happiness, true love . . .you always cared for me, even when I didn't
deserve it. Now, it's my turn to care for you, and pay you back. Pay you
back by leaving.
Brother, I'm too cold now, too filled with hate and vengeance. Your heart
is as pure and hope filled as ever. You still think worth thoughts. I would
only hinder you in a new life. It's better, this way, even if you can't
forgive me . . .but you won't even know you have anything to forgive. You
won't know. You will be as free and unburdened as you always should have
I almost want to kiss you again, to not simply leave it with just one last
kiss. You are even more angelic in your sleep, so peaceful. Everything you
are, and should be. I'm lost. Maybe I always was.
Do you remember? Do you? The first time we kissed? It was cold, so cold,
and it was raining. I was afraid, and you were too; you were trembling
against me, but you were brave, and I was not. Truly, my better half. You
always knew what to do, talking quietly, soothing me. I was crying. I cried
a lot, then, I think. You never cried. Or, if you did, it was when you were
alone so I wouldn't see and be even more afraid.
I looked up at you, and what a pathetic sight I must have been, shivering,
wet hair matted against my head, as we huddled together in our make-shift
shelter. But you smiled, and your eyes light up. I still can't understand
how you did that; even know I can't smile so brightly. You told me I was
beautiful, and brave, and that it would be alight. And I believed you,
because I loved you, and you were never wrong. I kissed you, then. You were
surprised then, as well. But, I was even surprised, that first time. You
have always been gentle, and I've never understood it. After all that
happened, you were still kind. You almost didn't kiss me back. Always
sweet, always hesitant. But I insisted; I wouldn't stop. You let me have my
way, because you wanted me to be happy, and I wanted you. You were warm,
alive, comforting . . .I remember your soft moans and screams. I hurt you,
but I didn't mean to. You didn't cry, though I think you wanted to. Why did
you let me? How could you love me still?
Yet, you took me in your arms, and you held me, and kissed me, and told me
it was alright, that I hadn't really hurt you. That, I think, was the first
and only time you'd ever told me a lie. Or, it was the only one I
recognized as a real lie.
Somehow you knew I needed a release, and offered yourself, and I took it,
selfishly. Anything for me. How much have you sacrificed? How much more
would you sacrifice if I continued to let you? No, brother, it's time for
me to do some sacrificing for you. Even now, though, I have my own selfish
reasons. I am sorry. You did everything you could, but I am still as I
always have been. I love you, but it makes me sad that my love is tainted,
when you love me with such pureness that it frightens me. You wanted only
the best. Well, this is the best. For both of us.
I leave your unconscious body for a moment, just a moment. We are not
alone, and I must pay back the Suzaku no miko; it was her fault that Yui is
filled with anger. It is all her fault.
I try not to think about you, and what you would say if you were to see. I
love you, but I love Yui, too. But, you'll never know, and that's okay. I'm
not like you. I'm not honorable, not anymore. I threaten her, as you would
never do, as you would never consider. How is it we are so much the same,
and yet, completely different? You deserve a good life. I deserve my hell.
All my threats are for nothing; Tamahome, symbol flaring on his forehead,
appears to stop me. It's really okay with me. I don't think I could have
hurt her like that, not even for Yui, knowing you were so near.
But, the Suzaku warriors are a threat. They probably wouldn't hurt you, and
I know they would hurt me, but that doesn't matter. I want you away from
them. If you wake up, and they remind you who you are, or, who you were . .
.I can't have that. Your life was meant to be perfect, and I would only
drag you down like I did before if you knew.
I gather you up, and race off, but the remaining Suzaku warriors don't
follow because, as their miko said, you had saved her life. Saved her life
. . .saved everyone you touched, even me. Me, who made you go to them. You
didn't want to; you couldn't hurt a fly, but I demanded it, since Nakago
insisted it had to be you. You were better at it, calmer, and, to make me
happy, you did. I think it made you happy that you failed. I felt your
heart breaking as you slowly killed them; what a relief to your gentle
heart to have failed such a task. After that, you felt you deserved to die;
I know now that they didn't kill you, but, at the time, it had seemed to be
my fault, I had made you go. Even so, nature saw fit to give you another
chance, one you so deserve. I'll see you get that chance again.
For a time, I just held you, wishing that things could have been they way
you saw them. How hopeful and proud you are! Be that person again, be
happy, live the life I never could. And, most importantly, don't remember.
Your heart, now cleansed of my memory, of my hatred and sorrow, can be
I place you beneath a tree, where they will see you, and I wait. Soon, they
find you, and they are worried, but happy you're okay. You should have
people worry and care about you. It's fitting because you always worried
and cared about me. I love you. This is how it should be.
A tear slips down my cheek. I always cry, but this time it's warranted;
I've just said goodbye to my soul, the angel with my face, and a pure
heart. I will never see you again. I already know this. My future is set,
and it is dim. I will die. But you won't remember; you won't miss me. I
shall always miss you.
As I crawl back into the shadows, where I now belong, I can't help the
heartache I feel. You are not dead, but to you, I was never alive. Be
happy, for me. I shall never be, though, in my heart, I am happy for you.
Once again, I run away. I do that a lot. I run from problems, from my
fears, and now, I'm even running away from you. Yet, this is how it should
end. My brother, my love, stay well. And forget. Forget me.