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Evangelion: Kaworu x Shinji
Warnings: PWP. Lemon, angst and Sap. Roo’s secret recipe
"Kaworu!" My name splinters the thick night air.
Moving my famished lips away from his long, white throat, I gasp for breath.
"Do you like this, Shinji? Do you like it?" I whisper across the delicate shell of his ear, sliding my hand down his frail frame to cup the heat between his legs. I am gentle at first. I press my trembling palm to his tender mound, teasing him with just enough pressure to deny any satisfaction.
His innocent autumn eyes arrest me in supplication. My heart melts and I flatten my hand, rubbing the glorious evidence of his desire. This time I provide enough friction to earn panted breaths from him. Encouraged, I resume my feast upon his neck and shoulders.
"Oh, God. Oh, God.. Ka…wo…yes!"
He drives me to the brink of madness with his wild little humps, bucking his fair hips up to my touch. I am harsh. I smile, rubbing him through his white cotton briefs, making the material wet with his weeping fluid. He whimpers, begging me for more…
I mount him, letting him bear my full weight. Hot, hungry hands grasp at the back of my shirt, pulling me flush against him. Delicious. Succulent. I want to devour those pristine little lips, wet them with my lust and bite them until they bear my mark. Always and only mine, little one. My Shinji-kun.
He stares deeply into my crimson eyes, searching, as always, for answers to questions not yet formed by words…
I know. I know, Shinji.
I bruise his mouth with my kiss, suddenly overcome with the urge to love his fears away. I know.
He lets me kiss him—searching eyes still open—his mouth relenting to my brutal invasion. I lick his tongue, map his mouth, steal his breath and swear my love within the confines of that kiss, bewildered even now. Human bodies are so fragile… singing silently in a universal opera of love. Can you hear me, Shinji-kun? I sing only for you. Play me a duet…
I circle my pelvis, pulsing into him. My eager boy gasps, his shuddering breath wafting across my face. I roll my hips in a heavier rhythm, pressing our manhoods together.
Ivory sculptured flesh grinds against my own, and finally his hands press the globes of my buttocks forward to meet his ache. It is magnificent, but too soon. I pull away, leaving him bereft in my chilly wake. His eyes glaze over; dark brown wisps dampening on his sweaty forehead. How did I manage to bed you, human child? So sincere and trusting. My brave Shinji. My believer. You must have known I had been born to meet you…
"Kaworu? Take this off?"
He clutches my red shirt, shyly tugging it upwards. A slow, seductive smile playing upon my lips. I brush my fingers over the backs of his cold hands and help him pull the garment off me. His eyes widen in surprise. Have you never seen another man, Shinji? Have you never known desire before?
My shirt falls forgotten to the floor. With my fingers still resting upon his, I force his palms over the planes of my chest and abdomen. He seems fascinated, his deep brown orbs twinkling with the tingle of a new sensation.
When he brushes over my hardness, I moan. Wantonly, I rock the backs of my thighs and ass over his moist lap, knowing I prod him to frenzy. He grips my hips, pushing himself off the futon to jab his arousal at me. I never dreamed something so physical could be so amazing, so perfect.
The tips of his fingers envelope my underwear and tentatively pull them down. Only an inch before my brave one begins to doubt himself. I sigh, and lift up to aid in the removal of my last piece of clothing. Bare to his liquid-muddy eyes, I kneel over him, waiting. I have never wanted approval before…
"Oh, Kaworu… You’re beautiful…"
"No, Shinji. You make me beautiful…"
He places soft kisses on my brow, tangling his thin fingers into my snowy hair. I could make love to him forever. But we have only this night. I know. I know.
"I’ve never seen anything so beautiful," he whispers, tracing small patterns over the small of my back.
Don’t! Don’t tell me I’m beautiful. Don’t tell me you love me. You mustn’t go that far. Or you will never come back, Shinji-kun. Don’t look at me with sad, lost fragments of stars that shine from your soul. Don’t make me twine my very spirit around you, for you cannot bear the weight of my sins. Don’t make me kill you…
"Please what, Shinji-kun?" I murmur into the midnight-blue of his bedroom. I can feel the heat emanating from lovely blush tainting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. How often have I purposefully induced that blush? Your blood rushes to your face like your soul rushes to your eyes. Everything about you is transparent, like glass. No. Fine blown glass or broken bottles of the sidewalk variety, you humans all glitter the same to me. But for you, Shinji. You shine like the light of Heaven… Please, don’t make me love you!
"Make love to me?" he asks, in a tiny voice chiming like church bells in my ears.
I close my eyes, defeated. Was there ever any other option, my Shinji-kun?
"Yes," I whisper, leaning down to kiss him again. He meets me half way, raising his shivering torso up from the mangled cotton sheets below us. I let him taste me, let him explore as thoroughly as he will. As he begins to lick the corners of my mouth, an unstoppable groan escapes me. I snake my right hand into his briefs, making a snug tunnel with my fist. His maleness responds immediately, leaping to life with a delicate pulse.
"Yes," I whisper again, totally captivated. I rip the soiled garment from his body and tease the pads of my fingers over every vein along his shaft. The expressions that flash across his features enthrall me. That luscious mix of fear and want makes a heady spice for my starving heart. I pump him, stroking his slender cock with novice touches, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I do not think he would even know the difference.
Sweet swirls of brown open to gaze up at me, forcing me to smile. I bend down to his chin and paint a searing path with my tongue, tracing his neck, his chest, his taut, lean stomach, until I pause over his prize. Looking up to reassure him of my purpose, I lap at the salty head of his penis, coating the surrounding flesh with the creamy essence of his precum.
His scent fills my nose, tantalizing me with the urge to possess, to claim what should be mine. But I crush the sentiment. This is for Shinji, not me.
I bathe him with my savage tongue, listening intently to his shattered breathing and desperate little whimpers. He becomes almost uncontrolled, almost free, enflaming the dull ache between my legs to a raging maelstrom. I must have him. There was never any alternative, was there, Shinji-kun?
I lick him lower, nipping the crease of his thigh without remorse. He cries out, propelling those narrow hips skywards. The urge to bind him to me swells again, and this time I feel almost loathe to conquer it. Oh, Shinji. I’m going to make you sing. Loud enough to fill all the gaps in space…
Sucking feverishly upon the silky sac of his testes, I press my tongue repeatedly over the fragile morsels inside. His fingers harshly yank my hair, trying to pull me away. His moans reveal to me that he enjoys this, so I trap his wrists to the bedding. I pause, then take his balls farther into my mouth.
"Kaworu! Kaworu! Oh, God….ahhhh!"
Lithe legs wrap around my neck, a satin noose for a man already hanged. I push the tops of his thighs up, exposing the small, pink pucker of his smooth, firm bottom. Deftly, I bring the tip of my tongue to his rim, tasting that sensitive spot experimentally. He squirms, unused to such an intimate probing.
"Shinji…" I sigh. "You asked me to make love to you. Let me…"
He relaxes, his white knuckles regaining some color as he relinquishes his grasp on the sheets. His confidence in me plants the need for me to protect him. That need has always been there, frozen in the barren winter of this war. I want him. I want him so much. Please, don’t make me love you…
"Kaworu?" He swallows, his eyes remaining closed and drawn tight. "I…"
I know. Please don’t say it.
He shifts, lowering his legs from my shoulders. Straightening up, he cups my face in a feather-light splay of fingers and tilts my head to his. "Please come in me now?"
Yes. Oh, yes. I nod and draw his forefinger into my mouth, slicking it with my saliva. He inserts two fingers, liking the feel of my tongue swirling his digits. I take three and when they are coated to my satisfaction, I slowly withdraw my lips, letting the pads of his fingers scrape against my teeth.
He shivers, unsure. I kiss his cheek and take the moist fingers in my hand, bringing them down to his entrance. Drowning in the whirlpool of his eyes, I insert one finger into his constricting depth.
"Shhh. It’s okay, Shinji. Don’t be scared," I whisper.
"I’m not scared…"
But he quakes against me and I can see it in his eyes. Folding my body around him, I brush my nose lovingly atop his and say, "Yes, you are. But you’ll do it anyway… That’s real courage, Shinji-kun. I know you have it in you…"
Then I nudge his left thigh against his chest and aim my head at his gate. Never removing my eyes from his, I push in, taking over a minute until I am buried completely. No pain. There is no pain. Only wonderment… filtering across that face. He is still such a child…
I stroke in and out of his heat, pressing dry-lipped kisses upon the edges of his mouth with each thrust forward. Soon he rises to greet me, moaning and shuddering without embarrassment. My glass bobble is revealed as a diamond in the rough. His beauty is a prism that captures the smallest ray of light and sends it a thousand-fold into the darkness of my existence. All my life I’ve crawled towards sanity. I realize now that my destination had always been Shinji. Shinji.
"Oh, Kaworu. More, please. More!"
I smile and shift my weight onto my arms, looking down at his straining erection as I fuck into him. The sight of him taking all of my cock pounds rivers of lust through my veins and I begin to piston my hips slightly faster with each humping motion.
"Oh, oh! Yes…." He hisses quietly, taking the pain and all.
"Mmm. Shinji. Shinji." I make his name a mantra, whispering it to him as I pummel into that endless chasm, rocking his hips with the force of my thrusts. The bed begins to shake, knocking the hollow wall of his NERV room. My purchase isn’t enough to satisfy us, and so I pull out carefully, trying my best not to tear him.
He sobs and I hug him to me, trying to convey this foreign feeling sweeping like flood tides through my brain. His cries pierce my heart with such deafening pain. "Shhhh! Shh, love, trust me."
"I trust you, Kaworu." He hiccups. "I trust…mmm."
Gently I turn him over, spreading his legs apart as he comes up on all fours. He turns to peer at me and I slide my hands down his sides in comfort. "Ready?"
"Yeah." He nods and I shove back into that squeezing molten encasement, groaning as this new position affords us both pleasure and more control. Resuming my previous pace, I rock into my lover with passionate zeal.
He slams back to me, his shoulders rippling under the strain, and he sighs when he feels me awaken the little nub of pleasure secretly tucked inside of him. I lay an encouraging hand on his shoulder as my thrusts become more wild and sharp. I can tell he bites his lip to keep from screaming and I seek to distract him by twisting his nipples tamely between my thumbs and forefingers. He brings my right hand down to his staff and I stroke it for him, coaxing even more creamy lust out of his purple dick.
Yes. Call my name. Scream my name. Sweet human boy that stole my heart. You fragile Earth dweller that gave me back my soul. Scream my name to your God, Shinji. See if God screams it back. Damn you. I didn’t want to love you. But I belonged to you before I was even born. Damned quiet boy with straggly chocolate-covered hair and a breathy little voice. Always running from responsibility. Always sitting at the back of the classroom. Speaking to no one. Too afraid to ask for love. To afraid to give it. Afraid to die, afraid to live. Unwilling to fight. The boy who can’t believe he was made to save the world. The boy that I must kill…That I cannot give up… The boy that I have come to love.
He comes in my hand, erupting his hot, sticky seed upon my fingers and those twisted sheets. Something pulls in me like a string, feeling him clamp down so tightly around me, and I spurt inside him almost before he finishes. Torrents of my come jet forth, spilling deep into his bowels and down his ass and thighs. Suddenly, I am left as weak as a newly-born child, and I collapse, tumbling us to the bed without a sound.
We pant together, his ribcage struggling to expand for breath. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to get out of him. I want to stay joined like this forever—one. Isn’t that what every human wants? I never believed glass could feel so warm and bittersweet. Gossamer-like. But it cuts deep, nonetheless. I will never be the same again.
I pull out, listening for painful gasps, but none come. He just lies there, silent, face buried in the pillow, the frame of his back trembling slightly in the aftershock. I grab him to me, forcing him to reveal his tear-streaked face.
"Did I hurt you, Shinji?"
"No!" he wails. "Kaworu! My Kaworu!"
"Yes, Shinji. Yours…"
He crawls away from the stained sheets, cuddling into my arms. Not quite sure what to do with my sticky hand, I hold it out, away from his pearl-painted body. He notices this and frowns. Turning to take me by the wrist, he laps his spending off my palm and fingers, making me forget to breathe. Yes, I love him.
I watch his calm and perfect face as he puffs out air across my neck. Soon I must go. Soon. We will be enemies in a short time. But I know what I must do now. I will not hurt him. Not physically, at least…he needs life. It is so precious to him. And now I understand why. For he is precious to me…
I touch my finger to his head, but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. Not yet. Touching our foreheads together, I let a single tear grace my cheek. One tear. One for my only love. Hurry and come and kill me. I lift my finger to replace my head and close my eyes. I’ll sing you a lullaby, Shinji. When he wakes, this will all be a dream.
A night song.