by Sorcha
Editor: Anglofans
Disclaimers and Acknowledgements: I don't own FAKE or any of the characters, Sanami Matoh does and would probably laugh if she caught me in her playground, since I'm not making money in any way, shape or form here. Soundtrack for this one: "It Just Won't Quit" by Meatloaf, "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys and "Somewhere in the Night" by Barry Manilow. Quoted song is After Midnight by Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish.
My beta, Anglofans, moved up in the world, see editor credit above.
Commissioner Berkley Rose was coming to work tired again. He knew that made him short-tempered, but he wasn't getting much rest lately. His sleep was interrupted by dreams that he didn't care to analyze when he awoke, but which left him unable to relax for hours. Deliberately not sighing, he realized he'd just have to control himself that much harder today.
The Commissioner began to open the door to the squadroom, but stopped when he heard Detective JJ Adam's cheerful voice. He paused with the door open only a few inches, still gripping the handle. ~This is idiotic!~ he thought, but found himself standing still and listening to JJ and his partner Drake.
"Hey, did you hear Sandra and her boyfriend are getting married?" JJ announced.
"Really?" Drake sounded distracted.
"Yep, rumor has it she's pregnant, not that they weren't planning it anyway," he continued hurriedly.
Drake chuckled. "JJ, you're such a gossip."
"Sure, that's me," the younger man agreed cheerfully. "Can't keep a secret to save my life." Rose felt dread wash over him from his hidden vantage point. Detective Adams held a secret of his, as well.
"JJ, what's wrong?" Drake said abruptly.
"What do you mean?"
"Come on. Don't pull that with me. You may sound fine to everyone else, but I know you better than that." Rose frowned at the genuine concern in Drake's voice. "Nobody's around now, and you know you don't have to pretend for me. You haven't really been happy for days now. What's up?"
There was another long pause, then a sigh. "Oh, nothing really," JJ said in a flat voice, a shocking contrast to his usual optimistic manner. "I just get tired sometimes, you know?"
"Tired of what?" Drake asked gently.
"Oh, you know. Tired of having to make choices. Tired of dreaming. Tired of the same crap every day. Just...tired of being being the good guy."
Another moment of silence. Then Drake spoke so softly Rose had to strain to hear. "I know what you mean, we've all been there. I guess even a guy like you goes through that crap, huh? But you're not alone, you know." Then Drake quickly changed his tone. "Hey, why don't you take a vacation? You've got the time built up, right? What ever happened to that juant on the beach?"
"What? How'd you know about that?" Rose could picture the astonished look on JJ's face.
"Oh, I have my ways." Drake's voice was laced with a faint thread of humor. "Besides, it dosen't take a genius to figure you'd be interested in sun, sand and guys in skimpy suits." Drake chuckled, and JJ laughed with him. "Where did you want to go? Aruba? Jamaca?"
"Ooooh, I want to take ya..." JJ started singing the Beach Boys and Drake made a strangled sound. JJ giggled.
"Oh, that sounds delicious. I'll think about it." JJ was back to his usual energetic self. "Don't worry about me. I'll get over it. Thanks for caring, though. Hey, I wonder if Dee-sempi knows how to swim. Maybe he burns, I could always put some sunscreen on for him..."
Drake gave a snort. "Hey! Don't give me nightmares!"
As Rose opened the door and stalked through the squadroom, silencing JJ's laughter, he wondered why Drake was sensitive enough to hear such a small difference in JJ's voice, and why that fact annoyed him.
Berkley Rose was brooding again. Had anyone been suicidal enough to walk into the Commissioner's office without knocking, they would have seen a sandy-haired man rubbing his forehead, glaring at a silver star-shaped cuff link sitting in the middle of an otherwise pristine desk.
It had been three weeks since Rose had this innocent-seeming star pressed into his hand; three weeks of waiting on edge for someone to find out about his claustrophobia. The Commissioner fully expected JJ Adams to humiliate him, and was avoiding the younger man. When they did ineviatibly meet, he treated JJ with an icy politeness.
Rose knew he had to get himself under control, but his emotions toward the young man were confused. He knew if he continued to treat JJ differently, that in itself would start people talking. He couldn't keep himself from waiting for the knife to fall, though. How could JJ resist the chance to gain some popularity? Rose knew that the story of how he'd lost it in the dark subway tunnels would be worth a lot of party invitations. Or JJ could easily exploit his knowledge of the Commissioner's vulnerability for some personal gain in his job. After all, a little blackmail was often referred to as "calling in a favor" in the business world. But so far Rose hadn't received even so much as a smug smile.
And then there were the odd moments when he was ambushed by the memory of JJ's arms around him. He could feel the younger man's lips ghosting across his in the memory of a firey kiss. Rose shivered in pleasure even as he burned in secret anger. The situation was intolerable. And he couldn't forget the words JJ had spoken the night he had given Rose that star.
"This is to remind you of the night you saw things differently. Even the stars. Even me. If you ever decide you want to continue where we left off, bring that to me. Or leave it on my desk. Your choice. I promise I won't let anyone know I've seen you tonight. Your secret's safe. Maybe I am too trusting, I don't know. But maybe you get lonely too sometimes, and you should try a little trust of your own."
For the last three weeks, JJ had kept his promise. Savegely, Rose pulled open his top drawer and swept the shiny jewelry into it, as if he could sweep the memories away. Deep in his subconscious, what really upset Rose was the knowledge that tomorrow, just like yesterday and the day before, he would take it out again.
Berkley Rose slept restlessly in the still night.
He was walking down a long tunnel. The light was dim, and the walls began closing in. He stopped, gasping for breath. The blood was pounding along his body, his nerves screaming. Suddenly a young man rose up from the floor, as if forming from the earth itself. The figure continued rising, spinning in midair. A glow emanated from the slender form as he spun faster, illuminating the darkness. Wings sprouted from the man, and as they brushed the tunnel walls the dark earth burst apart, revealing a paradise landscape. The glowing form slowed and stopped. Golden sunlight pouring through the broken walls illuminated a naked form sculpted in perfection. &n As the angel reached a hand down in invitation, the smile, the face, the entrancing eyes were pure JJ Adams.
Rose woke in the darkness, covered in sweat and tangled in silken sheets. ~That does it~ He thought, as he padded to the kitchen for a drink. ~I'll just.... I'll sleep with him and get him out of my system~ He hoped the decision would be enough to stop the dreams.
JJ groaned dramatically as he looked at the paperwork on his desk, making Ted, who was walking by, laugh and roll his eyes.
JJ really didn't mind the inevitable paperwork that went with any government job. It was, in some odd way, satisfying. When he was called in for his shooting skills, it was mostly mind-numbing boredom, punctuated by times of focused adreneline-based action. Desk-work, by contrast, had a definate beginning and end. He could look back at a stack of paper and see what he had accomplished. JJ smiled ruefuly at himself, sat down and rummaged in his drawer for a pen. Coming up with his favorite blue one, he pulled the first stack over.
Hmm, now this was interesting. There was a large lump in the middle of the stack, near the top. ~Probably one of those annoying black clips~ Curious, JJ shuffled off the top papers. As the young man saw what was revealed, his eyes widened. There was a clip involved, but what it held was anything but a standard sheaf of froms. His silver cuff link was attached to two pieces of paper. As JJ slowly reached out to draw the papers to him, he allowed memories to sweep back through his mind. The heat of Rose's body as he was leaning on JJ for support. The relief of surrender as Rose had claimed him in a kiss. The feel of long, slender fingers stroking through his hair.
Drawing a shaking breath, JJ returned to the present and the star he never really thought he'd see again. Still slightly stunned, he looked at the papers. The first one was a vacation request form, filled out in the obligatory triplicate, authorized in the bold, sweeping hand of Commissioner Berkley Rose, just waiting for his signature. The second one was a print-out of an itenerary. It seemed he had plane and hotel reservations through an on-line travel company, every detail for a week in Jamaca taken care of.
"What's up?" Drake's voice chased away the last of JJ's reverie, landing him firmly back in reality. JJ looked up at his partner happily.
"I'm going to take your advice," he said, smiling. "I think I'll go on a vacation."
"Good for you," Drake smiled back. JJ began humming the Beach Boys tune again, as Drake looked at the itenerary over JJ's shoulder. "Going to Jamaca?"
"Mm hm... I wanna take ya..." JJ continued singing under his breath as Drake laughed gently and went around to sit at his own desk. Then Drake caught sight of the Commissioner standing in the doorway to his office, arms crossed, eyes focused on JJ. Even though there was a decided lack of expression on his face the man seemed to radiate intimidation.
"Geeze, what's with Rose?" he wondered aloud. "Tell me you're not in trouble with him again?"
JJ looked up, startled. As soon as he was noticed, Rose stalked over to JJ's desk. "Detective Adams." He stopped speaking, and Drake could only wonder what his partner had done now. The silence stretched, carrying it's own heavy eloquence. By the time JJ spoke, Drake was fairly sure the two of them had forgotten he was there.
"Thanks for approving my vacation request, sir."
"I wasn't sure I should have." The Commissioner's voice sounded even more controlled than usual.
"Oh, don't worry. I intend to have a good time." Drake was confused. He knew JJ was insinuating something, but had no idea what. His instincts told him that it would be better not to draw attention to himself right now.
"I hope you do. Maybe you can learn something, while you're there." Rose sounded faintly challenging. "After all, it is a matter of seeing things differently, right?"
JJ smiled impishly. "Really? I would have thought it was more a matter of trust."
The Commissioner caught his breath as if he had been struck. Turning, he stalked away from the desk and into his office, with his back rigid. The door shut behind him, but Drake would have bet a weeks pay it took the man some effort not to slam it.
"What the hell was that?" Drake asked JJ, who looked entirely too satisfied.
JJ laughed, but quietly. "I'm sorry. I just can't resist giving him a hard time when he's all haughty like that."
"Yeah, well, can you resist giving me a heart attack? I swear, sometimes you have a death wish or something. And what was all that about trust?"
"Hmm. Tell you what. I'll take lots of pictures on vacation. What do you like best? The trees, the night, the devil in the deep blue sea? Pretty girls in bikinis?"
Drake sighed, aware JJ was changing the subject but knowing that if his partner really didn't want to talk about something, it wouldn't be discussed. Sometimes the man could be so irritating. You did have to admire his resolve, though.
"Ah, just get someone to take a picture of you on the beach. I can't wait to see what kind of swim trunks you'd have. Probably little smiley faces on 'em."
JJ laughed. "Actually, they have silver fishes." Drake cast his eyes to the ceiling, and the two began their work.
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