Warnings: Oh, geez....I know that there are going to be some VERY upset 1x2 fans. I don't know if I should wave a white flag or hide. Please believe me when I say that there will be a silver lining...but for that to happen, there has to be the storm.
Spoilers: Because I wanted them legal a little older, the Bish were 18 when they began their various relationships. This is roughly five years later.
Author's Notes: This is the arc that ate my life! I have tormented so many people...you know who you are...with various versions and pieces of this story; I am forever in your debt.
Dedications: Cristina and AJ: Thank you for letting me embarrass you by forcing you into this plot and asking you to think as the main characters. The emotional development and character quirks exist because of you, and I can never thank you enough.
Sunshine...thank you for everything you have done for me. The encouraging words and the patience with which you have dealt with my ramblings is nothing short of saintly. I could not have done this without you, and you are forever my Muse.
Today had started off no different than any other day had started— cold and lonely. He'd hardly been at the office for two hours and he already found himself wishing he could go home—or rather, the impersonal hotel room he'd been calling home for the last eight weeks. As the clock ticked away the minutes, he was growing more and more depressed.
With a deep sigh, Duo returned his attention to the laptop; it had been sitting idly for thirty minutes, a half-written report waiting patiently on the screen. He stared at the words until they ran into a large black river. He rubbed his eyes and sighed again. He shook his head and blinked until his vision cleared. Duo's gaze fell upon the black and silver frame that stood proudly on his desk. It was a picture taken of himself and Heero, taken just two years ago at Quatre and Trowa's wedding.
Quatre and Trowa's wedding had been a quiet and private affair; the only guests were their inner circle of friends. They had looked stunning in matching tuxedoes as they exchanged rings. The reception was a lavish party, and it was the first time Duo had seen Trowa truly at ease with himself and his surroundings.
The picture had been taken while he and Heero had been dancing. Duo's head was thrown back in laughter, and a wide smile graced Heero's elegant face. "Was that really just two years ago? How quickly things change," he murmured, "when was the last time I was that happy?"
Duo turned back to his laptop and minimized his report, deciding to work on it when he was in a better frame of mind. He opened the file that contained the others' schedules and checked to see where Quatre was at...11:20 in the morning. 'Hmm...it's his planning period. I wonder if he's up for a visit.' He closed the window and put the laptop on stand-by. With another glance at the picture, he left, heading for Quatre's office.
The walk was brief...just up two floors and down a short hall. Duo had always thought it was interesting that the floors their offices were located on corresponded with their former pilot designation numbers. He arrived a few minutes later, and paused outside of his best friend's office, hearing Quatre's end of a phone conversation. "...You know, you could just walk up the stairs to my office...yes, it's more fun this way...Hmm? No, I haven't seen either of them. I hope everything is all right. They seemed...yes, that's right, tense...They've been edgy lately...No, neither one has said anything...yes, I'll see you at home..." Quatre's expression changed from worried to cheerful, one golden brow arched in amusement. "...Wednesdays are my long days...What do you mean? I never bring my work home...I hardly think that one case file constitutes as work...All right, I'll leave it here...yes, I promise...I love you, too, bye." Quatre hung up the phone with a fond shake of his head and turned back to his laptop.
Duo leaned against the doorframe and sighed inwardly. He wished he could smile as brightly as his friend, but resigned himself to a pasted on smile when he knocked on Quatre's door. "Hey, Cat. What's up?"
"Duo! What a surprise! Come on in!" Quatre smiled warmly and motioned him inside. He gestured to an empty chair and sat back at his desk. "How are you?"
"I'm good, thanks, man. How are the kiddies?" Duo asked, settling into a comfortable chair.
"Oh, they're wonderful! Kalila and Vier have gotten so big! You have to come by and see them. Trowa and I think they're ready to sit up on their own!" Quatre beamed.
Duo's grin widened. "That's fantastic, Cat! Congratulations!"
"Thank you." Quatre leaned back in his chair. "So, what's on your mind?"
"A lot of things, actually." Duo's cheerful grin slowly drooped, and the light left his eyes. His gaze dropped to the floor and he refused to meet Quatre's curious gaze. "When...when was the last time you were...unhappy?" Duo asked hesitantly.
"What do you mean 'unhappy'?" Quatre asked, tilting his head to the side as he always did when he didn't understand something. "Do you mean unhappy with my life or unhappy with my job?"
"Your life."
Quatre frowned. "It's been a while since I've been unhappy with anything. What's going on, Duo?"
Duo leaned back in his chair, staring at a tiny spot on the ceiling. He ran his hands through his bangs and frowned. "I'm not happy anymore, and...I don't know what to do."
"Talk to me, D. Tell me what's going on." Duo's feelings of frustration and sadness echoed in Quatre's heart, and he resisted the urge to rub at his chest.
"It's Heero. I...he...we..." Duo sighed and leaned back in his chair, eyes closed in an attempt to gather his thoughts. He raked his fingers through his bangs and gave them a tug. 'Talking about Heero is going to be harder than I thought.' He met Quatre's concerned gaze and tried again. "It's Heero and I. We've grown apart and I don't know what I can say or do to bring us back together. We're always at each other's throats, and I just don't know what do anymore, Cat. We're constantly arguing about our schedules, missions, bills, paperwork, or stupid things, like socks."
Quatre arched an elegant brow. "Socks?"
"I know it sounds ridiculous, but it doesn't start that way. We start arguing about who's turn it is to do the laundry, and eventually it gets down to how many single socks we have taking up space in the drawer. I'm so tired of going to bed sad and depressed." Duo couldn't keep the tremor from his voice and blinked back tears. "I want to be able to come home at night and find him happy and smiling, not angry and ready to start a screaming match."
"How long has this been going on?" Quatre asked, coming around his desk and pulling Duo into his arms.
Duo returned the tight embrace, not wanting to let go. Quietly, he answered, "Four months...four very long months."
"You both seemed so happy. What brought all this on?" Quatre asked, moving to sit in the chair beside him.
"Commitment."
"I'm afraid I don't understand." Quatre said softly.
"I want something permanent…a ceremony and rings." Duo answered, his amethyst eyes flicking towards Quatre's wedding band.
Quatre's gaze softened in compassion. "Have you told Heero this?"
"More times than I want to count, but it's not sinking in. This is more than just a ceremony to me. I want the world to see that Heero and I are pledging our lives to one another. I want to be able to call him my husband. I want to have a child with my husband. I want what you and Trowa have together."
"You want the screaming matches, the slammed doors, the silent treatments, the hurt looks, and the avoidance? What about the sleepless nights, the midnight and three A.M. feedings, the colds, the tummy aches, and the seemingly endless fussiness?" Quatre said, listing the points on his fingers.
"Yes! I want all of that! Gods, am I crazy?"
Quatre reached out and took Duo's hands in his. "No, Duo, you're not crazy. What you want is perfectly normal."
Duo leaned forward and rested his head against their clasped hands. "I don't know anymore. I have this feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. I'm at my wits end here."
Quatre reached out a hand and smoothed back the chestnut bangs. "I know this is unpleasant to consider, but have you thought about...separating temporarily? I know it seems rather drastic, but perhaps some time apart might help."
Duo looked away guiltily. "To tell you the truth, we've been separated for the last two months."
Quatre's eyes widened in shocked disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?! I could have helped!"
"I wanted to tell you so many times, but every time I tried, I said something else. Besides, I didn't want to burden you with my troubles. The twins were sick, Tro was on a mission—you had your hands full."
Quatre pulled Duo into his arms. "You are never a burden...never."
Duo buried his face in Quatre's shoulder, his body trembling with apprehension, his voice wavering and unsure. "I'm losing him, Cat...and I'm so scared."
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