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Not in a very good mood, my NES is broken and so is my B.Net record >.<. Sarah made me make a post so I hope she enjoys. Note to self - Mass Necros doesnt work with only 12 of em and a LV 2 Dreadlord. Mass raiders works well though, killed that guy doing offencive defence really well :). And Jamie said that having alot of D was a bad thing. He covered my choke with towers so I couldnt move, but forgot that I could get catapults to kill them. He tried to hold me back with a LV.2 Mountain King, and it died. lol. I wish exams were over to take some stress away, but they arent. A snowday would be nice, but Im not gonna get that either. Being in a bad mood su><0RZ alot. I hope I will feel better in the morning and ready for my chem test....

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red - handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can稚 hold on when I知 stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I知 lost within
I put on my daily fa軋de but then
I just end up getting hurt again by myself
If I Turn my back I知 defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
then they値l Take from me 奏ill everything is gone
If I let them go I値l be outdone
But if I try to catch them I値l be outrun
If I知 killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I値l be buried in the silence of the answer by myself
How do you think I致e lost so much
I知 so afraid I知 out of touch
How do you expect I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to?

Well hello again one and all to my shitty site (not the layout cause it rocks Jamie). Exams are over and marks were set in stone and I only got a 76 average (I hope its enough for university). Too bad for being depressed for a month and half, it really didnt help my marks out much, especially in chem. Things haven't really gotten any better around here though.... just more shit on top of shit. I have become much more defencive when my friends come up now. I used to try and keepall of my friends happy and when they talked bad about another one of my friends I jsut told them I didnt agree and would appreciate it if they would stop. Now, when somebody says shit about anyone I care about they get bitched out. Brian made a comment about Joe and I got right pissed off and made it aware that Joe has been a better friend to me than him. For all those who dont know, my good friends around here now consist of Joe, Eric, Sarah and Andy. Jamie and I are still friends and stuff but hes far away so we arent as close as we used to be... wish he would move back or atleast come to visit (it was the deal if I went there on X-mas he would be here for March Break). Jess and I have become really good friends again and we usually talk about 2-3 times a week on the phone. Things are just really fucked up here and I just wanna leave... Doug and I seem to almost be back to normal but Im trying to keep an eye out for him. I think our fight taught him more than I wanted to. I also wonder why Kate seems to hate Doug's guts (an example is when she smacked him in the side and then yelles asshole at him when he was around Jess) and yet says she has no problems with him. If it were up to me I'd get him away from her and put out the fire before it starts, but I dont think it is in my power to do so. Hes working alot of the weekends, so he doesnt have to worry about her for awhile. I just wish Kate would leave my name alone. I dont talk about her, dont make fun of her or anything. While Im doing this shes telling people how much of an asshole I am and how evil I am. Im just sick of this shit. I am in a constant battle with my conscience because I broke up with her (while everyone said I had to and had divine right to do), because I caused the person I cared about pain. BEH TO THE WORLD Guys like me always end up with bitchy girls cause we can see the inner beauty in them (You're not included in there Jess, you are the best). I jsut hope Kate doesn't hurt Steve too much cause nobody deserves what I went through. But I guess that all the shit I took will be usefull to him when it happens. Brothers in poison, eh Jamie? With the knowledge I gained, maybe I can ease the suffering of a friend so maybe it will help me rationalize everything. I wish I had a bigger purpose here but I guess I wont till later. I'm just gonna look after those I care about here and keep them safe the best I can. Sarah's been keeping me busy anyways with her search for lifes questions I have never thought to ask. Wisdom added to wisdom leads to enlightenment. I still need to go to the temple to check it out cause I really wanna be a Buddhist Im just a lil scared about the whole thing. I've never done anything like this before and I hope it isnt a mistake. Jess is down and is supposed to be coming over tomorow and we are gonna hang out all day, but she hasnt called yet. Im skipping mass anyways so we will see what happens. Sarah is skipping mass too so we can do out calculus. I might be in school tomorow (I hope not) but we will see. Wow I wrote alot and I'm know for my silence. Maybe I'll watch soome Naruto tonight to cheer me up, I dunno. Playing War3 gets me depressed cause I jsut lose all the time and see my EXP drop. Ragon is still good and fun and I got Jamie to play. Yea, so thats about all I wanna type tonight. I could get ALOT more off my chest, but somethings are best kept inside.
Peace out - Travis Beeby , AKA Wagawa (The Peaceful River)