The Misadventures of
Krieli, Loyce and the
Cast of Gundam Wing
Krieli: (Stuffing suitcases into the tiny trunk of her Chevy Cavalier a.k.a. The Jelly Bean) Going on a road
trip...la la la...road trip...la la la....
Loyce: Wait for me!!! (Drags her heavy suitcase over the car.) Are we going to be able to fit everything in there, hon?
Krieli: Of course! And if we can't, we can always strap Wufei to the roof.
Wufei: (from the backseat) I heard that, woman.
Loyce: Someone didn't have enough coffee this morning.
Quatre: (Pokes his adorable head out of the sunroof that has suddenly appeared on the top of Krieli's car.) It's tea and would you like some?
Krieli: Maybe later, sweetie.
Loyce: Yeah. After all, we have PIXIE STIX to keep us awake!!! (Giggles uncontrollably.)
Krieli: (after watching her for a minute) Heero darling? (He steps out from the backseat clad in the full 1700's regalia that Krieli has insisted he wear from now on.)
Heero: Yes?
Krieli: You have my full permission to do whatever you deem necessary to restrain Loyce on her Pixie Stix high.
Heero: I understand. (There is a pause.) Can I take the stockings off now?
Duo: (Peeking around from behind him, snickering.) You're wearing tights, dude.
Loyce: Be nice to Heero, Duo. Or no Pixie Stix for you.
Trowa: (Getting out of the car.) That's it. I'm gone. If Maxwell is getting anywhere near sugar, I refuse to be along for the ride.
Krieli: Too late. The car is gased up, we've got plenty of munchies, Heero looks hot and Lakeland awaits us. (Slams the trunk shut.) And Quatre-kins...we're only stopping once, so go easy on the tea.
Loyce: Let's blow this popsicle stand!!! Whoo-hoo!! Lakeland and Orlando, here we come!! Anime store watch out!! I swiped ye olde credit card!!! (Jumps in the back seat onto Duo's lap.)
Wufei: Must...confiscate...pixie stix....
Krieli: I hear you, Wu-man. Heero...you can ride up front with me...
Relena: (Running behind the car as it pulls away) Wait for me!
Krieli: HEY...who told her about trip?! (glances over at a very sheepish Heero) YOU?!
Heero: She's my girl.
Krieli: Fine...whatever...let's just go!
Krieli: Hour two...Heero and Relena are making out in the backseat. This
disturbs me on two levels. However, I'm trying to put aside my personalfeelings for the sake for the mission.
Loyce: 0.o Umm...what's our mission?
Krieli: Didn't you write it down?
Loyce: I...ummm...I was busy...yeah, busy!
Duo: Blue raspberry...sacrelicious!
Trowa: Can I ride up front with you?
Wufei: Damnit Barton, you're not leaving me behind with these two!
Trowa: Quatre's back there too. You won't be by yourself.
Quatre: (Looking up from his tea) What?
Relena: (Surfacing from the backseat) We're not disturbing you all, are we?
Trowa: (Flatly) No, really, we love watching you two go at it.
Heero: (Lifting his head) Watch it.
Duo: Oh, believe me, I am! (Pulls out tub of popcorn)
(Heero lunges for Duo from across the seat)
Krieli: Don't make me come back there and separate you two!
Loyce: I'll go! (Climbs over the front seat and lands in a mass of bodies)
Krieli: Oh, that's just WRONG!!
Loyce: Disclaimer: They fell this way, HONEST! I didn't pose them, I swear on all that is EVIL...this picture must NOT get into the hands
of the Yaoist Nation!!
Krieli: Moving on...Is anybody getting hungry?
Relena: (Pointing) Look! The Golden Arches!
Quatre: Food, Folks and Fun!
Trowa: Do you believe in magic?
Wufei: Have you had your break today?
Heero: It's a good time for the great taste of McDonald's.
Zechs: We love to see you smile.
Everyone: 0.o
Krieli: When the hell did you get here?
Zechs: I grabbed onto your bumper as you sped out of the parking lot. (Motions to Heero and Relena) Someone has to keep an eye on these two.
Duo: Where's the Beef?
Loyce: (Shaking her head) Oh, Duo.
Several Hours Later...
Loyce: TURN RIGHT! TURN RIGHT!!
Krieli: I know! You don't have to tell me! (Grumbling) Damn backseat drivers.
Quatre: (Well into his second bottle of tea) This is why the Gundams were built with only one seat.
Loyce: (Crosses arms across her chest, in a mocking tone)This is why the Gundams were built with only one seat.
Krieli: Knock it off you two!
Duo: Hey guys, look! Orange trees! We are officially in Florida.
Heero: We were always in Florida.
Relena: Don't you actually have to leave the state for it to be considered a 'Road Trip'.
Krieli: Pipe down, blondie. You've been spending way too much time with Zap.
Wufei: (Sharpening the blade of his katana) Will this trip never end...
Trowa: Oh thank you god.
Duo: (sing song) There's still 18 miles!!
(There's a rush of wind, a loud thump, and a cry that diminishes with distance as Duo is left behind on US 98)
Even More Hours Later...
Krieli: Well, we made it to my parent's house. After circling back for Duo,there were no more major catastrophes.
Loyce: Time for me to cook!!
Krieli: I spoke too soon.
Wufei: You're going to let that onna cook??
Krieli: Do you want to do it?
Wufei: I'll supervise.
Krieli: Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over great...
Loyce: Wufei!! Go away!!
Wufei: You added too much oregano. What, do we look Italian?
Duo: You could pull it off. I'll call you "Luigi" from now on.
Wufei: Do and die, Maxwell. Do and die.
Krieli: La..la...la. Salad dressing...little bit of this...whole lotta garlic...where's the olive oil?
Quatre: (Staring at the bottle on the other end of the counter) How can a bottle of oil be a virgin?
Duo: Better yet, how do make it not be one?
Relena: I didn't hear that...
Heero: Unfortunately, I did.
Duo: And it's an extra virgin! Kind of like you, Relena.
(Heero reaches for his gun.)
Krieli: Dinner is served!!!!
An indiscriminate amount of time later...
Krieli: Well, the boys are in bed. Heero and Relena have disappeared and Zechs got into my parent's Wild Turkey. I'd say it's just about time for a pajama party!
Loyce: (Dancing around) Pajama party!! Pajama party!! Break out the mud!!
Krieli: This stuff does come off eventually, doesn't it?
Loyce: If it doesn't at least you'll have great skin.
After everyone, including the girls, are fast asleep...
Duo: (Sneaking out to the front of the house) Midnight snack...midnight snack... Oh, too many
choices...
(There is a noise from the couch in the corner and much motion and groaning from under a strategically placed, hand-embroidered blanket.)
Duo: (Sighing as he retreats to his room with both the alcohol and the chocolate) I miss Hilde....
The Next Morning a.k.a. Side Trip to Orlando...
Krieli: Get in the car everyone or we're leaving without you!!!
Trowa: Ooh, hurt us why don't you?
Wufei: I'm not moving....
Quatre: Sleepy, so sleepy...
Loyce: Well if you all hadn't stayed up all night watching "The Man Show", you'd be all right!
Duo: I wasn't watching "The Man Show". I was watching Heero and Relena... (After catching Heero's look, Duo closes his mouth.)
Zechs: You were watching Heero and Relena do what exactly?
Relena: Twister!! We were playing Twister! (Everyone looks at her) Well, it was worth a shot.
Krieli: Fine then. We'll go visit my brother without you all!
Loyce: Babies.
Krieli: You tell 'em, mister sister.
(Krieli and Loyce set out in the Jellybean across the wilds of I4.)
Loyce: (ten minutes into the trip) Are we there yet?
Krieli: No.
Loyce: (thirty minutes into the trip) Are we there yet?
Krieli: No.
Loyce: (an hour into the trip) Are we there yet?
Krieli: Yes.
Loyce: Just checking.
(Krieli and Loyce enter the strange land of the University of Central Florida, searching for a small boy named Clifton a.k.a. 18th Angel on Fanfiction.net...coughreadhisstuffcough.)
Loyce: I found him, I found him!! What's my prize?
Krieli: A lifetime supply of air.
Loyce: Ooh!! Hey...wait a minute....
Krieli: Hey there buttmunch.
Clifton: You made it. Where's my lunch?
Krieli: Brat.
Clifton: Bitch.
Loyce: You two are so cute.
Krieli: Guess what? We're stopping at the anime store on the way home and you're on RA duty this weekend and can't leave campus. Ha, ha, ha.
Clifton: Guess what? The entire reason Mom and Dad had me was to get it right on the second try.
Loyce: One point for the boy child.
Krieli: Who's side are you on?
Loyce: Whoever has chocolate. Or Pixie Stix. Or rum.
Krieli: So, basically you're a whore.
Loyce: I like to think of myself as a sell out.
Krieli: Well, Bud...it's been fun hanging with you, but the anime store awaits. Want us to pick up anything for you?
Clifton: The model of Wing Zero with a five foot wing span, the entire Ranma ½
series on DVD, a wall scroll of naked Rei from Eva, and a Pokemon.
(Krieli and Loyce blink twice.)
Krieli: Yeah. Sure.
An hour and three near car accidents on Colonial Drive later...
Krieli: Loyce?
Loyce: Yes?
Krieli: Is this heaven?
Loyce: No, Duo's not here.
Krieli: Get off your one track!! We've reached Nirvana!!
Loyce: Yeah...yeah, I guess you're right.
(Cue heavenly choir in the background.)
Loyce: I'm wiped out.
Krieli: I'm broke.
Loyce: Let's boogie.
Loyce: Not literally.
Back in Lakeland...
Quatre: Welcome back you two!!
Loyce: (Tossing purchases onto the bar) What did we miss?
Quatre: Er...nothing.
Krieli: (Counting heads) Where are Heero and Relena?
Trowa: Let's just say, you should plan on staying out of your bedroom for awhile.
Krieli: Ew...ew...ew....
Wufei: And the hot tub's going to need to be cleaned.
Krieli: Ewwwww.....
Zechs: And the dog needs therapy.
Krieli: I need a drink.
(Krieli's dad...who is so much like Heero it's scary at times...joins her at the bar to make drinks for everyone. Except the dog.)
Krieli's Dad: So, what did you girls buy in Orlando?
Loyce: (Quickly covers a hundred dollars worth of anime with a throw pillow) Some stickers.
(Krieli's mom...who is blond peace-keeper...accepts her martini from her
hubby)
Krieli's Mom: Did anything fun happen while you were there?
Krieli: (Taking a deep breath) We stopped at a Friendly's because Loyce hadn't eaten at one since she left Maryland and there happened to be one next to Clifton's school and we had ice cream sundaes and when we went to pay for them this really gorgeous cashier named Doug asked us to come to his frat party
tonight because he's ordering a water balloon tossing machine and a keg...we'd go except we're comfortable now and it's an hour back to Orlando, but we're
kicking ourselves in the ass because we didn't take his picture and he was so fine, Mom, I'd let him have my children. Or have his children. Whatever.
Krieli's Mom: (sipping her martini) That's nice, dear.
Loyce: I believe that was a run-on sentence, my friend.
Krieli: Who are you, the grammar police?
Loyce: No, I'm just your beta-reader.
Krieli: Well, there were a couple of mistakes in the last chapter of
"Silhouetted by the Sea" that slipped by you.
Loyce: I claim 'inebriation'.
Krieli: Of course you do. Alkie.
Loyce: I resemble that remark.
Krieli's Mom: (Looking particularly Relena-
in-thirty-years-ish as she grades papers) Play nice girls.
Loyce: Yes, Mom.
Krieli: Whatever, dude.
Loyce: Oh, look!!! Here comes the sweet kitty!!!
Krieli: (Jumping onto bar stool) Evil bitch cat of death approaching!!!
Loyce: The cat is not evil. Believe me, I know evil.
Krieli: Okay then. You explain this next picture.
Loyce: Um....
Krieli: I rest my case. The cat is evil.
Loyce: You're just mad because the cat loves me more.
Krieli: I'd rather embrace a porcupine.
(During this long, probably uninteresting conversation, Duo has been kicking back the Amaretto sours, Relena and Heero came up for air and are indulging in drinks, a Shirley Temple for her, sake for him, Zechs returned to his beloved Wild Turkey, Wufei challenged Trowa to tequila shots and Quatre just had one question.)
Quatre: Just what makes this tea from Long Island so special?
The next morning...
Krieli: Everyone up!! It's time to head back to Tallahassee.
Loyce: Don't wanna.
Krieli: Are you going to be difficult?
Duo: She's always difficult. I like it.
Krieli: (Looking at Loyce) And how much did you pay him to say that?
Loyce: Shut up.
(As Krieli and Loyce pack the car, and Wufei tries to tell us how we could do it more efficiently, Duo and Heero take a quiet moment to reflect on the things they like best about Krieli's house.)
Duo: Dude...we've hit the jackpot.
Heero: Hn.
Duo: Do you think Krieli's dad would miss a rifle or two?
Krieli's Dad: If you can pick one up, boys, it's yours.
Duo: Damnit!!
Heero: Perhaps if we worked together.
Duo: Fuck the warm and fuzzy stuff. Just forget the whole thing!
Krieli: I don't allow weapons into my car, anyways.
(Wufei quietly tucks his katana away. After much hugs and kisses from the Heero/Relena in thirty years look alikes a.k.a. Krieli's parents, the gang pile back into the Jellybean and speed out of Lakeland at a cool 80 miles per hour.)
Two hours later...
Krieli: Quatre, take it easy, baby.
Quatre: I'm thirsty!
Wufei: We're not stopping until we get there.
Krieli: Hey! Who's the driver here??
Trowa: Good question. (Looks over at Quatre, guzzling down the Lipton) Little one...cool it.
Quatre: So...thirsty....
Duo: (singing) Do you see what I see?
Relena: What?
Trowa: I think you're going to have a
hard time convincing Krieli to stop, Duo.
Krieli: Darn tootin.
Relena: (reading) We bare all.
Wufei: Heero's been waiting to hear that
from you for a long time.
Quatre: They bare all of what?
Loyce: I'll tell you when you're older.
Quatre: Okay. (Looking around nervously.) Um...Krieli....
Krieli: (Gripping the steering wheel) Don't say it, Quatre.
Quatre: It's okay. I can hold it for another few minutes...
Zechs: I knew I should have thrown that tea out the window.
Loyce: Hold on, Quatre. There's a Mobil station at the next exit.
Quatre: I'm not sure I'm going to make it....
Loyce: (Looking at Krieli) Floor it, babe.
Krieli: If I get a speeding ticket, you're paying for it, Quatre.
(Quatre nods and crosses his legs.)
Duo: (Nervously) Can I get into the front seat?
Wufei: Me too.
Heero: Is there room for me and Relena?
(Krieli spots the exit and pulls off before the front seat becomes too cramped
for comfort.)
(After parking, Quatre makes a hasty escape to the less than clean restroom. There is a long sigh of relief after a moment.)
Trowa: Oh man.
Wufei: He's your boyfriend, Barton.
Zechs: Hey...where did Heero and Relena get off to?
Duo: Hehehe...get off...
Krieli: (Grumbling) I knew we shouldn't have let her come along.
(Quatre comes back with a sated grin on his face. Trowa promptly removes all beverages from the car. A few minutes later, Heero and Relena return to the car, highly mussed, but happy.)
Krieli: Did you enjoy the backwoods of Gainesville?
Relena: The trees were pretty.
Krieli: Oh, just get in the car. (Everyone complies; a jealous Krieli is not
a happy Krieli.) Wait a minute...where's Loyce?
Duo: (snickering) They're selling Blow-pops and Airheads by the pound in there. God, I love Southern roadside stops...
Wufei:Noooooooooooooo...........
Several painful hours later...
Krieli: Oh sweet Jesus...we made it!!!
Wufei: Park the car. I want out NOW!
Loyce: Aww, c'mon!! We had FUN, didn't we???
Relena: I did.
Krieli: We know, we know.
Heero: Hn.
