When I Need You
By: Amaya
Shinkuyoake
Why don't you ever come when I need you?
Why don't you call when I feel bad?
Why don't you put your arms around me when my mind is screaming out for
help?
Why don't you see my tears?
Why don't you know I'm faking?
Why don't you see every time I hit you its to hide my true feelings?
Why don't you know it's just that I'm afraid of getting hurt?
Of being betrayed?
Of having my heart break again?
Why can't you see through my falsities like you see through everybody
else's?
Why don't you realize that I'm living a lie?
Why don't you come when I need you?
Why don't you know that I need you?
Why don't you know that I'm faking everything single freakin' thing and
that I love you more than life itself?!
...Why can't you read my mind?
(Poem by the wonderful Anji-san, my latest
muse) (1)
Filia collapsed sobbing against a tree and
prayed that no one would come
looking for her for a few minutes at least.
"Why?" she sobbed, "Why oh
why oh WHY?!" She buried her
head in her hands
and wondered what cruel trickster god
had...
'No. No,
don't think about him, don't let yourself, you CAN'T let this
happen.' the rational part of her mind
informed her sternly.
'You think I have any control over it?' her
emotional side countered, 'No
Ryuuzoku(2) does!'
'You could have stopped it.' Rationality
criticized, 'When you felt it
starting you should have, you should have
left the group, put yourself out
of reach.'
'But my duty...'
'Your duty was to maintain your vows as a
priestess.'
"Wonderful." Filia muttered,
"Now I'm arguing with myself."
She was so lost in thought that she never
noticed when Lina appeared. She
was startled, therefore, when Lina sat down
next to her and put an arm
around her shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Lina asked.
"Everything." Filia said
dejectedly.
"Care to get it off your chest?
I'm a really good listener."(3) Lina
offered, "And I promise I won't tell a
soul."
"No one?"
"No one."
Filia sighed.
"I suppose I should tell someone.
How much do you know about
the mating of Ryuuzoku?"
Lina blushed.
"Virtually nothing...I mean, I know it must happen, but
beyond that..."
"Alright then, do you know what an
Isshou no Aikizuna(4) is?"
"A Lifebond?
Yes, I know all about them...and Soulbonds." Lina confirmed, a
sad note in her voice.
"Well, for humans, Isshou no Aikizuna
are rare, but for Ryuuzoku, they are
the only way.
Tamashii no Aikizuna(5) are still as rare as for humans
though."(6)
she added, "Every female Ryuuzoku goes through a stage in her
life when she's respective to bond.
If no bond takes place, it can be
decades before she enters receptiveness
again. Now for a priestess like
myself, who is dedicated to the God, Isshou
no Aikizuna are simply not an
option.
Generally, the priestess would isolate herself from males for a
month or two.
If no bond has started to form the urge to do so will
disappear.
The other option for a priestess during this time is to go on a
quest which would take her far from the
areas settled by Ryuuzoku..."
"And you chose the second
option." Lina cut in.
"Yes I did.
However, it seems that all my struggle was in vain." Filia
started to weep again.
"You've Lifebonded?" Lina said, a
note of awe in her voice, "But who to?
The only Dragon around here is..."
"Tamashii no Aikizuna, and it's not to
another Ryuuzoku…it's an impossible
match...doubly, triply, infinitely
impossible...and it HURTS!" she wailed.
"Impossible you say?" Lina
pondered her words. "It's
Xellos, isn't it?" she
concluded.
Filia only nodded and wept harder on Lina's
shoulder.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Xellos lay on a branch in another part of
the forest, and if any of his
companions had seen him, they would have
been shocked to the core...the
"cold-hearted" Mazoku was crying.
"Oh my angel, my redemption, why do
you have to hate me?" he pleaded, "Oh
Filia, why?"
He sighed miserably, "However this happened it's a hopeless
situation.
She'll never love me, not after knowing my history.
This is
some kind of sick joke L-sama is playing on
me, I just know it."
This was a different kind on hurt, one he
wasn't accustomed to , and one he
didn't enjoy.
It was also changing pack dynamics, and this bothered him at
a deep level.
He was Alpha of this odd pack, he ought to be the one
controlling the pack dynamic.
He felt the bond start to ache again, and
fresh tears rolled down his cheeks
as he bit his hand hard to subdue the urge
to howl aloud. It wasn't any
good.
Not even the pleasure brought by physical pain was enough to subdue
his inner Wolf and he gave in, howling his
sorrow out for all to hear.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Back at the camp, everyone turned their
heads at the haunting sound of a
lone Wolf's mournful cry.
"How sad." Filia said, "The
poor creature sounds so lonely."(7)
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Over the next few days, Lina kept a close
eye on Filia. She knew firsthand
how painful and dangerous incomplete
Soulbonds(8) could be, and she wanted
to gauge how well Filia was dealing with
it.
During the days she seemed fine, quite her
normal self, but when she was
asleep she seemed to be having nightmares
which grew steadily worse night by
night.
She couldn't be wakened out of them, and nothing seemed to make them
go away.
By the second week after she had confided in Lina, the nightmares
were beginning to wake everyone else up.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Every night of that fortnight that passed
made Xellos more worried. At
first he had assumed that Filia could sense
him nearby as she slept and was
reacting to his aura of darkness, but when
he moved further away it didn't
seem to help.
He could feel pain radiating off her in waves, but it was in
no way sustaining to him, in fact, it was
making him feel sick.
Unlike the rest of the group, he could tell
she was just as badly-off during
the days, she was just very good at hiding
it. Watching Filia, he also
noticed Lina's sidelong glances at her and
surmised that Lina knew something
was wrong too.
Once Xellos had determined that HE was not
the cause of Filia's nightmares
he began to move closer to her night after
night. His bond hurt less the
closer he was to her, and she was such a
beautiful sight to fall asleep
watching...
The nightmares still bothered him, though,
and the incomplete Tamashii no
Aikizuna obscured the majority of her
emotions from him. He could only
try
to guess the nightmares' subject from her
muttered speech.
One night, in the throes of her worst
nightmare yet, he heard her say
something which stopped his heart.
"No, not my fault..." she
muttered, "Shouldn't have happened...impossible,
should have been impossible..." she
sobbed.
'Ah, finally she's saying something' Xellos
thought to himself. He leaned
over his branch to hear her better, almost
hanging upside down.
"Didn't mean to bond, how can you
think..." she flung her arms wide as she
tossed, her blankets becoming an impossible
tangle about her, "
Namagomi(9)...can't love anyway." she
said brokenly.
Instantly he was at her side.
"Filia-chan, Filia, my heart, that's
not true!" he whispered breathlessly,
"I do love you, you're my
tamashii(10)!"
He knelt beside her and smoothed her hair
back from her sweat-dampened face.
The action seemed to calm her somehow, she
even started making a
high-pitched trilling sound, almost like a
purr. Xell could feel it
reverberating through his head, and it
seemed to vibrate astrally along the
Tamashii no Aikizuna. For the first time in over 1000 years, Xellos felt
pleasure unadulterated by pain, and he was
amazed at how powerful a feeling
it was.(11)
He could feel eyes on him, and he growled
low in his throat, warning off any
potential threat, then turned around to see
that Lina was watching them.
She was about to say something when Xellos
shook his head and motioned her
to be silent.
He settled Filia in a more comfortable position and lightly
brushed his fingers over her lips, then
stood up and motioned for Lina to
follow him.
When they were out of earshot, Lina
immediately spoke up. "What
the hell
were you doing Xellos?" she demanded
to know.
"Simply soothing my Tamashii." he
replied calmly.
"Your soul?
But Mazoku don't HAVE souls!"
"Well, I do." he stated.
Lina stared at him.
The look he was giving her, open-eyed and earnest,
convinced her.
"The Soulbond is two-way, isn't it."
Xell nodded.
"Well then, for the Gods' sake go back
over there and wake her up and tell
her!"
He shook his head.
"I can't." he said sadly, "She'd never accept it
intellectually; it would drive her mad.
All I can do for now is comfort her
in her sleep."
Lina shook her head. "I suppose, but it'll have to be on my watch only,
unless you want to explain your actions to
Amelia, Gourry or Zelgadis."
Xell sighed.
"I suppose so." he conceded.
* * * * * * * * *
(Musical interlude)
Fast as I Can
From the first "Hello" you gave
to me, I've done nothing else but smile,
And I know you're in a hurry...Ah, but it's
gonna take awhile,
So forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should
know:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make
me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll
never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love
You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You"
yet.
So don't push me in too deep, I've always
been the fool who rushes in.
I know you've got to take the pieces one by
one, 'fore you've got
everything.
So forgive me if we take time,
But there's something that's been on my
mind:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make
me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll
never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love
You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You"
yet.
Oh, there'll be times when we're mistaken,
And there'll be times when we're gonna
fight.
Ah, but you needn't doubt,
We can work it out,
And in time we'll get it right,
Oh!
Oh, so forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should
know:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make
me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll
never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love
You" yet...
Going fast as I can, please don't make me
rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll
never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love
You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You"
yet.
From the first "Hello"...
(Great Big Sea)(12)
·
* * * * * * * *
Every night from then on, Xellos spent
Lina's watch sitting next to Filia,
sending as much of his strength and love as
he could along their bond. It
seemed to be helping too, Filia's
nightmares diminished greatly while he was
there, and she regained some of the colour
she had lost.
Everything was not as good as it seemed,
however. When Xell wasn't feeding
her energy, her nightmares only got worse,
so he worked out a way to send
energy along the Tamashii no Aikizuna
without them actually touching. As
good as this idea might have seemed at
first, it was literally draining him
dry, since he was leaving the channel open
all the time.
* * * * * * * * *
Filia sighed deeply. At least she was managing to keep herself together
long enough to complete her quest.
After that it wouldn't matter if she
just faded out.
It would be better really, at least she wouldn't have to
face life with the pain of this impossible
bond, she wouldn't have to return
home to shame.
"It wouldn't matter if he loved
me." she said softly, "With him I could be
strong and face them down, but like this...
No, it will be better to just
let go."
Lina overheard this, soft though it was,
and looked over at Filia, then at
Xellos.
It really wasn't her place to say anything, but...
"Gods, they both look exhausted."
she muttered, "Alright, this is getting
ridiculous.
Tonight I talk to Xellos, and he's not weaselling out of this
anymore.
This is killing both of them."
She sighed heavily. "Must
be
because the bond is two-way and
unacknowledged...either that, or something
to do with Ryuuzoku being different from
humans."
Lina shifted her gaze to look at her own
bonded, striding along
purposefully(13), and felt once again the
now-familiar ache of the
incomplete Soulbond she'd lived with for
almost three years now. She knew
that eventually she too would fade the way
Filia and Xellos were. For now,
though, she had too much to finish.
Lina was so preoccupied that she almost
didn't notice the scroll which
dropped on her head.(14)
"Hey!
What the...!"
She picked it up and looked at it, and her
hands started to shake.
"Neechan?
Oh L-sama what did I do now?"
Lina unrolled and read the letter to
herself.
{No, it's nothing that you did, this is
about Filia. I recently uncovered a
plot among the Ryuuzoku elders.
It seems that they've known for some time
that Filia would be susceptible to bond
with Xellos...It's one of their
prophesies.
{Obviously they never mentioned it to her,
and made all efforts to keep that
scrap of precognition from her.
They thought this was their foreordained
way to have revenge on him, so they
programmed nightmares into her
subconscious which would interrupt the
bond. They saw her as a necessary
sacrifice to take down the one who almost
destroyed their people. This was
NOT Cepheid's(15) reason for this bond, and
they will be punished
accordingly, but I need you to get Filia
and Xellos together, since I'll be
busy dealing with the fools.}
Lina nodded to herself. "That was my plan anyway." she said.
"What was your plan?" Amelia
asked.
"Oh nothing, you'll find out
eventually" Lina waved off the question.
{Oh, and Lina, all this talk of Soulbonds
reminds me...GET YOUR ACT
TOGETHER!!
I do not want to have to come out there and settle your bond
myself because you're pining away, so you
have ONE WEEK to tell him
yourself, or your dear Love gets a letter
of his own, explaining the whole
situation to him.
{Love always,
{Your dear Neechan, Luna Inverse.}
Lina blanched and dropped the scroll out of
violently shaking hands.
"Is something wrong Lina?"
Zelgadis asked, picking up the scroll.
Lina snatched it back. "No, nothing, just a letter from my sister." she
said with a faked laugh.
Zel gave her a sidelong glance which spoke
volumes, then shrugged and
continued down the road, everyone else
snapping out of their reverie and
following him.
* * * * * * * * *
Gourry was to have first watch that night,
but Lina talked him into letting
her take over, saying she had things to
think about. As soon as she was
sure everyone else was asleep, she nodded
her usual signal to Xellos. When
he sat down next to Filia, Lina went over
and sat there too.
"We have to talk." she said.
"I assume this has something to do
with the letter you received today?"
"It does.
It also involves Filia's nightmares.
For probably a very good
reason, the Ryuuzoku Elders have a grudge
against you.(16) There was some
sort of prophesy that Filia would bond with
you, so they sent her as a
sacrifice to bring you down.
The nightmares are generated by them."
Xellos started to growl low in his
throat...a truly chilling sound. "Damned
Ryuuzoku.
Always think they're right, even when they're dead wrong."
"In any case, you're going to have to
enter her dreams, it's the only place
this can be reversed. I'll keep watch." Lina assured him.
Xellos nodded, already separating from the
bit of himself that was his
body-form and would serve as an anchor
while he searched the dream-plane.
* * * * * * * * *
The inside of Filia's dream was a
wasteland...and one Xellos recognized.
The great home of the Golds had looked just
like this after he left, even
down to the dead and mutilated bodies of
Ryuuzoku in both forms littering
the ground.
Filia was collapsed in the centre of what had been the grand
square with her head in her hands, and it
seemed as though every dead
Ryuuzoku there was speaking to her at once.
//LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO US!// they said,
//CAN YOU NOT SEE THE GREAT EVIL?
WOULD IT NOT BE A NOBLE SACRIFICE TO USE
THIS UNHOLY BOND TO PULL HIM WITH
YOU INTO DEATH?//
Filia looked up at this. Her eyes were streaming tears, and they looked
absolutely hopeless. "I don't WANT to!" she wailed, "I love him, I
don't
want him to die, but I can't HELP this!
Oh Gods, Xellos, please...I don't
want you to die...please?"
She began to sob, and Xellos felt something
break inside him. He ran toward
her, not daring to use any of his Mazoku
powers, even teleporting, while on
her dreamplane for fear of hurting her.
He could only get to within ten
feet of her, however, when he ran into what
seemed to be an invisible wall.
"Filia!" he called, "Filia,
can you hear me?"
//LOOK AROUND YOU!// the Ryuuzoku voices
commanded, //YOU SEE BEFORE YOU THE
TRUE EVIL WHICH LIES WITHIN THE HEART OF
THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO LOVE. HE WILL
ONLY KILL YOU AS WELL!//
"No he won't, somehow I know he won't.
Even if he doesn't love me, he would
never kill me, I just know he
wouldn't."
"Of course I wouldn't you hidebound
idiots, not even if Juuou-sama ordered
me to." Xellos growled.
"Filia..." he looked over at her, and she had
collapsed on the ground and was beginning
to flicker. "Filia!
Ore no
kokoro!
Filia wa ore no tamashii ga motsu! Shinu
na! Filiaaaaa!"(17)
Xellos screamed, desperately trying to
pierce the barrier she had set in a
vain attempt to block the Ryuuzoku spirits
from getting too close to her.
Filia looked up, and as their eyes met, a
silver band of energy streamed
between them, shattering the barrier.
Xellos ran to her and held her
tightly.
"Xellos, Kizunabito(18), you came!
But how...?"
"How did I know? You have Lina to thank for that, she was the one who told
me about the dreams and what was causing
them."
"Speaking of dreams, let's get out of
here." Filia said, looking around and
shuddering.
Xell nodded.
"Good idea." he agreed.
* * * * * * * * *
Lina watched the couple who were both
shimmering with a silver light as they
woke up.
Filia gazed lovingly at Xellos and smiled, and he bent forward and
placed a kiss on her forehead, then one
over each eye, then finally on her
lips.
Filia began to trill with pleasure as the upside-down kiss deepened,
and Lina blushed.
"I take it everything is all
right?" Lina asked.
"Mmmhmm." Xell mumbled.
"I'll go back to sitting watch
then."
Lina was feeling the ache of her Soulbond
more strongly than usual, and,
quite frankly, watching the newly Bonded
couple was making her tired not
only in body, but in spirit, so she woke
Gourry up to take his shift at
watch a little early.
"What's with those two?" Gourry
asked.
"They're Soulbonded." Lina
explained, dreading the inevitable blank look she
knew would come.
"Oh!
I see; they've just acknowledged. Alright,
I'll let them be then."
Lina just stared at Gourry, how could this
be the one thing of all things
that he understood...most people had never
even heard of Lifebonds, let
alone Soulbonds!(19)
"Well, I'm going to get some
sleep." Lina said, going over to where her
bedroll had been set by the fire.
"Alright, see you in the
morning."
Lina wrapped herself up in her bedroll and
promptly fell right asleep.
Gourry leaned his back against a tree
facing away from the camp to wait out
his part of the night watch.
* * * * * * * * *
A couple of hours of cuddling and bonding
later, Filia was snuggled
comfortably in Xell's arms.
She looked over at Lina and sighed.
"I owe her so much. I wish there was something I could do to repay her.
I
know she, like us, has a Tamashii no
Aikizuna, and that it's unacknowledged,
but as to who that bond is with..."
"That's where I come in handy,
Koibito(20). I could feel the pain
both of
them had since I first started shadowing
this pack. She doesn't think he
cares about anything, and he doesn't think
he's worth caring about..."
"Zelgadis?
Of course! I can see it
now!...but how can we get them
together?" Filia wondered.
"Zel-kun's specialty is Shamanist
Magick, so he should be able to see the
distress her soul is in if we get him to
check it himself."
"Alright, that's what we'll do."
Filia agreed. "I was wondering
something
Kizunabito."
"Yes?"
"This bond...how was it possible?
I didn't think Mazoku were capable of
love." she looked quizzically up at
Xellos.
"Most aren't." he admitted,
"I'm an exception for a couple of reasons.
First of all, I used to be
human...actually, 3/4 human, 1/4 Ancient
Dragon,"(21)
Filia looked surprised. "I'd never have guessed!"
"Not even Zelas knows about the
Ryuuzoku part of me."
Filia raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Well, I don't think she knows about
it. She would have likely done some
things differently if she had.
There's one thing I'm SURE she doesn't know,
though.
When she made me Mazoku, there were elements of the Wolf which she
worked into my consciousness in order to
make me more obedient to her. What
she doesn't know…and never will if I can
help it, is that instead of the
Mazoku aspects settling in my heart, the
Wolf ones did. Needless to say if
she ever found out she'd do her best to
destroy me…"
Filia's eyes flashed fierce. "She'd
better not try." she menaced.
Xellos grinned.
"Have you ever wondered why you never see me take my other
form?"
"Once or twice."
"That's because it's not like any
other Mazoku."
Xellos motioned they should move away from
the camp a little way. "You
know, I do believe you're the first person
who's ever seen this." he said as
his form changed.
Where he had been there was now a large wolf the size of
a pony, with deep purple fur interspersed
with flecks of gold on his ruff,
and glossy, iridescent purple wings.
"Sugoi!" Filia whispered,
"Can you fly?"
"Yup!" Xellos wolf-grinned, his
tongue lolling. He crouched down ,
then
sprang into the air, extending and flapping
his wings, sending debris
spinning away from the powerful downdrafts.
Once he was airborne, he
swooped and wheeled through and above the
trees, making a couple of passes
over Filia's head before backwinging to
land almost as lightly as a single
one of his feathers directly in front of
her, panting slightly.
Filia had a big grin on her face and was
clapping. "Wai, wai!" she
giggled
and hugged him.
Xellos licked her face mischievously, then
shifted back into his usual form.
"Zel's on watch now, shall we
go?"
They walked back to camp, and as they
arrived Zelgadis glared at Xellos.
"Fruitcake, what were you doing?"
he asked distrustfully.
"Just spending time with my
Itooshii(22)." Xell grinned.
"Your WHAT?"
Filia latched onto Xell's arm.
"His Kizunabito…we have a Tamashii no
Aikizuna you see."
A flash of sadness passed across Zel's
face. "Really. How remarkable."
"We owe a favour to Lina, she helped
save us and get us to bond, and we
intend to repay her." Filia told Zel.
"What does that have to do with
me?"
"I know you don't like me much, but
trust me on this." Xell said, "Look at
Lina with Astral Sight and tell me what you
see."
Zelgadis slitted his eyes and looked over
at the sleeping Lina. "I see
that
she is on the last reserves of her astral
strength, I see a thin silver cord
coming from her belly…"(23)
"Where does the cord go?"
"It leads to…me?" Zel's eyes
snapped open and he turned to Xellos. "How
long?" he asked, aghast.
"Since before I met up with you."
"Oh Gods!
Oh Lina! For me?
And I never saw? I'm so sorry…"
"So get over there and tell her."
Filia motioned to him, "We'll take your
watch for you."
"Thank you." Zel nodded to Filia.
* * * * * * * * *
Zelgadis went over to Lina and laid down
beside her, wrapping his arms
around her.
She began to stir and wake up, then turned, saw that it was Zel
that was holding her and sighed.
"Mmmm…'nother dream…" she
mumbled and snuggled up to him, then fell asleep
again.
Zel blushed bright red, but he had a happy
grin on his face. "How to wake
her up?" he wondered
"Dowanna wake up…" Lina
muttered into his chest, "Happy here…'wake sad, no
Zel…"
Zel hugged her tight, miserable that he had
caused her so much unhappiness.
"Ah…dreams better…stay
'sleep…always 'sleep, never sad again…"
Zelgadis decided this wouldn't do at all.
He bent his head slightly to
whisper in one ear.
"Lina, wake up, I have a surprise for
you."
"Dowan' s'prise, want Zel." she
said firmly.
"Okay, if that's what you want."
Zel got a wicked little grin on his face
and kissed her ear, it being the most
conveniently close thing to his lips,
then started down her jawline.
Lina unconsciously turned her face toward
his, and he kissed her
tantalizingly around the lips before
finally capturing them. A jolt
almost
like electricity flowed between the two of
them, and Lina's eyes snapped
open.
As she realized what was going on she began to kiss him back, and the
couple was surrounded by a silvery glow.
After a couple of minutes, the kiss broke
off.
'Damned need to breathe.' Zel thought to
himself.
"Zel…?
Is this real?" Lina asked hesitantly.
"Yes, it's real. This is no dream." Zelgadis confirmed.
"Finally…" Lina started to
weep, "Finally the pain is gone…I'm whole."
Zel rubbed her back in soothing circles and
held her tight. "I'm sorry
Lina.
I'm so, so sorry. You have
every right to be furious with me, but I
promise, from now on I'll never leave your
side ever again."
"But what about your cure?"
"With you, I'm whole, I don't need a
cure." Zel said
"So, you finally see how handsome you
are." Lina grinned
Zel blushed, but the smile on his face told
the truth. (24)
* * * * * * * * *
Xellos and Filia looked over at the other
couple as the silver light
appeared.
"Well, it looks as though one of my
best energy sources just disappeared."
Xell sighed, then smiled, "Oh well,
it's for the good of the pack, after
all."
"The pack?" Filia wondered,
"You've said something about that before."
Xellos gestured at the group bundled in
their bedrolls. "The
pack." he
explained, "Humans and Wolves are not
all that different in some ways."
"Or Ryuuzoku and Wolves." Filia
added, "When I was very young, I ran away
from home…I don't remember quite why.
In any case, I ended up living in the
forest for a few months,(25) and was
adopted by one of the packs living
there."
Filia screwed up her face in concentration for a minute, then
smiled.
[How is one's mate this night?] she asked in Wolf.(26)
"Well well, so you know the
language!" Xellos was inexplicably pleased by
this bit of information. [One is well. One
wonders if perhaps one's mate
is feeling frisky?] Xell grinned.
"Xellos!"
Filia blushed bright red. She
looked down at the ground, trying
not to blush any brighter.
Xellos lifted her chin with one hand and
gave her a quick kiss. [Well?]
"Um…well I…"
"Now now, no changing languages in the
middle of a conversation!"
[No fair] Filia complained.
She knew perfectly well it was impossible to
lie in Wolf.
She looked at Xellos…really looked at
him, and thought, 'Oh, why deny it any
longer.
We are bonded, after all, and I'd be lying through my teeth if I
said he wasn't incredibly handsome.'
She smiled.
[Does this answer?] she asked as she
latched her arms around him and kissed
him all over his face, [catch me if you
can!] she grinned, then ran off into
the forest where she knew there was a
clearing, shifting forms as she did
so, then taking off into the air.
Xellos wasn't far behind her, and he was
soon winging after her, having
expanded his body until it was just a
little larger than Filia's dragon
form.
They dipped and wheeled across the night
sky, first Xellos chasing Filia,
then Filia chasing Xellos. As he flew along above her, Xellos marvelled at
the way the moon made her appear silver,
like a small cloud scudding below
him…then he saw his target.
Folding his wings in close to his body, he dove
toward her, catching the trailing end of
her bow in his jaws so that it
pulled off her tail as he passed.
He landed and shifted back, then got out
of the way as Filia came tearing in.
She shifted back and threw her cloths back
on(27) before running after him.
"You!
Give that back!" she yelled.
Xellos teleported behind her and wrapped
his arms about her. "Caught
you."
he grinned.
Filia turned so she could look at him.
"I surrender." she said very
seriously.
"I love you too Koibito." Xellos
said and kissed her.
Filia wound her fingers in his hair,
pulling his head down and deepening the
kiss.
Xellos ran his hands down her body, gripping her tight. He moved his
kisses to her neck and Filia slid her hand
down the back of his shirt and
started trilling again.
"Hmmm…" Xellos sighed,
"I've been meaning to ask you, what is that trilling
you make?
I've never felt anything like it before."
"Oh, all female dragons trill,"
she said, "it's how we reinforce bonds."(28)
"Mmmm…"Xellos mumbled,
"Don't stop, won't you."
* * * * * * * * *
A little while later, Xell lay beside Filia.
He wrapped his arms around her
and she snuggled close.
"Anata no zutto(29), Koibito." He
whispered in her ear, then drifted off
into sleep.
"Anata no zutto." Filia echoed.
She sighed happily and looked up at the
sky. The stars flickering there
reminded her of
the flecks of gold in Xellos' ruff in Wolf form.
She
looked over at him then, and smiled.
'I wonder if I should tell him, or let
him figure it out on his own?' she thought.
A wicked little grin almost
worthy of Xellos himself crossed her face
then, 'No, let him figure it out
for himself.' she decided.
She snuggled in closer to her Kizunabito
and smiled blissfully as she
meditated on the new spark of life within
her, then slipped off into sleep
in the warm night.(30)
Notes:
(1) Anji
probably never guessed just how inspiring this poem was, but true
genius is never recognized by its
originator. ^_~
(2) Ryuuzoku
are dragons, in case you weren't sure…but I'm sure you all
knew that.
(3) Okay,
so Lina's really OOC, so sue me, I needed someone to be the voice
of experience, and it just turned out to be
her.
(4) I
made this one up, so it might be grammatically incorrect, but "Isshou
no" means "lifelong",
"Ai" is "love", and "Kizuna" is "bond of
affection",
thus, Lifebond.
(5) "Tamashii
no" is "Of the soul", thus, a Soulbond.
(6) I
figured that for a race of almost eternal beings who value morality
highly, Lifebonding would only make sense.
After all, how moral is the way
things generally work when we just play by
hit and miss? Besides, if there
wasn't some kind of strong reason to stay
with your partner, boredom might
set in, and the results of that would
almost DEFINITELY not be moral! ^_~
(7) There
was no real reason I put this little interlude in, except because
I thought it was cute…so there, it
doesn't have any hidden meanings :P
(8) If
you've been wondering why I use two different terms for these bonds,
it's because I figured that the Ryuuzoku
and Mazoku still use the "old
language" (otherwise known as
Japanese) whereas the humans have progressed
forward and all but abandoned it in favour
of the less formal "new language"
(otherwise known as English)
(9) "Namagomi"
literally means "Raw Garbage". It's
the usual name Filia
gives Xellos, but as you and I know, the
more one uses a name as an insult,
the more it can begin to sound like an
endearment…not that garbage is all
that endearing…>P
(10) soul…if
you hadn't guessed.
(11) Yeah,
I know, Xellos was always a Mazoku, but I didn't like that for
the way I wanted to work this fic, so I
simply ignored it in favour of
another option.
;p
(12) A
wonderful band out of Newfoundland, who actually inspired me to look
into University out here on the east coast.
(13) knowing
me, I wonder who this could possibly be? ^_~
(14) Enter
the "Deus ex Machina" ^_~
(15) Interesting
tidbit…Cepheid is the main star in the constellation
Cepheus…just thought you might all like
to know that.
(16) Yes,
you could say that!
(17) Um,
okay, I admit it, unless you speak Japanese, this probably makes
little or no sense to you. I put it in Japanese for two reasons. First
because of the idea of new and old
languages I've already mentioned, and
second because it just sounds so much more
dramatic in Japanese than
English.
The translation is "Filia! My
Heart! You hold my Soul!
Don't
die! Filiaaaaa!"
(18) "Kizunabito"
is Filia's new name she uses for Xellos. It
means "My
bonded one"
(19) I
figure Elves would work the same way as Ryuuzoku as far as bonding
being necessary for those with such long
lives
(20) "Koibito"
means "My loved one"
(21) This
is what allowed them to bond, actually.
(22) "Itooshii"
is "darling"
(23) When
discussing Soulmates, the bond is usually described as being a
thick silver cord linking between the
bellybuttons of the two halves.
(24) Okay,
enough of that, I said this fic was Xell/Filia, and it's staying
that way!
(25) No,
I don't know how she managed to avoid her parents for that long,
she just did, okay?
:P
(26) At
this time I wish to acknowledge the incredible influence of the
writings of David and Leigh Eddings on this
fic. The Wolf language is
entirely their understanding of it, as well
as my interpretation of the ways
of wolves.
(27) yes,
I know, she's just going to take them right back off in a couple
of minutes, but hey, there's no thrill if
they're already gone, taking them
off is so much more fun, ne?
||^_^||
(28)
The trilling is my own invention. It
reinforces the bonds because it
vibrates not only physically but astrally
as well, and its frequency
augments that of the bond…also its
frequency just happens to be the right
tone to make all the small bones in the
face vibrate, making anyone close
enough feel quite lightheaded.
(29) "Anata
no zutto" means "Yours forever.", or I think it does,
anyway…that's what I mean it to mean.
