The Lover After Me
By: Yugure
How long has it been? How long?
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
That's right. Seven months. And every day hurt worse than the last.
Duo zipped up his black jacket and ducked his head as he walked down the
street. The black clouds overhead rumbled gently with thunder, promising more
torrential rain. The air was thick and muggy. Duo breathed in deeply, then let
out a leaden sigh. In a way, he didn't mind the wet, earthy smell that always
accompanied the rain. In a way, it reminded him of all the other times on Earth.
Joyful times, when the gang still kept in touch and got together every now and
then.
'It's been so long,' Duo thought. He picked up his pace and hurried to the
place he temporarily called home. Of course, it would never be "home"
to him. He didn't have a home. Duo was a drifter. He didn't stay in one place
too long. Especially since...
'...since Heero left,' Duo thought dejectedly. He scowled at the ground as he
slogged through a muddy puddle. With a particularly obnoxious peal of thunder,
it began raining. 'Kuso. Just my luck." As if fate wasn't cruel enough, a
car zoomed by, creating a rooster tail that left Duo nearly soaked to the bone.
"DAMMIT IT ALL TO HELL!!" he cursed. Grumbling, he took refuge
under a building's canopy. The bench positioned there wasn't too wet, so Duo
sank down onto the green wooden planks. For a moment, Duo felt content to simply
sit there, but by another cruel twist of fate he happened to notice the building
he was currently using as shelter.
'This is where Heero and I first...' the thought trailed off in the former
Gundam pilot's brain. He couldn't finish that line of thought for fear of
releasing the tide of emotions he had carefully tucked away.
Duo got up and ran. He didn't care where to. He just ran.
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
'I thought I was gonna be okay,' Duo thought. 'I thought it wouldn't bother
me anymore. I thought I could handle it...'
But deep down, he knew he couldn't. The only one he'd ever truly cared for
was gone. Not dead, per se, but unavailable. Preoccupied with that stuck-up,
spoiled brat Relena.
Okay, that was unfair. Yes, Relena was a pain in the neck. Most of the time,
anyway. But even she had her good points. And it wasn't going to do Duo a bit of
good to complain about her.
Because she was one-up on him.
She had Heero.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Duo just couldn't understand it. Why did Heero leave? Why for Relena, of all
people?! But in all honesty, Duo knew how Heero felt about that Peacecraft. He'd
seen it in Heero's eyes; heard it in the way he talked; even felt it in his
touch. That constant holding back. Never giving himself completely, as if
thinking of someone else.
Duo wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. So he did both.
Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
His mad dash became slow and heavy footfalls, and finally he stopped moving.
Rain poured down on his head, mingling with the few tears on his face. Duo's
chestnut hair hung limply around his shoulders and tendrils clung to his cheeks.
'What the hell is wrong with me?' he thought. 'Why can't I move on? It's so
damn obvious he doesn't care at all for me. Not in the same way I do for him.
Heero, you bastard, you stole the only thing that really mattered and gave me
nothing in return.'
Duo watched as a young couple emerged from a building, snuggled together
under a large umbrella. The young woman's voice was a semblance of wind chimes,
and every time she laughed her partner replied in kind. Duo sneered at the
couple and continued his disenchanted trudge through the rain.
'My love. You stole my love.'
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
'I wonder if they're happy together,' Duo thought as he turned a corner and
found himself facing a park. 'I wonder if they even think of me anymore. I
wonder if he ever feels any regrets. I wonder is she feels triumphant. I
wonder... I wonder...'
The park was dark and gloomy. The trees obscured any sunlight that managed to
break through the clouds, and the ground was muddy as hell. The city ended here,
and the forest began. Duo didn't even stop to think as he took the darkest path
and disappeared into the evening shadows.
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
As if fate wasn't cruel enough; as if life really WAS sadistic and out to
spite everyone; as if destiny enjoyed inflicting pain on others; Duo didn't
realize, until too late, that the path he was on led directly towards a mansion
in the middle of the forest. It was just out of town but close enough that
anyone living there could easily get to the city. It was a perfect escape for
diplomats and politicians...
... ambassadors and pacifists...
... Relena and her entourage of flunkies, butlers, and one newly acquired
boyfriend...
Duo stopped in his tracks, as if running into an invisible wall. The mansion
sprawled before him, looming in the stormy mist. Lights inside were ablaze and
they lit up the windows from every level. Duo cursed his subconscious for
bringing him here. He didn't really want to be here. Really. He wanted to move
on, he wanted to escape his past...
So why didn't he?
Here I go again
I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
"Heero," Duo whispered. Without willing it, he walked up the long
driveway and approached the front doors of the mansion. Rain continued to pull
hair loose from the sopping-wet braid hanging down Duo's back. He knew he looked
like a mess, but he didn't really care at the moment.
Duo's fingers trembled over the doorbell. It wouldn't hurt to just say hello,
would it? Just to see them both warm and safe and happy? Just to see Heero for
one last time?
The fingertips rested on the doorbell but they didn't apply any pressure. He
couldn't bring himself to do it. He wasn't sure if seeing them together was
worth the pain.
So he stepped back. Away from the door. And watched as, one by one, the
lights in the house went out.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
"Goodbye, Heero."
