Shattered Moments Epilogue
AC 197
Those eyes... they're so cold. So empty. They used to laugh. Used to be so lively. Once.
Heero Yuy sighed and turned away from the mirror. Those were not his eyes, were they? The boy that reflected in the mirror was not he, right? It can't be him. It mustn't be.
He looked up, his eyes studying the beautiful scenery that lay outside the window. It was a beautiful day. A peaceful day. The sun now shined up on a whole new world. A peaceful world. One he helped to create. He, the monster, the murderer, J's little weapon. He helped to create this.
He turned back to the mirror. So this can't be him, now can it?
He reached up a hand and touched the cold surface of the mirror. His fingers traced the outlines of his face, feeling the cold smooth surface, looking deep into those cold, sharp prussian eyes. He studied his features. Such cruel features. He hated them. Those eyes... they made him shudder as he was faced with their emptiness.
His fingers paused as they reached up to his hair and then brushed against it, trying to push the reflection of his hair away from his eyes. Trying to see what was behind those dark brown curtains.
Only emptiness stared back.
"Come out little boy..." He whispered pleadingly. "It's safe now, come out..."
Nothing. His eyes remained cold, like a sharp knife.
Why won't he come out? Was he afraid? There was nothing to be afraid of. He didn't need to kill anymore. It was over. All over. No more fighting, killing, getting hurt...
The war was over. There was no need for the Soldier anymore. Kid can come out now.
"Where are you?" Heero asked, his fingers still lying on the mirror's surface.
Was Kid lost forever? Is Soldier all that is left of him? He didn't want to be a soldier forever. He wanted to be free again. He wanted to laugh, and feel and let it all out.
"Come out little boy..." He pleaded.
Is it really safe? Is it really over? Do you promise?
"Yes. It's over."
How can you be sure? What if the Soldier has to come out again? I don't want him to.
"No more Soldier. I promise. I don't have to kill anyone anymore."
But what is there to do? Where can I go? There is no place for me to be. No one for me to go to. I have nothing.
Heero kept silent, he didn't know what to answer himself. "...The...others..." He finally murmured.
The others?! They found somewhere to go. They have someone to go to. Someone they love and who loves them back. I don't have this.
"That's not... not true..."
Do I remember how to love? Did I ever really know how?
Heero looked away from those eyes. He bowed his head, shoulders slumped. He turned to look out the window again. "Odin... Linda... Steve..." He turned back to the boy in the mirror. He looked deep into those sad eyes. "They loved me."
But they are gone. They left me all alone. There's no one left to love. Can anyone really love a soldier?
Heero reached back for the mirror, wanting to wipe the crystal tears from the boy's sad little face. His face.
Don't cry... Maybe there is someone to love. Maybe I do know what it is, I just need to remember. Please don't cry, Soldier.
"Can anyone really love a soldier?" Heero whispered, feeling the tears well up in his eyes.
His eyes. They weren't so stern anymore. The little boy was coming out to help him. Heero smiled a bit. The walls are cracking.
I love a soldier.
Heero looked away from the boy, feeling the warm tears slide down his cheeks.
Do you remember what it's like, Soldier? Do you remember how good it feels to be held? To be loved?
"Hai." Heero swallowed, turning back to the mirror. He smiled at himself, wiping away the tears. He tilted his head sideways a bit as he examined himself for a long time. Something was different. The boy in the mirror was different. He was different. No more Kid, no more Soldier. Just Heero.
He smiled again, reaching one hand for the mirror and one to his face.
"Hello, Heero..." He said quietly, smiling.
The eyes in the mirror smiled back at him.
Heero leaned his head on the mirror, touching head to head with the boy, wanting to be one with him.
"Umm... Heero?" A hesitant voice came from behind.
Heero didn't bother to look back as he knew who was the person standing at the doorway.
"I need to, um, to ask you something." The voice continued. "It's a bit, um... private. Do you have a moment?"
Heero glanced at the other's reflection in the mirror, then back at himself.
Can anyone really love a soldier?
Heero nodded, his eyes not leaving the eyes in the mirror. "I love a soldier." He whispered.
"Is this a bad time? I ca-- I mean, um, I can come back later, if you want."
"Iiya." Heero let out and turned to meet the other, smiling. "What is it you want to ask me, Duo?"
OWARI
That's pretty much it. What'd ya think? Did it make any sense to ya, or do I need to seek help?
By the way, if anyone thinks I suggested split personality here, so- no. I didn't meant to do so; it just came out a bit, um, schizophrenic. I don't think Heero is THAT MUCH of a mental case. But maybe, who knows... Anyway- C&C are welcomed.
Sa, ja na!