Crying to the Walls Part 2
//"You shouldn't have expected a 'forever'."
"I think we should start seeing other people."
"I think it would be good for us to break up for a while."
"There's no such thing as 'forever'."//
Cruel words. They were such cruel words... They lingered onto his skin and didn't let go. Wouldn't let go. See other people. No more Duo. Duo didn't want him anymore. No more forever. There was no such thing as forever.
Heero fell down to his knees, looking up at Duo with wide and tearful eyes. Tears ran down his pale cheeks, staining his lovely face with waterfalls of misery. His mouth was still open in shock, his lips trembling to keep from crying.
"No..." He cried, voice begging. "I don't want other people..." He continued sobbing, looking up at Duo, his eyes begging him to take those awful words back. "I don't want anyone else! I want you!" He screamed, sobbing hard. He was holding Duo's shirt now, his fists clutched around the thin fabric, and he pulled it, like a pet seeking attention. "Duo! Please! Why are you doing this? Why now? What did I do? Please tell me what I did wrong..." He howled, more tears pouring out of his baby-blue eyes. "Duo..." His head suddenly dropped down, and he sniffled pathetically. "Duo..."
"I'm sorry, Heero." The braided man answered quietly, voice neutral. He reached down a hand and petted the top of Heero's bowed head. He sighed deeply. "But it's just not it anymore. I'm sorry. I can't go on like this, it's not fair to you and it's not good for me. The spark is gone. No one is to blame, it's just like that."
Again Heero sniffled, his sobs calming down. "You're sick of me..."
Duo nearly winced at the heartbroken voice, his caressing of Heero's hair stopping. He withdrew his hand from the silken stands and placed it gently under Heero's chin. He lifted the broken boy's head up, violet meeting blue. He smiled sadly at him.
"It was good while it lasted, Heero. But it had to end sometime. Now is the time, I'm afraid."
"I can be better..." Heero whispered, voice hoarse from tears. He looked up at his braided love, eyes glistering with tears. "Tell me what to do..."
"Go out. Live. Meet other people. You're still so young, and there's so much more out there for you..." He explained softly, caressing Heero's damp cheek.
The Japanese boy closed his eyes and leaned into the caress, lingering to the last shred of tender touch he will get from the one he loved.
"It doesn't mean we can't see each other anymore. We can still be friends. Breaking up doesn't mean breaking all connections."
Heero opened his eyes and looked up at him, confused. "I can still live here? With you?"
Duo smiled gently. "If you so choose."
Heero forced himself to smile back. "Aa. That's what I choose." He answered, voice determined. Determined to get Duo back. To make him like him again. He will learn how, he didn't care what he had to do. He will learn. He will get Duo back. No matter what.
* * *
Three weeks passed since that awful night that had left Heero's heart in shredded and bleeding pieces. They still lived together, though now Duo slept on the couch rather than in their bedroom. He said it was okay with him, but Heero still felt guilty for having the bed. He offered to take the couch instead of Duo, but the braided boy said that since he's hardly home, it's only fair that Heero took the bed.
Sadly enough, it was true. Duo was never home these days. He was always 'out'. Either it was out clubbing, going to a pub, hanging out with friends, going out on dates; it was always 'out'. And Heero was always left behind, alone and very much depressed. He was lonely, lonelier than he had ever been in his life. The house was too quiet, too dark, too cold without a braided boy with a cheeky face to lighten up the place with his laughter and endless chatter. The television was a poor substitute.
So Heero busied himself with housework. He cleaned and sparkled even if the place didn't show one crumb of dust. He cooked and he baked and he fixed things and he did ANYTHING he could think of to make Duo notice how useful he was.
But Duo was never home to see it. Heero would still cook for him, still wait for him to come home and sit with him, maybe just talk with him, if only briefly. All he wanted was to catch just one smile, just one playful wink at his direction. That's all he wanted. He missed being the center of Duo's attention. Of Duo's affection. He missed being touched, kissed and caressed. He missed the pleasant conversations they used to have. He missed the silent and pleasant moments they shared. He missed being seen, he missed the days when he was not invisible to Duo.
Duo... the Duo who was a lover and a friend, not just a mere roommate.
He missed his Duo, but Duo wasn't his anymore.
"Hey! No slacking off on the job, boss!" A familiar voice called in mock-reproach. "If Une catches you daydreaming like that, you'll be so fired - on a rocket!"
Heero looked up from his blank computer screen, blinking rapidly. It took him a while to register exactly who was the figure leaning so casually against his monitor, grinning like an idiot. When he did realize, he jumped up, shocked.
"D--Duo..." He stammered, quickly collection the scattered papers off his desk and arranging them neatly. "Wha--what are you doing here?"
Duo grinned and pushed himself off the monitor, now merely standing behind Heero's desk. "To see how you're doing. You seem to be doing a lot of daydreaming lately. Anything I should know about?" He asked with a smirk.
Heero glared at him. "No. There's nothing to know." He answered, putting his papers aside. "I was thinking about the assignment."
"Right..." Duo rolled his eyes, still smirking.
"Duo! Stop that! I'm serious."
"You always are..." The braided boy sighed in amusement.
Heero sighed and slumped back into his chair. The relationship between the two of them was so strange. On the outside, they acted like best buds. Exchanging puns and such, having lunch together sometimes, fighting over trivial things at work, all in all, a pretty ordinary friendship. Duo seemed to be very comfortable with it, but Heero on the other hand, was dying inside. It was so hard for him to act so freely and friendly with Duo, when on the inside, he was crying, begging him to touch him, hug him, come back to him...
It was all superficial, the way he acted next to Duo. He was just acting nice so Duo will keep hanging around him. But all he really wanted was to cry instead of smiling. To die instead of living. It was better form this pathetic existence in a lie. A lie he fed himself everyday, thinking Duo would be back to him. That he wanted to be back with him. That Duo would take him back if he'll show him that he was better. That he was worth of his love and attention.
He was getting sick of this lie.
"Ne, Hee-chan." Duo called suddenly, jerking Heero out of his musings. He looked up at Duo, raising an eyebrow.
"Nani?"
"I've got a question. A serious one." Duo explained, pulling out a chair, turning it so the backside was facing the front and sitting down. He leaned on the backside of the chair. He looked Heero straight in the eye, face dead serious. "I wasn't joking when I said that you should go out and experience new things. I hate seeing you cooped up at home all the time."
Heero swallowed and looked away.
Duo sighed, leaning deeper into the chair. "Heero, it's been a month."
"Not yet." Heero whispered, turning back to face Duo.
Duo sighed again and shook his head. "That's not the point. Time has past, and you still being too hard on yourself."
Again Heero looked away, bowing his head. He stared down at his fidgeting fingers.
Duo smiled gently and reached a hand up towards Heero, lifting his head up to face him. "Heero, please. You can at least give it a try."
Heero turned his head away from the tender touch and shook his head. "I told you, I don't want anyone else. I don't KNOW anyone else. I don't know how and where to begin. It's too hard..."
Again the braided man sighed, pulling his hand away. He bowed his head briefly and then looked back up at his ex-lover. "There's been some talking around the office lately." He began quietly and Heero's head jerked up.
"Talking?"
Duo smiled kindly at the Japanese youth. "You're a very good looking man, Heero. You must have seen how people here gawk at you."
Heero blushed and looked away. "They... they do?"
Duo chuckled. "'Course they do! No one's blind here, ya know."
Heero swallowed, hands still fidgeting from embarrassment. "Wha--what are they talking about?"
"Ya know this guy named Johnson? From section six?" He asked, smirking.
Heero thought for a moment, and then nodded. "A--aa. I think so. We worked together on the Webster's case."
"Yeah, that's the one. Rumor has it that he has quite a crush on you."
"On... me?!"
Duo's smile broadened at the utter surprise on Heero's features. "Yep. If you want, I can arrange something between you two. Could be nice."
"Oh... I don't know..." Heero stammered, looking away. "I... I barely know him..."
"Well then, get to know him. C'mon, what you gotta lose? It's just one date."
"I've never been on a real date."
"There's a first time for everything."
"I don't have anything to wear."
"We'll buy you some."
"I have a lot of work to do."
"You're the boss, tell someone else to do it."
He was running out of excuses. Biting his lip in thought, Heero struggled to come up with another way to avoid what he knew would be a disaster. "Umm... I..."
"Just say yes, Heero." Duo pushed, still smirking. "What's the worse thing that could happen? You'll waste one night outta your life? Big deal! There are plenty of other nights. I heard he's a nice guy."
"Yeah, but..."
"I think you should start seeing other people, Heero." Duo added, his tone suddenly serious.
Heero looked up, doubtful. He saw the seriousness in Duo's eyes, his utter determination and resolve. He really wanted him to do this. And he would deny Duo nothing. Who knows, maybe if he'll go out with this Johnson, he would please Duo, show him he was willing to do as he says, and then, then he will take him back...
Forcing on a small and sad smile, Heero nodded his head. "All right, Duo. You win. I'll give it a shot."
"Great!" The braided man called happily, jumping out of his chair. "I'm glad you're finally getting yourself together and moving on! Don't worry; I'll talk to the guy for you! Good going, Hee-chan!" He cheered and bounced happily out of Heero's office.
The minute the door was shut, Heero dropped the smiling façade. He leaned down on his desk, pillowing his head in his arms. "I'll get it together Duo... for you. Anything for you... so we can be together..."
* * *
Duo had set the date as promised and even took Heero out shopping for some new clothes. He gave him some tips to start off with and then left the apartment to his own date.
Now standing in the living room, Heero was looking nervously at the door. He was wearing the clothes Duo had picked for him. Duo said they looked good on him, but Heero just felt silly, hot and overdressed, even for a date. He was wearing a white buttoned up shirt, along with beige trousers and a matching jacket. The jacket was a bit big, and looked a little sloppy, but it gave a nice touch. Duo had also bought Heero matching beige shoes, saying that it was 'his treat'.
Heero rolled his eyes as he remembered how Duo tried to tame his untamable hair, using anything possible to bring the messy mop under control. He gave up eventually, muttering something about hopelessness and scissors. Heero just pouted sadly at the thought that Duo didn't like the way his hair looked anymore. Once he used to spend nights lying next to him in bed, tousling his hair, petting it and stroking it. It made him whimper just thinking about it.
The doorbell rang and Heero jumped, startled. He looked at the door for a few breathless moments, unable to move. When the bell rang a second time, he took a deep breath, ran a trembling hand through his hair and walked to answer the door.
He took his time unlocking it, and then slowly, hesitantly, opened it. He found himself looking up, and up and UP at a tall man, about thirty or so. He was wearing a black jacket and trousers but his shirt was dark blue. He was a man with a large built, well muscled and portly. His skin was tanned and his dark blond hair was cut military style. His eyes, sharp and narrow, were pale blue, and seemed to have an almost clear color, which gave him an eerie look. His features were firm and serious, and he had one small red earring in his right ear.
Heero just kept standing there, gaping at the tall man.
"Good evening." The man finally spoke, handing Heero a bouquet of flowers he was holding.
Heero looked down at the flowers, still a little shocked from the man's appearance. He stared at the flowers, smiling a little as he saw that they were lilacs, his favorite. He smiled up at Johnson and gently took the flowers from him. "Thank you." He whispered shyly and opened the door further, so the man could enter.
"You're very much welcome." He answered, his voice low bass.
"Let me put them in some water, and then we can go." Heero asked, walking to the kitchen.
"No problem, take your time." Johnson answered, looking around the small apartment. He noticed a few framed pictures above the fireplace, and his eyes narrowed. They were pictures of Duo and Heero together, in various places and affectionate poses. He turned back to face the kitchen.
"Does Maxwell live with you?" He called towards the Japanese boy.
"Aa." Heero called back, putting the flowers in a simple vase.
"Were you really close?"
"...Aa." Heero answered quietly, re-entering the living room. He looked up at Johnson, smiling sadly. "I'm sorry, but I never got your first name." He said quietly, ashamed of the fact.
Johnson smiled back, tilting his head a little, amused by the boy's embarrassment. "It's okay. People call me Johnson anyway. My first name is Fritz."
"Oh. And how should I call you?" Heero asked, head bowed a little to hide his blushing. He thought he would crack up laughing if he had to call someone Fritz.
"Johnson will be fine." The German replied smoothly, still smiling. "For now." The last part was added quietly, so Heero barely heard it. Normally he would, but now he was too nervous to do anything.
"Shall we go?" Johnson offered his hand to Heero, smiling kindly.
"A--aa." Heero stammered and took the offered hand. It felt awkward to be holding someone else's hand. He was used only to Duo's soft and warm hand. This hand was different. It was too callous, too rough and strong. Not half as gentle as Duo's.
But he guessed that he would just have to get used to it.
The two left the dark apartment hand in hand.
* * *
"It feels a bit odd, to be dating my boss." Johnson admitted after they were shown to their seats, in a large and fancy restaurant.
Heero smiled slightly, blushing a little. "I'm not really your boss." He said, looking down at his fidgeting hands.
"No, but you are in charge of the Esca assignment, are you not?"
Heero looked up, surprised. "You're involved in Esca?"
Johnson nodded, looking up briefly at the waitress who brought them their menus. "Uh huh. I got pulled in about three days ago. I'm on recon."
"I thought that section six doesn't do field missions..." Heero muttered, watching his date as he opened the menu.
"New policies. Go fig. I think the office is running short on budget. Une's wasting it all on the new issued uniforms and all..."
Heero forced himself to chuckle at the small joke, but it came out more like a nervous laughter. He never had to fake a laugh with Duo. Heero sighed and looked down sadly. He wondered what Duo was doing now...
"Would like to make an order now, sir?" The waitress's voice suddenly asked.
Heero looked up at her, and then down at his own menu. He didn't even look at it yet. He was about to open his mouth and ask the waitress for a little more time, but Johnson beat him to it.
"Yes. We would like to have the lemon chicken please. Twice."
"But--" Heero began to protest and Johnson quickly turned to glare at him.
"And what would you like to drink?" The waitress continued.
"White wine, please." Johnson answered, slowly turning his gaze away form Heero.
"But..." Heero tried again, now interrupted by the sound of Johnson's menu slamming shut.
"Is that all, sir?"
Heero opened his mouth again, but was rendered speechless as Johnson sent him another sharp look.
"Yes." The man answered the waitress, still looking coldly at Heero.
"Very well, sir." The young woman bent down to pick the menus off the table. Heero sighed and looked away sadly as she took his.
He didn't even have the chance to look at it...
* * *
"Why aren't you eating?" Johnson asked when he saw his date was just looking down at his plate, silent and unmoving. "Are you not hungry?"
Heero looked up, sighing quietly. "Oh, that's not it."
"Is the food not to your taste then?" Johnson asked, arching any eyebrow. "It's the best on the menu."
"Oh, I'm sure that it is, but..."
"But?!" The man asked, impatient.
Heero swallowed, bowing his head under the sharp gaze. "I don't eat meat." He finally blurted, still unable to look up.
"Then why didn't you say so?! I wasted half my paycheck on this meal!" Johnson burst, but didn't raise his voice too high.
"I'm sorry." Heero whispered, a genuine sorrowful look on his face. "I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't let me..."
"Oh, so it's my fault then, huh?!" Johnson shot back harshly, throwing his fork aside.
"Oh no! No!" Heero hurried to assure him. "I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't too clear on my intentions." He continued quickly, wondering why an image of Dr. J flashed in his mind. He took a deep breath, trying to clear the memories out of his head. "I'm sorry... I'll pay for the meal."
Johnson just kept glaring at him.
Heero bowed his head, looking down at his fidgeting hands, which were lying on his lap. "I'm sorry..." He whispered, voice barely heard.
"Fine then." Johnson spat and picked up his fork. "We'll make it fifty-fifty."
They spent the rest of the meal in silence.
* * *
After dinner, Johnson drove them to an esplanade by the ocean. It was a beautiful night; the skies were clear and full of sparkling stars. A soft and cool breeze carried the scent of the sea, the sounds of the ocean playing like a lullaby. There were some other couples walking on up and down the boardwalk, which was bathed in pale and magical moonlight.
Johnson walked next to Heero, holding the boy's hand in his. They walked in silence, Heero's gaze down at the floor.
"Are you cold?" Johnson asked as he felt a shiver run through the boy.
"A little." Heero admitted quietly.
"Here, have this." Johnson stood and took off his jacket. He gently placed it over Heero's slim shoulders.
Heero looked down at the black jacket in surprise. He reached down a hand to touch it, brushing his fingers over the jacket's rough surface. It was warm and heavy and smelled like cigarettes and beer. It wasn't even close to the way Duo's jacket smelled like. It didn't carry Duo's masculine scent.
He looked at Johnson, smiling slightly. "Thank you."
Johnson smiled back at him, his eyes sparkling with a weird gleam. They continued walking, and after a few short moments, Johnson suddenly got brave and put his arm around Heero's slender waist. Heero flinched and gasped in surprise, but Johnson only tightened his hold and pulled the youth closer to him. Heero forced himself to relax and tried to continue walking normally. But he was too close to Johnson, and so it was hard to walk straight. With no other choice, he rested his head on the man's broad shoulder.
Johnson smirked to himself, and tightened his hold.
* * *
"I'm sorry I got mad at you." Johnson apologized silently. They were sitting on a bench, up on a grassy hill, facing the ocean.
Heero looked away from where he was watching the waves and turned to face Johnson. "No, I should be the one apologizing. It was my fault for not telling you."
"Yes, but still, I shouldn't have burst like that. I'm really sorry. I had a good time tonight, and I would really like to do this again sometime."
Heero's eyes widened. "You do..?" He asked, looking away.
"Yes. I do." The German answered, looking back at his date. Heero was just sitting there, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. His gaze was faraway, at the ocean. A cool ocean breeze swept by, teasing Heero's unruly bangs. The boy's ivory skin was pale and magical under the moonlight. He seemed to be glowing. His ever-pouting lips seemed to have a darker shade of red under the magical aura, making the boy look ten times more desirable. Johnson smiled slyly and reached a hand up towards the boy. "Hey..." He called, brushing a few of Heero's bangs aside. "What's the matter? Didn't you enjoy this date?"
Heero sighed, and it was a while before he answered. He turned to face the taller man, his moist blue eyes nearly glowing under the moonlight. "I did. And I thank you for everything, but---"
He didn't have the chance to complete his sentence, for Johnson's mouth was suddenly pressed against his, and the man's arms were closing in around his waist, pulling him closer.
Heero's eyes widened in shock, and he gasped into Johnson's mouth. He had never kissed anyone but Duo before, and it felt so strange... so different. Johnson's lips were not as sweet and soft as Duo's. He didn't smell like Duo. He didn't kiss like Duo. He was gentle, yes, but still not the same.
Nevertheless, when he felt the hot slimy snake pick at his lips, he opened his mouth, just like he did to welcome Duo's tongue, because he knew that that is what is expected of him in a kiss. He heard Johnson groan and felt him deepen the kiss, his tongue plundering into his mouth, sucking and licking everything. He teased back shyly with his own tongue, but it just didn't feel right. This kiss didn't feel right. It didn't make him feel anything. Not like when he kissed Duo. There was passion, yes, but not the passion he loved, knew and cherished. This wasn't Duo.
Growling, Johnson pulled Heero violently closer to him, pressing the boy towards his body and leaning down to deepen the kiss, to get further into the boy's sweet mouth. Heero whimpered silently into his mouth as he began nibbling at his lower lip. The boy panted and squirmed, trying to get free and breathe.
Johnson released him, panting, his eyes filled with lust. He looked down at the boy and wiped his mouth. The Japanese boy was panting hard, clearly breath taken from their kiss.
Johnson smirked and moved in to another kiss.
"MUUMPH!!" Heero called, taken by surprise. This time, there was no gentleness in the kiss. This time Johnson was rough, sucking, nibbling and biting until Heero's lips were bruised and swollen.
And then he growled, biting Heero's lower lip, drawing out blood.
Heero's eyes widened in fear and shock. He whimpered into Johnson's mouth, trying to push the man away. But he was too strong, holding him securely by his waist.
The man responded by diving even deeper into Heero's mouth, sucking the bleeding lips.
Heero's eyes widened again, and he looked up at the black skies, helpless.
TBC...