The Circus Part 7
"Because I love you."
Quatre jerked back at those words and just looked at me in confusion.
"Love?" He asked softly.
I nodded.
His lips twisted into a small smile and he buried his head back against my chest. "You can't love me. A human cannot love a fey." He completely pulled out of my arms and stood up, taking a few steps back from me. I stood up as well.
"Says who?" I asked softly.
He shook his head and turned away from me, hugging himself. "It's old, it's written. As old as iron hurting… a human and fey may not couple, they will destroy each other."
I walked over to him and slid my arms over his shoulders, wrapping them around him. He stiffened for a moment then leaned back into my embrace, a sad little smile on his face as he closed his eyes.
"I would never hurt you," I whispered softly into his ear.
His eyes opened and he hung his head. "I know that," he murmured. "But this cannot be."
I tightened my embrace and kissed him lightly on the neck. "That does not concern me. It is a fact. I love you. I can't change that. Law or not."
He seemed to shudder in my arms, like a cold wind curling up around us. Slowly he turned in my embrace, nuzzling his face up against my chest, into the folds of my dark turtleneck. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and his body shook, was he crying?
"I… want to believe you," he choked out.
I couldn't help but smile at the one I held in my arms. He was so dear, so much like a child stepping into a new and unfamiliar world, and yet perhaps that's exactly what he was. A child whom I'd chosen to protect and love, yet not love as a parent loves a child. No, love as an equal, a being bonded to me by soul and flesh, one who was like me in so many ways yet so different. I did love him, with all my heart and soul. And if he wanted to believe that…
"Let me prove it to you. Come with me."
"Where?"
"Away. Away from the circus. Anywhere but here."
He lifted his head and blinked away the tears attached to his long eyelashes. His sparkling aquamarine eyes met with my own dull green ones and I couldn't help but smile at him. So young, so sweet, so precious. I felt one of his arms slide up my back and pause at the back of my neck, just resting there. His childlike eyes were filled with such a sweet sense of wonder and amazement that I felt I was staring into the eyes of someone so much younger.
After a long moment his lips curved into a light smile and he leaned forward, catching my lips in a hesitant and quivering kiss. I could tell he'd never kissed another before, but I didn't mind. The act itself spoke more to me then words ever could, it spoke of trust and love, the love that can only come from an innocent and must be cherished for all time. I kissed back, very softly.
The kiss lasted for a mere second, him pulling away just a moment after I kissed back and he immediately buried his head in my chest again, embracing tighter then ever before.
"Don't ever leave me. Please don't ever leave me, Trowa."
"Never, my little one." I whispered into his ear, running a soothing hand through his soft golden curls. "I won't ever leave you."
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And I never did.
We traveled that day, walking through the woods at a eased pace. Neither of us worried about the manager or the circus following us, it didn't come up. I wasn't worried, I knew I'd significantly surprised him by showing I wasn't fey. Humans always say they are afraid of what they don't understand yet in reality supernatural creatures compare in no way to ourselves. Humans understand themselves the least, thus we are our own worst fear.
We traveled far, walking hand in hand by day and sleeping with our limbs entangled at night. It never went farther then that, a touch, an embrace or a small simple kiss, and neither of us complained. I didn't expect it to go farther, and never pushed; afraid I would hurt him or damage the fragile trust he had placed in me. At the moment I only wished for his safety, whatever secret desires I had were pushed into the background, unimportant for the time being.
It wasn't long before we reached a small city, stepping out of the woods onto a small road leading to a large grouping of houses, buildings and people. The moment we stepped out of the woods and saw this in front of us I felt Quatre's grip on my hand tighten. I turned to look at him and saw he was edging back into the woods, watching the city warily.
"Too many people," he muttered softly.
I glanced back at the city and made a few mental notes. It was small, as far as cities go, and resembled the place I'd remembered growing up in before my parents died. The roads and buildings were in fairly good condition, while the people seemed to be passing each other and not talking. It wasn't a small town; most of these people did not know each other. The buildings reached high into the sky, metal and iron reaching to the sky. It made perfect sense and I could understand his hesitation, yet at the same time this would be the easiest place to disappear until the manager forgot about us, assuming he'd even issued some kind of search. It also wasn't likely the circus would visit as large a place as this.
"It would be the easiest place to disappear." I said out loud. Still I made no move, simply waiting for his decision.
He pursed his lips and ran a hand through his curls, pausing slightly to finger the tip of his pointed ear. He glanced at me for a moment then at the city before us. "The iron… is it everywhere?"
"No."
His voice became lower. "And you won't leave me?"
I clasped his hand tightly, between both of my own. "Never. I'll stay by your side the entire time."
He smiled quietly and nodded, communicating his decision. Then he let go of my hand and stepped back a few feet. I watched in question as he stepped back behind the trees, disappearing from sight. I moved to follow him, curious what he was doing, but stopped as the breeze around me picked up. Soft green light emanated from behind the trees and a moment later the hint of magic in the air had dissipated. The boy who stepped out from the trees bore striking resemblance to the Quatre I knew; yet I'd never seen him look so… human.
His hair wasn't nearly as curled; now it was straighter, simply falling around his head in short little waves that looked more natural. His eyes were a softer shade of blue, reminding me of the ocean, or the sky just before the spectrum of sunset. I could plainly see his ears, and found they were curved like my own, completely normal looking. Gone were his drawstring silk pants, replaced by a simple combination of lose khaki pants and a faded lavender button down shirt, with a darker purple vest.
I had to admit that on anyone else the outfit would have looked distinctly feminine. Yet, on Quatre, with his new less curled hair and small build it fit perfectly. It was amazing how that small change to his eyes and hair had made him look older. He now looked roughly my own age, and not like a young child who knew nothing of the world around him.
"Glamour," I said softly.
He nodded. "I don't want to stand out."
I smiled. "Are you sure about this? We can find some place smaller."
He shook his head. "No, this is fine. I'm just so used to living at the circus and far away from the humans. I need to get used to living in your world. You promised to protect me, not to hide me. So I'll follow you."
He reached forward and clasped his hand back around my own.
"I trust you, Trowa."
I nodded and we stepped forward, heading for the city.
The first order of business was to find a job. I didn't have any money on me and I wasn't about to use Quatre's magic to create some. Being that I'd left my duffel bag and all my belongings behind in Catherine's trailer I didn't even have an ID to my name. Granted that would make things harder but it was something I could deal with. It just meant I'd have to settle for working at a more shady place then usual, which wasn't that bad. It would still provide a job until we got enough money to replace the things I'd lost and find a home.
My walking into various places of business and inquiring on jobs served as a kind of tour of the town, and then entire time Quatre followed behind me, doing his best to keep his eyes from bulging out as he tried to absorb all the new sights. I'd walk into a place and inquire with the manager while he stood a few steps behind, just watching everything in childlike awe. No one seemed to notice him, save from enough to avoid walking into him. I had to wonder in the back of my mind if he was using his fey magic to do that on purpose, as to aid my finding a job.
Eventually I found one restaurant in particular that was hurting for employees but didn't have enough money to hire another on full time. We agreed on a fairly low wage for long hours but I didn't mind since the deal also included a small room in the back which we could sleep in until we found another place to live, not to mention free meals provided we didn't clean them out. I agreed, only after clearing it with Quatre, and we were set.
The months that followed were the happiest in my life. I would wake in the morning and de-tangle myself, reluctantly, from the mutual embrace we slept in and get dressed for work. I would spend the day waiting and cleaning tables while Quatre sat at a small table in the back of the restaurant watching me with a contented smile. I was given every fifth day off, to do with as I pleased and couldn't have been happier.
I crawled into bed on the large mattress we'd bought, wrapping my arms around Quatre as I pulled the blanket over us. His back was to me and he was curled up tightly, but I wrapped my arms around him. I said nothing, yet knew something was wrong. I'd noticed his smiled that day had wilted and he'd been staring out the window with a sad expression. So I lay there waiting for him to say something, running my fingers through his hair in a soothing motion.
After a long moment of silence he rolled over in my arms and nestled his face at the base of my neck.
"Trowa," he whispered softly. His warm breath traveled over my skin sending a slight shiver down my back. "I can always say your name… but you never use mine."
I pulled back from him so I could see his face. My eyes traveled over his sad expression and I blinked slightly in confusion. "You made me swear never to say it." And I'd stayed true to that promise. I'd never uttered his name, not once. Only in my mind, where it seemed to do no damage.
He sighed softly. "I know, but I haven't heard it for so long…" He diverted his eyes to some place on the wall.
What he said pulled up memories of my own past, with my parents. After they'd died I'd tried living in their house on my own, all alone in the large house with nothing else. I'd done fine for a month or two, but eventually I'd become lonely. The fact that I was alone wasn't what caused me to look for a job at the circus, it was the fact that I hadn't had anyone to talk to. As much as I like being a loner and being on my own, hearing the occasional person speak my own name was something I'd grown accustomed to. I knew what Quatre was going through.
"I don't want to hurt you. I saw how it hurt when he spoke it."
Quatre nodded, still not making eye contact with me. "It did hurt," he admitted softly. "But at the same time, it made me feel real. I don't know why, but every time he said it, even if it hurt, I was happy. It made me feel real."
"It made you a puppet."
"Better a puppet that can imitate life then a doll who sits in frozen death."
His words struck me and I remained silent. I glanced to his face and almost pulled away. In all my time with this strange boy I'd never seen him look so serious. At the moment his face was calm and filled with a strange form of hatred, hatred of himself and what he was. The horrible fact that no one could ever say his name without hurting him… I knew I could never live like that. I understood how he could feel like a doll when resigned to that fate. I frowned.
"I swore I would never speak your name, and I won't."
His face fell and he closed his eyes in sadness. I pulled him close to me and continued.
"I promised I would never hurt you, and I won't, Quat."
His eyes snapped open and he looked at me. "What did you just say?"
"Quat." (read Kat). I repeated. It made perfect sense and I still don't understand why it hadn't occurred to me sooner. Quatre held so much in common with the large cats I'd come to love it only made sense that the name I could use for him was the same, albeit spelled differently. I smiled softly as he just stared at me in awe.
"Quat," he repeated after me, trying out the word. "You just named me?"
I shook my head. "No. It is the same name, merely shorter. Does it hurt like the other?"
"No," he whispered softly.
"May I use it?"
His eyes met mine and I could see tears begin to form at the edges. He jumped forward, wrapping his arms around me tightly and smiled into my shirt. "Use it every minute of every day. As often as you wish."
I smiled and wrapped my arms back around him, running my fingers through his hair. "Quat, my sweet Quat," I murmured quietly into his ear.
He snuggled against me and placed a small kiss on my neck. "Mmm, I like that."
"Like that?" I asked softly, not sure what he was referring to.
"Your Quat. I like being yours, Trowa."
"As I love being yours, sweet."
"I love you Trowa," he whispered softly, sleep seeping into his voice.
I smiled and closed my own eyes, welcoming the sleep which threatened. "Love you," I murmured, before I drifted off into darkness.
Perhaps I would not have surrendered to sleep so easily if I knew what would happen the next day.
TBC…