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Ups and Downs
Wednesday, 17 August 2005
No Hope
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Lies and Truths (Piano Version)/ Motzart
well...u see. this blog aint like anyothers. this blog is not private at all! im gunna pour out my real feeling no matter what, caus enone of my friends know about this. so here it goes.

this ones about Sarah Auyeung.

i liked her since i met her, lil later than second semester in my 10th (her freshmen) year. she is one of a kind, i can tell u that with confidence. All i can do, is think about her. sometimes, i dont, which is not as rare as it sounds. butit seems to me that all i can ever do is think about her, about me, about the things i would like to happen. i know this can never happen cause, she just aint lookin for a boyfriend right now. and righ now i am considered one of her best friends. it just hurts so badly when u want something so bad, u would give anything and everything to get it. but anything isint enough, everything is not enough either. I wish she could know what i feel and either disreguard them, or accept them as her own. everyday i am so happy to see her. she makes me smile, she confuses me, she makes me angry, she inspires me not to do better, but accept who i am. she does many things for me, and she dosent even know it. i am not one of those people who want something they cant have, because i do want other things, but i dont mind not having them in my life. i know of girls with much beauty, wih much grace, and i know i cant have them and i cant really care less. but her, but sarah is diffrent, shes special. i dont know weather to wait or move on. if i wait, most likely i will have my heart broken, yet i cant miss a chance. to tell u the truth, lately, all ive been wanting to do is have one dance with her. a slow song. a meaningful song. then look in to her eyes and just let my emoions, feeling, and everything just explain themselfes through my eyes.
everyone says my eyes are beautiful, everyone says that they wish they could have eyes like mine. they wish for eyes that can speak, speak through spirit and color. if she could only read my eyes, feel them and be them. then will she understand.

"a true friend is someone who u want to be with when u want to be alone" --???

i always want to be with her, close to her. but its something thats impossible. i can imagine us, being together now, debating over the silliest of things. i can imagine huggin her, not wanting to let go, her gripping me everytime i moved. we are comfortable with each other, we are close as lovers should. i can see us, at school, her with her friends, and me with mine... yet we make time for each other, little time, but time we would much rather be longer, yet it cannot because we must stay close to our friends as well as each other. i can see the pure happiness that comes from holding her hand. i can see the happines she sees from holding mine, and i can also see the i can never be with her. i can never have her. she hurts me everday by being beautiful. she hurts me everday by being who she is. i prey to destiny, that one day we will be together. i pray to a foolish cause of selfish desire, i am sorrie. but this is what i think about. this is how i am. i am sorrie. i wish not to be selfish, and to be a good citizen. yet we all have ur secret desires, and this is mine.

i love
i like
i am

~A-Cal~

Posted by gundam/a-cal at 11:01 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 16 August 2005
who? me?
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: music, duh!
alright, well the names a-cal. im a bboy, and yes im the real macoy! lol, well im tall, mexican/basque and i live down in chula vista. i go to high school at otay ranch, and its ok. i love to run and love to break. im a good guy. im not exactly sure how to use this blog thing, so um..any of u who find this entry and are all pro at this stuff, hit me up with a comment, myspace, or aim, or somethin. peace easy yall

~A-Cal~

Posted by gundam/a-cal at 6:14 PM PDT
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