This is laid out like stage directions for a play, and there's a lot of
unspoken action. The only dialogue of "Sitting Still" that isn't worth the
e-paper it's printed on is Relena's speech, which is purposely nothing short of
awful. You have my permission to ignore her until I tell you to start paying
serious attention to her. It's cruel, I know, but you're going to have to listen
to her at some point.
SCENE: A lavish garden party, to which hundreds of dignitaries and
officials from all the colonies, and from all over Earth, have been invited.
They have gathered primarily to hear Relena give a keynote speech on pacifism,
but at least a few are only in it for the food. The party is taking place on a
lavish estate lawn with a platform for special guests and speakers to the front,
two large blocks of lawn chairs in front of it (seating for roughly 500), and
rows of buffet tables on either side of the audience. All characters except
Relena enter and exit near the back row of chairs, furthest from the platform.
Whenever possible when the boys speak, they speak in whispers so as not to
disturb the proceedings. Relena can always be clearly heard as she's in front of
a microphone.
STORY: Being the stellar heroes that they are, the G-Boyz have been
dragged to the party as guests of semi-honour and wearing their Sunday best,
except a short but rather inconveniently-timed mission (the details of which we
won't go into...maybe) has made all five of them late. Despite missing some of
the festivities, they might still enjoy themselves with some food, drink, and
fresh air IF...and ONLY if, they can manage to sit still and act like proper
gentlemen during Relena's speech, which to the other guests, is the most
important reason for showing up. Sit still and behave, no problem, you think?
Read on... *evil grin*
~~~~~~~~~~
The Zen of Sitting Still
By Mitsugi
(enter RELENA, wearing a flowing mint green gown and long white satin
gloves. After the guests take their seats, she steps up to the platform,
decorated with carnations and roses, and sets her cue cards on the podium
gracefully. The microphone is switched on by the electrical techs, and she
begins her speech.)
RELENA: Honoured guests, friends, and members of the press...I thank you all
most cordially for attending this gathering...
(enter HEERO, dressed smartly in a blue suit and a black tie, tugging
uncomfortably at his collar. He walks a short distance down the aisle, the only
available seats being in the very back row. He squeezes down the last row of
chairs and sits at the very end, next to the dessert table.)
RELENA: ...it is the spirit of peace that brings us here, to learn from each
other's differences, and to discover how those very differences make us so much
alike, so much a true family...
(enter TROWA, wearing a black suit and an emerald green tie. Trying to
disguise his obvious height compared to the seated guests, or perhaps his
blatant tardiness, he crouches as he moves down the last row of chairs and sits
beside Heero.)
RELENA: ...and like any family, so shall we all look after one another. If
one of us is ailing, so do we all. If one of us is threatened, so are we all
threatened...
(enter QUATRE, looking like a reject from a Liberace factory in a suit
somewhere between pink and purple, with a ruffled shirt and a black bow tie. He
looks around sheepishly, embarassed at being so late, spots Trowa, and quickly
darts down the last row of chairs to sit next to him.)
RELENA: ...by coming together to face common dangers, we strengthen each
other, and because of that strength, we need not fight...
(enter WUFEI, miffed as usual and still straightening his white suit. He
bows quickly and curtly to Relena, who either doesn't see him or pretends not
to, and sits next to Quatre without further commotion.)
RELENA: ...for
our strength is greater than that of any enemy. For we are united in the greater
cause of peace. AUDIENCE: *applauds*
(enter DUO, wearing a plaid jacket he either stole from a golfer or a dead
clown. The jacket has no main colour, and is composed of red, blue and green
blocks, with yellow threads intertwined, the way most plaids work. As the
audience has just begun to clap as he arrives, he bows deeply to the madly
applauding crowd while their backs are turned, giving them queen-like waves and
blowing them kisses. When they begin to settle down again, he scrambles down the
last row of chairs and sits beside Wufei.)
RELENA: As we look forward to
a new, golden age where all humans, whether Earth-born or citizens of space,
prove and reprove the depth of their commitment and the righteousness of their
actions... DUO: *spots the dessert table and leans overtop of Wufei*
...Heero.........Heero! HEERO: *might not hear him, might be ignoring
him* RELENA: ...we must remind ourselves at all times of the great
sacrifices made to bring about this golden age... DUO: *elbows Wufei*
Tell Heero to grab me something off that table, would ya? WUFEI: If you
had arrived on time, you would have been fed on time. DUO: Aw, come on,
please? RELENA: ...the sacrifices of our noble military leaders, as well as
the brave civillians caught in the crossfire during the war... WUFEI:
No. DUO: If I pass out from hunger, I'll fall over and probably knock over
those two in front of me. *points at the next row of chairs* WUFEI:
*rolls eyes at Duo and taps Quatre lightly on the shoulder* RELENA:
...to commemorate their actions, as well as to signify our undying gratitude as
a people... QUATRE: *listening intently to Relena's speech*
Hm? WUFEI: Duo needs food. Pass it on. QUATRE: *taps Trowa lightly on
the shoulder* RELENA: ...a memorial has been commissioned for the front
lawns of the new parliamentary buildings... TROWA: *listening a little
bit* Mm? QUATRE: Duo needs food. Pass it on. TROWA: *looks over at
Heero and regrets having to be the one to pass it on to him* RELENA:
...to be built over the following five years, overlooking the monument to the
previous Earth Alliance Leadership... TROWA: *taps Heero on the
arm* HEERO: ...hn? TROWA: Duo needs food. HEERO: *growls*
Why didn't he eat before we left? RELENA: ...that will bear the names of all
the soldiers who perished during the war. Surrounding this monument... TROWA:
Just grab him something, or he'll probably crawl under the chairs to get to
it. HEERO: Hn. *reaches over as subtley as he can and plucks a delicate,
very posh-looking pastry filled with gooseberry sauce and creme de cognac off an
ornate silver tray* TROWA: *takes it and passes it to
Quatre* RELENA: ...there will be a memorial garden for the remembrance of
the civillians. A different type of flower will represent each colony and Earth,
but they will not be in separate gardens... QUATRE: *takes the pastry,
sniffs it, smiles, and passes it to Wufei* WUFEI: *takes it and passes
it to Duo* DUO: *takes it and looks at it* ...what the heck is
this? RELENA: ...they will share the garden equally and interspersed, as a
symbol of both our unity and diversity to be passed down from generation to
generation. AUDIENCE: *applauds* WUFEI: You wanted food. That looks
perfectly edible to me. DUO: I can't even tell what it is! I won't eat it if
I can't identify it! Trust Relena to have pastries from another planet at her
party... WUFEI: Eat it. DUO: No. WUFEI: Put it in your mouth and chew
or you'll wear it home. AUDIENCE: *calms down again* RELENA: I have
often pondered the meaning of peace on a personal level... DUO: Oh God...I
hope it IS poison, then I wouldn't have to listen to this...*sniffs the
pastry* Isn't there anything chocolate? WUFEI: *sighs quietly and
takes the pastry from Duo, handing it to Quatre, whose eyes light up
instantly* He wants something else. QUATRE: *takes it, then leans over
Wufei* Don't you want this? DUO: I think I can do better. RELENA:
...and I find myself asking, is it simply the absence of war, or is it something
more complex? QUATRE: Thank you! *starts nibbling happily at the
pastry* DUO: *coughs lightly in Quatre's direction* WUFEI:
*glares at Duo, holding a finger to his lips in a plea for
silence* QUATRE: *looks up* ...oh... *taps Trowa on the
shoulder again* RELENA: I thought to myself, perhaps peace is a state of
being of one mind, but if it were, where would we find our diversity? TROWA:
What now? QUATRE: Is there something to eat that isn't so... *looks at his
half-eaten pastry* ...pretentious? TROWA: *raises his visible
eyebrow* I'll see... *taps Heero on the arm again* HEERO:
Hn? RELENA: Then I thought, perhaps it is a state of being of one heart, but
then, we would be faced with the same problem. TROWA: He doesn't like what
you picked out. What else is there? HEERO: *eyes widen in
anger* TROWA: *holds his hands up in surrender* I'm just the
messenger... RELENA: The one clear thing I discovered is that peace is many
things to many people... HEERO: *angrily grabs something else off the
tray, this time a square of marbled chocolate cake with mint green frosting, the
same shade as Relena's dress* TROWA: *takes it from Heero before he
squashes it in a fit of rage and passes it to Quatre* QUATRE: *takes
the marbled chocolate cake and nearly drools on it* WUFEI: *takes the
marbled chocolate cake from Quatre and raises an eyebrow at him* DUO:
*snatches the cake out of Wufei's hands* Yummy! *eats it in one bite*
Ohhhh, man, sugar rush... WUFEI: *eyes widen in something akin to
fear* RELENA: ...to some it is simply a ceasefire, but not necessarily
with the communication and understanding that we have all come here hoping to
find... DUO: Me want more! *tugs on Wufei's sleeve* WUFEI: Silence!
That's plenty until the speeches are finished. DUO: *makes puppy-dog eyes
at Wuffie-kins* Pleeeeeeease? WUFEI: Sit still. RELENA: ...some
believe it means holding one's weapons at bay until one side breaks off the
friendship... DUO: *looks very sad* ... *gets an evil grin*
(Without warning, Duo slips out of his chair and drops silently to the
ground. He crawls on the grass in his neatly pressed black slacks in front of
the other pilots, making them each give a small yelp and pull their feet away in
turn. Duo stops in front of Heero and sits on his heels, with his hands on
Heero's knees.)
DUO: Lemmie have your chair. HEERO: Baka! Get back to
your own seat NOW! DUO: That cake was TOO good! I'm addicted now and it's all
your fault. The least you can all do is shove over one spot so I won't die from
hunger. Is that too much to ask? HEERO: *resists the urge to punch Duo in
the mouth* Will you sit still and be quiet if we do? DUO: *big
grin* Yup! RELENA: ...some others think peace is merely a facade that one
uses to hide one's true feelings for the people of all worlds... HEERO:
*sighs and motions the others to get up and move down one spot* ALL BUT
DUO: *get up, crouching a bit, and move down one spot* DUO:
Arigato! *twirls around to face front and sits in Heero's
chair* RELENA: ...but in order to bring about true peace, we must all
realize the true nature and devices by which that peace is brought
about... DUO: Geez, I'm saving myself from starving to death so I can be
bored to death...*grabs more marbled chocolate cake off the table*...go
figure. *gobbles cake* HEERO: *glares at Duo out of the corner of
his eye* Eat quietly. RELENA: *realizes that her excellent view of
Heero has been suddenly obstructed and nudges the podium the tiniest bit to the
right* ...only with pure thoughts and sincere hearts may we achieve what we
all so richly desire... DUO: *offers some cake to Heero* HEERO:
*shakes his head, annoyed*
(Just as Heero refuses the marbled chocolate cake with the mint green
frosting, a rather large bumblebee decides to avail itself of the offer instead,
and hovers near the outstretched piece. Duo swats at the bee and it flies away,
but his hand catches some of the mint green frosting and accidentally slaps it
on Heero's lapel.
DUO: ...oops. HEERO: *Deathglares* Omae o
korosu. DUO: *tries to brush it off* Allow me. HEERO: *slaps his
hands away* Get off! RELENA: *scoots the podium a teeny bit more to
the right, trying to see Heero more clearly* ...and it is desire that drives
all humans towards happiness, though that happiness takes on many
forms... DUO: *goes back to eating, as quietly as he can, avoiding Heero's
eyes* BUMBLEBEE: *returns shortly and strangely ignores the entire
dessert table, opting instead to perch on the large frosting stain on Heero's
lapel* HEERO: *sweatdrop* TROWA: *spots the bumblebee*
...Heero...don't....move... HEERO: *not moving, except for his
mouth* I'm aware, Trowa, I'm aware. RELENA: ...and as most people will
tell you, whether civillian or military, true happiness comes from security, and
security is a natural offshoot of peace. AUDIENCE:
*applauds* TROWA: *nudges Quatre, eyes still on the
bumblebee* QUATRE: *clapping* What? TROWA: ...gimmie your
boutonniere. QUATRE: *takes the white carnation out of his buttonhole*
...what's wrong? AUDIENCE: *calms down* RELENA: I also began
thinking to myself, who among us is deserving of peace? *scoots the podium a
little more to the right, forcing the photographers to shift a bit
also* QUATRE: *spots the bumblebee, eyes go wide, and makes a tiny
little "eek" noise before clapping a hand over his mouth and hyperventilating
through his nose* TROWA: *takes the carnation* ...hold still
Heero... HEERO: *sits very still* RELENA: Are not all creatures
deserving of the feelings of security and happiness that others who have
attained peace have taken for granted in the past? TROWA: *reaches the
flower towards the bumblebee, hoping to coax it off Heero* QUATRE:
*grabs Trowa's arm* What if it stings!? TROWA: ...well, I don't
know...Heero, do they sting? HEERO: I thought the purpose of sitting still
was not to find out. RELENA: There are those who would say that peace should
only be granted to those who have done good works equal to the benifits they
would receive from peace... TROWA: Duo! DUO: *mouth full of cake*
Whud? TROWA: Do bumblebees sting? DUO: 'Ow shud I mow? *swallows*
...how should I know? RELENA: ...but peace is to be especially given to the
innocent, regardless of good works. It must be shared equally even with those
who appear to be undeserving... HEERO: *is very still* TROWA:
*reaches in front of Heero, trying to coax the bumblebee onto the
carnation* QUATRE: I can't look...*turns away* BUMBLEBEE:
*steps on the carnation at first, but flies off as soon as Trowa's hand
moves, choosing instead to sit on Heero's nose* HEERO: *sweatdrop*
...nngh... RELENA: ...to bring harm upon any creature, human or otherwise,
may disqualify a person from being granted peace, but it does not mean they
cannot be deserving... TROWA: ...oh boy... DUO: *notices the bumblebee*
Whoa, that's a BIG sucker! *leans in so he's studying the bee and Heero's
nose intently* HEERO: ...Duo...back...off. RELENA: ...and the
philosophy of "live and let live", in my opinion, should be our primary rule,
and must apply to all life equally. Without this basic truth, any peace would be
a lie. AUDIENCE: *applauds* QUATRE: *tugs on Wufei's sleeve*
Do bumblebees sting!? WUFEI: *turns around, wild-eyed*
....what!? QUATRE: Heero has one on his nose! Do they sting or don't
they? WUFEI: *leans over and looks at Heero, both eyebrows
raised* AUDIENCE: *calms down again* BUMBLEBEE: *walks
around in tiny little circles on the tip of Heero's nose* HEERO:
*muscles starting to get tense and sore from holding his position*
...nnnrgh... RELENA: Of course, as wonderful as the notion of peace sounds,
it cannot come without some amount of sacrifice. Compromise will be harder to
swallow for some than the notion of setting aside all weapons... WUFEI:
*leans over and taps Trowa on the shoulder* Switch with me. TROWA:
*gets up and tries to squeeze past Quatre without looking too
obvious* WUFEI: *gets up and tries to squeeze past Quatre without
looking too obvious* QUATRE: *tries to ignore the two young and very
fit male bodies trying to squeeze past him without looking like he's trying not
to look* RELENA: ...and the spirit of compromise is essential to the
success of peace, as it proves that all sides are willing to give something up
for a mutually-beneficial state... WUFEI: *sits in Trowa's chair, next to
Heero* TROWA: *sits in Wufei's chair, on the end beside
Quatre* DUO: I'm suprised your nose doesn't itch by now,
Hee-chan. HEERO: ...nnrgh...it does NOW, thank you. DUO: *tries to blow
the bumblebee off his nose* HEERO: That makes it worse! RELENA: ...and
so trust is built through sacrifice, and peace stems from trust. We must all be
willing to give if we expect to receive... WUFEI: *leans slowly over Heero
and lifts a finger up to the bumblebee* Come here, little one... HEERO:
*holds his breath, nose twitching* BUMBLEBEE: *climbs onto Wufei's
finger, sensing his inner peace* WUFEI: *slowly leans back in his
chair* HEERO: ....ACHOO!
(Some heads turn to look at Heero, and even the flashes of the cameras
slow down. Relena tries to hide a smile, Duo tries unsuccessfully to hide a
laughing fit, Trowa and Quatre just look straight ahead as if nothing's wrong,
and Wufei stares at the bumblebee, ignoring the audience. Heero whispers a quick
"Gomen" to the surrounding guests and goes a little bit red. A.N.: If you
haven't been paying attention to Relena's speech up to this point, now would be
a magnificent time to start.)
DUO: *snickers* HEERO:
...hn. RELENA: *still smiling slightly, glad she moved the podium in time to
see that* It is this balance of give and take that we all must strive
for... WUFEI: Hmmm... *watches the bumblebee contentedly, as it crawls
around on his hand* QUATRE: *watches with hesitant interest* It's
not gonna... WUFEI: No, it won't sting you. *contemplates it* Goodbye,
little friend... *blows on it gently and it flies away* RELENA: ...and
through this struggle we shall all gain new strength, a strength which will
bring about *flips over a cue card* raddichio...uh... *looks at the
cue card in disbelief* ...which will bring about...radical change. Um...this
new era of peace *flips over another card* walnut...er...will not be
possible without...without unity of...spirit.
(Relena looks at her cue cards with a small amount of panic, realizing
that in place of her speech, there now appears to be recipes. Her paragraph on
unity and strength, for example, has been replaced with the ingredients for a
Waldorf salad. Half of her mind struggles to remember the words, the other half
is trying to figure out how this could have happened. A.N.: *evil
grin*)
TROWA: ... WUFEI: What is that onna TALKING about? DUO: I
dunno, but I'm hungry again all of a sudden. HEERO: She said "walnut." I'm
sure of it. TROWA: She said "raddichio" too...isn't that a kind of
lettuce? RELENA: ...and this spirit of peace *looks at card*
apple...APPLIES...to all citizens... QUATRE: ... *sweatdrop*
...uh-oh... ALL: *look at Quatre, who blushes instantly* HEERO:
What do you know? QUATRE: I was talking to Relena's chef b-before I went to
get m-my suit... WUFEI: Before she left to come here, or after? QUATRE:
Before...um...y'see, the chef gave me some recipe cards, for soups and salads
and main courses, and I set them down on the counter a moment, and then Relena
came down...she was on her way to get changed too... TROWA: Oh
no... RELENA: ...to exclude even one person...um...would be a *looks*
grape...a GRAVE error... QUATRE: *sheepishly takes a small stack of recipe
cards out of his jacket* HEERO: *reaches across Wufei, grabs the cards
and flips through them* "...strength brings about radical change...no peace
without unity of spirit...spirit applies to all...exclusion a grave
error..." DUO: *grinning* Way to go, Q-Man! QUATRE: I didn't
know!! *buries his head in his hands* She must've picked mine up by
accident! RELENA: ...and would bring terrible *looks* melon
balls...MELANCHOLY!...er...upon...the general...populus. *more than slightly
panicked* TROWA: What do we do? She's gonna bomb up there without these
cards! WUFEI: Just stop the proceedings and take them to her. QUATRE: We
can't! She'd die of embarassment! DUO: She doesn't look too healthy up there
as it is... RELENA: *flips over another card* The grilling ordeal...
*blink* ...the GRUELING ordeal ahead of us...is, um...is all about
keeping our suspicions in chicken...in CHECK. DUO: *looks around the
grounds, as if formulating a plan*
(The reporters and some of the guests have begun to look at each other
questioningly, as they puzzle over the odd turn Relena's speech has taken. Duo
scans the layout of the place and discovers that the buffet tables are arranged
in a straight line along the side of the audience stretching from his location
almost up to the platform where the podium is. The tables are still heavily
laden with leftover food from lunch. In one swift movement, Duo snatches the cue
cards out of Heero's hands and ducks under the dessert table, crawling forward
until he's as close to the podium as he can get without giving himself away. A
good forty feet ahead and to his left is Relena.)
DUO: *waves at
Relena and holds up her cue cards, smiling* RELENA: *eyes go
wide* HEERO: Give me strength... RELENA: *debates running down to
grab them from Duo, but doesn't want to appear unladylike or flustered in front
of the dignitaries, and especially in front of the reporters* DUO:
*reads a card, then sits up underneath the table, crossing his legs under him,
pleased that he just fits without bumping his head* QUATRE: Can you see
what he's doing? HEERO: He's being a baka. RELENA: *struggling to
remember bits and pieces* As our worlds recover from...from... DUO:
*crosses his eyes and mimes choking himself with both hands* RELENA:
*squints at Duo* ...from the stranglehold of the military... DUO:
*reads a card, then mimes rocking a baby in his arms and making googly faces
at it* RELENA: ...we will...we will nurse each other back to health!
*feels relieved and smiles, as if this might just work* So, in
conclusion, let us...er... DUO: *mines pouring a glass of champagne and
drinking it, complete with hiccup* RELENA: ... DUO: *drinks the
imaginary drink again, emphatically* RELENA: ...let us drink? DUO:
*frowns and shakes head, drinks his third imaginary drink and should be
imaginary tipsy by now* RELENA: Let us...*waving hands in a circular
"thinking" motion*...drink, get drunk, er, soused, potted,
inebriated... DUO: *shaking head fiercely and pointing to the
"glass"* RELENA: *claps and points at him* Under the
table! DUO: *groan* RELENA: No? Um...three sheets to the wind,
pickled, stewed, liquored up, cracked a tinnie too many...uh... DUO:
*shakes head and scowls, waving arms to suggest they move on* ... *mimes
putting two slices of bread in a toaster, pushing the button, and catching them
in mid-air when they pop up* RELENA: ... DUO: *mimes buttering the
bread and taking a big bite* RELENA: Oh, a TOAST! *clears throat and
smiles at the audience* Let us toast this new age...um... WUFEI:
*fighting back tears of laughter* QUATRE: *head in hands* Oh
no, oh no, oh no... TROWA: *raises visible eyebrow* HEERO: *just
sits there with a self-satisfied smirk* RELENA: *looks desperately at
Duo again* DUO: *raises his arms over his head with his fingers
splayed out like claws, snarls, and growls like an unusually quiet
grizzly* RELENA: ...this new age, with...fierce? Ferocious?
Ferocity? DUO: *shakes head and mimes eating a few campers on
holiday* RELENA: ...with eating and drinking and...no, we've done
drinking already...*squints* DUO: *sighs, then gets an evil
grin* RELENA: *nervously* ...this...new...age... DUO:
*starts giving her the "eye" whilst seductively taking off his jacket and
tie* RELENA: *blushes* ... DUO: *starts unbuttoning his
shirt to the beat of imaginary music* RELENA: Uhhh...strip? *really
panicking now* No...uncover, reveal, uhhhh...taunt, tease, play games
with...*gets a glimpse of skin, gets spooked, gets thinking REALLY fast*
Bare. Bear. BEARING IN MIND... DUO: *sulks, looking vaguely
disappointed* ... *puts his shirt, jacket, and tie back on, then turns around to
see Heero leaning over to look at him* HEERO: *quickly sits back in
his own chair and tries to look innocent* WUFEI: *raises an eyebrow at
Heero* HEERO: Shut up. RELENA: *sweating from embarassment* Let
us toast this new age, bearing in mind that peace is up to us to create, in
this...um... DUO: *mimes licking an ice cream cone* RELENA:
*doesn't know what it is, and doesn't WANT to know* ...to create...
*blurts out in one breath*...in this republic for which it stands, one
nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Thank you. *leaves the
podium* DUO: *scowls* AUDIENCE: *look at each other and
start clapping slowly, as if not sure what to make of the last few bits of the
speech* RELENA: *sits in her chair on the far end of the front row of
the left-hand bank of chairs, coincidentally enough, right next to Duo's
position under the table*
(The audience is glad to see the next speaker...who shall we say, um...the
mayor! Yeah, sure, the mayor...going up to the podium. Mayor of what, you ask?
Doesn't matter, I just need someone else on the mic for awhile. =^_^= Relena is
red in the face like a cherry tomato, and about to rip Duo's head
off.)
MAYOR: Thank you very much, Miss Peacecraft. And now, honoured
guests, I'd like to draw your attention to... RELENA: I'll destroy
you. DUO: Oh, now THAT'S original. RELENA: Give me those cue cards!
*grabs at them* DUO: *pulls them away* C'mon! I want souvenirs!
It's not like you need them anymore! RELENA: I have to give this same speech
in two hours at the convention centre. GIMMIE. DUO: You want it exactly the
same? Where should I sit? RELENA: *leans halfway out of her chair and
grabs the cue cards* IDIOT!
(Relena and Duo struggle for control of the cue cards, while a few members
of the audience who are closest start to look at them strangely. Relena finally
wins, but only because Duo chooses the most opportune time to let go, ie., when
she's pulling hardest. The recoil sends her flying back into her chair so fast
she knocks it over, plus the chair of the random dignitary sitting next to her.
He falls over, knocking over the chair of the random dignitary next to HIM. SHE
falls over, knocking...ah, well, you get the picture. Relena causes a massive
domino effect that wipes out the entire left-hand side of the audience, all the
way to the back row. Half the audience is now sitting/lying on collapsed chairs.
The other pilots, having quicker reflexes, have jumped out of the way and are
now sitting/lying on the grass. Duo laughs his head off and eventually bumps his
head on the underside of the table, spilling some cheese
fondue.)
AUDIENCE: *looks at Relena* RELENA: *looks at
Duo* DUO: *points to Relena* She did it! ALL: ... MAYOR:
Yes, well...*clears throat*...perhaps it would be best if we adjourned
for the afternoon. AUDIENCE: *pick themselves up off the ground and leave,
muttering* DUO: *gets out from underneath the table, and eats off it
like it's his last meal* RELENA: You little...*reaches both hands for
Duo's throat* HEERO: *runs up and stops her* Now, now...you're a
pacifist, remember? RELENA: *blinks, them screams in anguish* DUO:
Didja like the show, Hee-chan? HEERO: Missed most of it. *looks
sad* DUO: *fills arms with miscellaneous foodstuffs* Aw, don't
worry...talk nice to me and I might give you a private instant replay later.
*nudges Heero with his elbow and winks* HEERO & DUO: *leave
together, all smiles* QUATRE: Um...Relena? RELENA:
*exasperated* WHAT? QUATRE: Could...could I have my recipes back,
please? RELENA: *narrows her eyes at him, fishes everything that isn't a
speech out of her speech, and hands him a short stack of cards* QUATRE:
Th-thank you...*takes them* TROWA: Bye. *shuffles Quatre away
before she explodes* WUFEI: ...that went well. RELENA: Cram it,
justice boy. WUFEI: *snorts* It's hardly MY fault that you're panicky
and disorganized. You should have taken proper care of both your problems before
you left the estate to come here. RELENA: *looks confused* BOTH my
problems? What do you mean? What else should I have done? WUFEI: You should
have untucked your skirt from the back of your pantyhose. RELENA: *looks
behind her and screams* WUFEI: *runs like hell*
